SHERLOCK HOLMES

Season One       NO.1

 

THERAPIST: How's your blog going?

JOHN: Yeah, good, very good.

      You haven't written a word, have you? You just wrote "still has trust issues".

THERAPIST: And you read my writing upside down.

           You see what I mean?

           John, you're a soldier and it's going to take you a while to adjust to

           civilian life and writing a blog about everything that happens to you will

           honestly help you.

JOHN: Nothing happens to me.

 

October 12th

JEFFERY PATTERSON: What do you mean there's no ruddy car?

JEFFERY's wife: He went to Waterloo, I'm sorry. Get a cab!

JEFFERY PATTERSON: I never get cabs!

JEFFERY's wife: I love you.

JEFFERY PATTERSON: When?

JEFFERY's wife: Get a cab!

 

POLICEWOMAN: My husband was a happy man who lived life to the full. He loved his

             family and his work, and that he should have taken his own life in this

             way is a mystery and a shock t all who knew him.

 

November 26th

JAMES PHILLIMORE: Taxi, taxi!

                  I'll be just two minutes, mate.

JAMES' friend: What?

JAMES PHILLIMORE: I'm just going home to get my umbrella.

JAMES' friend: You can share mine.

JAMES PHILLIMORE: Two minutes, all right?

 

NEWSPAPER: Boy, 18, kills himself inside sports centre

 

January 27th

MAN: She still dancing?

WOMAN: Yeah, if you can call it that.

MAN: Did you get the car keys of her?

WOMAN: Get them out of her bag.

MAN: Where is she?

 

SALLY: The body of Beth Davenpert, Junior Minister for Transport, was found late last

       night on a building site in Greater London. Preliminary investigations suggest

       that this was suicide. We can confirm that this apparent suicide closely

       resembles those of Sir Jeffrey Patterson and James Phillimore. In the light of

       this, these incidents are now being treated as linked. The investigation is

       ongoing but Detective Inspector Lestrade will take questions now.

JOURNALIST 1: Detective Inspector, how can suicides be linked?

LESTRADE: Well, they all took the same poison. They were all found in places they had

          no reason to be. None of them had shown any prior indication.

JOURNALIST 1: But you can't have serial suicides.

LESTRADE: Well, apparently you can.

JOURNALIST 2: These three people, there;s nothing that links them?

LESTRAED: There's no link we've found yet but we're looking for it. There has to be

          one.

TEXT to all: Wrong!

SALLY: If you've all got texts, please ignore them.

JOURNALIST 1: It just says "Wrong".

SALLY: Well, just igonre that. If there are no more questions, I'm going to bring this

       session to an end.

JOURNALIST 2: If they're suicides, what are you investigating?

LESTRADE: As I say, these suicides are clearly linked. It's an unusual situation,

          we've got our best people investigating.

TEXT to all: Wrong!

JOURNALIST 2: Says "Wrong" again.

SALLY: One more question.

JOURNALIST 3: Is there any chance that these are murders? And if they are, is this the

              work of a serial killer?

LESTRADE: I know that you like writing about these but these do appear to be suicdes.

          We know the difference. The poison was clearly self-administered.

JOURNALIST 3: Yes, but if they are murders, how do people keep themselves safe?

LESTRADE: Well, don't commit suicide.

SALLY: Daliy mail!

LESTRAED: This is a frightening time for people but all anyone has to do is exercise

          reasonable precautions. We are all as safe as we want to be.

TEXT to all: Wrong!

TEXT to Lestrade: You konw where to find me.     SH

LESTRADE: Thank you.

 

SALLY: You've got to stop him doing that. He's making us look like idiots.

LESTRADE: If you can tell me how he does it, I'll stop him.

 

 

MIKE STANFORD: John! John Watson!

               Stanford, Mike Stanford. We were at Barts together.

JOHN: Yes, sorry, yes, Mike. Hello!

MIKE STANFORD: Yes, I know, I got fat.

JOHN: No, no.

MIKE STANFORD: I heard you were abroad somewhere getting shot at. What happened?

JOHN: I got shot.

      Are you still at Barts then?

MIKE STANFORD: Teaching now, yeah, bright young things like we used to be. God, I hate

               them. What abot you, just staying in town till you get yourself sorted?

JOHN: I can't afford London on an Army pension.

MIKE STANFORD: Couldn't bear to be anywhere else. That's not the John Watson I know.

JOHN: I'm not the John Watson.

MIKE STANFORD: Couldn't Harry help?

JOHN: Yeah, like that's going to happen.

MIKE STANFORD: I don't know, get a flatshare or something?

JOHN: Who'd want me for a flatmate?

Mike Stanford laugh.

JOHN: Waht?

MIKE STANFORD: You're the second person to say that to me today.

JOHN: Who's the first?

 

 

SHERLOCK: How fresh?

MOLLY: Just in. 67, natural causes. Used to work hre. I knew him, he was nice.

SHERLOCK: Fine. We'll start with the riding crop.

 

MOLLY: So, bad day was it?

SHERLOCK: I need to know waht bruises form in the next 20 minutes. A man's dlibi

          depends on it. Text me.

MOLLY: Listen, I was wondering. Maybe later, whe you're finished...

SHERLOCK: You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.

MOLLY: I refreshed it a bit.

SHERLOCK: Sorry, you were saying?

MOLLY: I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee?

SHERLOCK: Black, two sugars, please. I'll be upstairs.

MOLLY: OK.

 

JOHN: Bit different from my day.

MIKE STANFORD: You've no idea!

SHERLOCK: Mike, can I borrow your phone? There's no signal on mine.

MIKE STANFORD: And what's wrong with the landline?

SHERLOCK: I prefer to text.

MIKE STANFORD: Sorry, it's in my coat.

JOHN: Here, use mine.

SHERLOCK: Oh, thank you.

MIKE STANFORD: This is an old friend of mine, John Watson.

SHERLOCK: Afghanistan or Iraq?

JOHN: Sorry?

SHERLOCK: Which was it, in Afghanistan or Iraq?

JOHN: Afgahanistan, sorry, how did you know?

SHERLOCK: Ah! Molly, coffee, thank you.

          What happened to the lipstick?

MOLLY: It wasn't working for me.

SHERLOCK: Really? It was a big improvement. Your mouth's too small now.

MOLLY: OK.

SHERLOCK: How do you feel about the violin?

JOHN: I'm sorry, what?

SHERLOCK: I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometimes I don't talk for days on

          end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about

          each other.

JOHN: You told him about me?

MIKE STANFORD: Not a word.

JOHN: Who said anything about flatmates?

SHERLOCK: I did. Told Mike this morning that I must be a difficult man to find a

          flatmate for. Now here he is just after lunch with an old friend clearly

          just home from military service in Afghanistan. Wasn't a difficult leap.

JOHN: How did you know about Afghanistan?

SHERLCK: Got my eye on a nice little place in central London. We ought to be able to

         afford it. We'll meet there tomorrow evening, seven o'clock. Sorry, got a

          dash. I think I left my tiding crop in the mortuary.

JOHN: Is that it?

SHERLOCK: Is that what?

JOHN: We've only just met and we're going to go and look at a flat?

SHERLOCK: Problem?

JOHN: We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting, I

      don't even know your name.

SHERLOCK: I know you're an Army doctor and you've been invalided home from

          Afghanistan. You've got a brother worried about you but you won't go to him

          for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an

          alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. And I

          know that your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic, quite correctly,

          I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think?

          The name's Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street.

          Afternoon.

MIKE STANFORD: Yeah, he's always like that.

 

TEXT(Sherlock send through John's phone): If brother has green ladder arrest brother.

                                          SH

 

 

BAKER STREET W1   CITY OF WESTMINSTER

SHERLOCK: Hello.

JOHN: Ah, Mr. Holmes.

SHERLOCK: Sherlock, please.

JOHN: Well, this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.

SHERLOC: Mrs. Hudson, the landlady—she's given me a special deal. Owes me a favour. A

         few years back, her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was

         able to help out.

