加载中…请别再说我的孩子害羞——中国妈妈问，美国妈妈答[NO.18]
(2010-12-24 16:09:54)
标签：
中国妈妈问美国妈妈答米妈妈建议害羞怯场角色扮演育儿 |
分类： 中国妈妈问，美国妈妈答 |
中国妈妈问——
米妈妈微博的朋友@和猪baby一同成长
昨晚接猪仔时，老师告诉我今天有带全班孩子到楼上去排练节目，感觉猪仔遇事都很小心，很胆小，别的孩子去新的地方玩都很兴奋，可猪仔却表现很紧张，问老师能不能不去，后来老师领着他的小手，陪着他才同意去，后来发现排练节目很有趣才放轻松高兴起来。孩子在学校总是表现得谨小慎微，很胆小，我该怎么办。
美国妈妈答——
来自美国佛罗里达的Roeya
有些人天生就害羞。或许，你可以让他在家里先练习下，他的毛绒玩具，你和他父亲，或他较为亲近的其他亲朋好友可以当观众。在练习之前要和孩子好好谈下，确保他能接受。
Roeya L. answers from
Florida
Well some people are shy their
entire life. Maybe help him practice make an audience at home with
his stuffed animals you and Dad or other siblings that might make
him feel a little more comfortable. Talk to him about it for sure
to get him take on it.
来自美国费城的J C.
当我还是孩子时，我也很害羞。我觉得，由于我的害羞，我错过了很多东西。不过，作为一个成年人，我在人们的印象中倒是个开朗健谈的人。我的几个女儿也是很文静的那种，我觉得她们继承了我害羞的基因。但我坚信，她们不会是个害羞胆小的人，她们也会成为那种善于交际，开朗，招人喜欢的人。我采取的第一个措施是：让她们在公共场合下开口讲话。如果我带她们去参加一个party,我会让她们自己点饮料和食物；带她们看医生或牙医时，我会让她们自己做介绍；从她们2岁会说话起，我就让她们在饭店里自己点菜吃。如果我们在商店里寻找什么商品时，我会让她们向售货员寻求帮助。在家里，我们还做角色扮演的游戏，如怎么接听电话，当大人对她们说“你好”时该如何应答等等。我还向她们展示，一个典型的害羞孩子是什么样的：头总是耷拉着，不敢看别人的眼睛，不敢大声说话。这总会逗得她们咯咯笑，而她们也知道自己绝不能那样。我也会提醒我那个上小学2年级的女儿，当她上校车时别忘了和别人打招呼，下车时也别忘了对司机说“谢谢，祝你今天过得愉快”。
另一个我认为能帮孩子塑造良好个性的方法是，让孩子参加表演课。我们家附近有一个叫“Drama
Kids”的儿童表演班，我觉得这个辅导班简直是太棒了，它能让孩子们在游戏中找到自我。
J C. answers from
Philadelphia
I was a shy child and I did not
like it. I feel I missed out on too much because of my shyness as a
child but now as an adult people would describe me as outgoing.
Fast forward many years... My girls were more quite in nature and I
thought they probably had my shy gene. I was determined they would
not be shy or timid and they are described as very social and
outgoing. The first thing I did was always made them speak for
themselves. If we were at a party and they wanted a drink they had
to ask the host. I also had them introduce themselves at the
doctor/dentist office. They have been ordering for themselves in
restaurants since they could speak at age 2. If we are looking for
something in a store, I always have them ask the sales clerk for
assistance or have them ask for directions to the lady's room. We
also role played... How to answer the phone, what to say when an
adult says "hello, how are you?" etc. I also showed them what a
stereotypical shy child might look like ie. Putting their head
down, little eye contact, not speaking up (mumbling). This always
made for a few chuckles but they knew they did not want to act like
that and they got the hint. I also still remind my 2nd grader to
say " hello Mrs. X" as she gets on the bus. Then when she gets off
I ask her if she said " thank you" or " have a nice day" to her bus
driver.
