本文三篇作文的作者是另外一名11岁的孩子，他参加了2012年有氧读写北外校区寒假集训班（30课时，10次课），并正在参加该课程的第二期（完成了四次课）。他现在的表现虽然不是最优秀的，但却是进步显著的学生之一。这里选取了他在课程不同时期的叙事文作品，完全是孩子的原文，所以可能有一些错误，但不管怎样，我们能从中体会和分享他的进步。

The Magic Thing （第一期第一篇叙事文第一稿）

 Bill's house is on the King Sreet. It only have two floor, the frist floor is the place he live. the second floor is the attic. there is a small green box at the attic ,it isn't a nomal box, it's a migic box.
 It was a snowy day. Bill was walking on the street. Suddenly, he saw a small green box was laying on the street some crystal were on the box. It is made of jade. Bill stood there for many times, but no one came to take it back. So Bill took it up and back to home. When Bill came back, he put it down on the table and then went to zhe bathroom. Suddendly, Bill found he couldn't close his mouth, he couldn't see himself in the mirror! Bill was very afraid, but he couldn't do anything. About 1hour after, he can saw himself again. Bill understood if you touch the box ,you will be disappear for an hour. Now, Bill use it to catch the thief ,the thief can't seeBill, but Bill can see them. And Bill "ll keep the the secret of the box forever.

The Magic Thing （第一期第一篇叙事文第三稿）

【从第一稿到第三稿，我都没有评改，而是带着他们基于故事读本分析写作手法，让孩子们自我评改和相互评改。所以，这一稿完全是孩子通过内化课堂所学自主达到的水平。】

Do you believe that a mirror can make people vanish? Do you believe that a box can make people have super-power -- wall surgery? Maybe don't, first I don't believe it too, but a out of the experience change my view forever...
It was a cold day. I and my best friend Bill were walking on the way to my house. "Today is the coldest day I ever seen." he complain. Just then, we saw an old man was setting on the ground. He looked like a beggar. Suddenly he spoke to our! "I've been waiting for you for a long time, kids." he said in a weak voice. "Who are you, how do you know who we are?" Bill asked him." This is not the focus. " the old man said. Then he stood up and took out a small green box and a mirror." These are for you, plase keep the secret of them." said the old man. I was very scared when the old man talk to me. His voice was like from far away. " Now, my mission accomplished. Bye children! Plase keep the secret of them!" " Wait!" Bill cried. "Who are you? What's the secret?" we all shouted. But it was too late. the old man... vanished. He only remained the box and the mirror. Bill was very afraid, He fear and trembling. In the end, we took the mirror and the box back to home. I took the mirror and Bill took the box. We appointed meet again next day. I took the mirror and back to home quickly. I put the box on the table and then went to the bathroom. Suddenly, I found my mouth could not be close. I could not find myself in the mirror! I was very afraid. "Will I vanish forever?" I said to myself. However, an hour later, I could see myself again. "That is really cool!" I said. Form that time, I known the secret of the mirror -- If you touch the button, you will be vanish for an hour.  Later that day...
  " Guess what!" said Bill. " I found the secret of the box! it can make people have super-power -- wall surgery! What about you?" Bill cried." well, I found the secret of the mirror too!" I said excitedly "If you touch the button, you will be vanish for an hour." "It all have magic, unbelievable!" Bill said excitedly too." That's not all" said Bill then he put his hand into a pocket of his jacket, and took out a piece of small paper. On it was the words: Hi kid, if you see this paper you must already known the secret of this box . now, put the mirror on the ground. and then put the mirror on it ,you will discover a whole new would. Go to explore it children! "what do you think about it?" said Bill." Shall we go to explore it?" " Of cause !" I said . "Let us make a team called F.B to explore the new Would !" So, I and Bill made a pact, we'll keep the secret of the box, mirror and the new would forever...

A Wild Ride （第二期第一篇叙事文第二稿）

It was a rainy day. The micro-friends went on a wild ride. But their raft hit the fence of a pond and broke. Cat, Max and Tiger jumped on the ground. But Ant didn't. He was trapped on a island in the pond. And there was something dark and shadowy in the water. What was that?
"Now, what shall we do?" asked Cat. "We need a raft... Wait! What is that?" Tiger pointed to the big shadow."I don't know, maybe it's a big fish." said Ant. Suddenly, the shadow surfaced, it was a piece of wood! "I have an idea, "cried Ant. "I can use the wood to climb to the other side!" "But that is too danger, can you do it?" asked Max. "Don't worry, I will have a try." said Ant. Ant took a deep breath and started to run. When he got to the edge of the island, he jumped onto the wood. "AAAgh!" yelled Ant. "I can't see." said Cat. Fortunately, Ant successfully jumped on the wood with a huge SPLASH. "Great, you did it!" shouted Tiger. "Everybody, don't get too excited." said Max. Soon, Ant began to climb onto the wood, everyone held their breath. Ant was very scared and said, "I can do it! I can do it.” Then he carefully climbed along the wood and jumped onto the ground. "Phew, Phew." gasped Ant. "Well done! You did it!" yelled Cat. "Now, we must end our wild ride." said Max. Then the micro-friend turned the dials of their watches and soon became full sized and went back home. When Max went back home, his mother was very angry with him because he got wet. His mother gave him a big punishment -- he must clean all the rooms in the house!