JOHN: Sorry, you stopped her husband being executed?

SHERLOCK: Oh, no, I ensured it.

 

MRS HUDSON: Sherlock!

SHERLOCK: Mrs. Hudson, Dr. John Watson.

MRS HUDSON: Hello. Come in.

JOHN: Thank you.

SHERLOCK: Shall we...?

 

JOHN: Well, this could be very nice. Very nice indeed.

SHERLOCK: Yes. Yes, I think so, my thoughts precisely. So I went straight ahead and

          moved in.

          Soon as we get all this rubbish cleaned out...

JOHN: So this is all...

SHERLOCK: Well, obviously I can... straighten things up a bit.

JOHN: That's a skull.

SHERLOCK: Friend of mine. When I say friend...

MRS HUDSON: What do you think, then, Dr. Watson? There's another bedroom upstairs, if

            you'll be needing two bedrooms.

JOHN: Of course we'll be needing two.

MRS HUDSON: Don't worry, there's all sorts round here. Mrs. Turner next door's got

            married ones.

            Oh... Sherlock! The mess you've made.

JOHN: I looked you up on the internet last night.

SHERLOCK: Anything interesting?

JOHN: Found your website. The Science of Deduction.

SHERLOCK: What did you think?

JOHN: You said you could identify a software designer by his tie and an airline pilot

      by his left thumb?

SHERLOCK: Yes. And I can read your military career in your face and your leg, and your

          brother's drinking habits on your mobile phone.

JOHN: How?

MRS HUDSON: What about these suicides then, Sherlock? I thought that'd be right up

            your street. Three exactly the same.

SHERLOCK: Four. There's been a fourth. And there's something different this time.

MRS HUDSON: A fourth?

SHERLOCK: Where?

LESTRAED: Brixton, Laurison Gardens.

SHERLOCK: What's new about this one? You wouldn't have come to me otherwise.

LESTRADE: You know how they never leave notes?

SHERLOCK: Yeah.

LESTRAED: This one did. Will you come?

SHERLOCK: Who's on forensics?

LESTRADE: Anderson.

SHERLOCK: He doesn't work well with me.

LESTRADE: Well, he won't be your assistant.

SHERLOCK: I NEED an assistant.

LESTRADE: Will you come?

SHERLOCK: Not in a police car, I'll be right behind.

LESTRADE: Thank you.

 

SHERLOCK: Brilliant! Yes!

          Four serial suicides, and now a note.

          Oh, it's Christmas.

          Mrs. Hudson, I'll be late. Might need some food.

MRS HUDSON: I'm your landlady, dear, not your housekeeper.

SHERLOCK: Something cold will do. John, have a cup of tea, make yourself at home.

          Don't wait up!

MRS HUDSON: Look at him, dashing about...

            My husband was just the same. But you're more the sitting-down type, I can

            tell. I'll make you that cuppa, you rest your leg.

JOHN: Damn my leg!

      Sorry, I'm so sorry - It's just sometimes this bloody thing...

MRS HUDSON: I understand, dear, I've got a hip.

JOHN: Cup of tea'd be lovely. Thank you.

MRS HUDSON: Just this once, dear, I'm not your housekeeper.

JOHN: Couple of buscuits too, if you've got'em.

MRS HUDSON: Not your housekeeper!

 

SHERLCOK: You're a doctor. In fact you're an Army doctor.

JOHN: Yes.

SHERLOCK: Any good?

JOHN: Very good.

SHERLOCK: Seen a lot of injuries, then. Violent deaths.

JOHN: Well, yes.

SHERLOCK: Bit of trouble too, I bet?

JOHN: Of course. Yes. Enough for a lifetime, far too much.

SHERLOCK: Want to see some more?

JOHN: Oh, God, yes.

SHERLOCK: Sorry Mrs. Hudson, I'll skip the tea. Off out.

MRS HUDSON: Both of you?

SHERLOCK: Impossible suicides? Four of them? No point sitting at home when there's

          finally something fun going on!

MRS HUDSON: Look at you, all happy. It's not decent.

SHERLOCK: Who cares about decent? The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on!

 

SHERLOCK: Taxi!

 

SHERLCOK: OK. You've got questions...

JOHN: Yeah, where are we going?

SHERLOCK: Crime scene. Next?

JOHN: Who are you, what do you do?

SHERLOCK: What do you think?

JOHN: I'd say...private detective.

SHERLOCK: But?

JOHN: But police don't go to private detectives.

SHERLOCK: I'm a consulting detective. Only one in the world, I invented the job.

JOHN: What does that mean?

SHERLCOK: Means when the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult

          me.

JOHN: The police don't consult amateurs.

SHERLOCK: When I met you for the first time yesterday, I said Afghanistan or Iraq. You

          looked surprised.

JOHN: Yes, how DID you know?

SHERLOCK: I didn't know, I saw.

          Your haircut, the way you hold yourself says military.

          But your conversation...-Bit different from my day...said trained at Barts.

          So Army doctor, obvious. Your face is tanned...but no tan above the wrists.

          You've been abroad, but not sunbathing. Your limp's really bad when you

          walk, but you don't ask for a chair when you stand so it's at least partly

          psychosomatic. That's says the original circumstances of the injury were

          traumatic - wounded in action then. Wounded in action, suntan - Afghanistan

          or Iraq.

JOHN: You said I had a therapist.

SHERLOCK: You've got a psychosomatic limp, of course you've got a therapist.

          Then there's your brother. Your phone. It's expensive, e-mail enabled, MP3

          player. And you're looking for a flatshare. You wouldn't buy this - it;s a

          gift. Scratches. Not one, many over time - it's been in the same pocket as

          keys and coins. You wouldn't treat your one luxury item like this, so it's

          had a previous owner. Next bit's easy. You know it already.

JOHN: The engrawing?

SHERLOCK: Harry Watson. Clearly a family member who's given you his old phone. Not

          your father, this is a young man's gadget. Could be a cousin, but you're a

          war hero who can't find a place to live unlikely you've got an extended

          family, certainly was one you're close to. So brother it is. Clara, who's

          Clara? Three kisses says it's a romantic attachment. The expense of the

          phone says wife, not girlfriend. Must have given it to him recently, it's

          only six months old. Marriage in trouble then - six minths on he's given it

          away. If she'd left HIM, he would have kept it. People do ti, sentiment. No,

          he wanted rid of it. He left HER. He gave the phone to you, so he wants to

          stay in touch. You're looking for cheap accommodation, but you are not going

          to your brother for help that says you've got problems with him. Maybe you

          liked his wife, or don't like his drinking.

JOHN: How can you possibly know about the drinking?

SHERLOCK: Shot in the dark. Good one, though. Power connection - tiny little scuff

          marks round it. Every night he plugs it in but his hands are shaking. You

          never see those marks on a sober man's phone, never see a drunk's without

          them. There you go, you see, you were right.

JOHN: I was right? Right about what?

SHERLOCK: The police don't consult amateurs.

JOHN: That...was amazing.

SHERLOCK: Do you think so?

JOHN: Of course it was. It was extraordinary, it was quite extraodinary.

SHERLOCK: That's not what people normally say.

JOHN: What do people normally say?

SHERLOCK: Piss off!

 

 

SHERLOCK: Did I get anything wrong?

JOHN: Harry and me don't get on, never have, Clara and Harry split up three months

      ago and they're getting a divorce, and Harry is a drinker.

SHERLOCK: Spot on, then. I didn't expect to be right about everything.

JOHN: Harry's short for Harriet.

SHERLOCK: Harry's your sister.

JOHN: Look, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?

SHERLOCK: Sister!

JOHN: No, seriously, what am I doing here?

SHERLOCK: There's always something.

 

SALLY: Hello, freak!

SHERLOCK: I 'm here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade.

SALLY: Why?

SHERLOCK: I was invited.

SALLY: Why?

SHERLOCK: I think he wants me to take a look.

SALLY: Well, you knwo what I think, don't you?

SHERLOCK: Always, Sally. I even know you didn't make it home last night.

