我儿子总让人家给他买东西,该怎么办——中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答[No.64]
(2011-03-09 16:08:17)
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中国妈妈问美国妈妈答米妈妈建议向客人要东西育儿杂谈 |
分类: 中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答 |
2011年3月9日,星期三
来自北京的念念妈
中国妈妈问——
我家宝贝四岁九个月了,会背弟子规,会画漂亮的小房子,还会画小老鼠,会背很多幼儿园的儿歌,可家里来了客人他就拉着人家给他买东西,还叫客人不要告诉我给他买了,怎么办啊?
美国妈妈答——
来自美国堪萨斯城的Claire
我女儿2岁时也这样,不过她喜欢管别人要吃的。无论什么时候我带她去邻居家或亲戚家做客,
只要她一踏进别人家门,就会立即向人家要吃的。我想,这是因为我的那些邻居和亲戚总是给她些在家里她吃不到的糖果和甜点。遇到这种情况,我会坐下来耐心地向她解释,她的这一行为是非常不礼貌的,如果下次她还这样,我就再也不带她出来串门了。有时,在别人家里我也不得不表明我的立场,因为,虽然我告诉女儿不能管别人要吃的,但那些好心的邻居和亲戚会趁我不在时给她糖果吃,特别是那些外国邻居。最后,我只好向他们的儿子(都是十七八岁的大孩子了)摊牌,我告诉他们别再给我女儿糖吃了,因为她回家之后就不好好吃饭了。我的一个邻居很配合我,每当我女儿过来要糖时,他们一般都会说不(但有时,她还会管别人要面包吃)。一天,
我甚至从家里自带了一片面包给她。或许,你儿子已经习惯了别人拜访时给他带礼物,也许,那个给他买东西的人还会对他说,“我不会跟你妈妈讲的,这是我们之间的小秘密”。你儿子已经快5岁了,那么大的孩子能约束自己的行为,你要做的就是,向他和你的亲戚朋友们解释,如果他再随便管别人要东西,他就会受到一定的惩罚。希望这样能让你的亲朋好友们不再娇惯这个孩子。
Claire S. answers from Kansas
City
My DD used to do this when she
was about 2 (she is well advanced for her age ;) but it was food.
Whenever we would go to the neighbor's or family's she would ask to
eat as soon as she walked in the door. It was because the neighbors
and family would give her candy and sweets when she wouldn't get
them at home. I had to sit her down and explain to her that that
was not polite and that if she continued that I would not take her
to those places any more. I also had to put my foot down at
people's homes (to THEM) because I would tell her NO and they would
do it when I wasn't looking, especially the neighbors who were
foreign. I finally had to tell their sons (who were older
teenagers) to tell them not to give her sweets because then she
would not eat dinner at home. One neighbor helped me a lot, when
she would come over and ask, they told her no (but at their house
she would ask for bread?!) One day I even pulled out a slice while
we were there, from home. She frowned. Perhaps your son has just
gotten used to getting gifts when people visit, and maybe at some
time someone said that it will be a secret? He is old enough to
behave himself and explain to him and family that if he does it he
will get a time out. Hopefully that will keep them from doing it as
well
来自美国北伊斯顿的Jennifer
这将是一个绝好的机会来教育你的孩子。你可以这样对孩子说:
“当有人来家里做客时,
我们不应该要求别人给自己买东西,即便那人买了,我们也不会要求他保守这个秘密。如果你要求了,那真是太没礼貌了。一个像你这样懂事、聪明的大孩子是知道要懂礼貌的,对吗?因此,当有人来家里拜访时,我希望你不要管别人要东西,我还想让你告诉客人,他们可以把大衣挂在什么地方,问他们想喝点什么,或带他们看你最喜爱的小海龟,或其他你喜欢的东西。你能做到吗?我打赌你一定能。我们现在就先练习下如何待客吧。我来扮客人,你告诉我,接下来你该怎么做。”
你可以陪他多练习几次。然后,你就这样告诉他,“你做的真是棒极了,作为奖赏,妈妈要赠送你一些积分。下次,要是家里有客人拜访时你能按照咱们排练的去做,我就给你更多的积分。你可以用这些积分来换取你想要的东西,比如额外的看电视的时间,甜点,额外的到操场公园玩的时间等等(在我们家,10个积分可以换10-15分钟听音乐,玩电子游戏的时间)。要不了多久,他就能改掉坏毛病,养成良好的习惯了。那个时候,你就不用再给他积分了(如果你能一天多陪他练习几次,在有客人拜访时监督他恪守这些礼仪,那几个礼拜后你就能看到成效了)。我5岁大的孩子从去年开始就是我们家的小小接待员。当他4岁时,他就会主动问客人想喝点什么,然后就开始一股脑地背出一大堆零食的名称让客人挑,接着又会跑到厨房里搬出家里所有好吃的来招待客人。在此之前,我从来就不知道这么小的孩子也懂得这些。真的,当有客人来访时,这的确是个不错的方法让孩子觉得有用武之地。
Jennifer S. answers from North
Easton
This would be a great situation
for the "positive opposite" technique. You would say:
"When people come over, we don't
ask them to buy us things and we certainly don't ask them to keep
secrets. That's bad manners, and a big, smart boy like you can use
good manners! So when people come over, we're never going to ask
them to buy something, right? Instead, I want to you show them
where to hang up their coats and see what they want to drink [or
show them your turtle, or whatever little task he can do]. Can you
do that? I bet you can. Let's practice now! I'm going to pretend
I'm visiting, and you show me what you're going to do. Who should I
pretend to be?"
