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​当我失恋的消息传出国门，走向世界

我和我很多外国朋友们说了我失恋分手的事 几个国家的人...性格迥异 我选取了一些狗血的

中文版在文章的后半部分 不想看洋文的同志直接到后面

中间是个人感言（吐槽之前一定要看中间的红字部分啊）

那么...开始吧 我带各位一起领略一下各种洋鸭子的风采

以下是他们血淋淋、赤裸裸、傻逼逼、情深深雨蒙蒙的反应...

 

Sean. B (United States of America) 尼玛名字缩写都是SB

Lu: Hey man, I broke up with my girl.

Sean: Holy shit! That German bitch?!

Lu: Ehh...no, my girlfriend.

Sean: Oh man, I told you she's going to leave you for that Brazilian guy!

Lu: R...right...thanks man.

Sean: It's ok buddy, you still got us.

Lu: =。= （何止是愚蠢，简直是愚蠢）

 

 

 

Dakota. P (United States of America)

 

Lu: Hey, I broke up with my girlfriend days ago.

Dakota: What?

Dakota: You kidding!

Dakota: No way! You serious?!

Dakota: Gosh! I thought you was going to mary her!

(Lu输入中)

Dakota: My god...that's sad bro!

Dakota: Well, cheer up dude!

(Lu输入中)

Dakota: Gotta go, cheer up man! See ya.

Lu: Bye...

 

 

 

何杰生 (United States of America) 美籍华人，港母台父 

 

陆：在干吗？

何：幹？沒在吖。

陆：不是...你在做什么？

何：我剛剛和家人從靶場回來，一會兒洗澡去mall啦。家中泡麵食晒啦。

陆：哦...唉，我还是和她分手了。

何：你是再說黃嗎，好可惜。莫太難過了啦，女仔多啦。感情不是生活的主调啦。

陆：谢谢哥们，我蛮又来美国了。

何：“蠻又”點解啊？

陆：你说什么？

何：“蠻又”點解啊？

陆：算了，你去忙吧，拜拜！

何：再會！（是你文盲还是我没文化...真可怕）

 

 

 

Ethan. R (United States of America)

 

Lu: Hey, what's up.

Ethan: Not much dude, s'up.

Lu: Nah...just wanna see how you doing.

Ethan: Good, pretty good actually, I broke up with Kate days ago. （这尼玛叫蛮好？！）

Lu: No shit! Seriously?! I broke up with mine too!

Ethan: You did?! Oh, I'm sorry. Well get over with it bro.

Lu: Yeah, easy for you to say...

Ethan: Easy for me to do actually, I bam-bamed a hot ass after Kate left me. （卧槽...禽兽）

Lu: You lucky dog...

Ethan: Well, that's Ethan...lol...come to the States bro! Lots of HPOA here. （Lu笑了）

Lu: Yeah, I'll be there for them...

 

 

 

Kate. H (United States of America) （上面那哥们的前女友）

 

Lu: Katty, heard you broke up with Ethan...what a pity, I'm sorry.

Kate: Thanks Lu! He's an asshole you know that right?

Lu: I ehhh...

Kate: He just didn't care! Ran off with that bitch friend of his. That slut!!

Lu: He told me you left him!

Kate: Oh that's bullshit!! I'm gonna have a word with that jackass.

Lu: A...all right, just don't set me up.

Kate: You got it Lu.

（孽缘 分手之后，各自说着各自的故事 版本不同而已 你尽管说好了...我不会说你一句坏话 另外...如果你两个好朋友分手了 你绝对尴尬！）

 

 

 

Klaus. M (Germany) 帅哥一枚

 

Klaus: Hallo Lu, how are you?

Lu: Not good...lost my girlfriend.

Klaus: What? When?!

Lu: Well, it was last night, terrible...

Klaus: OMG!! Did she wrecked her car? How did she die?!

Lu: wha 

Lu: What the fuck are you talking about...

Klaus: You said you lost her! How did she die?!

Lu: Oh...I mean...well, I meant I broke up with her.

Klaus: !! Fuck you dude!!

Lu: >< （你个傻逼...）

 

 

 

Megan. K (United States of America) 这是美女啊...据说有D啊...

 

Megan: Hey! Haven't seen you around for a while, how are you?

