春节前，收到王峰老师赐寄的《唐诗英译集注、比录、鉴评与索引》，收录本人拙译《回乡偶书》，并多有褒奖。借此致谢素昧平生的王峰老师！

 

［译作评赏］

《回乡偶书》选译诗6首。

吕叔湘评翟理斯译文说：“诗人既是‘少小离家老大回’，儿女也必定已经壮年，不会是‘儿童’，而此诗之妙正在‘儿童’之相问，改为‘儿女’便索然寡味了……除这一点外，全诗都和原诗密合，而读起来仍是一首很好的诗。”

王红公以自由体译诗，但失之过于自由。“乡音无改鬓毛衰”原诗7字，译为“I think I remember the country dialect, / But my hair has turned white since I spoke of it”, 达17字之多，可见其拖沓冗长。“不相识”译为“Nobody understands me”（没人懂我），属明显的误译。但最后一行增加“Milord”这一诙谐味十足的呼语，倒使情景生动起来。威廉斯译诗运用“跨行连续”手法译为两句，其中“shyly”一词为原诗字面所无，行间不一定有，加了反而与原诗生动活泼的场景不协调，不如不加。孙大雨译诗中用了“stripling”和“trekker”等不太常见的词，“wherefrom”和“doth”等古雅词，译诗风格与原诗的口语化风格有所差别。王守义、诺弗尔译诗中全部字母小写，不加标点，似乎是在特意模仿美国现代派诗人肯明斯（e. e. cummings），第二行译诗改变了原诗的逻辑，译诗的重点不再是“鬓毛衰”，而是强调“乡音无改”，最后一句平直铺叙，失却了原诗的生动活泼。张智中译诗最后一句语法表达并不自然，却活生生将儿童笑时的稚嫩和天真融入其中，与诗人回乡时感慨年华飞逝的无奈形成鲜明对比。整首诗用词简单，风格却近似原诗。

 

（《唐诗英译集注、比录、鉴评与索引》；王峰、马琰编著；陕西人民出版社；2011年9月第1版；第120-121页。）

 

附：收入书中的六首译诗：

 

回乡偶书

贺知章

 

少小离家老大回，乡音无改鬓毛衰。

儿童相见不相识，笑问客从何处来。

 

［英译比录］

1. The Return

Bowed down with age I seek my native place,

Unchanged my speech, my hair is silvered now;

My very children do not know my face,

But smilingly ask, “O stranger, whence art thou?”

— Tr. Herbert A. Giles

 

2. Homecoming

I was a boy when I left home.

I come back an old man.

I think I remember the country dialect,

But my hair has turned white since I spoke it.

Children stare at me.

Nobody understands me.

They look at me and laugh, and say,

“Where do you come from, Milord?”

— Tr. Kenneth Rexroth

 

3. Homecoming

Returning after I left my home in childhood,

I have kept my native accent but not the color of my hair.

Facing the smiling children who shyly approach me,

I am asked from where I come.

— Tr. William Carlos Williams

 

4. Random Lines on Home-Coming

Parting from home a stripling still

And coming back old already,

I keep my local speech tongue unchanged,

With temple locks grizzled and scanty.

Village boys knowing me not at sight

As a wayfaring trekker,

Laughingly ask wherefrom doth hail

The elderly stranger.

— Tr. 孙大雨

 

5. a few lines after returning to my hometown — he zhizhang

left home a child and came back an old old man

my hair has turned gray but my accent is the same

kids in the village did not know me when we met

said where did the guest come from with the funny smile

— Tr. 王守义、约翰·诺弗尔

 

6. Returning Home

I left my home young and return old;

Though hair gray, unchanged is my accent.

I’m a stranger to the children here:

Beaming, they ask me I am from where.

— Tr. 张智中

 

 

另附：笔者收集到的其它22种英译：

 

Casually Written after Returning Home

 

I left home young

  And am now old when I’ve come back.

My local accent remains the same,

  But my temple hair has become sparse.

When children saw me, they didn’t know me

  For the while,

But asked me where I was from,

  In smiles.

— Tr. 唐一鹤

 

 

The Return of the Native

 

I left home when I was young,

and returned home when I was old.

My accent has not changed so long,

but my temple hair was covered with white mold.

Children who saw me

could not recognize me.

“Where you come from, Sir?”

Smilingly they asked me.

— Tr. 张炳星

 

 

Lines on Returning Home

 

Young, I left home,

and I am coming back, an old man,

my dialect unchanged,

my temples silver-streaked.

 

Here, none of the children

recognizes me, asking

amidst their laughter, “Where

do you come from, sir?”

— Tr. 裘小龙

 

 

Written on Return Home

 

A youngster when I left, and now

grown old I return; still with

my country dialect, but with hair

thinning; none of the children

know me, and they laughingly ask,

“Traveller, where do you come from?”

