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一天下午,我女儿居然跑过来摸我的私处!——中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答[No.52]

(2011-02-21 16:16:29)
标签:

中国妈妈问

美国妈妈答

米妈妈建议

性教育

育儿

杂谈

分类: 中国妈妈问,美国妈妈答
2011年2月21日,星期一
   来自天津的小月妈
中国妈妈问——
今天我遇到一件让我一直都很担心的事情,很气愤,但也很无奈,我想请各位亲们出出注意!下午在看电视时,快五岁的女儿突然跑过来抓我下身,我很惊讶!!!连忙问她跟谁学的?!她看我很凶就怯生生的说跟学校的一个男同学,我当时就问那个男同学有无摸过她。她说有,!!我又气又无奈,因为这事也不是孩子的错,她也不懂,她觉得好笑~~我很严肃的跟她说了半天,我说以后如果要发生这样的事情一定一定要先告诉别人会回来跟爸爸妈妈说!!!不准让别人摸!然后回来告诉爸爸妈妈!但女儿有时嘻笑,我也不知道她听懂没有!好无奈这种事情我该怎么跟她说??怎么教她保护自己???好纠结好烦啊~~~求亲们帮忙出出注意~~~!!~!!!谢谢了~!!

美国妈妈答——
来自美国洛杉矶的SM.
我女儿4岁半了,她也有过类似的行为。和你一样,我告诉她,没人能摸她的私处。我还和她的老师谈了话,她的老师立即就反映过来,一两个月前她们曾经看到一个孩子摸过我女儿的私处。她告诉我,她没有注意到这种行为还在继续,但她以后会留意的,特别是孩子在外面操场上活动时。之后,我女儿告诉我那个曾经摸过她的女孩的名字, 我把那个女孩的名字告诉了老师。在此之后,类似的事情再也没有发生过。当我在处理这件事的时候,我并没有把这当成是性侵犯来处理,请尽快和学校的老师谈谈吧。
SM. answers from Los Angeles
My 4 1/2 year old had a similar experience, I told her the same as you; no one is supposed to touch her private parts. I spoke with her teacher at school, who immediately responded there was one child who they had seen/caught a month or two earlier. She told me was unaware of it still going on and would watch my daughter closer while out in the playground. My daughter told me the name of the girl who had touched her and I passed that on to the teacher as well. There were no other occurrences after that. When I dealt with it I was not in any way concerned for sexual abuse (which can be a sign), Please speak with the teacher as soon as possible.


来自美国霍利斯顿的Heidi
可以让孩子看看相关的书籍,让他们懂得什么样的抚摸是善意的,是为人接受的,什么样的抚摸是绝对禁止的。
小孩子都是充满好奇的,探索她们不知道的事情是孩子成长的一部分。我所担心的是,这居然是发生在学校。她的老师在干什么?这真是有点奇怪。
Heidi S. answers from Holliston
Check out some kid friendly books on good touch/ bad touch, for example this one "The right touch" by Sandy Kleven. http://www.amazon.com/Right-Touch-Read-Aloud-Prevent-Coll...
I agree that kids are curious, and exploring is part of growing up. However, I am concerned that it happened at school. Where is the teacher? This is a bit strange.

来自美国怀恩多特的MechanicMama
和孩子学校的老师谈谈。她们需要知道这件事。我女儿5岁时,就完全懂得没人能摸她的私处(除非是可靠的人帮她清洗下身,不过这也没必要了,因为她现在已经7岁了)。另外,她也知道,除了可以信赖的家人,或医生,或在诊所里有爸爸妈妈或爷爷奶奶陪伴的情况下,她的私处也是不能被人看的。
MechanicMama answers from Wyandotte
Tell the school. They NEED to know. My daughter at 5 completely understood when I told her that NO ONE is to touch her in her private parts (unless helping to wash - and that is no more - she's 7 now). And looking is only for trusted family or the Doctor and at the Dr's, ONLY if mommy, daddy, or grandma is present.