SALLY: I don't... Who's this?

SHERLOCK: Colleague of mine, Dr. Watson.

          Dr. Watson, Sergeant Sally Donovan. Old friend.

SALLY: A colleague? How do YOU get a colleague?

       Did he follow you home?

JOHN: Would it be better if I just waited...

SHERLOCK: No.

SALLY: Freak's here. Bringing him in.

SHERLOCK: Ah, Anderson. Here we are again,

ANDERSON: It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated. Are we clear on that?

SHERLOCK: Quite clear. And is your wife away for long?

ANDERSON: Oh, don't pretend you worked that out. Somebody told you that.

SHERLOCK: Your deodorant told me that.

ANDERSON: My deodorant?

SHERLOCK: It's for men.

ANDERSON: Well, of course it's for men - I'm wearing it.

SHERLOCK: So's Sergeant Donovan.

          Ooh...I think it just vaporised. May I go in?

ANDERSON: Whatever you're trying to imply...

SHERLOCK: I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round for a nice little chat,

          and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going

          by the state of her knees.

 

LESTRADE: You'll need to wear one of those.

          Who's this?

SHERLOCK: He's with me.

LESTRADE: But who is he?

SHERLOCK: I said he's with me.

JOHN: Aren't you going to put one on?

SHERLOCK: So where are we?

LESTRADE: Upstairs.

 

LESTARDE: I can give you two minutes.

SHERLOCK: May need longer.

LESTRADE: Her name's Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards, we're running them

          now for contact details.

          Hasn't been here long. Some kids found her.

 

SHERLOCK: Shut up.

LESTRAED: I didn't say anything.

SHERLOCK: You were thinking. It's annoying.

 

(On the floor) R,A,C,H,E

LESTRADE: Got anything?

SHERLOCK: Not much.

ANERSON: She's German.

         Rache. It's German for revenge. She could be trying to tell us something...

SHERLOCK: Yes, thank you for your input.

LESTRADE: So she's German?

SHERLOCK: Of course she's not. She's from out of town though. Intended to stay in

          London for one night before returning home to Cardiff. So far, so obvious.

JOHN: Sorry - obvious?

LESTRADE: What about the message though?

SHERLOCK: Dr. Watson, what do you think?

JOHN: Of the message?

SHERLOCK: Of the body. You're a medical man.

LESTRADE: We have a whole team right outside.

SHERLOCK: They won't work with me.

LESTRADE: I'm breaking every rule letting you in here...

SHERLOCK: Yes...because you need me.

LESTRADE: Yes, I do. God help me.

SHERLOCK: Dr. Watson!

LESTRADE: Oh, do as he says. Help yourself.

          Anderson, keep everyone our for a couple of minutes...

 

JOHN: What am I doing here?

SHERLOCK: Helping me make a point.

JOHN: I'm supposed t be helping you pay the rent.

SHERLOCK: This is more fun.

JOHN: Fun? There's a woman lying dead.

SHERLOCK: Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.

JOHN: Asphyxiation, probably. Passed out, choked in her own vonit. Can't smell any

      alcohol on her. It could have been a seizure. Possibly drugs.

SHERLOCK: You know what it was, you've read the papers.

JOHN: Well, she's one of the suicides. The fourth...?

LESTRADE: Sherlock - two minutes, I said, I need anything you got.

SHERLOCK: Victim is in her late 30s. Profossional person, going by her clothes - pink.

          Travelled from Cardiff today intending to stay in London one night. It's

          obvious from the size of her suitcase.

LESTRADE: Suitcase?

SHERLOCK: Suitcase. Yes. She's been married at least ten years, but not happily. She's

          had a string of lovers but none of them knew she was married.

LESTRADE: Oh, for God's sake, if you're just making this up...

SHERLOCK: Her wedding ring. Ten years old at least. The rest of her jewellery has been

          regulary cleaned, but not her wedding ring. Status of her marriage, right

          there. The inside of the ring is shinier than the outside. That means it's

          regulary removed. The only polishing it gets is when she works it off her

          finger. It's not for work, look at her nails. She doesn't work with her

          hands, so what or other who does she remove her rings for? Clearly not one

          lover, she'd never sustain the fiction of being single for that matter of

          time, so more likely a string of them. Simple.

JOHN: Brilliant.

      Sorry.

LESTRADE: Cardiff?

SHERLOCK: It's obvious, isn't it?

JOHN: It's not obvious to me.

SHERLOCK: Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains, it must be so boring.

          Her coat - it's slightly damp, she's been in heavy rain the last few hours -

          no rain anywhere in London in that time. Under her coat collar is damp too.

          She's turned it up against the wind. She's got an umbrella in her left

          pocket but it's dry and unused. Not just wind, strong wind - too strong to

          use her umbrella. We know from her suitcase that she was intending to stay

          overnight so she must come from a decent distance but she can't have

          travelled more than two or three hours because her coat still hasn't dried.

          So - where has there been heavy rain and strong wind within the radius of

          that travel time? Cardiff.

JOHN: Fantastic.

SHERLOCK: Do you know you do that out loud?

JOHN: Sorry, I'll shut up.

SHERLOCK: No, it's...fine.

LESTRADE: Why do you keep saying suitcase?

SHERLOCK: Yes, where is it? She must have had a phone or an oraniser.

          Find out who Rachel is.

LESTRADE: She was writing Rachel?

SHERLOCK: No, she was leaving an angry note in German - of course she was writing

          Rachel, no other word it can be. The question is why did she wait until she

          was dying to write it?

LESTRADE: How do you know she had a suitcase?

SHERLOCK: Back to the right leg, tiny splash marks on her hecling calf, not present on

          the left. She was dragging a wheeled suitcase behind her with her right

          hand, get that splash pattern on the other way. Smallish case, going by the

          spread. Case that size, womn this clothes - conscious - could only be an

          overnight bag so we know she was staying one night. Where is it, what have

          you done with it?

LESTRADE: There wasn't a case.

SHERLOCK: Say that again.

LESTRADE: There wasn't a case. There was never any suitcase.

SHERLOCK: Suitcase! Did anyone find a suitcase? Was there a suitcase in this house?

LESTRADE: Sir, there was no case!

SHERLOCK: But they take the poison themselves, they choose swallow the pills

          themselves. There are clear signs, even you lot couldn't miss them.

LESTRADE: Right, thanks. And...

SHERLOCK: It's murder, all of them. I don't know how. But they'er not suicides,

          they're killings, they're serial killings. We've got ourselves a serial

          killer. I'd love those. There's always something to look forward to.

LESTRADE: Why are you saying that?

SHERLOK: Her case! Come on, where is her case? Did she eat it? Someone else was here,

         and they took her case. So the killer must have driven here. Forgot the case

         in the car.

JOHN: She could have checked into a hotel, left it there.

SHERLOCK: No, she never got to the hotel, look at her hair. She color-coordinates her

          lipstick and her shoes. She'd never have left any hotel with her hair still

          looking...

LESTRADE: Sherlock? What is it, what?

SHERLOCK: Serial killers, always hard. You have to wait for them to make a mistake.

LESTRADE: We don't just wait!

SHERLOCK: Oh, we're done waiting. Look at her, really look! Havston, we have a

          mistake. Get on to Cardiff. Find out who Jennifer Wilson's family and

          friends were. Find Rachel!

LESTRADE: Of course, yeah - but what mistake?

SHERLOCK: Pink!

ANDERSON: Let's get on with it...

 

SALLY: He's gone.

JOHN: Sherlock Holmes?

SALLY: Yeah, he just took off. He does that.

JOHN: Is he coming back?

SALLY: Didn't look like it.

JOHN: Right. Right...

      Yes. Sorry, where am I?

SALLY: Brixton.

JOHN: Do you know where I could get a cab? It's just er...well...my leg.

SALLY: Try the main road.

JOHN: Thanks.

SALLY: But you're not his friend. He doesn't have friends. So who are you?

JOHN: I'm....I'm nobody. I just met him.

