Short StoryMy Oedipus Complex我的俄狄浦斯情结 

作者：[爱尔兰] 弗兰克•奥康纳/吴仲湛译 

Father was in the army all through the war---the first war, I mean---so, up to the age of five, I never saw much of him, and what I saw did not worry me. 整个战争——第一次世界大战——期间，父亲呆在军队里。长到五岁了，我几乎还没见过他。而我所看见的也并不让我不安。Sometimes I woke and there was a big figure in khaki peering down at me in the candlelight. 有时醒来，我看到一个穿卡其布军服的大汉，在烛光下俯身瞅着我。  Sometimes in the early morning I heard the slamming of the front door and the clatter of nailed boots down the cobbles of the lane. 有时在大清早，我听到前门砰一声猛然关上，钉着马铁的军靴在小巷的鹅卵石路面上敲打出喀喀声， These were Father’s entrances and exits. ，这就是说：父亲进来，或者出去了。 Like Santa Claus he came and went mysteriously. 他像圣诞老人一样神秘地来往无踪。

In fact, I rather liked his visits, though it was an uncomfortable squeeze between mother and him when I got into the big bed in the early morning. 真的，我很喜欢他的到来，尽管清晨当我在爬上他们的大床，挤在他与妈妈之间，那种滋味不是很好受。 He smoked, which gave him a pleasant musty smell, and shaved, an operation of astounding interest. 他抽烟，带着一股好闻的霉味；他刮胡子，那简直是一件神奇得不得了的工作。Each time he left a trail of souvenirs---model tanks and Gurkha knives with handles made of bullet cases, and German helmets and cap badges and button sticks, and all sorts of military equipment---carefully stowed away in a long box on top of the wardrobe, in case they ever came in handy. 每次他都会留下一些纪念品：坦克车模型，把柄用子弹壳做成的廓尔喀短刀，德国人的钢盔、帽徽、钉铜扣的布垫、各种武器零件——小心地装一只长箱子里，放在衣柜上面，一伸手就拿得着。There was a bit of the magpie about Father; he expected everything to come in handy. 父亲有点像喜鹊似的喜欢收集东西，他希望一切物件用得顺顺当当。When his back was turned, Mother let me get a chair and rummage through his treasures. 父亲一转身出去，妈妈就听任我搬来椅子，搜索他的那些宝贝。 She didn’t seem to think so highly of them as he did. 她根本不像他那样把这些玩艺儿看得很重。 

The war was the most peaceful period of my life. 战争是我生活中的和平时期。The window of my attic faced southeast. 我住的阁楼的窗口朝南开 My mother had curtained it, but that had small effect. 妈妈挂上窗帘，可它并不很挡光。 I always woke with the first light and, with all the responsibilities of the previous day melted, feeling myself rather like the sun, ready to illumine and rejoice. 第一缕曙光射进来，我就醒了。怀着将过去的旧时光消融掉的念头，我感觉自己就像太阳一样，很乐意放出光芒，给人们带来欢乐。Life never seemed so simple and clear and full of possibilities as then. 生活从来没有像现在这样纯净、明朗，充满着希望。 I put my feet out from under the clothes---I called them Mrs. Left and Mrs. Right and invented dramatic situations for them in which they discussed the problems of the day. 我从衣服下面把脚丫伸出来——我管她们叫做左太太和右太太，为她们设计一出戏剧，以便可以讨论白天的问题。At least Mrs. Right did; she was very demonstrative, but I hadn’t the same control of Mrs. Left , so she mostly contended herself with nodding agreement. 至少右太太做到了，她是感情外露的人。可是我控制不了左太太，她对什么事都是自满自足，点点头就算了

They discussed what Mother and I should do during the day, what Santa Claus should give a fellow for Christmas, and what steps should be taken to brighten the home. 她们讨论我和妈妈今天该做什么事，圣诞节时圣诞老人该给某个小家伙什么礼物，该采取怎样的步骤才能给家里带来喜悦，等等。 There was that little matter of the baby, for instance. 比如，有一件是关于娃娃的小事，Mother and I could never agree about that. 我和妈妈在这个问题上从来没取得过一致看法。Ours was the only house in the terrace without a new baby, and Mother said we couldn’t afford one till Father came back from the war because they cost seventeen and six. 我家住的那排住宅中，我家是唯一没有新生娃娃的家庭。妈妈说，父亲从前线回来之前，我们是买不起娃娃的，因为那要花十七镑零六便士。

That showed how simple she was. 妈妈真是头脑简单，The Geneys up the road had a baby, and everyone knew they couldn’t afford seventeen and six. 住在街上方的吉尼家刚添了个新娃娃，可人人知道，他家根本付不起十七镑零六便士。 It was probably a cheap baby, and Mother wanted something really good, but I felt she was too exclusive. The Geneys’ baby would have done us fine. 不过那也许是个便宜货，而妈妈想要个好货色。我认为她要求太高，吉尼家那样的娃娃就够不错啦。

Having settled my plans for the day, I got up, put a chair under the attic window, and lifted the frame high enough to stick out my head. 将当天的计划安排好了以后，我起床了，在阁楼的窗口下摆了一把椅子，再把窗框顶得高高的，我把头伸出去。The window overlooked the front gardens of the terrace behind ours, and beyond these it looked over a deep valley to the tall, red brick houses terraced up the opposite hillside, which were still in shadow, while those at our side of the valley were all lit up, though with long strange shadows that made them seem unfamiliar; rigid and painted. 窗户俯瞰着我家后面一排房屋的前花园。再过去，是一条通向高高的红砖房子的深谷，那些房子一直排上对面山坡，现在还笼罩在阴影里，而峡谷的这边已经被阳光照亮。但是仍投下长长的、令人不快的阴影，阴影僵硬呆板，好像被人用颜色画上去似的。 

