乐先生最近早上起床洗漱准备上学很费劲，他爸爸明确表明自己对于乐先生这种慢吞吞的节奏已经无计可施。家里就我和他爸俩成人，孩子爸提出他主动承担司机一职送乐先生到教室门口，我则负责把乐先生送出家门。

今天，乐先生再一次表现了早起不配合，我苦口婆心多次劝说催促好不容易才把他送出门。这其间，我本人也是睡眼惺忪，这一大早的挣扎啊，真是让人很无奈。好在，孩子爸爸送完乐先生回来告诉我说，乐先生是他们班第四个进教室的孩子。好吧，还算是只早起鸟。只是，这每天早上从起床到出门这般痛苦纠结，还要持续多久？

因为身边没有其他孩子做参照，我也不知道他早上这种慢吞吞的行为是不是正常。等热早餐期间，我快速google了一下。这一搜才发现，原来像乐先生这等早起磨磨叽叽的娃儿还不少，像我这样每天早起为了给孩子准备上学而痛苦的妈妈也大有人在。

下面是我查到的一位家庭教育专栏作者发表的关于父母如何让孩子顺利渡过早起上学这一“转换期”的建议。仔细读下来，发现个别看法还是很有见地，在了解孩子心理发育方面对父母们也应该有启发。

文章的标题很直接，一语喊出了我的心声http://www/uc/myshow/blog/misc/gif/E___6724EN00SIGG.gif：Getting Your Child Out the Door In the Morning

http://www.ahaparenting.com/img/daughter-straighten-dad-tie_smaller.jpg

What does a four year old need in the morning?  Well, everyone is different, but most of us need some time to make the transition from sleep into busy activity; most kids balk at feeling pushed. Most four year olds need to "do it myself." Most four year olds want to make their own decision about when their body needs to pee.  And I've never met a four year old who understands why that meeting Mom has to get to is more important than whether he can find his toy car.

这位父母教育专家果然深谙孩子心理，大多数人从睡眠状态切换到忙碌活动的状态都需要一个transition. 这么一想，我还真觉得是这么回事儿。孩子爸屡次跟我提及乐先生起床后坐床上半天不行动，看来这小家伙果然需要这么一个transition time。好吧，既然大多数人都需要这么一个缓冲，孩子有这需求咱也没啥好说的。后面说到四岁的孩子开始有自己的主意，很多事情就是要自己做，别人替他或者没经他许可善意帮助了他他都不领情，还有可能生气发脾气，这也在乐先生身上出现。最近，孩子的自我意识明显增强，从这个角度来看，孩子要自己拿主意，倒也不是坏事。至于这个阶段的孩子能懂多大点儿事儿，父母跟其讲道理劝说时能否理解父母的良苦用心，那还真是见仁见智，反正我的期望值不高，所以也不至于很失望。

Wouldn't it be amazing if all parents could have flextime, so there's more time in the morning for small humans to have a more humane start to their day?  But that's not possible for many families. 

So what's the answer?  Re-frame your idea of the morning routine.  What if your main job was to connect emotionally?  That way, your child would have a genuinely "full cup." Not only would he be more ready to cooperate with you, he'd be more able to rise to the developmental challenges of his day.  How?

美国的父母专家们给出的育儿方面的建议大都倾向跟孩子建立更多的情感联系，让孩子从内心深处发出力量。比如早上起床准备上学这件事儿，显然需要考验父母的情商和创造力了。

1. Get everyone to bed as early as possible.  If you have to wake your kids in the morning, they aren't getting enough sleep.  Every hour of sleep less than they need sets them back a year in access to brain function, meaning they act a year younger.

既然没睡醒时被迫早起是很痛苦的事儿，又要保证孩子的睡眠，那就干脆让每个人都早睡好了。

对，尽可能让家里每个人都养成早睡早起的习惯！培养好习惯的愿望是很美好，也考验家长的执行力。

2. Get yourself to bed earlier. If you have to use an alarm, you aren't getting enough sleep. (Sorry.) The morning routine requires infinite creativity and energy from parents. Your kids depend on you to start your own day with a "full cup." There's no way to stay patient when you're exhausted.