SALLY: OK, bit of advice then. Stay away from that guy.

JOHN: Why?

SALLY: You know why he's here? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on

       it. The weirder the crime, the more he gets off. And you know what...? One day

       just showing up won't be enough. One day we'll be standing round a body and

       Sherlock Holmes'll be the one that put it there.

JOHN: Why would he do that?

SALLY: Because he's a psychopath. Psychopaths get bored.

LESTRADE: Donovan!

SALLY: Coming.

       Stay away from Sherlock Holmes.

 

JOHN: Taxi! Taxi...

 

 

JOHN: Hello?

MYCROFT: There is a security camera on the building to your left. Do you see it?

JOHN: Who's this? Who's speaking?

MYCROFT: Do you see the camera, Dr. Watson?

JOHN: Yeah, I see it.

MYCROFT: Watch...

         There is another camera on the building opposite you. Do you see it? And

         finally, at the top of the building on your right.

JOHN: How are you doing this?

MYCROFT: Get into the car, Dr. Watson. I would make some sort of threat, but I'm sure

         your situation is quite clear to you.

 

JOHN: Hello.

ANTHEA: Hi.

JOHN: What's your name, then?

ANTHEA: Er...Anthea.

JOHN: Is that your real name?

ANTHEA: No.

JOHN: I'm John.

ANTHEA: Yes, I know.

JOHN: Any point in asking...where I'm going?

ANTHEA: None at all...John.

JOHN: OK.

 

 

MYCROFT: Have a seat, John.

JOHN: You know, I've got a phone. I mean, very clever and all that, but er...you could

      just phone me. On my phone.

MYCROFT: When one is avoiding the attention of Sherlock Holmes, one learns to be

         discreet, hence this place. Your leg must be hurting you. Sit down.

JOHN: I don't want to sit down.

MYCROFT: You don't seem very afraid.

JOHN: You don't seem very frightening.

MYCROFT: Yes... The bravery of the soldier. Bravery is by far the kindest word for

         stupidity, don't you think? What is your connection to Sherlock Holmes?

JOHN: I don't have one. I barely know him, I met him...yesterday.

MYCROFT: And since yesterday you've moved in with him and now you're solving crimes

         together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?

JOHN: Who are you?

MYCROFT: An interested party.

JOHN: Interested in Sherloce? Why? I'm guessing you're not friends.

MYCROFT: You've met him. How many friends do you imagine he has?

         I am the closest thing to a friend that Sherlcok Holmes is capable of having.

JOHN: And what's that?

MYCROFT: An enemy.

JOHN: An enemy?

MYCROFT: In HIS mind, certainly. If you were to ask him, he'd probably say his

         arch-enemy. He does love to be dramatic.

JOHN: Well, thank God. You're above all that.

TEXT of John: Baker Street. Come at once of convenient.      SH

MYCROFT: I hope I'm not distracting you.

JOHN: Not distracting me at all.

MYCROFT: Do you plan to continue your association with Sherlock Holmes?

JOHN: I could be wrong...but I think that's none of your business.

MYCROFT: It could be.

JOHN: It really couldn't.

MYCROFT: If you DO move into, erm...221B Baker Street, I'd be happy to pay you a

         meaningful sum of money on a regular basis to ease your way.

JOHN: Why?

MYCROFT: Because you're not a wealthy man.

JOHN: In exchange for what?

MYCROFT: Information. Nothing indiscreet. Nothing you'd feel...uncomfortable with.

         Just tell me what he's up to.

JOHN: Why?

MYCROFT: I worry about him. Constantly.

JOHN: That's nice of you.

MYCROFT: But I would prefer for various reasons that my concern go unmentioned, we

         have what you might call a...difficult relationship.

TEXT of John: If inconveinent, come anyway.    SH

JOHN: No.

MYCROF: But I haven't mentioned a figure.

JOHN: Don't bother.

MYCROFT: You're very loyal VERY quickly.

JOHN: No, I'm not, I'm just not interested.

MYCROFT: "Trust issues"...it says here.

JOHN: What's that?

MYCROFT: Could it be that you've decided to trust Sherlcok Holmes of all people?

JOHN: Who says I trust him?

MYCROFT: You don't seem the kind to make friends easily.

JOHN: Are we done?

MYCROFT: You tell me.

         I imagine people have already warned you to stay away from him, but I can see

         from your left hand that's not going to happen.

JOHN: My what?

MYCROFT: Show me.

JOHN: Don't...

MYCROFT: Remarkable.

JOHN: What is?

MYCROFT: Most people...blunder round this city, and all they see are streets and shops

         and cars. When you walk with Sherlock Holmes, you see the battlefield. You've

         seen it already. Haven't you?

JOHN: What's wrong with my hand?

MYCROFT: You have an intermitternt tremor in your left hand. Your therapist thinks

         it's post-traumatic stress disorder. She thinks you're haunted by memories of

         your military service.

JOHN: Who the hell are you? How do you know that?

MYCROFT: Fire her. She's got it the wrong way round. You're under stress right now and

         your hand is perfectly steady. You're not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson...

         You miss it. Welcome back.

         Time to choose a side, Dr. Watson.

ANTHEA: I'm to take you home.

TEXT of John: Could be dangerous.    SH

ANTHEA: Adress?

JOHN: Er, Baker Street. 221B Baker Street.

      But I need to stop off somewhere first.

 

 

JOHN: Listen, your boss. Any chance you could not tell him this is where I went?

ANTHEA: Sure.

JOHN: You've told him already, haven't you?

ANTHEA: Yeah.

JOHN: Hey erm...do you ever get any free time?

ANTHEA: Oh, yeah. Lots.

        Bye...

JOHN: OK.

 

 

JOHN: What are you doing?

SHERLOCK: Nicotine patch. Helps me think. Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in

          London these days. Bad news for brain work.

JOHN: It's good news for breathing.

SHERLOCK: Oh... Breathing! Breathing's boring.

JOHN: Is that...three patches?

SHERLOCK: It's a three-patch problem.

JOHN: Well...? You asked me to come, I'm assuming it's important.

SHERLOCK: Oh-yeah, of course. Can I borrow your phone? My phone? Always a chance that

          my number will be recognised. It's on the website.

JOHN: Mrs. Hudson's got a phone.

SHERLOCK: Yes, she's downstairs. I tried shouting but she didn't hear.

JOHN: I WAS the other side of London...

SHERLOCK: There was no hurry.

JOHN: Here...

      So what's this about - the case?

SHERLOCK: Her case...

JOHN: HER case?

SHERLOCK: Her suitcase, yes, obviously. The murderer took her suitcase, first big

          mistake.

JOHN: OK, he took her case. So?

SHERLOCK: It's no use, there's no other way. We'll have to risk it.

          Oh my desk, there's a number. I want you to send a text.

JOHN: You've brought me here...to send a text.

SHERLOCK: Text, yes. The number on my desk.

          What's wrong?

JOHN: Just met a friend of yours.

SHERLOCK: A friend?

JOHN: An enemy.

SHERLOCK: Oh. Which one?

JOHN: Well, your arch-enemy, according to him. Do people have arch-enemies?

SHERLOCK: Did he offer you money to spy on me?

JOHN: Yes.

SHERLOCK: Did you take it?

JONH: No.

SHERLOCK: Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.

JOHN: Who is he?

SHERLOCK: The most dangerous man you've ever met, and not my problem right now. On my

          desk, the number!

JOHN: Jennifer Wilson. That was... Hang on. Wasn't that the dead woman?

SHERLOCK: Yes. That's not important. Just enter the number.

          Are you doing it?

JOHN: Yes.

SHERLOCK: Have you done it?

JOHN: Yeah - hang on!

SHERLOCK: These words exactly. "What happened at Lauriston Gardens? I must have

          blacked out. 22 Northumberland Street, please come."

JOHN: You blacked out?

SHERLOCK: What? No... No!

          Type and send it. Quickly.

          Have you sent it?

JOHN: What's the address?

SHERLOCK: 22 Northumberland Street. Hurry up!

