If you look for a soul mate, you are likely to find a relationship that leaves you bewildered and alone soon after it begins. Instead, look for a partner and a best friend to whom you are attracted.  Look for a person who has the capacity to become your partner and best friend, to whom you are attracted.  As in someone you can partner with to build a life, someone who will support, encourage and cheer you on, to whom you are attracted.  All three of these qualities must be present for you to have the kind of relationship you dream of.

Once you find him or her, follow five suggestions below to build a relationship;

    1. Don't melt into the other person, but instead be strongly yourself.   The more you are yourself, the stronger your bond with the other person has a chance of becoming.

    2.  Don't try to be nice and don't give just to be loved or liked. Just be. In a long-term relationship that hopefully will last for the rest of your life, you want to just be and have that be enough, have that be appreciated.  So just be in the beginning -- it will either be good enough, maybe even extraordinary, or not.

    3.  Don't rely on each other too much.  Don't need each other to fix life, emotional or financial problems. Emotions and loyalties get confused when new partners try to save each other. Keep the relationship clean and be together because you want to, not because you need to.

   4.  Slow way down.  Take the relationship very slow. Savor each milestone: the first time you hold hands, the first kiss, the first afternoon spent together. If you end up together, the " firsts" will only happen once.

   5.  Build a friendship.  Building a good friendship takes time, effort, risk, communication, compassion, honesty. Do it-- it is this friendship that will serve as a foundation of your relationship.