One of the other things that I
feel really helped shape their personality was getting them
involved in a drama class. Near us we have a program called "Drama
Kids". What a fabulous program that helps kids find their voice
through games.
来自美国棕榈港的Sandi
我会鼓励他多与同龄人交往的，这样，他就能在一个相对熟悉的环境中学会与人交往。
Sandi B. answers from Palm
Harbor
I would encourage social
interactions with peers so that he learns to interact in a setting
where he is comfortable.
来自匹兹堡的Mallory
不要和你的孩子谈论害羞的话题。不要把这个当成是一个大问题来对待，最好连提都不要提，提了反而更糟，相信我。这可能只是孩子成长过程中的一个阶段，也可能是他天生就这样。孩子现在还太小，还看不出什么来。但是，不用刻意做任何事来帮他克服害羞的毛病，因为，这样做只能让事情更糟。其实，很多人都怯场，我就这样。
Mallory P. answers from
Pittsburgh
One thing is for sure-you do not
talk to him about it. Do not make a big deal about it. Don't even
mention it at all. Doing this will make it MUCH worse, I promise.
It could be a phase...or it could be how he is built. No way to
know this young. But there is NOTHING that can be done to help it
and any effort made will only make it worse.
Plenty of people have this kind
of stage fright. I know that I do.
来自美国埃尔伯特的Momofmany
首先，不要对你儿子说他太害羞了，也不要让其他人这样做，因为这只会让你儿子变得越来越害羞。记得当我最小的儿子还小时，有一次我带他去商店买东西。排队交款时我旁边的一位年长女士对我儿子说了声“嗨”，结果我儿子羞得直往我身后钻。我赶紧对那位女士道歉，“别介意，他只是太害羞了”。没想到那位女士很温和地告诉我，我不应该当着孩子的面这么说。她是对的，直到今天，我都很感激她（这件事至少发生在16年前）。你的儿子也会长大，变得成熟起来。一些孩子不太愿意成为人们瞩目的焦点。这没什么不好。另一些孩子恰恰相反，他们就喜欢惹人注意。你儿子还很小，我建议你，不要强迫他做他不愿做的事，毕竟，不想在一大群陌生人面前表演节目不是什么大问题。或许，幼儿园的老师能给你儿子安排别的任务。我认为你应该支持你儿子，告诉他，如果他不愿意上台表演可以不去。找他的老师谈谈，看能不能给你儿子安排些他愿意做的事。不要去强迫她，硬把他推到台前只会伤害他。
Momofmany answers
from Elbert
First of all, don't ever say or
let anyone say in front of your son that he is shy. Your son will
become who he hears that he is. When my oldest was little, an older
woman in line near me at the store we were in said hi to my son,
who then hid behind my leg and wouldn't say hi. I said to her, "Oh,
he's shy." as a way of apology. She exhorted me gently that I
should never say that. And, she was right! I am so thankful for
that, still to this day (at least 16 years later). Your son will
mature and grow. Some children do not like to be the center of
attention. That is okay. Some thrive at being the center of
attention. Your son is still so young still. I advise you to let
him be little and don't push him into things that he isn't
comfortable with yet. It's okay to not want to be on stage
performing in front of a bunch of strangers. Perhaps they can give
him a different job. I think you should be very positive with him
about it, and tell him it is perfectly fine if he doesn't want to
participate in that particular way. Ask the teacher if there is
something else he can do instead. Don't force him. It could damage
him far worse than being the prop guy.
来自美国檀香山的S .H.