JOHN: That's... That's the pink lady's case, that's Jennifer Wilson's case.

SHERLOCK: Yes, obviously. Oh, perhaps I should mention I didn't kill her.

JOHN: I never said you did.

SHERLOCK: Why not? Given that text and the fact I have her case. It's a perfectly

          logical assumption.

JOHN: Do people usually assume you're the murderer?

SHERLOCK: Now and then, yes.

JOHN: OK...

      How did you get this?

SHERLOCK: By looking.

JOHN: Where?

SHERLOCK: The killer must have driven her to Lauriston Gardens. He could only keep her

          case by accident if it was in the car. Nobady could be seen with this case

          without drawing attention - particularly a man, which is statistically more

          likely. So obviously he'd feel compelled to get rid of it. Wouldn't have

          taken him more than five minutes to realise his mistake. I checked every

          backstreet wide enough for a car five minutes from Lauriston Gardens, and

          anywhere you could dispose of a bulky object without being observed. Took me

          less than an hour to find the right skip.

JOHN: Pink. You got all that because you realised the case would be pink?

SHERLOCK: It had to be pink, obviously.

JOHN: Why didn't I think of that?

SHERLOCK: Because you're an idiot.

          No, no, no, don't look like that. Parctically everyone is.

          Now, look. Do you see what's missing?

JOHN: From the case? How could I?

SHERLCOK: Her phone. Where's her mobile phone? There was no phone on the body, there's

          no phone in the case. We know she had one. You just texted it.

JOHN: Maybe she left it at home.

SHERLOCK: She has a string of lovers and she's careful about it. She never leaves her

          phone at home.

JOHN: Why did I just send that text?

SHERLOCK: Well, the question is where is her phone NOW?

JOHN: She could have lost it.

SHERLOCK: Yes, or?

JOHN: The murderer... You think the murderer has the phone?

SHERLOCK: Maybe she...left it when she left her case. Maybe he took it from her for

          some reason. Either way, the balance of probability is the murderer has her

          phone.

JOHN: Sorry...what are we doing - Did I just text a murderer? What good will that do?

John's phone: (Withheld) calling

SHERLOCK: A few hours after his last victim, and now he recevies a text that can only

          be from her. If somebody had just found that phone they'd ignore a text like

          that, but the murderer...would panic.

JOHN: Have you talked to the police?

SHERLOCK: Four people are dead, there isn't time to talk to police.

JOHN: So why are you talking to me?

SHERLOCK: Mrs. Hudson took my skull.

JOHN: So I'm basically filling in for your skull?

SHERLOCK: Relax, you're doing fine.

          Well?

JOHN: Well, what?

SHERLOCK: Well - you could just sit there and...watch telly.

JOHN: What, you want me to come with you?

SHERLOCK: I like company when I go out, and I think better when I talk aloud. The

          skull just attracts attention, so...

          Problem?

JOHN: Yeah, Sergeant Donovan.

SHERLOCK: What about her?

JOHN: She said...you get off on this. You enjoy it.

SHERLOCK: And I said "dangerous", and here you are.

JOHN: Damn it!

 

JOHN: Where are we going?

SHERLOCK: Northumberland Street's, a five-minute walk from here.

JOHN: You think he's stupid enough to go there?

SHERLOCK: No - I think he's brilliant enough. I love the brilliant ones. They're all

          so desperate to get caught.

JOHN: Why?

SHERLOCK: Appreciation! Applause! At long last the spotlight. That's the frailty of

          genius, John, it needs an audience.

JOHN: Yeah.

SHERLOCK: This is his hunting ground. Right here in the heart of the city. Now that we

          know his victims were abductd, that changes everything. Because all of his

          victims disappeared from busy streets, crowded palces, but nobody saw them

          go.

          Think! Who do we trust, even though we don't know them? Who passes unnoticed

          wherever they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?

JOHN: Don't know, who?

SHERLOCK: Haven't the faintest. Hungry?

 

 

SHERLOCK: Thank you, Billy.

          22 Northumberland Street. Keep your eyes on it.

JOHN: He's not just going to ring the doorbell. He'd need to be mad.

SHERLOCK: He has killed four people.

JOHN: OK.

ANGELO: Sherlock! Anything on the menu, whatever you want, free.

        On the house, for you and for your date.

SHERLOCK: Do you want to eat?

JOHN: I'm not his date.

ANGELO: This man got me off a murder charge.

SHERLOCK: This is Angelo. Three years ago I proved to Lestrade at the time of a

          particularly vicious triple murder that Angelo was elsewhere,

          house-breaking.

ANGELO: He cleaned my name.

SHERLOCK: I cleaned it a bit. Anything happening opposite?

ANGELO: Nothing.

        But for this man, I'd have gone to prison.

SHERLOCK: You did go to prison.

ANGELO: I'll get a candle for the table. It's more romantic.

JOHN: I'm not his date!

SHERLOCK: You may as well eat. We might have a long wait.

JOHN: Thanks.

      People don't have arch-enemies.

SHERLOCK: I'm sorry?

JOHN: In real life. There are no arch-enemies in real life. Doesn't happen.

SHERLOCK: Doesn't it? Sounds a bit dull.

JOHN: So who did I meet?

SHERLOCK: What do real people have, then, in their..."real lives"?

JOHN: Friends? People they know, people they like, people they don't like...

      Girlfriends, boyfriends.

SHERLOCK: Yes, well, as I was saying - dull.

JOHN: You don't have a girlfriend, then.

SHERLOCK: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.

JOHN: Oh, right. Do you have a...boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.

SHERLOCK: I know it's fine.

JOHN: So you've got a boyfriend then.

SHERLOCK: No.

JOHN: Right. OK. You're unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.

SHERLOCK: John, erm...I think you should know that I cinsider myself married to my

          work, and while I'm flattered, I'm really not looking for any...

JOHN: No, I'm...not asking. No, I'm just saying, it's all fine.

SHERLOCK: Good. Thank you.

          Look across the steet. Taxi. It's stopped. Nobody getting in, and nobody

          getting out. Why a taxi? Oh, that's clever. Is it clever? Why is it clever?

JONH: That's him.

SHERLOCK: Don't stare.

JOHN: You're staring.

SHERLOCK: We can't both stare.

 

JOHN: I've got the cab number.

SHERLOCK: Good for you.

         Right turn, one way, roadworks, traffic lights, bus lane, pedestrian

         crossing, left turn only, traffic lights.

JOHN: Sorry.

SHERLOCK: Come on, John...

          Come on, John. We're losing him!

          This way.

          No. This way!

          Sorry...

 

SHERLOCK: Police! Open her up.

          No... Teeth, tan.

          What - Californian...? LA, Santa Monica. Just arrived.

JOHN: How could you possibly know that?

SHERLOCK: The luggage.

          Probably your first trip to London, right? Going by your final destination

          and let the cabbie's taking you.

PASSANGER: Sorry - are you guys the police?

SHERLOCK: Yeah. Everything all right?

PASSANGER: Yeah.

SHERLOCK: Welcome to London.

JOHN: Er, any problems - just let us know.

 

JOHN: Basically just a cab that happened to slow down.

SHERLOCK: Basically.

JOHN: Not the murderer.

SHERLOCK: Not the murderer, no.

JOHN: Wrong country, good alibi.

SHERLOCK: As they go.

JOHN: Hey, where did you get this?

      Detective Inspector Lestrade?

SHERLOCK: Yeah. I pickpocket him when he's annoying. You can keep that one, I've got

          plenty at the flat.

          What?

JONH: Nothing, just..."Welcome to London".

SHERLOCK: Got your breath back?

JOHN: Ready when you are.

 

 

JOHN: OK... That was ridiculous. That was the most ridiculous thing...I've ever done.

SHERLOCK: And you invaded Afghanistan.

JOHN: That wasn't just me. Why aren't we back at the restaurant?

SHERLOCK: They can keep an eye out. It was a long shot anyway.

JOHN: So what were we doing there?

