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我说爱他,可他没说爱我Saying "I love you"

(2008-05-27 15:00:58)
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校园

分类: 翠茜博士婚姻情感问答(翻译)

Dear Dr. Tracy, 尊敬的翠茜博士

My name is Amanda and I'm a single 25 year old woman residing in Alaska. I've been with my boyfriend a little over 3 months. I said I love you a couple weeks ago and he said that he couldn't say it because he wasn't ready and he doesn't know what love is.

我叫阿蔓妲,25岁,单身,住在阿拉斯加,我跟男友相处3个月了。大约几周前,我对他说“我爱你”,可是他说,他不能对我说爱我,理由是他还没准备好,还不知道什么是爱情。

That hurts. no one wants to say I love you and not hear it in return. I think he does love me, I see it in the way that he looks at me and holds me and wants to be with me a lot. We have a great time together. He has said it a couple times when he was drunk but he won't say it besides that.

他的话让我很受伤,没有人希望说出“我爱你”的时候不想得到对方的回报,何况我觉得他确实爱我,他看我的眼神,他拥我的激情,他老想跟我呆在一起等等,一切都告诉我他是爱我的。我们在一起的时候非常快活,他喝醉的时候,也几次说过 “我爱你”,可是清醒的时候,却从未说过。

I want to be with him but it's been like 3 weeks since I said it and I don't know how long I should wait to hear it back. I think when he started dating me he didn't expect to like it this much and he had plans to travel and not settle down right away and if he says he loves me then it makes it that much more of a commitment to walk away from.

我想跟他生活在一起,可是自从我说爱他之后,已经三个星期了,我不知道我究竟应该等多长时间才能听到他说爱我。我觉得他刚开始跟我约会的时候,并没预料到我们之间的关系会发展到这种地步,他曾经计划出游而不是定居下来。如果他对我说出“我爱你”,那可能会让他的出游无法成行。

I don't know though, and an outside perspective would certainly be appreciated.

我自个儿是无力解决这个问题了,也许来自外部的看法能给我帮助,谢谢你。

 

Dear Waiting,亲爱的“等候中”

Waiting to hear those magic words, "I love you," can be stressful. You want him to say it. You need him to say it. And he doesn't.

等着听到魔幻般的三个字“我爱你”,是件难受的事。你希望他对你说“我爱你”,你需要他对你说“我爱你”,可是他没说。

So you said "I love you" hoping that he'd say it back. When he didn't, you were left with egg on your face and a hole in your heart.

当你说出“我爱你”的时候,希望听到对方也报以“我爱你”。可是他没能如你所愿,于是你觉得脸上好象被丢了鸡蛋,你的心好象被扎了个洞。

Yes, you said it too soon. Three months into a relationship isn't the right time to blurt out "I love you" first. Especially when you knew he didn't expect to settle down and wasn't ready. What you did is like trying to prime the pump but it backfired.

“我爱你”这句话,你说的太早了。你们展开一段关系后仅仅三个月,你就率先说出“我爱你”,这不是个好的时间点,尤其在你知道他并不想落地生根、并没准备好的情况下,就更加不恰当了。打个比方,你的做法就好象要发动引擎,却听到了马达不正常的轰鸣。

If he only says "I love you" when he's drunk, then that's the only time you should say it too. Saying "I love you" in a moment of passion or when you're drunk is an easy way to say it but not be held to a further commitment. That's why he only says it then.

如果他只在喝醉的时候说“我爱你”,那么你也只应该在那个时刻说你爱他。冲动的时候说“我爱你”,或者喝醉的时候说“我爱你”,都是容易的,因为这时候说的话并不构成某种承诺,这也是为什么他只在那时候说爱你的原因。

In order to get back on the same page with him, stop saying "I love you." Don't say it again until he does. Make a pact with yourself that you will wait until you have been together at least six months before you start using the "Love" words.

我想,现在你应该跟他回到同一起跑线,别再说“我爱你”了。直到他首先跟你说“我爱你”,否则你就不应该再说。给自己订个正式的规矩,在你要用到“爱”这个词时,至少要相处到六个月以上。

You should wait to hear it back until he's ready to say it, which could be three more months or even a year. Whatever you do, don't say it again. Don't try to force the words out of him. You'll only make him feel cornered. If he wants to tell you he loves you, he will.

你可以等着他说“我爱你”,直到他准备好了为止,这可能需要3个月,甚至一年。无论如何,眼下你都不该再说“我爱你”了,也别强迫他对你说这三个字,那只会把他逼向墙角。当他想告诉你他爱你时,他会说的。

He's told you he isn't ready and doesn't know what love is. Show him what love is by your actions. Don't tell him. Practice non-verbal ways to communicate love. Look at him with love. Touch him lovingly. Show him you are a loving person by the way you treat others, pets, and plants. Be nurturing. Cook for him. Be affectionate. Don't let the words take on more importance than your actions.

他跟你讲,他还没准备好,还不知道什么是爱。让你的行动告诉他什么是爱吧,别用嘴巴跟他说,要通过非语言的方式来沟通什么是爱——含情脉脉地看着他,满怀温情地抚摸他,通过你对他人的方式、对宠物的方式、对花草的方式来向他展示你是一个富有爱心的人。照看他,给他做饭,无限深情地关爱他。记住,重要的永远不是语言,比语言更重要的是行动。

If you show him what love means, he'll have a better chance of learning to love you back and you'll be more likely to hear those magic words. If you don't -- if a year has gone by and he's still talking about his planned travels -- then you might want to reexamine why you think this man may ever settle down.

只有你向他展示了什么是爱,他才有可能学习到怎样以爱作为回报,你也才更有可能听到那充满魔力的三个字。如果你没听到那魔幻般的三个字——假设一年过去了,他依旧谈论着他那既定的出行计划——那么你要重新检讨了,凭什么你认定他会在一个地方住下来。

Good luck, 祝你好运

Dr. Tracy

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