Lu: Yeah...I was kinda busy...Well, I'm in a bad shape...

Megan: What happened?

Lu: Well, it's okay.

Megan: Come on, tell me about it.

Lu: Well, I broke up with my girlfriend...

Megan: Oh no...how long have you been together.

Lu: 845 days...

Megan: Wow did you count?! I'm so sorry Lu.

Lu: It's okay, don't worry too much.

Megan: Ohhhh...you know we'll always love you.

Lu: Oh that's sweet, thanks!

Megan: Just come to me when you need me okay? (Lu又笑了)

Lu: Right, thanks.

Megan: No problem Lu.

 

 

 

Chris. C (United States of America)

 

Chris: S'up.

Lu: Not much, broke up with my grilfriend.

(Chris已经离线，Chris可能无法及时回复你的留言)

Lu: Ass...

(Chris已经离线，Chris可能无法及时回复你的留言)

 

 

 

Marvin. J (United States of America)

 

Marvin: Hi Lu.

Lu: Hi Marv, what's going on.

Marvin: Nothing, basicly, reading some cheap comments on Obama. You?

Lu: Oh...I broke up with my girlfriend and it broke my heart.

Marvin: No! You didn't!

Lu: Yes I did.

Marvin: No you didn't!

Lu: I did!

Marvin: Nope! You did not.

Lu: I did too!

Marvin: No!

Lu: Yes!

Marvin: You did not!

Lu: Fuck you man!

Marvin: lol, there you go, feel better about your break-up?

Lu: Wow...hell yeah...

Marvin: I'll see you around bro. （果然是我的心理学助教...）

 

 

 

Jerome. T (United States of America) 老黑！

 

Jerome: S'up daug.

Lu: Not much...

Jerome: What's wrong with yo?

Lu: Nothing! I broke up with me girlfriend.

Jerome: Damn! Yo gotta be pissed!

Lu: Yeah, a little.

Jerome: Yo should blew her fucking head off! （真心凶残啊...）

Lu: J, there are no guns in China.

Jerome: Damn I remember. No need to be sad bro, yo still have us.

Lu: Ok, thanks J.

Jerome: Should that bitch ever come to town, I'll do her and shoot her! Ain't a prob.

Lu: Wow! Cool off man! I'll be fine. I know you daugs are true bros and I appreciate yo'all.

Jerome: Cool, later bro.

Lu: Later. （一起混过的就是不一样）

 

 

 

Craig. D (United States of America)

 

Craig: Hey Lu, Sean told me about the break-up. You okay?

Lu: Yeah, still can't get over it.

Craig: You ever fucked her?

Lu: ...yeah...what gives?

Craig: you're ok man. Just forget about it and move on. （纯爷们儿...）

 

 

 

俞海琳 (S. Korea)

 

陆: Hey Hye-rin, how you doing?

俞: 你好！我恨好，你？

陆: Lol, good Chinese sister! All right. 我和女友分手了

俞: 哦。这糟糕死了。你什不什恨难佛？

陆: Great Chinese Hye-rin but let's just talk English...

俞: Ok! I tried my best to learn Chinese, it's hard.

陆: Yeah, I'll never understand Korean.

 

Jane. F (Great Britain) （我留英时期和她很好 那时候天总是蓝，日子总过的太慢，语言总不通...她是西班牙人，跟爸妈移民英国的 那个时候我和她都是初到英国，都很艰难 然而我天资聪慧，英语比她好 帮她很多 我回国之后一直没联系 后来联系上了，卧槽这活脱脱一大美女啊！最重要的是她还记得我啊！我们约了后面在美国见个面 我脸都红了 咳咳...回正题）

 

Lu: Hello Jane.

Jane: Hello, Lu, how do you do.

Lu: Not good, really.

Jane: What happened?

Lu: Well, I broke up with my girlfriend.

Jane: Dear Lord! I'm so sorry to hear this.

Lu: It's okay. I'll be fine. How are you?

Jane: Good. Good. We are leaving for London soon.

Lu: Why? University?

Jane: Yes.

Lu: Oh...safe trip. I'll meet you in the US some day.

Jane: Yes, see you in America. I do miss you.（脸红）

Lu: Miss you too. Good luck.