SHERLOCK: Oh, just passing the time. And proving a point.

JOHN: What point?

SHERLOCK: You.

          Mrs. Hudson! Dr. Watson will take the room upstairs.

JOHN: Says who?

SHERLOCK: Says the man at the door.

ANGELO: Sherlock texted me. He said you forget this.

JOHN: Er, thank you. Thank you.

MRS HUDSON: Sherlock, what have you done?

SHERLOCK: Mrs. Hudson?

MRS HUDSON: Upstairs.

 

SHERLOCK: What are you doing?

LESTRADE: Well, I know you'd find the case, I'm not stupid.

SHERLOCK: You can't just break into my flat.

LESTRADE: You can't withhold evidence - and I didn't break in.

SHERLOCK: Well, what do you call this then?

LESTRADE: It's a drugs bust.

JOHN: Seriously? This guy - a junkie? Have you met him?

SHERLOCK: John...

JOHN: I'm pretty sure you could search this flat all day, you wouldn't find anything

      you could call recreational.

SHERLOCK: John, you probably want to shut up now.

JOHN: But come on...

      No...

SHERLOCK: What?

JOHN: You?

SHERLOCK: Shut up!

          I'm not your sniffer dog.

LESTRADE: No, Anderson's my sniffer dog.

SHERLOCK: Anderson, what are you doing here on a drugs bust?

ANDERSON: Oh, I volunteered.

LESTRADE: They all did. They're not strictly speaking on the drug squad, but they're

          very keen.

SALLY: Are these human eyes?

SHERLOCK: Put those back!

SALLY: They were in the microwave.

SHERLOCK: It's an experiment.

LESTRADE: Keep looking, guys.

          Or you could help us properly and I'll stand them dowm.

SHERLOCK: This is childish.

LESTRADE: Well, I'm dealing with a child.

          Sherlock, this is our case. I'm letting you in, but you do not go off on

          your own. Clear?

SHERLOCK: What - so you set up a pretend drugs bust to bully me?

LESTRADE: It stops being pretend if we find anything.

SHERLOCK: I am clean!

LESTRADE: Is your flat...? All of it?

SHERLOCK: Don't even smoke.

LESTRADE: Neither do I.

          So let's work together.

          We've found Rachel.

SHERLOCK: Who is she?

LESTRADE: Jennifer Wilson's only daughter.

SHERLOCK: Her daughter? Why would she write her daughter's name? Why?

ANDERSON: Never mind that, we found the case. According to someone the murderer has

          the case, and we found it in the hands of our favourite psychopath.

SHERLOCK: I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research.

          You need to bring Rachel in and I need to question her.

LESTRADE: She's dead.

SHERLOCK: Excellent. How, when and why? Is there a connection? There has to be.

LESTRADE: Well, I doubt it, since she's been dead for 14 years. Technically she was

          never alive. Rachel was Jennifer Wilson's stillborn daughter, 14 years ago.

SHERLOCK: No, that's...that's not right. How... Why would she do that? Why?

ANDERSON: Why would she think of her daughter in her last moments?

          Yup - sociopath, I'm seeing it now.

SHERLOCK: She didn't think about her daughter. She scratched her name on the floor

          with her fingernails. She was dying. It took effort, it would have hurt.

JOHN: You said that the victims all took the poison themselves. that he makes them

      take it - well, maybe he...I don't know, talks to them. Maybe he used the death

      of her daughterr somehow.

SHERLOCK: Yeah, but that was ages ago. Why would she still be upset?

          Not good?

JOHN: Bit not good, yeah.

SHERLOCK: If you were dying... If you'd been murdered - in your very last few seconds

          what would you say?

JOHN: "Please, God, let me alive".

SHERLOCK: Use your imagination!

JOHN: I don't have to.

SHERLOCK: Yeah, but if you were clever...really clever, Jennifer Wilson running all

          those lovers - she was clever. She's trying to tell us something.

MRS HUDSON: Isn't the doorbell working? Your taxi's here, Sherlock.

SHERLOCK: I didn't order a taxi. Go away.

MRS HUDSON: Oh, dear. They're making such a mess. What are they looking for?

JOHN: It's a drugs bust, Mrs. Hudson.

MRS HUDSON: But they're just for my hip. They're herbal soothers...

SHERLOCK: Shut up, everybody! Don't speak, don't breathe. I'm trying to think.

          Anderson, face the other way. You're putting me off.

ANDERSON: What? My face is...

LESTRADE: Everybody quiet and still. Anderson, turn your back.

ANDERSON: Oh, for God's sake!

LESTRADE: You're back, now, please!

SHERLOCK: Come on, think. Quick!

MRS HUDSON: What about your taxi?

SHERLOCK: Mrs. Hudson!

          She was clever. Clever, yes! She's cleverer than you lot and she's dead. Do

          you see, do you get it? She didn't lose her phone, she never lost it. She

          planted it on him. When she got out of the car, she knew that she was going

          to her death. She left the phone in order to lead us to her killer.

LESTRADE: But how?

SHERLOCK: What? What do you mean, how?

          Rachel!

          Don't you see? Rachel!

          Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be

          so relaxing. Rachel is not a name.

JOHN: Then what is it?

SHERLOCK: John, on the luggage, there's a label.

          E-mail address.

JOHN: Er, jennie.pink@mephone.org.uk.

SHERLOCK: She didn't have a laptop, which means she did her business on her phone. A

          smartphone, it's e-mail enabled. So there was a website for her account. The

          username is her e-mail address - and all together, the password is?

ANDERSON: Rachel. So we can read her e-mails. So what?

SHERLOCK: Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street. We can

          do much more than that. It's a smartphone, it's got GPS. Which means if you

          lose it you can locate it online. She's leading us directly to the man who

          killed her.

LESTRADE: Unless he get rid of it.

JOHN: We know he didn't.

SHERLOCK: Come on, come on. Quickly!

MRS HUDSON: Sherlock, dear. This taxi driver...

SHERLOCK: Mrs. Hudson, isn't it time for your evening soother?

          Get vehicles, get a helicopter. This phone battery won't last for ever.

LESTRADE: We'll just have a map reference, not a name.

SHERLOCK: It's a start!

JOHN: Sherlock...

SHERLOCK: Narrows it down from just anyone in London. It's the fist proper lead that

          we've had.

JOHN: Sherlock...

SHERLOCK: Where is it? Quickly, where?

JOHN: Here. It's...in 221 Baker Street.

SHERLOCK: How can it be here?

          How?

LESTRADE: Maybe it was in the case when you brought it back and it...fell out 

          somewhere.

SHERLOCK: What, and I didn't notice it? Me - I didn't notice?

          Anyway, we texted him and he called back.

LESTRADE: Guys, we're also looking for a mobile somewhere here, belonged to the 

          victim...

SHERLOCK: Who do we trust, even if we don't know them? Who passes unnoticed wherever

          they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?

TEXT of Sherlcok: COME WITH ME.

JOHN: Sherlock, you ok?

SHERLOCK: What...?

          Yeah, yeah...I'm fine.

JOHN: So, how can the phone be here?

SHERLOCK: Don't know.

JOHN: I'll try it again.

SHERLOCK: Good idea.

JOHN: Where are you going?

SHERLOCK: Fresh air, just popping for a moment. Won't be long.

JOHN: You sure you're all right?

SHERLOCK: I'm fine.

 

 

TAXI DRIVER: Taxi for Sherlock Holmes.

SHERLOCK: I didn't order a taxi.

TAXI DRIVER: Doesn't mean you don't need one.

SHERLOCK: You're the cabbie. The one who stopped outside Northumberland Street. It 

          was you. Not your passenger.

TAXI DRIVER: See? No-one ever thinks about the cabbie. It's like you're invisible. 

             Just the back of an'ead. Proper advantage for a serial killer.

SHERLOCK: Is this a confession?

TAXI DRIVER: Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what else...if you call the coppers now, I won't

             run. I'll sit quiet and they can take me down, I promise.

SHERLOCK: Why?