我不知道，为什么人们总喜欢把“害羞”和“胆怯”联系在一起，这是两个截然不同的概念。
我也不知道，为什么人们会把“害羞”当成是一件坏事来对待。实际上它不是。它并不代表孩子有什么“缺陷”。
我女儿现在8岁了，以前她也很害羞，从她开始上学前班时，老师们就说她很害羞。不过，我想让你知道，我害羞的女儿究竟是个什么样的孩子：
1） 她很懂事，要比其他同龄孩子成熟
2）
她很擅长观察，并且作为一个孩子，她的观察很到位。她还会有选择性地交朋友，绝不是什么跟着别人屁股后面跑的小羔羊。
3） 她了解自己，相信自己，她要比同龄的孩子聪明。
4） 尽管她在很多方面都不再害羞，但总体来说，她还是个羞涩的
孩子，不过，她仍然很自信，她了解自己，将来也不会成为一个任人摆布的人。因为，“害羞”与“任人摆布”毫无关联。事实上，尽管我的女孩很害羞，但她却是个内心坚强的人。
因此，我为她感到骄傲。
我从来不把“害羞”当成是一件坏事。我告诉她所有的老师，尽管她很害羞，她仍然是个讨人喜欢的孩子，她自信，有很多朋友，她的老师总夸她是班上表现最好的孩子，值得信赖，是其他孩子学习的好榜样。
害羞的孩子经常会淹没在一大群性格开朗的孩子中，而显得默默无闻，但孩子性格开朗，好表现，不一定意味着就比别的孩子优秀。
S H. answers from
Honolulu
I don't know why being "shy" is
equated with "timid." It is 2 entirely different things.
I also don't know why being "shy"
is always seen as a 'bad' thing. It is not.
It does not indicate ANY
'inadequacies" what so ever.
My Daughter, who is now 8 years
old... was also "shy." And every Teacher she had since Preschool,
echoed that. BUT here is the thing about her and the "shy" factor
in a child:
1) She is VERY cognizant,
socially, and more mature than other kids...
2) She is an "observer"...and
very accurate in her observations, for a child.. and she CHOOSES
her friends & wisely... not being a sheep who just
follows along.
3) She KNOWS herself... and is
always herself... and trusts herself... and she is very wise...
more so than other kids her age.
4) Although she has now outgrown
it in many ways... being shy, she is STILL very self-assured and
knows herself and will not... at all.... be a 'meek' child...
because... being "shy" is NOT THE SAME at being "meek." IN fact, my
daughter, though 'shy' is a very strong person,
internally...
So, I am very proud of
her.
I have NEVER seen being "shy" as
a bad thing nor a negative thing. I have told all her
Teachers...that although she may be "shy"... she is ALSO... very
well liked, confident, sure of herself, has lots of friends and the
Teachers have always said, she is the most WELL behaved child in
class and that she can be trusted and is a good role-model for
other kids.
So... being 'shy'... is really no
big deal. It is NOT equated with being "timid" or having lack of
confidence.
"Shy" kids... often get drowned
out, by more extroverted kids. Being an "extrovert" also does not
make, one kid better than the other.
米妈妈建议：
害羞不意味着胆怯，羞涩的孩子也很自信，聪明，有很多朋友，还善于观察，这是来自美国檀香山的S
.H在她“羞涩”的女儿身上发现的优点。其实，在美国妈妈眼中，孩子羞涩并不是什么大问题。每个孩子都有自己的个性，一些孩子不太愿意成为人们瞩目的焦点，这其实也没什么不好的，所以中国妈妈们用不着忧心忡忡，把这个问题复杂化，严重化。
另外，不要当着孩子的面说，“你太害羞了”“我孩子很害羞”等这样的话，也不要让别人这么做。最好连提都不要提，提了反而会让孩子越来越害羞。
美国费城的J.C.培养孩子大胆的做法妈妈们可以参考，可以尽量找机会让孩子在公共场合说话，比如在外面吃饭的时候让孩子自己点菜，在商场的时候让孩子去跟售货员求助，在去看大夫的时候让孩子做自我介绍等等。而且，角色扮演也是一个很好的方式，比如在家里模拟如果接电话，如何和他人对话等。如果有机会的话，可以让孩子参加一些表演班，让孩子在游戏中找到自我。
喜欢
0
赠金笔