Jane: Good luck to you too.

（事后一次聊天中得知，她蛮要结婚了啊！！坑爹啊！！西班牙人怎么这样啊！！才多大就结啊！！她是不是要带她老公和一群小孩儿一起去美国meet我啊！！我情何以堪啊！！！）

 

 

 

Edward. S (Great Britain)

 

Edward: Morning! Or shall I say good evening.

Lu: Top of the morning to you sir.

Edward: Glad to see you online, how do you do?

Lu: Terrible, terrible, I broke up with my girlfriend.

Edward: Good Lord! What a gloomy news I've heard!

Lu: Yes, I feel awful.

Edward: I'm terribly sorry. What a loss for the young lady after all. （喂！你丫应该安慰我啊！BRITS！）

Lu: Indeed...

Edward: Keep your head high my dear friend! You have a life to live!.

Lu: Thank you sir. I just hope she'll break her fingers! ^^ Just joking.

Edward: Do not be rude! （典型的英国绅士，人大概五十出头 是我留英时期的校长 但于我更像朋友）

Lu: I'm sorry sir.

 

 

 

Paville. C (France) 法式花心大萝卜一个！

 

Lu: Good day Pav, what's up.

Paville: Not much, I heard you had a break-up.

Lu: Yeah...sadly.

Paville: Did you get over?

Lu: get over what?

Paville: The emotional pain. （装什么逼啊...emotional个蛋啊...）

Lu: ...nope, not yet.

Paville: Listen, you lose a woman then you get another woman. It's no big deal. The end is only the beginning of another period of romance. There are people love you more than you know! You will find your true love some day. And believe me that day will come!

Lu: That's soothing Pav, thanks a lot. （八戒、沙师弟 赶紧把师傅绑起来喂妖精）

Paville: Certainly.

 

 

 

Jacob. V (United States of America) 彻头彻尾的一流氓！

 

Lu: Jake, I lost my girlfriend.

Jacob: You guys broke up?

Lu: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Jacob: I told ya this won't last forever.

Lu: Geeeez, thanks this really helps a lot.

Jacob: Forget that bitch, you know what I'm saying? There are way more hot tits around. （少儿不宜...）

Lu: Well, I sure will. But I don't know how long it takes!

Jacob: Forget about her, don't get shit faced because some Chinese girls. You know what I'm saying?

Lu: Jake, I'm Chinese.

Jacob: Hell yeah bro! Call me when you get back in the States, I'll hook you up. You know what I'm saying?

Lu: I sure will bro. Get one for me.

Jacob: No prob man! Peace!

Lu: Take care bro. Peace! （看到这里，出国党门的男同志想必一定跟我一样，摩拳擦掌了吧）

 

 

 

DeFaccono. S (Italy) 意大利的智商哥哥 虽然很帅，却坚持认为北美洲南边是非洲...你们意大利人不是入侵过非洲嘛 你这话让人家南美洲情何以堪啊？！

 

Lu: Hey, I broke up with girlfriend. It's awful.

DeFaccono: Oh! Then what about your kids?!

Lu: What the fuck are you talking about...（time and time again，傻逼出现）

DeFaccono: Your Children! Who will take care of your Children?! You? She?

Lu: Dude! We are not maried!!

DeFaccono: You can still have kids. What are you going to do?!

Lu: You know what? Never mind!

Defaccono: You are just so loveless at all. （这是什么语法？！意大利语吗？）

Lu: Fuck off...

 

 

 

陆国宾 (China) 我阿玛...

 

阿玛: 怎么了？

大阿哥: 以后别担心了，我和她分了。

阿玛: 那个小女孩儿？

大阿哥: 嗯，对。唉...前几天闹矛盾，后面就分了，真是...唉...

阿玛: 哦，家里还有菜吗？（&!@Y*#&! 阿玛果然一如既往地淡定）

 

http://fmn.rrfmn.com/fmn048/20110510/0440/b_large_UjyC_5491000becf85c6f.jpg

 

 

 

 

I was like...lol.

 

对于其他人来说：

羊 （1995.6.16～？）

对于我来说：

羊 （2005.11.23～2011.5.3）

 

罢了 我想和大家一样，释然一笑

 

 

 

来源网络：陆冠宇 Lubert

 

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