此话不假，人很困很乏的时候耐心是会急剧下降的。当妈的一定要早睡，次日晨起才能精神抖擞迎接娃儿们的挑战！

3. Build in extra time. Get up earlier than your kids so you're dressed and emotionally centered before you interact with them. Plan on routinely getting to work fifteen minutes earlier than you're due.  Half the time, you won't make it but you also won't lose your temper at your kids because you won't actually be late.  The other half of the time, you'll have a more relaxed start to your work day so you'll be more effective at work.

对！做任何事儿都一样，最好提前留出来buffer time, 这样在真正有意外发生的情况下，目标才能照样如期达成。

4. Prepare the night before.  Backpacks, brief cases, lunches made, clothes laid out, coffee pot prepared, breakfast planned. Involve kids the night before too, so they choose their clothing and find that toy car.  

这个不多说，乐先生目前这一习惯基本养成，第二天上学的衣物头天晚上一定会提前准备好放在床边。再说，凡事养成预先做准备的习惯准没有错。

5. Make sure you get five minutes of relaxed snuggle time with each child as they wake up.  I know, it sounds impossible.  But if everything else is already done, you can relax for five minutes.  That time connecting with your child will transform your morning.  You fill your child's cup before the day starts, and you re-connect after the separation of the night, which gives your child the motivation to cooperate instead of fight with you. This is the best way to prevent morning whining and resistance.

很受启发的一条建议。西方父母普遍对于孩子的爱意表达都来得比较直接也比较多，这方面值得学习。孩子就是孩子，需要父母很多很多的爱！

6. Use routines to make transitions easier.  Kids find transitions hard and the morning is full of transitions.  So if getting her out of bed is a challenge, end your morning snuggle by holding hands as you go downstairs together, and make that a meaningful connection time for your kid, during which you both come up with something you're grateful for, or something you're looking forward to today. (Naturally, yours will relate to your child.)

非常值得借鉴的一点。妈妈可以和孩子拥有一个专属的亲密动作，每当妈妈重复出现这一动作时，相信孩子会心有灵犀。孩子对妈妈这一connecting的默契心领神会，自然也有助于他顺利渡过这个过渡期。

7. Realize that kids need your help to move through the routine. If your goal is to give your child a good start to his day, then you need to see your job as helping him move through the morning routine happily, not just barking orders.  That might mean you bring his clothes downstairs with you and he gets dressed next to you while you're feeding the baby so you can acknowledge him:  "I notice you picked your blue shirt again.  You like that shirt....You're working so hard on figuring out which shoe goes on which foot...Today you're humming while you get dressed."  Remember, getting dressed is your priority, not his. Your presence is what motivates him. He's borrowing your "executive functioning" to keep himself on track. 

孩子永远需要妈妈出现在他的视野中，即便他自己能做好手头的这件事。妈妈的存在，让他在完成这些任务的时候拥有一份心安和愉快。读完这一条，我顿时明白了为什么乐先生总在穿衣服的时候恳求我说：妈妈你能看着我穿衣服吗？之前我很纳闷，穿衣服自己穿就好了，为什么还要有人陪着？如果满足他的要求会不会让他产生依赖？现在看来，情况并不是这样。

是啊，妈妈在身边，孩子会更有动力做好手头的事情。

8. Keep the routine as simple as possible.  So, for instance, you may want to rethink breakfast.  I know, you want to serve your child a hot breakfast at the table.  Me too.  But I have one kid who just wasn't ready to eat as soon as she got up, so there were times when she regularly ate a sandwich in the car.  No less healthy, more peaceful -- a better start to the day.

Worried about brushing teeth?  I handed her a toothbrush and sippy cup of water after her sandwich.  No toothpaste in the mornings for a few months.  If you consider that too much of a compromise, you'll need to find a solution that works for you, but my point is that there are no rules. Why can't they sleep in the teeshirt and leggings they'll wear to school?  Why can't you just put her hair in a ponytail instead of brushing it, or let her sleep with it in a braid? 

