找个靠谱的方向努力：剑桥雅思真题13 大作文解析

 剑桥雅思真题13-Test 1- Writing Task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems.

To what extent do you agree or disagree wit this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

 考官评语

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 6.5 sore. Here is the examiner’s comment：

The candidate deals with both parts of the prompt and addresses some social and practical problems that might be experienced in a foreign language environment. Ideas are supported by examples, though there is room for further development here. Organization is logical and there is clear progression throughout the response. Cohesive devices are used appropriately [Another problem/For example/Therefore/That means... / The second ... problem/ To summarize]. There is a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision and to demonstrate awareness of style and collocation [language barrier/ linked to/ influence the behaviour/ offend / misunderstanding/ misconceptions]. There is a mix of simple and complex sentence forms including subordinate clauses [which means that/ a person who], modal verbs [should/ might/ would] and gerunds [finding a job]. Grammatical control is generally good as is the use of punctuation, although the first sentence in the second paragraph is incomplete. 

考生作文

It is clear that living in a foreign country has its own benefits and drawbacks to consider. I agree with this statement, however, I think that anybody coming in another country should respect national culture. In this essay, I would like to outline the social and practical problems.

The social problems would be language barrier, which means that a person coming from another country might not be able to speak and understand the language which might be a problem as far a person who is living in a country, and a person who came in the country. Another problem is linked to the language barrier, but it might influence the behaviour of others. An individual who come into the country might offend others with their behaviour or language. For example, some cultures like English people prefer to be very polite and say things differently from other cultures. Therefore, a person who doesn’t know how to behave in a particular culture might offend others around him. 

The practical problems would be misunderstanding of culture. That means that a person who visits other countries does not understand other culture and he behaves as he wants to.

The second practical problem is finding a job. An individual who works in foreign country might not be appropriate for people who he serves. For example is an individual works in a restaurant, the people who live in a country and they were born in that country might not respect and not like the behaviour of a person who works in a restaurant, it might be because, the cultures are different. 

To summarize, it can be said that there are a lot of misconceptions which people have when they come in a foreign country, and in my opinion and from my personal experience people should educate themselves in order to know how to behave in different situations with different cultures. （316words）

剑桥雅思真题13-Test 2- Writing Task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

考官评语

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.0 sore. Here is the examiner’s comment：

The candidate explains why s/he both agree or disagree with the statement, meeting the requirements of ‘To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?’ S/he singles out two areas of disagreement(food and jobs) and provides clear examples to support these opinions, then goes on to identify an area of agreement(TV channels), again providing support and then some development of the example. Organisation is logical and there is clear progression throughout the writing. There is a range of cohesive devices, used appropriately [Take for example/ Actually/Therefore/ Naturally/ However/ This specific area /From this point of view/ In conclusion]. The range of vocabulary is sufficient to show some flexibility and precision, as well as less common items and an awareness of style and collocation [ Complex/list of favorites/ fits... my abilities/ specific area/ many available channels]. There is only one spelling error [beome], probably a slip of the pen. Control over grammar and punctuation is generally good and there is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences.

考生作文

The answer is complex since there are a lot of choices in our life and all of them are different kinds. In some cases I would say that it is a good thing to have the ability to choose from a wide variety. Take for example gastronomy. Every single person has different meals on their list of favourites. Actually if you have a bigger family it is almost impossible to cook something that everyone would like. Therefore I would say that it is great that you can go to a shopping center and choose from a dozen different food types. I can always find something that looks delicious.

Naturally, there are some people who say that it is against evolution. They claim to say that back in the old days we had a perfect life when technically everybody was farming. I personally disagree with that. I am happy that I could choose a job that fits best to my abilities. I mean no one is the same, why would we want to do the same? Different kinds of universities give us the opportunity to become who we are meant to be. We have the right to choose. 

However, there is one topic where, according to my opinion, we have too many choices. This is specific area is television. There are hundreds of channels, therefore you can always find something that is worth watching. Literally you could sit in your sofa the whole day and watch films. I think that people doing less outdoor activities are the results of the many available channels. From this point of view I would agree that we have too many choices.

In conclusion I would say that we can’t generally talk about choices since they could be different. In some cases it is good to have many of them while in other areas they could have a negative effect. （316words）

总结

一、对比了6.5和7分作文的评语之后可以归结出考官主要考察以下7个方面的技能：

1- 是否回答了问题，作文是否扣题。问A 回答了A，不是问A回答B）

2- 观点是否充分展开且支持[idea + support (explanation+details)]

3- 文章机构方面逻辑合理且层层展开

4- 语言连贯技能，即Coherence and cohesion-考生是否能够使用不同方法使语意连贯和句子衔接，而且使用恰当。

5- 词汇是否多样（同义词替换），是否有低频词汇 （比如重要除了常用的essential ,还有pivotal）

6- 学术写作的文风问题，即Style。雅思写作要求academic writing style

7- 语法的准确性（error free sentences）和标点符号的正确使用（分号，冒号，逗号等）

8- 复杂句子的驾驭能力。 

二、根据评语对比两份作文之后可以发现，7分作文有以下特征：

1- 7分考生考生能够设立具体语境，且观点展开的更充分。‘singles out two areas of disagreement(food and jobs) and provides clear examples to support these opinions’。

2- 7分用词更准确，且同义替换多（ the range of vocabulary is sufficient to show some flexibility and precision）。

3- 除了第2点之外，7分考生还使用了低频词汇（less common items）。

4- 语意和句子连贯方面（Coherence and cohesion ），7分考生使用语意衔接能力更强。考官总结了7分的手法‘ [Take for example/ Actually/Therefore/ Naturally/ However/ This specific area /From this point of view/ In conclusion].’ 对比6.5的手法‘[Another problem/For example/Therefore/That means... / The second ... problem/ To summarize]. ’可以看出7分考生的衔接工具更多也更高级一些，比如：This specific area/ from this point of view。

5- 7分的文风更到位,词汇搭配更地道（awareness of style and collocation [complex]）。

6- 语法几乎没有错误。‘There is only one spelling error [beome]’；‘Control over grammar and punctuation is generally good and there is a variety of complex structures with frequent error-free sentences. ’

7- 有趣的是两份作文的字数都是大约320字。

最后，不论你在写作的那个阶段，考官评语总结是写作中最靠谱的方向：学术写作101。废了模板，废了传言，认真学习学术写作吧。