Think back to the last time your heart was broken. The next time you encounter a similar situation, will you free to choose how you act, or will you automatically attempt to protect yourself?

Most people will choose the second option. However, focusing your attention on self-protection prevents you from being fully present. You may miss opportunities to change the outcome of the situation, to play it differently, to see how it is different. You may miss opportunities to truly connect with someone.

That's why letting go of your past - or " getting complete" is vitally important, especially if you have been divorced or have had a history of poor relationship. If you do not get complete, you will carry old pain into present and future relationships.

Start now to break the cycle. Here are 5 suggestions for " getting complete."

     1. Write letters to the person who made you feel resentful or hurt. This maybe an ex-spouse or ex-partner, or even a family member or friend. Freely say everything you want to say. Write as many letters as necessary to feel complete, but do not send them. Instead, do something with them that helps you feel you are getting rid of the painful feelings. Flush the letters down the toilet, burn them or bury them, etc.

    2.  Tell your story over and over to a trusted friend or adviser. Make sure the person listening gives no advice and makes no comments to dispute your feelings, but instead allows you to talk and listens attentively.

    3.  Talk to the right person. Choose someone with whom you feel incomplete. Do this only if you are sure he or she will be able to really listen to you. Make sure not to blame or be rude, but talk about feelings and the consequences in your life. If you have the opportunity, have as many conversations as you need to get complete.

    4.  Imagine. Picture yourself in the same room as the person with whom you have the incompletion. Imagine him or her listening attentively to you while you say everything you need to say. Repeat this process many times untill you are done.

    5. Role- play.  Ask a trusted friend to role- play the hurtful situation with you. Have your friend be the other person and re-enact the situation. Repeat the role-play, but this time, have the other person act in a way that would have avoided causing you pain. Repeat the process over time until you feel complete.