呵呵，这招有点意思，懒妈还有时间不够的职场妈快点学学。

想起我读小学时候的同桌，印象中她总是顶着满头辫子来学校。问为什么总爱扎辫，她回答：因为她妈妈要出差了，这满头辫子可以管上一周，只要她不故意蹭来蹭去，辫子不会散。可事实是我那同桌总是不到三天头发就已经不成样儿了，她头发长妈妈不在自己又不会打理，就那么蓬松散着，还被班主任老师请去办公室好几次要求她注意仪容形象http://www/uc/myshow/blog/misc/gif/E___6724EN00SIGG.gif

哎，当妈妈的都不容易啊！

9. Give Choices. No one likes to be pushed around.  Does he want to brush his teeth standing on the stool at the kitchen sink while you're getting the baby out of the high chair, or upstairs in the bathroom?  Does she want to put her shoes on first, or her jacket on first?  Cede control whenever you can. You may think he should use the bathroom as soon as he gets out of bed, but he wants to be in charge of his own body.  As long as he's not wetting his pants, you can probably let him make that decision for himself.

给孩子提供选择。这一点自认为还是做得不错，这个开放民主的时代，谁都不喜欢被强迫做事情，也许有时候父母教育孩子的时候觉得原则不容商量，但还是尽可能给孩子提供选择的自由吧（当然你可以很巧妙地提供哦）

10. Play it out.  Sometime on the weekend, grab a mom and baby stuffed animal.  Have them act out the morning routine.  Have the little one resist, whine, collapse.  Have the mom "lose it" (but don't scare your child by overdoing it. Have the mom be a funny, incompetent bumbler.) Your child will be fascinated.  Then, hand your kid the "mom" and play out the scenario again, with you being the kid.  Make it funny so you can both giggle and let off tension. Make sure to include scenarios in which the kid goes to school in his pjs, or the mom goes to work in her pjs, or the kid has to yell at the mom to hurry up and get ready, or the mom says "Who cares about that meeting? Let's tell the boss it's more important to find your toy car!"  Give him in fantasy what he can't have in reality.  You may learn something about how to make things work better.  Almost certainly, you'll see more understanding and cooperation from your kid on Monday. At the very least, the laughter will defuse the tension.

角色互换的游戏，如果有时间多做做也不妨。亲子互动既娱乐，又增加感情，还能让孩子或多或少明白点父母的难处。这一点，西方的父母绝对是身体力行，值得效仿。反观中国父母，多为事业操劳，在亲子环节方面还是少了些心力。

11. Ruthlessly prioritize. If both parents are working full time while children are small, there is simply no way to do anything "extra" during the week. This is the only way you can go to bed early enough to stay in a good mood in the morning.  And your child depends on your good mood to regulate her own moods.  Don't worry, these years don't last forever.  You're laying a wonderful foundation for her to take more and more charge of her own morning routine.

这一条建议很实在。是的，很多家庭现实就是这样，一份薪水不足以养家糊口，父母必须都得全职工作，早上大家都在跟时间赛跑，没有时间和精力去做额外的bonding/connecting，那就只能培养早睡早起的习惯。不过，这样也好，父母严格遵循原则是为孩子的未来的独立人生打下好基础。

再来，毕竟孩子们总归要长大的，要为自己负责。父母们，再坚持坚持，这样纠结挣扎的早上不会永远这样！

Modern life puts pressures on kids and parents that undermine our connection to our kids.  But we need that connection to smooth the speed bumps of life. Our kids need it, not only to cooperate, but to thrive. Luckily, when we make connection our priority, everything else gets a little bit easier.

最后结语说得实在太好了。我们需要面对现实，我们更需要和孩子们建立情感联系，这样随着时间推移，我们和孩子们在日常积累的点滴情感会帮助孩子们在未来走得更踏实，让他们在面对人生的挑战时更从容！