题目要求：假设你是新华中学的学生李华，父母答应你今年高三毕业后去英国作10天观光旅游。请你给英国网友TOM写封电子邮件，咨询以下事情：

1、不随旅游团的食宿、交通等问题。2、必看景点与时间安排。3、邀请他到中国观光。

格式如下：

Dear Tom,

How's everything going? _____________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________

I'm looking forward to your early reply.

                                                Yours,

                                                 Li Hua

“好了，辉哥，我是暑假班七月初的那个班次里的山东淄博娃，嘿嘿，劳烦你改作文咯，一定要帮我点石成金啊！闲话少说，我的大作如下：”

学生作品：

Dear Tom,

How's everything going? I'm allowed to go out for a 10-day visit to England after my college entrance examination by my parents. Now, I'm writing to ask you to do me a favor by telling me something of vital use in advance.

Here are several questions related to my journey. For one thing, could you tell me, if I don't attend the local touristry, the information about my board and lodging and the traffic situation of England? For another, I can't wait to be acquainted with the must-see tourist attraction? Meanwhile, if it doesn't trouble you, could you please help me arrange the time properly so that I can completely enjoy myself then? I shall thank you if you will kindly let me have one or two letters of introduction to England as I'm an entire stranger there.

In return, it would be my great honor and pleasure if you could come to China as my guest. I believe I could be a distinguished guide!

I'm looking forward to your early reply.

                                                                                                     Yours,

                                                                                                                    Li Hua

“好了，辉哥，我尽力修改了，如果还有瑕疵就真的是我的能力所限了，劳苦你了——以后你改完我就奉作神品每天睡前背一遍啊哈哈！”

李辉老师修改意见：（红色部分是修改的地方，紫色是删掉的地方，括号内为批语，大家一定要耐心地一个字一个字地读完啊！）

（先扯一句，我觉得小伙的作文写得真不错，都可以当范文了，还拿过来叫我改……怎么改嘛……挠头啊……）

Dear Tom,

(1)How's everything going? (2) I'm allowed to go out for (这三个词不如改成 enjoy) a 10-day visit to England after my college entrance examination by my parents. (3) Now, I'm writing to ask you to do me a favor by telling me something of vital use in advance. （首段“咔咔咔”三句话，表达了礼貌的问候，并清晰地交代了写信的背景和目的，看上去相当的老练！完全没什么地方可改嘛！）

(4) Here are several key（关键） questions related to my journey. （鲜明的主题句中，使用了“Here are…”的倒装结构，还用了“过去分词作后置定语表被动”这一神话中的英语语法，这不是写作文——这是强暴老师的生理接受极限！） (5)For one thing, could you offer me, if I don't attend the local touristry (按照高中水平，“参加旅行团”是没有办法直译的吧！所以这样翻译出来往往也是不对的喽！那么怎样才能解决这个问题呢？当然是用课上讲的那句话：“换一种方式来表达”—— 如果我不找旅行社 if I don’t turn to any tourist agency，或者把逻辑和时态都升级一下，写成：since I’m not turning to any tourist agency，由于我不打算找任何旅行社，也行。大家都想想还有别的方式可以把这个意思“表达”出来吗？这可是个小小的挑战哦！) , the information about my board and lodging and the traffic situation of England （这里赠送一个简单的升级表达: 一些自助的在英国的食宿及交通信息some self-help accommodation and transportation information in England）? (6) For another, I can't wait to be acquainted with （这里就是阅卷评分标准里所谓的“少许语言错误但因尽力使用复杂结构所致，不扣分”的情况，be acquainted with这个词组的确很“高档”，但是搭配上有个习惯，就是后面一定要加“人”，表示“认识某人”。所以不如改成visit 甚至 look around）some must-see tourist attractions. (7) Meanwhile, if it doesn't trouble you much, could you please help me arrange the time properly so that I can completely enjoy myself then? （这句太好了…if和so that两大“尾巴句型”如此熟练地掌握，天衣无缝，鬼斧神工，看得我眼泪都快下来了） (8) I shall thank you if you will kindly let me have one or two letters of introduction to England （这块儿有点乱啊，改成introduce me one or two websites on your local culture and custom 绝对就牛逼了，值得一提的是，小状语位置的kindly堪称神来之笔！）as I'm an entire stranger there. （漂亮的“表原因的尾巴句型”）

In return, it would be my great honor and pleasure if you could come to China as my guest. I believe I could be a distinguished guide! （完美的高级词汇！）

I'm looking forward to your early reply.

                                                                                                     Yours,

                                                                                                                    Li Hua

完整的修改背诵版：

Dear Tom,

(1)How's everything going? (2) I'm allowed to enjoy a 10-day visit to England after my college entrance examination by my parents. (3) Now, I'm writing to ask you to do me a favor by telling me something of vital use in advance.

(4) Here are several key questions related to my journey.  (5)For one thing, could you offer me, since I’m not turning to any tourist agency, some self-help accommodation and transportation information in England? (6) For another, I can't wait to visitsome must-see tourist attractions. (7) Meanwhile, if it doesn't trouble you much, could you please help me arrange the time properly so that I can completely enjoy myself then? (8) I shall thank you if you will kindly introduce me one or two websites on your local culture and custom as I'm an entire stranger there.

In return, it would be my great honor and pleasure if you could come to China as my guest. I believe I could be a distinguished guide!

I'm looking forward to your early reply.

                                                                                                     Yours,

                                                                                                                    Li Hua

李辉老师的总结：

这位同学已经掌握了暑假班的大部分内容了，写作文很有感觉，修改版堪称“咨询信”的绝佳范文，撒花！当然，不要因老师今天“咆哮体”的鼓励而骄傲哦——小错还是有的，需要多读多背多联系才能日臻化境，博得最后的胜利！