After that I went into Mother’s room and climbed into the big bed. 然后，我走进妈妈的房间，爬上那张大床。 She woke and I began to tell her of my schemes. 她醒了，我开始告诉她我的计划。 By this time, though I never seemed to have noticed it, I was petrified in my night-shirt, and I thawed as I talked until, the last frost melted, I fell asleep beside her and woke again only when I heard her below in the kitchen, making the breakfast. 这以前我根本没注意到自己只穿着睡衣，冻得像块冰冷的石头。 
我一面说话，一面暖和身子，直到最后一块冰霜融化掉，我躺在她身边又睡着了。醒来时，已是做早饭时分，听见她在楼下厨房里干活，发出叮叮当当的声响。 

After breakfast we went into town; heard Mass at St. Augustine’s and said a prayer for Father, and did the shopping. 吃过早饭，我们上城去。在圣奥古斯汀教堂做弥撒，为父亲做祈祷，还买东西。 If the afternoon was fine we either went for a walk in the country or a visit to Mother’s great friend in the convent, Mother Saint Dominic. 假如下午天气好，我们就到田野散步，或者去修女院去看望妈妈的好朋友圣多米尼克嬷嬷。Mother had them all praying for Father, and every night, going to bed, I asked God to send him back safe from the war to us. Little, indeed, did I know what I was praying for! 妈妈请她们为父亲祈祷。每天晚上睡觉前，我祈求上帝把他从战争中平安送回给我们。说实在，我简直不理解我为啥要祷告！ 

One morning, I got into the big bed, and there, sure enough, was Father in his usual Santa Claus manner, but later, instead of uniform, he put on his best blue suit, and Mother was as pleased as anything. 一天早上，我爬上大床，在那儿，清清楚楚地有爸爸那一身圣诞老人似的打扮。后来，他脱掉军装，穿上整洁的蓝色外衣。妈妈见了高兴得直笑，I saw nothing to be pleased about, because, out of uniform, Father was altogether less interesting, but she only beamed, and explained that out prayers had been answered, and off we went to Mass to thank God for having brought Father safely home. 我却看不出有什么值得高兴的，因为不穿军服，爸爸一点也不显得有趣。而妈妈脸上放光，她对我解释说，我们的祈祷终于得到回报了。于是我们出去做弥撒，感谢上帝让父亲平安回家。

The irony of it! 滑稽得很！That very day when he came in to dinner he took off his boots and put on his slippers, donned the dirty old cap he wore about the house to save him from colds, crossed his legs, and began to talk gravely to Mother, who looked anxious. 那天他进屋吃饭，脱去皮靴，穿上拖鞋，戴着那顶又脏又旧的帽子，以免感冒。他跷起二郎腿，开始和妈妈认真谈话，妈妈显得非常热切。 Naturally, I disliked her looking anxious, because it destroyed her good looks, so I interrupted him. 我自然不喜欢她那种神色，因为这破坏了她好看的脸庞。于是，我捣乱了。 

“Just a moment, Larry!” she said gently. “莱利，坐一会儿！”她温和地说。

This was only what she said when we had boring visitors, so I attached no importance to it and went on talking. 这是当我们家来了索然无味的客人时才用的话。我不拿她的话当回事，继续打岔。

“Do be quiet, Larry!” she said impatiently. “Don’t you hear me talking to Daddy?” “莱利，安静点！”她不耐烦地说：“难道你没听见我在和爹哋谈话吗？”

This was the first time I had heard those ominous words, “talking to Daddy,” and I couldn’t help feeling that if this was how God answered prayers, he couldn’t listen to them very attentively. 这是我第一次听到的不吉利话。“和爹哋谈话”！我不禁心想，如果说这就是上帝对祈祷者的回报答，那么，上帝压根就没聚精会神地听我的要求。 

“Why are you talking to Daddy?” I asked with as great a show of indifference as I could muster. “你为什么要和爸爸谈话？”我带着尽可能淡漠的表情和口吻问道。 

“Because Daddy and I have business to discuss. Now don’t interrupt again!” “因为爸爸有正事要和我商量。行了，别再打岔！”

In the afternoon, at Mother’s request, Father took me for a walk. 下午，在妈妈恳求下，爸爸带我去散步。This time we went into town instead of out in the country, and I thought at first, in my usual optimistic way, that it might be an improvement. 这回，我们没去野外，而上城里。一开始，我感到乐观，我这也许是局面改善的开始，It was nothing of the sort. 可事实并非如此Father and I had quite different notions of a walk in town. 爸爸和我对于在城里玩的看法是截然不同的。He had no proper interest in trains, ships, and horses, and the only thing that seemed to divert him was talking to fellows as old as himself. 他对电车、轮船、马匹一丁点儿兴趣也没有，唯一使他高兴的事就是和那些跟他年纪一般老的家伙聊天。When I wanted to stop he simply went on, dragging me behind him by the hand; when he wanted to stop I had no alternative but to do the same. 我想停下来时，他却一味强拖着我的手，让我跟在背后朝前走；而当他想停下来的时，我却除了停住脚之外没有别的选择。  I noticed that it seemed to be a sign that he wanted to stop for a long time whenever he leaned against a wall. 我注意到，每当他斜倚着墙壁时，就意味着他要停脚很久。The second time I saw him do it I got wild. 第三次见他这么干，我简直要发疯。 He seemed to be settling himself forever. 他似乎要永远粘在那里。I pulled him by the coat and trousers, but, unlike Mother who, if you were too persistent, got into a wax and said:“Larry, if you don’t behave yourself, I’ll give you a good slap,” 我拉拉他衣服又拉拉裤子。可他不像妈妈，要是我太固执，她就很生气，说：“莱利，你要不规矩点，我就给你一巴掌。”Father had an extraordinary capacity for amiable inattention. 而父亲呢，他温厚大度，颇有涵养，一点也不介意。 I sized him up and wondered would I cry, but he seemed to be too remote to be annoyed even by that我上下打量他，捉摸着该不该哭一场。可是他显得太疏远了，即便我大哭大叫，也不能惹他光火。. Really, it was like going for a walk with a mountain! 真的，我简直就像和一座大山在遛跶！He either ignored the wrenching and pummeling entirely, or else glanced down with a grin of amusement from his peak. 他全然置扭拧拳打于不顾，也不带着愉快的嬉笑从高高的山顶往下看一眼。 I had never met anyone so absorbed in himself as he seemed. 我还真没见过一个人像他那样自我陶醉、麻木不仁。 

