By Susan Silk and Barry Goldman

①When Susan had breast cancer（乳腺癌）, we heard a lot of lame（无说服力的） remarks（评论）, but our favorite（幸运儿，但在本文中有贬义的意味）came from one ofSusan's colleagues. ②She wanted, sheneeded, to visit Susan after the surgery, but Susan didn't feel like havingvisitors, and she said so. ③Her colleague's response? "Thisisn't just about you."

① When Susan had breast cancer, we heard a lot of lame remarks,but our favorite（具有贬义的意味，说明苏珊的一个同事的说法是一个最无力的评论） came from one of Susan's colleagues. 开头用事例引出话题，吸引读者兴趣。

② She wanted,she needed（用want和need表达了苏珊同事的强烈意向）, to visit Susan after the surgery, but（表示转折） Susan didn't feel like having visitors,and she said so.

③ Her colleague's response? （用问号引起读者注意，并表达了苏珊同事的回复很令人吃惊） "This isn't just about you."

①"It's not?" Susan wondered."My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?"

①"It's not?" Susan wondered. "My breast cancer is not about me? It's about you?" 这一小段中连用了三个问号，表达了对同事说的话感到的惊讶，三个问句有强调的作业，这一段同时呼应了上一段中苏珊同事的说法。

①The same theme（话题）came up again when our friend Katie hada brain aneurysm（动脉瘤）. She was in intensive care（重病特别护理）for a long time andfinally got out and into a step-down unit（观察病房）. She was no longercovered with tubes（导管）and lines and monitors（监控器）, but she was still in rough shape（状态很差）. A friend came andsaw her and then stepped into the hall with Katie's husband, Pat. ②"I wasn't prepared for this,"she told him. "I don't know if I can handle it."

①    列举了另外一个说话让人不舒服的例子。

②    "I wasn't prepared for this," shetold him. "I don't know if I can handle it." 用直接引语的方式指出了卡蒂朋友说的话，更有说服力，更直观（让大家看到她的话很不适合说给卡蒂的老公）。

①This woman loves Katie, and she saidwhat she did because the sight of Katie in this condition moved her so deeply. ②But it was the wrong thing to say. ③ And it was wrong in thesame way Susan's colleague's remark was wrong.

①This woman loves Katie, and she said what she did（宾语从句）because（引导原因状语从句）the sight of Katie in this condition movedher so deeply. 承接上文内容，接着指出卡蒂朋友说那些话的原因

②But it was the wrong thing to say. 用一个But指出了卡蒂朋友做法的错误。

③And it was wrong in the same way Susan'scolleague's remark was wrong. And与上一句并列，说明了苏珊同事的做法也是错误的，呼应了第一段第二段的内容。

Susan has sincedeveloped a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for allkinds of crises（危机）: medical, legal,financial, romantic, even existential（存在主义的）. She calls it theRing Theory.

这一段起到承上启下的作用。

Draw a circle. Thisis the center ring. In it, put the nameof the person at the center of the current trauma（创伤，外伤）. For Katie'saneurysm, that's Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In thatring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case ofKatie's aneurysm, that was Katie's husband, Pat. Repeat the process as manytimes as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parentsand children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends（知己）in smaller rings,less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching（抱怨）Order. One of Susan'spatients found it useful to tape it to her refrigerator（冰箱，冷藏库）.

这一段指出苏珊研究出的避免说错话的具体方式是画一个圆圈，并写上受到创伤的人，然后不断的在外层花圈，并写出与自己亲近的人，随着圈越来越往外，亲近关系也越来越远。

Here are the rules.The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. ①She can kvetch（发牢骚）and complain and whine（哭诉，抱怨）and moan（悲叹，抱怨，呻吟）and curse the heavens（诅咒上帝）and say, "Lifeis unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff（好处）for being in the center ring.

①She can kvetch and complain and whineand moan and curse the heavens andsay, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" 这个句子中涉及到了四个关于抱怨，发牢骚，咒骂这样的单词，语气是递增的。

Everyone else cansay those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

承上启下的段落。

①When you are talking to a person in aring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goalis to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. ②But if you're going to open your mouth,ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort andsupport. If it isn't, don't say it.

① When（时间状语从句）you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone（前面用a person, 后面用someone,用词不会重复）closer to the center of the crisis（同位语）, the goal is to help. 具体说明对于跟你亲近程度不同的人，该怎么做。

② But（转折） if you're going to open your mouth, askyourself if what you areabout to say is likely to provide comfort and support（宾语从句）.

①Don't, for example, give advice. People who aresuffering from trauma don't need advice. They need comfort and support. So say,"I'm sorry" or "This must really be hard for you" or"Can I bring you a pot roast（炖熟的肉）?" Don't say,"You should hear what happened to me" or "Here's what I would doif I were you." And don't say, "This is really bringing me down（让我消沉）."

①Don't, forexample（插入语）, give advice. 本段的主旨句，强调不要做什么。

①If you want to scream or cry orcomplain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky（讨厌的，令人作呕的）you feel, or whine about（发牢骚）how it reminds youof all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine. It'sa perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

① If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tellsomeone how shocked you are orhow icky you feel, or（并列连词）whine about how it reminds you of all theterrible things that have happened to you lately（前面的这个长句子是两个条件状语从句）, that's fine.

Comfort IN, dumpOUT.

①There was nothing wrong with Katie'sfriend saying she was not prepared for how horrible Katie looked, or even thatshe didn't think she could handle it. ②The mistake was that she said thosethings to Pat. She dumped IN.

① There was nothing wrong with Katie's friend saying（there be…doing）she was not prepared for how horribleKatie looked, or（并列连词）even that she didn't think she could handle it（宾语从句）. 再一次举出卡蒂的例子来说明为什么卡蒂的朋友做错了。

② The mistake was that she said those things to Pat. She dumpedIN（强调）. 具体指出卡蒂的朋友哪里做错了。

①Complaining to someone in a smaller ringthan yours doesn't do either of you any good. ②On the other hand, being supportive（支持的，鼓励的）to her principal（最重要的）caregiver（照顾者）may be the bestthing you can do for the patient.

① Complaining to someone in a smaller ring than yours（后置定语）doesn't do either of you any good.

② On the other hand（另一方面）, being supportive to her principalcaregiver may be the best thing you can do for the patient（定语从句）.

①Most of us know this. Almost nobodywould complain to the patient about how rotten（虚弱的）she looks. Almost noone would say that looking at her makes them think of the fragility（脆弱）of life and theirown closeness to death. In other words, we know enough not to dump into thecenter ring. ②Ring Theory merelyexpands that intuition（直觉）and makes it more concrete（具体的）: Don't just avoiddumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than yourown.

①    第一句引起读者注意，读者会想大多数人知道什么呢？吸引读者继续往下看。

②    具体说明了Ring Theory这一理论。

①Remember, you can say whatever you wantif you just wait until you're talking to someone in a larger ring than yours.

①Remember（强调作用）, you can say whatever you want（宾语从句） if you just wait（条件状语从句） until you're talking to someone in a larger ring thanyours（时间状语从句）.

And don't worry.You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on（指望，依靠）that.