加载中…伍迪·艾伦那些无节操的段子
(2014-02-20 09:36:17) 1. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a
woman was when I visited theStatue of Liberty.
我的感情生活非常糟糕，我最后一次进入一个女人的身体是参观自由女神像。
2. The difference between sex and death is, with death you can
do it alone and nobody’s going to make fun of you.
性和死亡的区别在于，死亡你可以独立完成，而且没有人会取笑你。
3. On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a
date on Saturday night.
玩双性恋可以立刻让你周六晚的约会机会翻倍。
4. Don’t knock masturbation; it’s sex with someone I
love.
不要诋毁撸；撸是我与自己的真爱之间发生的关系。
5. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
性减轻压力，爱情则相反。
6. Love is the answer. But while you’re waiting for the
answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
爱是答案。可是当你在等答案的时候，性会提出几个很好的问题。
7. Can we actually ‘know’ the universe? My God, it’s hard
enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
我们能够确切的了解宇宙吗？我的天呐，能在唐人街不迷路就够不易的了。
8. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on
weekends.
不仅上帝不存在，你试试看周末能不能找到一个水管工吧。
9. It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people.
The good ones slept better,while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the
waking hours much more.
世上大体分成好坏两种人，好人晚上睡得踏实，而坏人更享受醒着的时间。
10. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
我人生的一大遗憾就是我不是别人。
11. The two biggest myths about me are that I’m an
intellectual, because I wear these glasses, and that I’m an artist
because my films lose money. Those two myths have been prevalent
for many years.
人们对我最大的两个误解是：他们仅仅因为我戴眼镜，就认为我是知识分子；他们总以为我是艺术家，因为我的电影总是赔钱。这两个误解曾盛行一时。
12. Sleeper(1973)
My brain:it’s my second favorite organ.
我的大脑是我第二喜欢的器官。
13. After all,there are worse things in life than death. If
you’ve ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know
what I’m talking about.
毕竟还有比死更糟糕的事。如果你曾经和一个卖保险的一起呆过一个傍晚，你就明白我的意思了。
14.Sonja: Sex without love is an empty experience!
Boris: Yes,but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the
best!
Sonja: 没有爱的性是一种空虚的体验?
Boris: 是的，但在所有空虚的体验里，它算是最棒的那一种了。
15. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They
rented out my room.
当我被绑架后，我父母立即采取了行动—— 他们把我的房间租了出去。
16. I never want to belong to any club that would have someone
like me for a member.
我永远也不想加入一个有我这种人做会员的俱乐部。
17. Annie: It’s so clean out here.
Singer:Because they don’t throw garbage away. They make it
into TV shows.
安妮：这里（指好莱坞比弗利山）真干净啊。
辛格：因为他们不扔垃圾，他们把垃圾都做成了电视剧。
18. I was thrown out of college for cheating on the
metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to
me.
我在玄学考试时因作弊被开除了，我偷看了我旁边男生的灵魂。
19. The most beautiful words in the English language aren’t “I
love you” but “it’s benign.”
英语中最美的词句不是“我爱你”，而是“你的肿瘤是良性的”。
20. StandupComic (1999)
A fast word about oral contraception. I was involved in an
extremely good example of oral contraception two weeks ago. I asked
a girl to go to bed with me, she said“no.”
简单说一下口头避孕，几周前我曾深切地切身体验了口头避孕——我请求一个女孩跟我上床，她说“不”。
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