At teatime, “talking to Daddy” began again, complicated this time by the fact that he had an evening paper, and every few minutes he put it down and told Mother something new out of it. 到了喝午茶的时候，“和爹哋谈话”又开始了。更加不妙的是，这回他手里拿着一份晚报，过几分钟就放下报纸，讲一二则新闻给妈妈听。 I felt this was foul play. 我感觉这样的比赛是不公允的。Man for man, I was prepared to compete with him any time for Mother’s attention, but when he had it all made up for him by other people it left me no chance. Several times I tried to change the subject without success. 一人对一人，我随时可以和他争夺妈妈的注意力。但是现在他拥有别人为他提供的武器——报纸，而我却赤手空拳。好几回我试图转变话题，但都归于失败。 

“You must be quiet while Daddy is reading, Larry,” Mother said impatiently. “爸爸读报的时候，你得安静点，莱利！”妈妈不耐烦地说。 

It was clear that she either genuinely liked talking to Father better than talking to me, or else that he had some terrible hold on her which made her afraid to admit the truth. 显然，她要不是真心喜欢和父亲交谈，而没有跟我聊天的意思，就是这个男人有一些很厉害的东西，将她笼络了，以至她不敢正视现实。 

“Mummy,” I said that night when she was tucking me up, “do you think if I prayed hard God would send Daddy back to the war?” “妈咪，”那天晚上，当妈妈给我整理床铺时，我说，“如果我不停地祈祷，上帝会不会把爸爸再送去打仗？” 

She seemed to think about that for a moment. 她好像在认真思考我的问题。

“No, dear,” she said with a smile. “I don’t think He would.” “不，宝贝，”她微笑着说道，“我想上帝不会这么做。

“Why wouldn’t He, Mummy?” “妈咪，为什么不会呢？” 

“Because there isn’t a war any longer, dear.” “因为不会再有战争了，宝贝。” 

“But, Mummy, couldn’t God make another war, if He liked?” “但是，妈咪，要是上帝乐意，他会不会再造出一个战争？” 

“He wouldn’t like to, dear. It’s not God who makes wars, but bad people.” “他不愿意这么干，宝贝。不是上帝制造战争，是坏人。” 

“Oh!” I said. 我“噢”了一声。 

I was disappointed about that, I began to think that God wasn’t quite what He was cracked up to be. 真沮丧，原来上帝并不像人们所夸奖的那样。 

Next morning I woke at my usual hour, feeling like a bottle of champagne. 第二天我像往常那样起床，觉得自己像一瓶香槟酒一般精力充沛。 I put out my feet and invented a long conversation in which Mrs. Right talked of the trouble she had with her own father till she put him in the Home. 我伸出双脚，设计出一场漫长的对话。右太太谈她和自己父亲之间的摩擦，最后打发他回“老家”。I didn’t quite know what the Home was but it sounded the right place for Father. 我不知道大人们说的“老家”是什么地方，但反正是父亲该去的地方。 Then I got my chair and stuck my head out of the attic window. 然后，我搬一把椅子，将脑袋伸到阁楼窗户外面去。  Dawn was just breaking, with a guilty air that made me feel I had caught it in the act. 天刚刚破晓，空气有犯罪嫌疑，我把它当场抓住了。My head bursting with stories and schemes, I stumbled in next door, and in the half-darkness scrambled into the big bed. 脑子里猛然浮现许多故事和计谋。我步履蹒跚走到隔壁房间，在微明的晨曦中，挤上大床。There was no room at Mother’s side so I had to get between her and Father. 妈妈的身旁没有空位，我只好挤在她和爸爸中间， For the time being I had forgotten about him, and for several minutes I sat bolt upright, racking my brains to know what I could do with him. 我差点忘记了他的存在。好几分钟，我像个们栓门子似地直挺挺地坐在那儿，绞尽脑汁想该拿他怎么办。He was taking up more than his fair share of the bed, and I couldn’t get comfortable, so I gave him several kicks that made him grunt and stretch. 他大大咧咧地占据了大床上原来属于我的那份，我却毫无舒服可言，于是，我给了他一脚。他哼哼了几声，扭动一下身子，总算腾出点地方来。 He made room all right, though. Mother waked and felt for me. I settled back comfortably in the warmth of the bed with my thumb in my mouth. 妈妈醒了，伸手摸摸我。我舒服地往后一挪，躺倒在那张暖烘烘的大床上，一边把拇指含在嘴里。

