第二讲 BEC写作的语言、语法、组织和文体

 

评分标准：

级别		第一部分分数	第二部分分数
5	全部完成答题要求 l         所有内容点都已包括在内并在答题要求允许的情况下加以发挥 l         语言规范、自然；错误最少，均属小错。 l         多样化的语言结构和丰富的词汇量。 l         组织效果好，注意前后呼应。 l         语域和格式完全适当。 给读者的印象极佳。	9或10分	18或20分
4	较好的完成答题要求 l         所有内容点都处理得不错。 l         大体准确；运用复杂语言时有错误。 l         结构合理，用词准确。 l         大体上组织较好，注意逻辑关系。 l         语域和格式总体来说适当。 给读者的印象良好。	7或8分	14或16分
3	尚能达到答题要求 l         所有的主要内容点已包括进去，遗漏了一些次要的内容。 l         出现一些错误，但不妨碍交流。 l         结构和词汇掌握范围适度。 l         组织和安排总的来说令人满意。 l         语域和格式尚可，虽然并不完全成功。 给读者的印象较好。	5或6分	10或12分
2	不能完全达到答题要求 l         遗漏了一些主要的内容点或者处理得不充分，可能有些不切题。 l         有时错误影响清楚交流，错误较多，使读者感到迷惑。 l         结构、词汇掌握范围有限。 l         内容条理不清、不连贯，造成理解困难。 l         语域和格式不适当。 给读者的印象不佳。	3或4分	6或8分
1	未能达到答题要求 l         显著的内容遗漏/或大量内容不相关，可能由于对题目要求的误解。 l         严重不规范，经常出现基本错误。 l         题目要求的结构和词汇几乎没有提到。 l         缺乏组织，造成交流失败。 l         几乎没有使用适当的语域和格式。 给读者的印象极差。	1或2分	2或4分
0	什么要求也没达到。字数少于所需字数的25%，或是完全不能辨认或是完全不切题。	0分	0分

 

评分五个方面：

 

1 content

2 language

3 structure & vocabulary

4 organisation

 

展开论述上面的5个方面

1 内容的完整性

2 语言

  6C原则

1．准确(correctness)

    包括四层意义，即阅读人能理解、接受的英语水平；使用精确措词，传达准确信息；正确地使用语法和标点符号；拼写正确。

    (1)恰当的语言风格

   请比较下面两组例词：

Formal	Informal
approximately inquire ascertain obtain assist participate construct purchase  contribute  sufficient difficult utilize	About Ask find out receive help share build buy give enough hard use

 

    (2)准确的措词和信息

   下面列出的是一系列极易混淆的单词及词组，请注意区分：

  a lot / allot

all right / alright

cannot / can not

  different from / different than

 . due to / because of

  effect / affect

  fewer / less

  lie / lay

  principal / principle

  that /which

their / them / they' re

  wait for / wait on

  who / whom

 

    (3)正确的语法和标点符号

    (4)正确的拼写

  

    2．清楚(Clarity)   

     (1)逻辑布局(Logical Organization)

    常用的逻辑布局方法包括：   

    ①因果关系(Cause & Effect)

    ②时间顺序(Chronological Development)

    ③序列顺序(Sequential Development)

    ④比较(Comparison)

    ⑤一般到特殊(From General to Specific) 

    ⑥特殊到一般(From Specific to General)

 

     (2)合理构架句群与段落(Well-Written Sentences & Paragraphs)

      例句：   

    修改前: Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago, and it now has branch offices in four states, and it employs nearly 400 individuals.

修改后: Marshall Corporation was founded forty years ago. With branch offices in four states, it now employs nearly 400 individuals.

 

(3)统一性与一致性(Unity and Coherence)

 

 

  (4)强调(Emphasis)

  ①位置

  ②重复

  ③数量

  ④技巧

 

  (5) 将句中关系紧密的词尽量靠近。

  比较下面三对句子：

A. They bought a bicycle in Beijing in a small shop which costs $ 25.00.

They bought a bicycle for $25.00 in a small shop in Beijing.

B. He was warned not to drink water even in a restaurant which had not been boiled.

He was warned not to drink water which had not been boiled.

C. Those who work rapidly get ill in these conditions.

Those who work in these conditions rapidly get ill.