TAXI DRIVER: Cos you're not going to do that?

SHERLOCK: Am I not?

TAXI DRIVER: I didn't kill those four people, Mr. Holmes. I spoke to'em...and they

             killed themselves. If you get the coppers now, I'll promise you one 

             thing. I will never tell you what I said.

SHERLOCK: No-one else will die, though, and I believe they call that a result.

TAXI DRIVER: And you won't ever understand how those people died. What kind of result

             do you care about?

SHERLOCK: If I wanted to understand...what would I do?

TAXI DRIVER: Let me take you for a ride.

SHERLCOK: So you can kill me too?

TAXI DRIVER: I don't want to kill you, Mr. Holmes. I'm going to talk to ya...and then

             you're going to kill yourself.

 

 

JOHN: He just got in a cab... It's Sherlock. He just drove off in a cab.

SALLY: I told you, he does that. He bloody left again. We're wasting our time!

JOHN: I'm...calling the phone, it's ringing out.

LESTRADE: And if it's ringing, it's not here.

JOHN: I'll try the search again.

SALLY: Does it matter? Does any of it? He's just a lunatic, and he'll always let you

       down. And you're wasting your time. All our time.

LESTRADE: OK, everybody...done here.

 

 

SHERLOCK: How do you find me?

TAXI DRIVER: Oh, I recognised ya. Soon as I saw you chasing my cab.

             Sherlock Holmes! I was warned about you. I've been on your website, too.

             Brilliant stuff! Loved it.

SHERLOCK: Who warned you about me?

TAXI DRIVER: Just someone out there who's noticed.

SHERLOCK: Who?

          Who would notice me?

TAXI DRIVER: You're too modest, Mr. Holmes.

SHERLOCK: I'm really not.

TAXI DRIVER: Got yourself a fan.

SHERLOCK: Tell me more.

TAXI DRIVER: That's all you're going to know. In THIS lifetime.

 

 

LESTARDE: Why did he do that? Why did he have to leave?

JOHN: You know him better than I do.

LESTRADE: I've known him for five years - and no, I don't.

JOHN: So why do you put up with him?

LESTRADE: Because I'm desperate, that's why.

          And because Sherlock Holmes is a great man - and I think one day, if we're

          very, very lucky, he might even be a good one.

 

 

SHERLOCK: Where are we?

TAXI DRIVR: You know every street in London. You know exactly where we are.

SHERLOCK: Roland-Kerr Further Education College.

          Why here?

TAXI DRIVER: It's open. Cleaners are in. One thing about being a cabbie - you always

             know a nice quiet spot for a murder. I'm surprised more of us don't 

             branch out.

SHERLOCK: And you just walk your victim in? How?

          Oh... Dull.

TAXI DRIVER: Don't worry. It gets better.

SHERLOCK: You can't make people take their own lives at gunpoint.

TAXI DRIVER: I don't. It's much better than that.

             Don't need this with you. Cos you'll follow me.

 

TAXI DRIVER: Well, what do you think?

             It's up to you. You're the one who's going to die here.

SHERLOCK: No, I'm not. 

TAXI DRIVER: That's what they all say.

             Shall we talk?

SHERLOCK: Bit risky, wasn't it? Took me away under the eye of about half a dozen

          policemen. They're not that stupid. And Mrs. Hudson will remember you.

TAXI DRIVER: You call that a risk? Nah...

             This is a risk.

             Oh, I like this bit. Cos you don't get it yet, do you?

             But you're about to. I just have to do this...

             Weren't expecting that, were ya?

             Oh, you're going to love this.

SHERLOCK: Love what?

TAXI DRIVER: Sherlock Holmes! Look at you!

             Here in the flesh. That website of yours, your fan told me about it.

SHERLOCK: My fan?

TAXI DRIVER: You are brilliant. You are a proper genius. The Science of Deduction.

             Now, that...is proper thinking.

             Between you and me sitting here, why can't people think?

             Don't it make you mad?

             Why can't people just think?

SHERLOCK: Oh, I see... So you're a proper genius too.

TAXI DRIVER: Don't look it, do I?

             Funny little man driving a cab. But you'll know better in a minute.

             Chances are it'll be the last thing you ever know.

SHERLOCK: OK, two bottles. Explain.

TAXI DRIVER: There's a good bottle and a bad bottle.

             You take the pill from the good bottle, you live.

             You take the pill from the bad bottle...you die.

SHERLOCK: Both bolltes are of course identical.

TAXI DRIVER: In every way.

SHERLOCK: And you know which is which.

TAXI DRIVER: Of course I know.

SHERLOCK: But I don't.

TAXI DRIVER: Wouldn't be a game if you knew. You're the one who chooses.

SHERLOCK: Why should I? I've got nothing to go on. What's in it for me?

TAXI DIREVER: I haven't told you the best bit yet.

              Whatever bottle you choose, I take the pill from the other one. And then

              together...we take our medicine.

              I won't cheat. It's your choice. I'll take whatever pill you don't.

              Didn't expect that, did you, Mr. Holmes?

SHERLOCK: This is what you did to the rest of them - you gave them a choice?

TAXI DRIVER: And now I'm giving you one.

             You take your time.

             Get yourself together. I want your best game.

SHERLOCK: It's not a game, it's chance.

TAXI DRIVER: I've played four times. I'm alive.

             It's not chance, Mr. Holmes, it's chess.

             It's a game of chess, with one more...and one survivor.

             And this - this...is the move.

             Did I just give you the good bottle or the bad bottle?

             You can choose either one.

 

 

JONH: No, Detective Inspector Lestrade - I need to speak to him.

      It's important. It's an emergency.

      Er, left here, please. Left here...

 

 

TAXI DRIVER: You ready yet, Mr. Holmes? Ready to play?

SHERLOCK: Play what? It's a 50:50 chance.

TAXI DRIVER: You're not playing the numbers, you're playing me.

             Did I just give you the good pill or the bad pill?

             Is it a bluff, or a double bluff? Or a triple bluff?

SHERLOCK: It's still just chance.

TAXI DRIVER: Fout people, in a row? It's not chance.

SHERLOCK: Luck.

TAXI DRIVER: It's genius!

             I know how people think. I know how people think I think.

             I can see it all like a mao inside my head. Everyone's so stupid, even

             you. Or maybe God just loves me.

SHERLOCK: Either way, you're wasted as  cabbie.

          So... You risked your life four times just to kill strangers? Why?

TAXI DRIVER: Time to play.

SHERLOCK: Oh, I am playing. This is my turn.

          There's shaving foam beind your left ear. Nobody's pointen it out to you.

          Traces of where it's happened before, so obviously you live in your own -

          there's no-one to tell you. But there's a photograph of children. Their

          mother's been cut out of the picture. If she'd died, she'd still be there.

          The photograph's old, but the frame's new. You think of your children, but

          you don't get to see them. Estranged father. She took the kids, but you

          still love them and is still hurts.

          Ah, but there's more.

          Your clothes. Recently laundered, but everything you're wearing is at

          least...three years old? Keeping up appearances, but not planning ahead. And

          here you are on a kamikaze murder spree. What's that about? Three years ago.

          Is that when they told you?

TAXI DRIVER: Told me what?

SHERLOCK: That you're a dead man walking.

TAXI DRIVER: So are you.

SHERLOCK: You don't have long, though. Am I right?

TAXI DRIVER: Aneurism. Right in'ere.

             Any breath could be my last.

SHERLOCK: And because you're dying, you've just murdered four people.

TAXI DRIVER: I've outlived four people.

             That's the most fun you can have woth an aneurism.

SHERLOCK: No... No, there's something else.

          You didn't just kill four people because you're better. Bitterness is a

          paralytic. Love is a much more vicious motivator. Somehow, this is about

          your children.

TAXI DRIVER: You are good, in't ya?

SHERLOCK: But how?

TAXI DRIVER: When I die they won't get much, my kids. Not a lot of money in driving

             cabs.

SHERLOCK: Or serial killing.

TAXI DRIVER: You'd be surprised.