“Mummy!” I hummed, loudly and contentedly. “妈咪，”我满足地大声哼着。 

“Sssh! Dear,” she whispered. “Don’t wake Daddy.” “嘘！宝贝，”她低声道，“别吵醒爹哋！” 

This was a new development, which threatened to be even more serious than “talking to Daddy”. Life without my early-morning conferences was unthinkable. 又有新发展了。这是比“和爹哋谈话”更严重的威胁。不经过我的清晨协商会决定的生活根本不可能！ 

“Why?” I asked severely. “为什么？”我严厉地问。 

“Because poor Daddy is tired.” “因为可怜的爹哋很累。” 

This seemed to me a quite inadequate reason, and I was sickened by the sentimentality of her“poor Daddy.” 这不成理由。我对“可怜的爹哋”一词所表示的感伤情调十分厌恶， I never liked that sort of gush; it always struck me as insincere. 我不喜欢这类感情流露，我觉得很不真诚。 

“Oh!” I said lightly. Then in my most winning tone:“Do you know where I want to go with you today, Mummy?” “啊！”我轻轻呼出一口气，带着得胜的口吻道，“妈咪，知道今天我想和你去哪吗？” 

“No, dear,” she sighed. “不知道，宝贝，”她叹口气。 

“I want to go down the Glen and fish for thornybacks with my new net, and then I want to go out to the Fox and Hounds, and---“ “Don’t-wake-Daddy!” she hissed angrily, clapping her hand across my mouth. “我想去格兰，用我的新渔网打鱼，然后到‘狐狸猎物’饭店，再．．．．．．” 
“别吵醒爸爸！”她生气地嘘我，还捂住我的嘴巴。 

But it was too late. He was awake, or nearly so. He grunted and ached for the matches. Then he stared incredulously at his watch. 可是已经太迟了，他醒过来，或者是差不多醒了。他一边哼哼，一边用手去摸火柴，又疑惑地盯着手表。 

“Like a cup of tea, dear?” asked Mother in a meek, hushed voice I had never heard her use before. It sounded almost as though she were afraid. “要茶吗，亲爱的？”妈妈用我从未听到过的温顺声调低低问道，听上去好像她惧怕什么似的。 

“Tea?” he exclaimed indignantly. “Do you know what the time is?” “茶？”他忿忿地抱怨道，“你知道现在才几点钟吗？” 

“And after that I want to go up the Rathcooney Road,” I said loudly, afraid I’d forget something in all those interruptions. “然后我走到拉思库尼路，”我大声说，生怕把刚才设计好的干扰话忘记了。 

“Go to sleep at once, Larry!” she said sharply. “快睡觉去，莱利！”她厉声说。 

I began to snivel. I couldn’t concentrate, the way that pair went on, and smothering my early-morning schemes was like burying a family from the cradle. 我抽了抽鼻子，怎么也无法集中精神，那一对还在继续谈下去。而我的清晨计划却被扼杀在摇篮里。 

Father said nothing, but lit his pipe and sucked it, looking out into the shadows without minding Mother or me. I knew he was mad. 爸爸不吭声，点燃烟斗，叼在嘴角，看着窗外的阴影，瞧也不瞧妈妈和我一眼，我知道他快发疯了。Every time I made a remark Mother hushed me irritably. I was mortified. I felt it wasn’t fair; there was even something sinister in it. Every time I had pointed out to her the waste of making two beds when we could both sleep in one, she had told me it was healthier like that, and now here was this man, this stranger, sleeping with he without the least regard for her health! 每当我一评说他，妈妈就生气地嘘我。我受到压制，我觉得这不公平，甚至有些邪恶。以前我一向对她指出说，用不着放两张床，我们可以睡在一张床上。她总是说，这样才合乎卫生。而现在，这床上添了这个男人（一个陌生人），和她睡在一起，她却一点也不考虑她的健康

He got up early and made tea, but though he brought Mother a cup he brought none for me. 他大早起来煮茶，给妈妈端了一杯，不给我。

“Mummy, ” I shouted, “I want a cup of tea, too.”

“Yes, dear,” she said patiently. “You can drink from Mummy’s saucer.” “妈咪，”我喊道，“我也要一杯茶！ 
“好的，宝贝，”她耐心地说，“你可以从妈妈的碟子里喝。” 

That settled it. Either Father or I would have to leave the house. I didn’t want to drink from Mother’s saucer; I wanted to be treated as an equal in my own home, so, just to spite her, I drank it all and left none for her. She took that quietly, too. 问题就解决了。不论我，还是父亲，都不必离开房间。其实，我不想从妈妈的碟子喝茶。我不过是想在自己的家里得到平等对待。于是，为了使她难堪，我把茶全喝光了，一滴也不给她留下，她也若无其事忍住了。 

But that night when she was putting me to bed she said gently:“Larry, I want you to promise me something.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“Not to come in and disturb poor Daddy in the morning. Promise?”

“Poor Daddy” again! I was becoming suspicious of everything involving that quite impossible man.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because poor Daddy is worried and tired and he doesn’t sleep well.”

“Why doesn’t he, Mummy?”

“Well, you know, don’t you, that while he was at the war Mummy got the pennies from the post office?”

“From Miss MacCarthy?”

“That’s right. But now, you see, Miss MacCarthy hasn’t any more pennies, so Daddy must go out and find us some. You know what would happen if he couldn’t?”

I said, “tell us.”

“Well I think we might have to go out and beg for them like the poor old woman on Fridays. We wouldn’t like that, would we?”

“No,” I agreed. “We wouldn’t.”

“So you’ll promise not to come in and wake him?”

