加载中…
个人资料
月白
月白
  • 博客等级:
  • 博客积分:0
  • 博客访问:71,818
  • 关注人气:32
  • 获赠金笔:0支
  • 赠出金笔:0支
  • 荣誉徽章:
相关博文
推荐博文
正文 字体大小:

何时告知真相When to Tell the Truth

(2008-05-28 09:12:11)
标签:

情感

分类: 翠茜博士婚姻情感问答(翻译)

Dear Dr. Tracy, 尊敬的翠茜博士

I'm in a deep dilemma. I believe I've found someone and I'm beginning to fall for him, likewise he's feeling the same way too. We've been dating for about a month though we've known each other for 10 years but the connection then was just a greet or 'hello'. The problem is he does not know that I'm divorced. My marriage lasted 6 months and I don't have any children. I wanted to be honest and tell him the truth since we started dating but on the other hand I'm so afraid of losing him. How can I confess the truth to him without hurting him and yet make him accept who I am? When will be the most suitable time for that? I've failed in my first relationship and I don't want to be disappointed again. I'm so deeply in love with him.

现在,我深陷两难之中。我相信找到了意中人,开始对他倾心了,而他也一样,也深爱着我。尽管我们认识十年了,可我们只不过约会了一个月,十年里我们之间的联系仅止于问候一声或打个招呼。问题是,他不知道我离过婚。我的婚姻仅仅维持了六个月,没有孩子。我们开始约会的时候,我想诚实地告诉他事情的真相,可是另一方面我又怕失去他,所以一直没开口。我怎样才能向他吐露实情,既不伤害他,又能让他接受我?什么时候是合适的时机?我的第一次婚姻失败了,我不想再度失望。我是何等的深爱着他呀。

 

Dear Procrastinator,亲爱的“拖拖拉拉”

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is avoid getting a problem out on the table until you're well into the relationship. You didn't want to tell him you'd been married before because you were afraid he'd be turned off and not want to pursue a relationship with you.

你知道两性关系中最糟糕的是什么吗,就是一开始你没把该提的问题提到桌面上来,直到你们的关系深入发展了,这时你越发觉得困难重重。之前你不想告诉他你结过婚,你害怕他因此退却而不跟你发展关系。

That's exactly the worst thing you can do. The time to tell a man any bad news about yourself is in the very beginning of the relationship, not when you're well into it. Get it out and get past it on the second date. At that point, you're not that invested in the relationship and you aren't that afraid of losing him. By waiting until you are well into the relationship, you've missed the best opportunity to tell him.

这是你做的最糟糕的事情了,将与你有关的坏消息告诉一个男人的最佳时间点,便是在刚开始的时候,而不是你们已经深入其中的现在。你应当在第一时间点就说出你结过婚这回事,第二次约会的时候便不再提它,因为这个时候你还没有投进太多的感情,你也不怕失去他。而你却一直等着,直到你不能自拔了,不得不说你已错过了跟他讲的最好机会。

Getting bad news out first, before neither of you are that into each other, makes the bad news not such a big deal. Who cares if someone you just started dating was married before? However, the longer you wait, the more it looks like your prior marriage is something you've been hiding from him. In his eyes, that will seem to be a betrayal of the trust that is just beginning to build between the two of you.

在你们两个都投入太多的感情之前,把坏消息说出来,这样不至于让坏消息成为大问题。刚开始约会的时候,谁在乎你以前结过婚没有?可是,你等的时间越长,看起来你对他隐瞒的你以前结过婚这回事越是个大问题。在他看来,那可能成为你们开始建立互信时的信任背叛。

Tell him immediately. Explain to him that you are a very private person and hesitant to go into your history with people, but you meant to tell him before now. The sooner you get all your cards on the table, the better off you'll be. You didn't think you could hide your previous marriage forever, did you? Trust me: he will find out eventually.

告诉他,赶快告诉他。向他解释你是个个人隐私看得很重的人,对于他人进入你的过去,你是迟疑的,你之前也一直想跟他说这件事。如果你能越快把所有的牌摊到桌面上来,你就能越快摆脱这个问题的纠缠。你不会觉得你能隐瞒一辈子吧,是不是?相信我:迟早他会发现你曾经结过婚。

If you lose him now over this, it's better than losing him when you're even more caught up in the relationship. The advantage you would have had in the beginning is that it's always easier to lose someone you haven't been intimate with than someone you have.

如果因为你告诉他你结过婚而失去了他,那么与你更深地陷进去之后再失去他相比,也要好得多。我一直强调一开始就应该把这件事说出来的原因,就在于在你还没有深爱上对方的时候失去一个人,与你不能自拔的时候相比,要容易得多。

Make sure he's in a good mood first. Say some really nice things about him. Then tell him. Promise him that there are no more skeletons in your closet and hope for the best.

你告诉他的时候,首先要确认他心情不错,先恭维一下他的优点,再告诉他。告诉他你没有什么好隐瞒的,然后希望自己得到一个好的结果吧。

Good luck, 祝你好运

Dr. Tracy

0

阅读 收藏 转载 喜欢 打印举报/Report
  

新浪BLOG意见反馈留言板 电话:4000520066 提示音后按1键(按当地市话标准计费) 欢迎批评指正

新浪简介 | About Sina | 广告服务 | 联系我们 | 招聘信息 | 网站律师 | SINA English | 会员注册 | 产品答疑

新浪公司 版权所有