 

(6) 避免在同一个句子中使用意义不同的同一个字。

    We shall take a firm line with the firm．

    We shall take a strong line with the film．

  

   3．简洁(Conciseness)

 

A. We have begun to export our machine to countries abroad.

  We have begun to export our machines.

B. In the event that you speak to Mr. Wood in regard to production, ask him to give consideration to the delivery schedule.

  If you speak to Mr. Wood about production, ask him to consider the delivery schedule.

C .We require furniture which is of the new type.

   We require new-type furniture.

 

(1)    使用简洁的语言(Use simple language)

 

尽量使用                           避免使用

please                                                will you be good enough to

prefer                                                express a preference for

because                                             for the reason that

 

(2) 少用陈词滥调(Omit trite expressions)

as the case may be

it has come to my attention

at an early age

  avail yourself of this opportunity

  previous to

  crack of dawn

  pursuant to your request

  take the liberty to

  due to the fact that

  thanking you in advance

  enclosed herein

  this is to inform you

  under separate cover

  with kindest regards

  I wish to state

 

(3)    避免冗长的表达方式和不必要的重复(avoid wordy expressions & unnecessary repetition)。      Wordy                                                    Concise

1. We would like to                                                  please

2. For the month of August                                      for August

3. Pursuant to the end of this week                                  now

4. A long period of time                                            a long time

5. At this time                                                         now

6. Is at this time                                                      is

7. The weight was higher than                                  the weight was greater than

8. I expected it to be                                                expected

9. During the year of 1995                                       during 1995

10. For the development of                                       for developing

11. In the city of Dallas                                            in Dallas

12. The problem was that the car would not               the car would not start

    start

13. Square in shape                                                        square

14. in accordance with your request                          you requested

15. Sign on the front of this form                              sign this form

16. During the time that                                           while

17. Consensus of opinion                                         we agree

18. Remember the fact that                                      remember

19, Held a meeting                                                   met

20. this is the situation at this time                             now

 

(4)删改无关紧要的成份(Remove unneeded facts)

    A. It should be noted that this is the best we can do,

B. For your information we enclose a catalogue.

C. Please be advised that we have received your invoice.

1. as soon as possible                             by July 10

2. as you indicated in your letter                         as you indicated

3. at all times                                 always

4. at this time                                   now

5. continue to utilize the old form until                       start using the new form on February

 such time as the new form is available      

6. despite the fact that                                              despite

7. for the month of April                                                 for April

8. for obvious reason that                                         because

9. I would ask that you                                            please

I0. in conjunction with                                             with

11. in the mere recent past                                        recently

12. in the unlikely event that                                     if

13. in the unlikely event that I am unable to         if I am late, please delay the meeting

   be on time, please delay the meeting

14. in view of the fact that                                       because

15. it will be greatly appreciated if you                       please

16. our production of the new product will                production will begin on July 1

   commence on July 1

17. please be advised that we expect you to                please review the contract

   review the enclosed contract

 

(5)多使用主动语态的句子结构以明确表达意思。

Payment of their accounts will be made by Johnsons next week．

  Johnsons will pay their accounts next week．

 

4．具体(Concreteness)

(1)    尽可能地提供明确、具体的信息。

A. These brakes can stop a car within a short distance.

  These Goodson power brakes can stop a 2-ton car within 24 feet.

B. We hope the equipment will be delivered to our company as soon as possible.

  Please deliver the equipment to our company before next Friday.

C. She is a fast typist.

  She types at the fast rate of 85 words per minute.

 (2) 使用具体词汇

  A. We have no hesitation in advising you…

      We advise you…

B. The preparation of new price scale is in hand.

      New price scales are being prepared this week.

C. Due to the unusual nature of the request,…

As the request is unusual,…

 

a great deal of time, bad, large, good, small, around, old, convenient, young, little, majority, minority, most, less

 

    5．完整(Completeness) 

   自查：谁(Who)? 什么(What)? 什么时候(When)? 在哪里(Where)? 为什么(Why)? 怎么样(How)?

 

    6．礼貌(Courtesy)   

  

例如：

Dear Mrs. Walters,

Because you delayed so long in your response, Model GSF is off stock. If you are interested, we have some similar models on hand

Yours truly,

修改：

 

Dear Mrs. Walters

     If I had known your needs before May 20, I could have shipped Model GSP immediately. However, the spring sale drained our stock.