“Promise.” 夜里她打发我上床时，温柔地对我说：“莱利，我要你答应我一件事。” 
“什么事？”我问。 
“不要在清早进来打扰可怜的爹哋睡觉，行吗？” 
又是“可怜的爹哋”！我怀疑这个讨厌的男子包藏的祸心。 
“为什么？”我问。 
“因为可怜的爹哋忧郁、劳累，他睡不好觉。” 
“那是为什么，妈咪？” 
“哦，你还记得当他去打仗时，妈咪从邮局领钱的事吗？” 
“从邮局的麦卡锡小姐那儿领钱，是吗？” 
“是的，可现在你瞧，麦卡锡小姐不给我们一个铜板了。所以，爹哋只得出去给我们找钱。你知道要是他挣不到钱，我们将会怎样吗？” 
“不知道，”我说，“说吧。” 
“噢，我想，我们都就得去讨乞，像每逢礼拜五来我们这条街要饭的那个穷女人一样。我们不乐意那样，是不是？” 
“嗯，”我同意她的意见，“不乐意。” 
“所以，你必须保证不再进来把他吵醒。” 
“我答应。” 

Mind you, I mean that. I knew pennies were a serious matter, and I was all against having to go out and beg like the old woman on Fridays. Mother laid out all my toys in a complete ring round the bed so that, whatever way I got out, I was bound to fall over one of them. 请注意，我的意思是：钱是个严重的问题，我可不想去讨乞。 
妈妈把我所有玩具围着床摆个圈，这样，要是我往外走，就会被绊一跤。 

When I woke I remembered my promise all right. I got up and sat on the floor and played---for hours, it seemed to me. Then I got my chair and looked out the attic window for more hours. I wished it was time for Father to wake; I wished someone would make me a cup of tea. I didn’t feel in the least like the sun; instead, I was bored and so very, very cold! I simply longed for the warmth and depth of the big feather bed. 一觉醒来，我立即记起我的诺言。我坐在地板上玩，玩了很久很久，至少我是这么感觉的。然后，我搬了把椅子，从阁楼的窗户往外张望，望得更久。我希望到了爸爸醒过来的时候了，我希望有人为我送一杯茶。我再也不觉得像太阳一样，相反地，我烦透了，而且，非常、非常冷！我一心想到那庞大的、铺着羽毛褥垫的、又松又软的床上去。 

At last I could stand it no longer. I went into the next room. As there was still no room at Mother’s side I climbed over her and she woke with a start. 最后，我实在忍不住了，走进了隔壁房间。因为妈妈身边没有空位，我只好从她的身上爬过去，她吓了一跳，醒了。 

“Larry,” she whispered, gripping my arm very tightly, “what did you promise?”

“But I did, Mummy,” I wailed, caught in the very act. “I was quiet for ever so long.”

“Oh, dear, and you’re perished!” she said sadly, feeling me all over.

“Now if I let you stay will you promise not to talk?”
     “But I want to talk, Mummy,” I wailed.

“That has nothing to do with it.” she said with a firmness that was new to me. “Daddy wants to sleep. Now, do you understand that?”

I understood it only too well. I wanted to talk, he wanted to sleep---whose house was it, anyway?

“Mummy,” I said with equal firmness, “I think it would be healthier for Daddy to sleep in his own bed.”

That seemed to stagger her, because she said nothing for a while.

“Now once for all, ”she went on, “you’re to be perfectly quiet or go back to your own bed, Which is it to be?” 她紧捏着我的胳膊，轻声说：“莱利，你答应过什么事？” 
“可是我的确做到了，妈咪，”我恸哭起来，像做了坏事，被当场捉住。“我一直都是安安静静的。” 
“哦，宝贝，你要冻僵了，”她伤心地说，她完全理解我，“好吧，要是我让你留在这儿，你能保证不说话吗？” 
“可我想和你说话，妈咪，”我哭着道。 
“那就没办法了，”她生硬地说，这种语调我还是头一回听到，“爹哋需要睡觉，你明白了吧？” 
我再明白不过了。我想说话，他想睡觉——可是，这究竟是谁的屋子呀？ 
“妈咪，”我同样生硬地说，“我认为爸爸睡在自己的床上对他身体更有好处。” 
她好像吃了一惊，因为好一阵子她说不出话来。 
“现在，我给你最后一次机会，”她继续道，“要不安静下来，要不就回到你自己的床上去。由你选。” 

The injustice of it got me down. I had convicted her out of her own mouth of inconsistency and unreasonableness, and she hadn’t even attempted to reply. Full of spite, I gave Father a kick, which she didn’t notice but which made him grunt and open his eyes in alarm. 这不平等的对待使我大为光火。从她的口气，我听出她是自相矛盾的，而且毫不讲理，她甚至一点也不想听我回答。 
我充满恶意，踢了爸爸一脚。她没有注意到，可爸爸哼了一声，警觉地睁开眼睛。 

“What time is it?” he asked in a panic-stricken voice, not looking at Mother but at the door, as if he saw someone there. “几点钟了？”他惊慌失措问道。他的目光不在妈妈身上，而是盯着门，好像看见了谁站在那儿。 

“It’s early yet,” she replied soothingly. “It’s only the child. Go to sleep again…Now, Larry,” she added, getting out of bed, “you’ve waken Daddy and you must go back.” “还早呢，”她温柔答道，“都是这孩子。去睡吧……莱利。”这是对我说的。妈妈从床上下来，说：“你已经吵醒了爹哋，现在你得回去了。”

This time, for all her quiet air, I knew she meant it, and knew that my principal rights and privileges were as good as lost unless I asserted them at once. As she lifted me, I gave a screech, enough to wake the dead, not to mind Father. He groaned.