来自美国夏普斯堡的Suz
听上去你采取的措施还不错:保持低调,不让你的怒火和担忧影响到你的孩子。她并没有做错什么,那个小男孩或许也没做错什么。好奇心重本来就是这个年龄段孩子的天性。不过,你女儿确实应该知道什么是隐私了。和孩子的老师好好谈谈,也和孩子好好谈谈,但注意不要急躁,一定要心平气和地和孩子谈这件事。做个深呼吸吧,到目前为你干的还不错。
Suz T. answers from Sharpsburg
sounds like you did a great job with it. keep it low key....you don't want your understandable anger and worry to come through to her. she didn't do anything wrong, and the little boy probably didn't really either. exploration is natural at that age but she does need to learn about privacy. let the teacher know what's going on, and keep working with your daughter calmly and quietly about keeping her private parts private.
take a deep breath, mom. you did good. it's okay.

来自美国切萨皮克市的B
现在是时候让你的女儿知道,除了医生或父母(为你清洗下身或换尿布)可以触摸你的私处外,其他任何人都不行。人人都需要管好自己的双手。一点点好奇心(例如,如果你让我看看你的,我就让你看我的)是允许的,但是你也要告诉你的女儿,她马上就要长成大姑娘了,因此这样事最好不要做。
让孩子的老师知道这件事,这样,她也能好好看管你的女儿了。
B answers from Chesapeake
It's definitely time for the 'no one touches your private parts except parents (for like diapering/cleaning) and doctor' talk. Everyone needs to keep their hands to themselves. A little bit of curiosity (I'll show you mine if you show me yours) is to be expected but you tell her she's getting to be a big girl and it's not something anyone should do.
Let the teacher know so she can keep en eye on the situation and so you have a discussion about what will happen if it happens again.

来自美国华盛顿的Diane
我觉得孩子的老师应该知道这件事。不管怎么说,她们应该让孩子懂得“别动手动脚”的规则,不管这有没有涉及到性侵犯。老师应该多留意那个男孩子,看类似的事情还会不会发生,并且校长也应该知道这件事。这个事件应该被记录在案。
然而,我并不认可“陌生人威胁论”——是的,这是我们所有人都害怕的,我们是应该好好探讨下这个问题。然而,大量性侵犯案件的罪魁祸首都是孩子们知道并信任的人,而不是陌生人所为。因此,告诉孩子,只有当医生为她做检查,并且有你在场的情况下,她的私处才能被人触碰。
孩子嘻笑的态度的确会令你沮丧,但这也正常。她心里面肯定觉得难为情了,所以才会嬉笑着来掩盖。但好的一方面是,她对你做出了同样的行为, 这样,你才刨根问底地问她究竟是从哪学来的。
我要是你,还会去图书馆找找相关的书籍,然后时常地给她读读上面的内容。
Diane B. answers from Washington
I agree that the school/teacher should be told. They have "hands to yourself" rules anyway, regardless of whether it is sexual or non-sexual touching. The teacher should keep an eye on this boy and see if it happens again, and the principal should be made aware. Also, the incident should be in the records.
However, I disagree about the "stranger danger" - yes, this is something we all fear and we should have that talk. However, the vast majority of sexual abuse is committed by people our children KNOW and TRUST, not by strangers!   So you are right to say that her private parts shouldn't be touched by anyone except the doctor in the course of an exam and only when you are there.
Giggling is frustrating but normal. She is uncomfortable on some level and so she giggles - but the good thing it, she did it to you and you immediately thought to ask her where she learned it.
I would get a book from the library about this and make it part of your reading to her - not every day, but every so often.


米妈妈建议:
请尽快和孩子的老师谈谈这件事,让老师留意下孩子在学校的情况。与此同时,你也可以给孩子读下相关的书籍,好让她懂得什么样的抚摸是善意的,是为人接受的,什么样的抚摸是绝对禁止的。她也应该知道,除了可以信赖的家人,或医生,或在诊所里有家人陪伴的情况下,其他人也不能看她的私处。

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