     The Model GSK, a similar instrument, is in stock, and you could have it at the same price as the GSF. It normally sells for $10,000 more. we will ship it as soon as you give us the word.

 

Yours sincerely

  

(1)    使用礼貌友好的词汇

A. 说“Thank you" , 例如:

Thank you for your letter of yesterday.

Thank you for your prompt reply.

Thank you for helping us in this respect.

Thank you for your information.

 

(2)体谅对方的写作态度(You-Attitude)

Writer emphasis:    We are shipping your order on Friday.

Reader emphasis:    You will receive your order by Monday, October 10.

 

Writer emphasis:    To reduce our costs, we are changing the billing system.

Reader emphasis:    To provide you with clear records, we are changing our billing system.

 

Writer emphasis:     I was pleased to hear that the project was completed.

Reader emphasis:    Congratulations on successfully completing the project

 

Writer emphasis:        We regret that you closed your account with us a week ago. We believe that people may come back to our bank again sooner or later since we have a good credit among our customers.

Reader emphasis:      A week ago you closed your account with us. Whatever the reason, we are pleased to have played some small part in your program. You are cordially invited to use our 'other services as occasion may require.

 

(3) 措辞得体(Appropriate Wording)

a．避免采用消极性的词汇或句式

Negative Wording:         The office is closed after four O'clock,

Positive Wording:          The office is open until four O'clock.

 

Negative Wording:         When I received your complaint, I checked our records.

Positive Wording:          When I received your letter, I checked our records.

 

Negative Wording:         Because you failed to connect the cable, the picture was blurred.

Positive Wording:           The picture was blurred because the V-2 cable was not connected to the terminal.

Negative Wording:         You did not read my recent letter.

Positive Wording:          Please refer to my June 10th letter.

 

Negative Wording:         The Executive Board did not receive notification.

Positive Wording:           Several members of the Executive Board inquired about the time of our December meeting. Will you please send them a follow-up?

 

Negative Wording:         Your letter was not clear.

Positive Wording:           I would appreciate an outline of our marketing differences that you mentioned in your October 14th letter.

 

b.有失礼貌的言词

We deny your claim                                          complaint

We do not believe                                             confusion

We are not sure                                                contrary

We find it difficult to understand                        contrivance

We expect                                                       delinquent

We insist                                                         deny

We are forced                                                  disagreeable

We take issue                                                   exasperate

You forgot                                                       failure

You neglected                                                  ignorance

You failed to                                                    impatience

You misunderstood                                           incompetent

You must                                                         incredible

You should know                                             inexcusable

You do not have                                               inference

You are delinquent                                            insincere

You insist that                                                  insinuate

You did not say                                                insulting

Your ignoring                                                   intolerable

Your credit refusal                                            irresponsible

Your recent complaint                                       irritated

Your failure to                                                  lack

Your misunderstanding                                      neglect

Your neglectful attitude                                     objection

Your disregard for                                            obnoxious

Your insinuation                                               offensive

Your lack of communication                              unbelievable

Your delinquent account                                    uncooperative

 

(4)避免使用有性别歧视之嫌的词语

A．用“person”代替第三人称单数。

例如:

Instead of:      Please share this report with your supervisor. He will find it interesting.

Say:               Please share this report with your supervisor, who will find it interesting.

B．有一些常用的商务英语词汇有性别歧视之嫌，应该稍加改变。

 

Instead of	Say
Businessman workmen Chairman Foremen Salesman Spokesman Stockboy Workman	business person employees/worker chairperson supervisors sales representative / sales person spokesperson stock clerk employee / worker

 

(5) 及时答复(Timely Response)

例：We will examine your camera to determine the shutter-response problem and have it back to you within three weeks, if repairs axe needed, I will call you for approval to make the repairs.

例：Mr. Smith is out of the office until the end of the month. I am sure he will be able to provide you with all of the information you requested when he returns.