“What damn child! Doesn’t he ever sleep?”

“It’s only a habit, dear,” she said quietly, though I could see she was vexed. 这一回，尽管她态度平静，我知道她的意思，我明白，我的一切基本权利，几乎都失掉了，除非我马上挺身去维护。当她把我从床上抱起来，我尖叫一声，响得足以把死人唤醒。我根本不把爸爸放在眼里，这家伙发出一阵呻吟。 
“该死的孩子，他老是不睡觉吗？” 
“亲爱的，这是他的习惯，”她轻声说，但我听得出，她正生气。

“Well, it’s time he got out of it,” shouted Father, beginning to heave in the bed. He suddenly gathered all the bedclothes about him, turned to the wall, and then looked back over his shoulder with nothing showing only two small, spiteful, dark eyes. The man looked very wicked. “喂，该是他去掉恶习的时候了。”爸爸喊道，一边从床上抬起身。突然，他把所有床单和毯子收拢过去，堆在自己周围，转向墙壁，然后回过头来看了一眼，露出两颗充满怨恨的小黑眼珠，什么也没表示。那个男人看上去十分邪恶。 

To open the bedroom door, Mother had to let me down, and I broke free and dashed for the farthest corner, screeching. Father sat bolt upright in bed. 要打开卧室门，妈妈必须先放下我。我得到自由，向远处的角落冲去，大声尖叫。爸爸一蹦，直挺挺地坐在床上

“Shut up, you little puppy!” he said in a choking voice. “闭嘴，你这狗崽子！”他几乎透不过气来。 

I was so astonished that I stopped screeching. Never, never had anyone spoken to me in that tone before. I looked at him incredulously and saw his face convulsed with rage. It was only then that I fully realized how God had codded me, listening to my prayers for the safe return of this monster. 我吓呆了，马上停止了尖叫。从来，从来没有人用这种嗓音和我说过这种话。我疑惑不解地望着他，看到他脸因盛怒而抽搐。只有在这时，我才彻底意识到上帝是怎么戏弄了我——他听了我的祈祷，把这个非常邪恶的人平安无事送回来。 

“Shut up, you!” I bawled, beside myself. “你闭嘴，你！”我忘乎所以地大声喝道。 

“What’s that you said?” shouted Father, making a wild leap out of the bed.

“Mick, Mick!” cried Mother. “Don’t you see the child isn’t used to you?”

“I see he’s better fed than taught,” snarled Father, waving his arms wildly. “He wants his bottom smacked.” “你说什么？！”爸爸喊道，发疯似地从床上跳下来。 
“迈克，迈克！”妈妈哭道，“你看不出孩子对你还不适应吗？” 
“我看他是养得太好，教得太少！”爸爸咆哮，粗野地挥舞胳膊，“他屁股痒痒了！” 

All his previous shouting was as nothing to these obscene words referring to my person. They really made my blood boil. 与这种对我的人格横加侮辱的话相比，他以前的大喊大叫简直不是算回事。我热血沸腾。

“Smack your own!” I screamed hysterically. “Smack your own! Shut up! Shut up!” “揍你自己！”我歇斯底里地尖叫，“打你自己的屁股！闭嘴，住口！” 

At this he lost his patience and let fly at me. He did it with the lack of conviction you’d expect of a man under Mother’s horrified eyes, and it ended up as a mere tap, but the sheer indignity of being struck at all by a stranger, a total stranger who had cajoled his way back from the war into our big bed as a result of my innocent intercession, made me completely dotty. I shrieked and shrieked, and danced in my bare feet, and Father, looking awkward and hairy in nothing but a short gray army shirt, glared down at me like a mountain out for murder. I think it must have been then that I realized he was jealous too. And there stood Mother in her nightdress, looking as if her heart was broken between us. I hoped she felt as she looked. It seemed to me that she deserved it all. 这下他按捺不住，揍我了，就在妈妈惊恐的目光下，一丁点犯罪的负疚感也没有。被一个陌生人，一个彻头彻尾的陌生人，即便是轻轻打一下，也是件丢面子的事，更不必说重打了。一个利用欺哄手段从战争中逃生的人来到我们这张大床的上，这是我替他求情的结果，我真是个大笨蛋。 
我恸哭不已，赤着脚不断蹦跳。而爸爸呢，样子显得很怪异，浑身毛茸茸，只穿一件短袖灰衬衫，像一座大山似的从上面俯瞰着我，好像在寻找杀机。我开始意识到，原来他也在妒嫉。妈妈穿着睡衣，站在那儿，她的心想必是被父子俩割裂了。我希望她的感情与她的表情相符合。这是她理所应得。 

From that morning on my life was a hell. Father and I were enemies, open and avowed. We conducted a series of skirmishes against one another, he trying to steal my time with Mother and I his. When she was sitting on my bed, telling me a story, he took to looking for some pair of old boots which he alleged he had left behind him the beginning of the war. While he talked to Mother I played loudly with my toys to show my total lack of concern. He created a terrible scene one evening when he came in from work and found me at his box, playing with his regimental badges, Gurkha knives and button sticks. Mother got up and took the box from me.