Then you pretend a few times, and
tell him that he gets points for doing such a great job pretending,
and the next time someone comes over, when he follows the routine -
and doesn't ask them to buy something - he gets more points. Then
he can cash in his points for a privilege (extra TV time, a special
dessert, a trip to the playground, whatever - in my house it's 10
points = 10-15 minutes of music or games on the iTouch). It
shouldn't take long for him to break his old habit and learn the
new behavior, and you can taper off the points after a short while
(a couple of weeks usually works if you can practice it a couple of
times a day and put it into work in a real situation regularly). My
five-year-old took it upon himself last year to become the
household host for our guests. When he was four, he just randomly
started asking guests if he could get them a drink and them would
rattle off a list of snacks, then would go and try to get
everything and serve it! It never would have occurred to me that
someone so young would do this, but it's actually a great way to
make them feel important and gives them something specific to do
when people come over.
来自美国马纳萨斯的Megan
每次我们到我侄子家做客时,我侄子总会问我,“你给我带东西了吗”?当我们回答他没有时,他就会问:“为什么”。我们去的时候既不是他的生日,也不是圣诞节,不过是次简单的拜访罢了。
有一次,当他又问了同样的问题时, 我反问道,“你给我们带什么了吗?”…
“呃,没有…” ,“那就是我给你的答案”。
Megan C. answers from
Manassas
Every time we visit my nephew he
asks 'what did you bring me?'.... When we say nothing he asks 'well
why not?'...cuz its just a visit, not your birthday or
Christmas.
So one day, I walked into the
room and he asked 'what did you bring me?'. I said, 'That depends.
What did you get me?' .... 'Um, nothing'... 'Wow! That's what I got
you!'
来自美国斯波齐尔韦尼亚的Margie
下次你孩子再向客人要东西时,你就让客人直接告诉他,这样做是非常不礼貌的。让客人站在你这边,让他们知道你需要他们的帮助。
另外,让客人告诉你的孩子,他们永远也不会对你隐瞒什么。
Margie M. answers from
Spotsylvania
Have a friend come over and when
he asks let the friend tell him how rude it is., or grandma,
Auntie. Whomever, get the adults on your side. Let them know first
that you need their help in doing this.
Also they should let him now that
they would never keep information from you, ever.
来自美国诺沃克的AG
你需要坐下来耐心地向他解释,这样做是非常没礼貌的。让他知道,有很多人甚至没钱去买生活必需品。问问他,如果有人因为要给他买新玩具而不能为自己的孩子买牛奶,他会作何感想?(你的孩子很有可能会给出个让人大跌眼镜的答案,你可要有心理准备哦:))让你的孩子知道,每次他让客人给他买东西时,
客人都会告诉你(你的孩子是不会知道客人有没有对你讲的),以后要是他再这样,你就要好好教训他了。
AG answers from Norwalk
You need to sit down with him and
explain to him that its not nice and bad manners. You can also add
that there are a lot of people that dont have money buy simple
things they need. Ask him how he would feel if someone didnt buy
milk for their baby because he wanted a toy? Be prepared for a
smart answer though lol Let him know that everytime he asks people
to buy him things, that they tell you (he doesnt know if they do or
not) and that he is going to be punished each time they let you
know.
米妈妈建议:
你需要耐心地向你的孩子解释,他这样做是非常没礼貌的。告诉你的孩子正确的待客礼仪,可以通过“角色扮演”游戏来加深孩子的印象。你可以这样告诉他:“当有人来家里拜访时,我希望你不要管别人要东西。你应该做的是,告诉客人他们可以把大衣挂在什么地方,问他们想喝点什么,或带他们看你最喜爱的小海龟,或其他你喜欢的东西。你能做到吗?我打赌你一定能。我们现在就先练习下如何待客吧。我来扮客人,你告诉我,接下来你该怎么做。”如果孩子做得很好,你可以给他一些积分(或其他小的奖赏),
告诉他,这些积分是可以兑换的,比如:他可以用这些积分换取额外的看电视的时间,甜点或其他他感兴趣的东西。放心好了,如果你能陪他多多练习,在有客人拜访时监督他恪守这些礼仪,那几个礼拜后你就能看到成效了。