 

 

连贯和衔接

 

（一）连贯 (coherence)

常见连接词有：

1表示罗列增加

　　First, second, third,

　　First, then / next, after that / next, finally

　　For one thing … for another…,

　　On (the) one hand…on the other hand,

　　Besides / what’s more / in addition / furthermore / moreover / another / also,

　　Especially / In particular,

 

2表示时间顺序

　　now, at present, recently,

　　after, afterwards, after that, after a while, in a few days,

　　at first, in the beginning, to begin with,

　　later, next, finally,

　　immediately, soon, suddenly, all of a sudden, at that moment, as soon as, the moment

　　form now on, from then on,

　　at the same time, meanwhile,

　　till, not…until, before, after, when, while, as during,

 

3表示解释说明

　　now, in addition, for example, for instance, in this case, moreover

　　furthermore, in fact, actually

 

4表示转折关系

　　but, however, while, though, or, otherwise, on the contrary, on the other

　　hand, in contrast, despite, in spite of, even though, except (for), instead, of course, after all,

 

5表示并列关系

　　or, and, also, too, not only … but also, as well as, both… and, either …or, neither …nor

 

6表示因果关系

　　because, because of, since, now that, as, thanks to…, due to…, therefore, as a result (of), otherwise, so…that, such…that

 

7表示条件关系

　　as (so) long as, on condition that, if, unless

 

8表示让步关系

　　though, although, as, even if, even though, whether …or…, however, whoever,

　　whatever, whichever, wherever, whenever, no matter how (who, what, which, where, when, whom)

 

9表示举例

　　for example, for instance, such as…, take… for example

 

10表示比较

　　be similar to, similarly, the same as, in contrast, compared with (to)…just like, just as,

 

11表示目的

　　for this reason,, for this purpose, so that, in order to, so as to,

 

12表示强调

　　in deed, in fact, surely, certainly, no doubt, without any doubt, truly,

　　obviously, above all,

 

13表示概括归纳

　　in a word, in short, in brief, on the whole, generally speaking, in my opinion, as far as I know, As we all know, as has been stated, as I have shown, finally, at last, in summary, in conclusion,

 

（二）衔接 (cohesion)

 

1返指（referring back）

例：Davis opened a door. “Here is your room. I am afraid it is a bit untidy.” He picked a dirty handkerchief off the floor and stuffed it in a drawer.

The keeper came loping softly up the lane with the dog padding at his heels and we watched them through the hedge as they went by.

I held her very close. My cheek was against hers.

例：The women were asked to leave. Some of them refused.

The earthquake killed 24,000 people and insured 77,000.

例：A man and a woman were struggling up the dune. The man wore shorts. The woman wore a print dress.

 

2预指（referring forward）

有多种方法可用来指代将要提及的事务。

例如：This chapter will follow the same pattern as the previous one.

In the next chapter, we will examine this theory in detail.

The overlap can be seen in the table below.

3省略（Ellipsis）

例如：They can distinguish finer detail than we can.

例如：They would stop if they could.

I never did go to Stratford, although I probably should have.

例如：I think we want it more than they do.

例如：At last he agreed to do what I asked him to.

 

文体：

非正式文体

Thanks for your letter. I got it 14 Sept. I’ve sent a copy to comp HQ along with a memo re your financial situation. I’ve set a meeting for 3 Oct at 11am to talk about another bank loan. So, please let us know if you can make it a.s.a.p.

 

But we might ask you a few things to do with your inc. and exp. before giving you a loan. Also I need to get in touch with the GM to okay it. Plus, we’ll first have to think about the last time you didn’t keep p with payments.

 

Anyway, in the mean time, you need to fill in this business plan. Bring it to the meeting with you.

 

正式文体

Thank you for your letter received 14 September 2002. A copy has been sent to the company headquarters in addition to a memorandum concerning your financial situation. A meeting has been scheduled for 3 October 2002 at 11am to discuss your request for a further bank loan. Therefore, please inform us of your availability for this meeting at the earliest opportunity.

 

However, a number of issues concerning your income and expenditure may be queried prior to a loan being granted. Furthermore the General Manager needs to be contacted in order to authorise bank loans of this nature. Moreover, your previous failure to meet payment arrangements will first have to be considered.

 

Nevertheless, in the interim you are required to complete the enclosed business plan, which should be brought to the meeting.

 

e.g. I’m keen on British history

I am particularly interested in British history.

e.g. I’m sorry, I can’t come.

I regret to inform you that I will be unable to attend.

关于选词，见活页。

关于文体，还应该注意：

从来不要用And引导一个句子。

不需要括号

不要缩写

不要引用

不要one-word sentence.

不要使用口语谚语、不要使用比喻

不要使用修辞性的句子。

 

注意自己在题目中的身份