“You mustn’t play with Daddy’s toys unless he lets you, Larry,” she said severely. “Daddy doesn’t play with yours.” 从那个早晨开始，我的生活就像在地狱，爸爸和我成了公开的死对头。我们之间不时发生一些小冲突摩擦。他想方设法把我和妈妈在一起的时间偷去，而我也偷他的时间。当她坐在我的床边，给我讲故事时，他就借口有双旧靴子放在屋子里，跑进来到处翻。而当他和妈妈说话的时候，我就摆弄玩具，发出很大响声，表示抗议。 
一天晚上，他上演了可怕的一出戏。下班回来时他发现我摆弄他的箱子里的东西，玩他军团徽章、廓尔喀小刀和钮扣带子，就大声嚷起来。妈妈赶过来，把箱子搬开。 
“你不该不经过爹哋同意就玩他的玩具，莱利。”她严历地说，“爹哋也没有玩你的东西。” 

For some reason Father looked at her as if she had struck him and then turned away with a scowl.

“Those are not toys,” he growled, taking down the box again to see had I lifted anything. “Some of those curios are very rare and valuable.” 出于某种原因，爸爸盯着她，好像被谁打了一拳，然后绉着眉头扭过身去。 
“那不是玩具，”他吼一声，一边把箱子夺过去，看看我是不是拿走了什么，“那是古董，是宝物。” 

But as time went on I saw more and more how he managed to alienate Mother and me. What made it worse was that I couldn’t grasp his method or see what attraction he had for Mother. In every possible way he was less winning than I. He had a common accent and made noises at his tea. I thought for a while that it might be the newspapers she was interested in, so I made up bits of news of my own to read to her. Then I thought it might be the smoking, which I personally thought attractive, and took his pipes and went round the house dribbling into them till he caught me. I even made noises at my tea, but Mother only told me I was disgusting. It all seemed to hinge round that unhealthy habit of sleeping together, so I made a point of dropping into their bedroom and nosing round, talking to myself, so that they wouldn’t know I was watching them, but they were never up to anything that I could see. In the end it beat me. It seemed to depend on being grown-up and giving people rings, and I realized I’d have to wait. 随着时间推移，我渐渐明白他是如何离间我和妈妈的关系，糟糕的是我不能采用他的那种方法，也无法理解他对妈妈的吸引力。在任何公正场合，他都要比我要逊色。比如，他谈吐粗俗，喝茶时弄出很大的呼噜呼噜响声。我想了一阵子，觉得也许是他手上的那张报纸吸引了她。于是，我自己编造了一点新闻讲给她听。后来，我又想也许是抽烟的样子很酷，很有魅力。于是，我叼着他的烟斗满屋子转，把口水都流到烟斗里了。可他抓住我，夺走了烟斗。我甚至在喝茶时发出声响，可妈妈却说我讨厌。 
所有的这一切都与那个不健康的两人合睡的坏习惯有关。于是，我坚持要进他们的卧室，四处弄出声响，大声地自言自语，他们不知道我在注意他们的动作。其实，我也看不出他们在搞什么名堂。终于，我技穷了，一切似乎都取决于长大成人，赠送戒指，我明白自己只有等待。 

But at the same time I wanted him to see that I was only waiting, not giving up the fight. One evening when he was being particularly obnoxious, chattering away well above my head, I let him have it. “Mummy,” I said, “do you know what I’m going to do when I grow up?” 不过我得让他们清楚，我只是在等待时机，并不是放弃战斗。一天晚上，当他显得特别讨厌，喋喋不休地说一些我无法理解的话时，我决定给他点颜色看看。 
“妈咪，”我说，“你知道等我长大后要干什么吗？” 

“No, dear,” she replied. “What?”

“I’m going to marry you,” I said quietly.

Father gave a great guffaw out of him, but he didn’t take me in. I knew it must only be pretense. And Mother, in spite of everything, was pleased. I felt she was probably relieved to know that one day Father’s hold on her would be broken. “Won’t that be nice?” she said with a smile. “不知道，宝贝，”她回答，“什么事？” 
“我要娶你，”我镇定地说。 
爸爸哈哈放声大笑，但他瞒不过我。我知道那是装出来的，他显得很不自然。而妈妈却由衷地高兴。我想，她大概是因为总有一天，父亲对她独霸的局面会被打破，而感到欣慰吧。 
“这样行吗？”她微笑着说。 

“It’ll be very nice,” I said confidently. “Because we’re going to have lots and lots of babies.”

“That’s right, dear,” she said placidly. “I think we’ll have one soon, and then you’ll have plenty of company.” “对，宝贝，”她温和地说，“我想我们不久就会有一个，那时，你就有同伴了。

I was no end pleased about that because it showed that in spite of the way she gave in to Father she still considered my wishes. Besides, it would put the Geneys in their place. 我听了高兴得无法形容，因为这表明尽管她向爸爸让步，毕竟还考虑过我的愿望。而且，这么一来，就把吉尼家放到他们自己应有的地位了。

It didn’t turn out like that, though. To begin with, she was very preoccupied---I supposed about where she would get the seventeen and six---and thought Father took to staying out late in the evenings it did me no particular good. She stopped taking me for walks, became as touchy as blazes, and smacked me for nothing at all. Sometimes I wished I’d never mentioned the confounded baby---I seemed to have a genius for bringing calamity on myself. 然而结局并非如此乐观。首先是妈妈变得心事重重——我猜想是在考虑从什么地方搞到那十七镑零六便士——虽然爸爸常常在外面很晚才回家，也没能给我多大好处。她不再带我出去玩，反而动不动就发火，无缘无故地打我。我但愿没有提到过那该死的小孩的事——我似乎有特异功能，使一切灾难降临自己头上。 

And calamity it was! Sonny arrived in the most appalling hullabaloo---even that much he couldn’t do without a fuss---and from the first moment I disliked him. He was a difficult child---so far as I was concerned he was always difficult---and demanded far too much attention. 啊，多么可怕的灾难！索尼在一片喧嚣与惊慌中来了，来到人间。我的生活中还从未听过这么大的声响，而且，如果没有细致照顾，他还会发出更大声音。从第一眼我就不喜欢他，他是一个很难弄的小孩——至少我这么认为。他过多要求人家注意他，

