“真题：剑桥9 Test3 图表类小作文”

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and projections for 2050.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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考生原文

These pie charts illustrates what proportion are accounted by human in respective age group of Yemen and Italy in 2002, and predicting the future changes to 2050.

In Yemen, 0-14 years old young children were the domain group in 2000, at 50.1%. And smaller proportion of 15-19 years old person in the same period, which was 46.3%. While 50 years past, 15-59 years old people will become the most group of people, rising to 57.3%. Although there is a increase in old people who are over 60 years old. But they still the least group of person, which were rising from 3.6% in 2000 to 5.7% in 2005.

In terms of Italy, according to projection, 15-59 years old people experience a dramatic decrease, declining from 61.6% in 2000 to 46.2% in 2050. While it still the most group of people. In 2000, the proportion of over 60 years old was 24.1%, which doubled the percentage in 2050 through projection. Contrary to Yemen, the percentage of people who are 15-59 years old is the least no matter what period.

Overall, there are decrease of young children in both countries. Even in Italy, the percentage of children is much smaller than those in Italy.

批改By 晟睿 Anna

本次批改严格按照IELTS小作文评分标准进行。IELTS小作文评分项：

TA (内容的完整性), CC (连贯性及一致性), GRA (语法范围及精准度), LR (词汇资源)。

文末会进行总评及打分。

用词不当  逻辑错误  语法错误  修改添加

These pie charts illustrates （主谓一致语法错误，illustrate） what proportion are accounted by human in respective age group of Yemen and Italy (这样的表述太臃肿了，改为：the age distribution in Yemen and Italy by three different groups) in 2002, and predicting (这个动词和illustrate并列，改为predict) the future changes to 2050.

In Yemen, 0-14 years old young children (这个年龄组包含了：infant, children和teenagers，所以建议你不要用children这个词，直接说citizens aged 14 years and below) were the domain (应该是想用dominant, 词性混乱，domain是名词，做“范围”；dominant是形容词，做“主导的”) group in 2000, at 50.1%. And smaller proportion of 15-19 years old person in the same period (这句主句没有动词，可改为：A smaller proportion appeared in the group of 15-19), which was 46.3%. While 50 years past (用词改进：50 years later), 15-59 years old people will (用词改进：is predicted to) become themost (largest) group of people, rising to 57.3%. Although there is a (an，冠词使用要保持一致性)increase in old people who are over 60 years old (多余，去除). But they (are，缺少系动词，句子没有了灵魂) still(把副词still当成谓语动词使用了) the least group of person (表述改进：in terms of the proportion of population), which were rising (进行时强调持续变化，这里只要表示上升即可，改为rose) from 3.6% in 2000 to 5.7% in 2005.

In terms of Italy, according to (the) projection, 15-59 years old people (要用数量词：the percentage of those aged 15-59; 这一错误是中国学生最常见的错误，描述主体根本没有找准)experience（改为：is expected to experience这里的时态不当，到2050年，是预测性的内容，而不能用一般现在时）a dramatic decrease, declining from 61.6% in 2000 to 46.2% in 2050. While (这句是从句，改为逗号，while小写)it (was) still the most (largest) group of people. In 2000, the proportion of (这里要先加上名词：those，介词后面要跟具有名词性的内容) over 60 years old was 24.1%, which doubled the percentage in 2050 through projection. Contrary to Yemen, the percentage of people who are 15-59 years old is the least no matter what period. (用词改进：over the entire period)

Overall, there are decrease (was a decrease) of young children in both countries. Even in Italy, the percentage of children is much smaller than those in Italy. (为什么句首说even in Italy 句末又说than those in Italy?逻辑及其混乱，不知所云)

总评分5分（TA5  CC5.5  LR5  GRA5）

1. 词汇上是准确的，并且内容基本正确，但没有特别出彩的词汇。

2. 分段准确，但是连接词上还可以更多变一些，建议试图多使用从句以及过渡句。

3. 语法问题太多了。大大降低了分数，尤其是许多句子少了动词，这点扣分会很严重，因为英文的句子，没有了谓语动词，就如没有了灵魂一般。

4. 在任务完成项目上，学生缺少静态比较方面的语言，该图表实际上是“动静结合”。

参考范文

The given pie charts (分词做后置定语修饰) show data on the population ages in Yemen and Italy in the year 2000 and also project（连词并列连接了两个谓语动词，加长了句子）these portions of population for the year 2050.

According to the provided data, more than half of the population of Yemen was below 14 years old in the year 2000. In this same year, their population from 15 to 59 years old was just over 46% and only about 3%（表述非常准确：“只有约3％”） of their population was over 60 years old. In this year there was one-fourth population（分数表达） in Italy over 60 years old and more than 60% of their population was 15 to 59 years old. The percentage of aged people（对于60岁以上的人口，做了替换，避免重复） in Italy was much higher than that in（比较关系使用得当） Yemen in 2000. Finally the percentage of population up to 14 years in Italy was less than 15%.

The pie charts also give the projection of the percentage of population based on age group for the year 2050and according to this projection（连词连接两个句子，加强了句子的延展性）, the percentage of younger people in Yemen would decrease（表示可能性，不表示肯定发生，时态运用准确） while the number of aged people over 60 years would increase only by 2%. On the contrary, the aged people in Italy in 2050 would be more than 40% while they would have less young people.

原文链接：http://www.sunrayedu.com/download/1806.html

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