Many are taking relationship matters into their own hands – which can be seen from the growing popularity of gokon, which is just starting to take root in Singapore.

Gokon – a Japanese phrase which means “to have a combined party” – originated in Japan and is basically a group blind date – but with a twist.

Typically, an invitation to a gathering – usually in a restaurant for dinner or drinks – is sent out to various people within a network. Friends will then bring another friend of the opposite gender to the event. The rule of this singles mixer is that the number of males and females must be equal.

Mingling commences. If all goes well, telephone numbers will be exchanged and relationships will develop.

According to Miss Candy Kang, who has been to four of these events and who has organised two, such singles parties caught on only last year.

But now, she says, they are ragingly hot.

“I’m getting invites every week from different people,” says the 33-year-old, who is in the advertising industry.

She got together with her current boyfriend after she organised her first gokon last February at Food#03 cafe in Rowell Road.

Music agent Linda Law, 34, has attended two similar events.

“I am a pretty open person, so I don’t mind going to an event that my friends have invited me to and where I can meet new people,” she says, adding that they have helped her expand her social and professional networks.

“It’s helped me to learn new things about other people and other industries. It’s always better to have one more contact,” she says.

THUMBS-UP FROM FRIENDS

IN PUBLIC consultation sessions conducted between April and July last year, the National Population Secretariat received feedback from around 300 people on what they thought about marriage and parenthood in Singapore.

The singles had a common gripe – it is tough to find suitable partners.

Even though 85 per cent of single respondents wanted to get married, “many singles had no time to socialise after starting work or did not know how to start”, said the report.

The top two reasons cited for not marrying are not having met a partner who is compatible and of good character, and choosing to concentrate on studies or career.

This is where gokon steps in.

Seasoned marriage counsellor Ang Thiam Hong said such events are “a variation or extension of the familiar practice of introducing friends – male or female – to each other”.

In a gokon event, since a friend must introduce the person one is just meeting, it is a non-threatening environment where singles feel safe to interact with new people. Singles will also have someone to go to if they wish to find out more about the person they are interested in.

“Friends and family members are actually quite spot-on when it comes to picking out a suitable match for their loved ones,” said Ms Ho Shee Wai, a registered psychologist and a relationship and marital counsellor for more than 12 years.

“Most relationships that are successful have family and friends who are supportive of the relationship,” she added.

In gokon, having friends involved from the beginning of the process of selecting a partner can reduce future conflicts for the couple, as each would already have gained that all-important stamp of approval from friends, she said.

There are those who worry that this type of dating will be awkward. After all, who really enjoys a blind date?

But most singles who have gone to gokon events have been converted.

Marketing executive Yvonne Yeo, for example, went to her first gokon event at Night & Day bar in June last year. Now, she even intends to organise one with a friend in March.

WHO’D GO FOR GOKON?

WHAT converted Miss Yeo, 27, over to the gokon idea was the fact that it ended up being a comfortable experience.

She was invited to her first gokon by a friend, but was initially reluctant to go.

“I thought such dating sessions were usually weird,” she said.

But she found it to be quite the opposite, and described the event as having a “relaxed environment” where “everybody was generally friendly”.

She added: “There was no time limit set on how much time I could spend with someone and no forced interaction, such as in speed dating. It was basically not as contrived as most other dating events.”

Now, singles that have not even heard about Gokon are raring to go for an event.

Mr Kuah Weiqi, 23, a civil servant, is restricted by his time commitment to his job when it comes to what he calls his “social opportunities”.

“I don’t get much time to go out and meet new people, much less women,” he said with a laugh. When told about the gokon idea, he said it sounded like something that might help him out in that area.

Theatre producer Caleb Lee, 25, thinks gokon is a great idea.

“Even if you’re not seeking a partner, it widens your social circle and you get to meet people from all walks of life,” he said.

“That is never a bad thing.”

Marketing manager Flora Lim, 23, feels that people would feel comfortable in such a group setting instead of a one-to-one date.

“They would hence get to know each other better,” she said.

Counsellor Ang added: “More people involved means wider choices, and, most importantly, an awareness that one is not alone in looking for a partner.

“And if one remains open-minded, you are more likely to be able to develop a closer relationship with someone from the group over time.”

So, what are you waiting for?

Go start a gokon event now.