Mother was simply silly about him, and couldn’t see when he was only showing off. As company he was worse than useless. He slept all day, and I had to go round the house on tiptoe to avoid waking him. It wasn’t any longer a question of not waking Father. The slogan now was “Don’t—wake—Sonny!” I couldn’t understand why the child wouldn’t sleep at the proper time, so whenever Mother’s back was turned I woke him. Sometimes to keep him awake I pinched him as well. Mother caught me at it one day and gave me a most unmerciful flaking. 妈妈对他的态度真是蠢透了，看不出他在大声“做秀”。让他来作我的同伴，哼，比没有好不了多少。他整天睡觉，而我必须踮着脚在屋里走动，以免吵醒他。现在，已经没有“不要吵醒爸爸”的问题了，现在的口号是“不要吵醒索尼！”我不懂，为什么这小兔崽子不能在正常的时候睡觉？于是，妈妈一转身，我就把他搞醒。有时，为了让他一直醒着，我就捻他。一天妈妈发现了，给了我一记最无情的屁板。 

One evening, when Father was coming in from work, I was playing trains in the front garden.

I let on not to notice him; instead, I pretended to be talking to myself, and said in a loud voice:“If another bloody baby comes into this house, I’m going out.”

Father stopped dead and looked at me over his shoulder.

“What’s that you said?” he asked sternly.

“It was only talking to myself,” I replied, trying to conceal my panic. “It’s private>” 一天晚上，父亲下班回家，我正在屋前的花园里玩火车。我假装没看见他，自言自语大声说：“如果再有一个血污的娃娃跑进这房子，我就离家出走。” 
爸爸一下站住脚，肩膀上那颗脑袋往下看着我。 
“你说什么？”他厉声问。 
“我跟自己说话，”我回答，竭力掩饰着自己的惊慌，“这是私事。” 

He turned and went in without a word. Mind you, I intended it as a solemn warning, but its effect was quite different. Father started being quite nice to me. I could understand that, of course. Mother was quite sickening about Sonny. Even at mealtimes she’d get up and gawk at him in the cradle with an idiotic smile, and tell Father to do the same. He was always polite about it, but he looked so puzzled you could see he didn’t know what she was talking about. He complained of the way Sonny cried at night, but she only got cross and said that Sonny never cried except when there was something up with him---which was a flaming lie, because Sonny never had anything up with him, and only cried for attention. It was really painful to see how simpleminded she was. Father wasn’t attractive, but he had a fine intelligence. He saw through Sonny, and now he knew that I saw through him as well. 他转过身，一言不发走进屋子。请注意，在平时这是一个严重警告。然而结果出乎我意料之外。爸爸开始对我友好起来，我看得出。妈妈老是为索尼操心，甚至在吃饭的时候，她都会站起来，傻傻地凝视着摇篮里的小孩，脸上带着滑稽的微笑，还叫爸爸也像她那样。他总是出于礼貌遵命，但他表情迷茫，看得出他根本不明白她所说的话。他抱怨索尼夜里啼哭，可她只是划着十字说：“除非索尼有事，不然他不会平白无故哭闹。”这明显是个堂皇的谎言，因为从来就没有什么麻烦事发生在索尼身上，他的哭只不过是要引起别人注意罢了。看到她头脑这么简单，令人痛心。爸爸智商比她高，他看透了索尼。而现在，他同样体会到我也是把他看透了。 

One night I woke with a start. There was someone beside me in the bed. For one wild moment I felt sure it must be Mother, having come to her senses and left Father for good, but then I heard Sonny in convulsions in the next room, and Mother saying: “There! There! There!” and I knew it wasn’t she. It was Father. He was lying beside me, wide-awake, breathing hard and apparently as mad as hell. 一天夜里，我被惊醒：有人睡在我的身旁。狂喜的一刹那我认定是妈妈来了，她良心发现，把爸爸丢在一边。可是马上听到索尼在隔壁房间惊哭骚闹声，一个女人的声音：“哦，哦，哦！”我明白了，身边的人不是妈妈，是爸爸。他仰卧着，睁大眼睛，喘着粗气，几乎快发疯了。 

After a while it came to me what he was mad about. It was his turn now. After turning me out of the big bed, he had been turned out himself. Mother had no consideration now for anyone but that poisonous pup, Sonny. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Father. I had been through it all myself, and even at that age I was magnanimous. I began to stroke him down and say: “There! There!” He wasn’t exactly responsive.

“Aren’t you asleep either?” he snarled.

“Ah, come on and put your arm around us, can’t you?” I said, and he did, in a sort of way. Gingerly, I suppose, is how you’d describe it. He was very bony but better than nothing.

At Christmas he went out of his way to buy me a really nice model railway. 我明白了他为何恼火，现在轮到他。他把我赶出那张大床，结果却把自己也赶跑了。妈妈除了那个讨厌的狗崽子索尼之外，谁也不放在心上。我不禁可怜起爸爸，我是自己想通的，即使在那么小的年龄，我也仁慈宽厚。我安慰他，说：“哦，哦！”他一点反应也没有。 
“你不睡觉？”他低声道。 
“啊，来吧，搂着我，好吗？”我说。他照我说的做了，像你们常常形容的那样——“战战兢兢”。他瘦骨嶙峋，不过总比没有人抱要好些。 
圣诞节时，他竟然给我买一套非常非常精巧的玩具火车。