— Tr. Rewi Alley

 

 

Written Impromptu upon Returning to My Hometown

                   Ho Chih-chang (659—744)

I left home as a youth and am returning an old man —

The sounds of my hometown have not changed,

yet the hair on my temples is receding;

The children look at me but do not recognize me —

Laughing, they ask, “Guest, where have you come from?”

— Tr. Victor H. Mair

 

 

I left home young, I return old,

Speaking as then, but with hair grown thin;

And my children, meeting me, do not know me.

They smile and say: “Stranger, where do you come from?”

— Tr. Witter Bynner

 

 

Impromptu Lines Composed upon Returning to My Native Place

 

To leave home very young and to return very old,

With accent unchanged, but hair grown thin.

They see but know me not,

The smiling children who inquire:

“And from where do you come, Honored Guest?”

— Tr. 张庭琛

 

 

Casual Compositions on Homecoming

 

I left home young and small, but came back old and grown,

My native accent never changed, but sideburns a fading gray.

Kids met me, but no recognition shown,

And asked me smiling where’s my home.

— Tr. 任治稷、余正

 

 

Jotted while Returning Home

 

Young I left home and senile I return today,

My accent is unchanged but my hair becomes gray,

A crowd of children meet me but don’t know my name,

With smiling faces they all ask me where I came.

— Tr. 杨纪鹤

 

 

Homebound Lines

 

I left home young but I’ve returned an old man,

My accent is the same, my hair has turned grey.

The kids are amazed to meet this stranger here,

“Where do you come from?” with a smile they say!

— Tr. 黄新渠

 

 

Homecoming

 

I left home quite young. I come back home very old.

My accent remains the same, but my hair turn gray.

Kids don’t know me when one another we behold.

“Where d’you come from?” with a smile to me they say.

— Tr. 刘重德

 

 

The Return of the Native

 

When I was young I left home; now an old man I return.

Though my accent is unchanged, my temple hairs thinner turn.

We don’t know each other, I and the kids I chance to meet.

They ask me to tell them where I come from with a smile sweet.

— Tr. 王玉书

 

 

Random Lines on My Return to Hometown

 

I left at tender age, and now return when old and decay’d.

My accent still remains unchang’d, my hair’s been totally grey’d.

The native children, in whose eyes I am a stranger entire,

Politely smile on meeting me: “Where comest thou?” they inquire.

— Tr. 卓振英

 

 

On Homecoming

 

I left home young and now return when I am old;

Not in my speech but thin hair my change would be told.

Boys meet but know me not. They look at me awhile;

“Stranger, where are you from?” they ask me with a smile.

— Tr. 王大濂

 

 

Random Homecoming Writings

 

I left home a child; I came back a full-grown man.

The local accents I’ve retained, but my temples are grey.

The children saw me — they knew not who I am.

Smiling, they asked: Where did you come from, trav’ler?

— Tr. 龚景浩

 

 

Written Off-hand upon Returning Home

 

I left young, and now old, I’m returning home.

Native accent retained, my temples hoary become.

The kids I meet at the door know me not, and ask

With a smile: “Grandpa, from where do you come?”

— Tr. 陈君朴

 

 

On Returning Home

 

Young I departed from home old in return,

My hair grays but my accent does remain.

For a stranger the children surely have taken,

“From where do you come?” they ask in grin.

— Tr. 刘军平

 

 

Homecoming

 

I left home when young, now returned, I become old,

My accent as before, yet thin and grey grows my hair.

The children recognize me not when me they behold,

And inquire from where have I come, from where?

— Tr. 万昌盛、王涧中

 

 

On Returning Home

 

When a mere child I left home and returned a man quite old,

Though I’m white-haired my local accent is of the old mold.

A stranger like me my village kids do not recognize,

“Where is our guest from?” they asked, in smiling surprise.

— Tr. 邢全臣

 

 

A Casual Homecoming Song

 

I left home when I was a lad;

  Now old, and home’s again in sight.

I have my native tongue as I had,

  But my temple hair is sparse and white.

Confronted by the children small,

  I am a stranger to the place.

“And where do you come from at all?”

  One asks with a brightly smiling face.

— Tr. 吴钧陶

 

 

Version I

Homecoming

 

Old, I return to the homeland I left while young,

Thinner has grown my hair, though I speak the same tongue.

My children, whom I meet, do not know who am I.

“Where are you from, dear sir?” they ask with beaming eye.

— Tr. 许渊冲

 

 

Version II

Home-Coming

 

I left home young and not till old do I come back,

Unchanged my accent, my hair no longer black.

My children whom I meet do not know who am I.

“Where do you come from, sir?” they ask with beaming eye.

— Tr. 许渊冲