SHERLOCK: Surprise me.

TAXI DRIVER: I have a sponsor.

SHERLOCK: You have a what?

TAXI DRIVER: For every life I take, money goes to my kids. The more I kill...the

             better off they'll be.

             You see? It's nicer than you think.

SHERLOCK: Who'd sponsor a serial killer?

TAXI DRIVER: Who'd be a fan of Sherlock Holmes?

             You're not the only one to enjoy a good murder. There's others out there

             just like you, except you're just a man. And they're so much more than

             that.

SHERLOCK: What do you mean...more than a man? An organisation...? What?

TAXI DRIVER: There's a name, that no one says. And I'm not going to say it either.

             Now, enough chatter. Time to choose.

 

 

JOHN: Sherlock!

      Sherlock!

 

 

SHERLOCK: What if I don't choose either? I could just walk our of here.

TAXI DRIVER: You can take a 50:50 chance, or I can shoot you in the head. Funnily

             enough, no-one's ever gone for that potion.

SHERLOCK: I'll have the gun, please.

TAXI DRIVER: Are you sure?

SHERLOCK: Definitely. The gun.

TAXI DRIVER: You don't want to phone a firend?

SEHRLOCK: The gun.

 

SHERLOCK: I know a real gun when I see one.

TAXI DRIVER: Noneof the others did.

SEHRLOCK: Clearly.

          Well, this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case.

TAXI DRIVER: Just before you go, did you figure it out?

             Which one's the good bottle?

SEHRLOCK: Course. Child's play.

TAXI DRIVER: Well, which one, then?

             Which one would you have picked? Just so I know whether I could have

             beaten you.

             Come on! Play the game.

             Interesting.

             So what do you think?

             Shall we?

             Really... What do you think?

             Can you beat me? Are you clever enough...to bet your life?

 

JOHN: Sherlock!

 

TAXI DRIVER: I bet you get bored, don't you?

             I know you do.

             A man like you. So clever. But what's the point of being clever if you

             can't prove it?

             Still the addict.

             But this...this is what you're really addicted to.

             You'll do anything...anything at all, to stop being bored.

             You're not bored now, are you?  

             Isn't it good?

 

SHERLOCK: I was, wasn't I? Did I get it right?!

          OK... Tell me this. Your sponsor. Who was it? The one who told you about me,

          my fan. I want a name.

TAXI DRIVER: No...

SHERLOCK: You're dyng, but there's still time to hurt you. Give me...a name.

          A name! Now.

          The name!

TAXI DRIVER: Moriaty.

 

 

SHERLOCK: Why have I got this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me.

LESTRADE: Yeah, it's for shock.

SHERLOCK: I'm not in shock.

LESTRADE: Yeah, but some of the guys want to take photographs.

SHERLOCK: So, the shooter. No sign?

LESTARDE: Cleared off before we got here. But a guy like that would have had enemies,

          I suppose. One of them could have been following him, but...we've get

          nothing to go on.

SHERLOCK: Oh, I wouldn't say that.

LESTRADE: OK. Give me.

SHERLOCK: The bullet they just dug out of the wall's from a handgun. A kill shot over

          that distance with that kind of weapon, that's a crack shot. But not just a

          marksman, a fighter. His hands couldn't have shaken at all so clearly he's

          acclimatised to violence. He didn't fire until I was in immediate danger

          though, so strong moral principle. You're looking for a man probably with a

          history of military service, and...nerves of steel...

          Actually, do you know what? Ignore me.

LESTRADE: Sorry?

SHERLOCK: Ignore all of that. It's just the er...the shock talking.

LESTRADE: Where are you going?

SHERLOCK: I just need to...talk about the rent.

LESTARDE: I've still got quedtions.

SHERLOCK: What now? I'm in shock. Look, I've got a blanket.

LESTRADE: Sherlock!

SHERLOCK: And, I just caught you a serial killer... More or less.

LESTRADE: OK. We'll pull you in tomorrow, off you go.

 

JOHN: Erm, Sergent Donova has...just been explaining everything. The two pills...

      dreadful business, isn't it? Dreadful.

SHERLOCK: Good shot.

JOHN: Yes. Yes, must have been. Though that window.

SHERLOCK: Well, you'd know.

          Need to get the powder burns out of your fingers. I don't suppose you'd

          serve time for this, but let's avoid the court case.

          Are you all right?

JOHN: Yes, of course I'm all right.

SHERLOCK: Well, you have just killed a man.

JOHN: Yes... That's true, isn't it? But he wasn't a very nice man.

SHERLOCK: No. No, he wasn't, really, was he?

JOHN: Frankly a bloody awful cabbie.

SHERLOCK: That's true, he was a bad cabbie. You should have seen the route he took us

          to get here.

JOHN: Stop it! We can't giggle, it's a crime scene. Stop it.

SHERLOCK: Well, you're the one who shot him.

JOHN: Keep your voice down.

      Sorry, it's just erm...nerves, I think.

SHERLOCK: Sorry.

JOHN: You were going to take that damn pill, weren't you?

SHERLOCK: Course I wasn't. Biding my time. I knew you'd turn up.

JOHN: No, you didn't. That's how you get your kicks, isn't it - You risk your life to

      prove you're clever.

SHERLOCK: Why would I do that?

JOHN: Because you're an idiot.

SHERLOCK: Dinner?

JOHN: Starving.

SHERLOCK: End of Baker Street there's a good Chinese. Stays open till two. You can

          tell a good Chinese by the bottom third of the door handle.

JOHN: Sherlock... That's him, that's the man I was talking to you about.

SHERLOCK: I know exactly who that is.

MYCROFT: So... Another case cracked. How very public-spirited. Though that's never

         really your motivation, is it?

SHERLOCK: What are you doing here?

MYCROFT: As ever, I'm concerned about you.

SHERLOCK: Yes, I've been hearing about your "concern".

MYCROFT: Always so aggressive. Did it never occur to you that you and I belong on the

         same side?

SHERLOCK: Oddly enough - no.

MYCROFT: We have more in common than you'd like to believe. This petty fued between us

         is simply childish. People will suffer. And you know how it always upset

         Mummy.

SHERLOCK: I upset her? Me?

          It wasn't me that upset her, Mycroft.

JOHN: No. No, wait...

      Mummy? Who's mummy?

SHERLOCK: Mother. Our mother.

          This is my brother, Mycroft.

          Putting in weight again?

MYCROFT: Losing it, in fact.

JOHN: He's your brother?

SHERLOCK: Course he's my brother.

JOHN: So he's not...

SHERLOCK: Not what?

JOHN: I don't know... Criminal mastermind?

SHERLOCK: Close enough.

MYCROFT: For godness' sake. I occupy a minor position in the British government.

SHERLOCK: He is the British government, when he's not too busy being the British

          Secret Service or the CIA on a freelance basis.

          Good evening, Mycroft.

          Try not to start a war before I get home, you know what it does for the

          traffic.

JOHN: So, when you say you're concerned about him - you actually are concerned?

MYCROFT: Yes, of course.

JOHN: I mean, it actually is a childish foud?

MYCROFT: He's always been so resentful. You can imagine the Christmas dinners.

JOHN: Yeah...

      No...God, no.

      I'd better erm... Hello again.

ANTHEA: Hello.

JOHN: We met earlier on the evening.

ANTHEA: Oh!

JOHN: OK. Good night.

MYCROFT:  Good night, Dr. Watson.

 

SHERLOCK: So, dim sum. Mmm! I can always predict the fortune cookies.

JOHN: No, you can't.

SHRELOCK: Almost can. You did get shot, though.

JOHN: Sorry?

SHERLOCK: In Afghanistan. There was an actual wound.

JOHN: Oh. Yeah, shoulder.

SHERLOCK: Shoulder! I thought so.

JOHN: No, you didn't.

SHERLOCK: The left one.

JOHN: Lucky guess.

SHERLOCK: I never guess.

JOHN: Yes, you do.

      What are you so happy about?

SHERLOCK: Moriarty.

JOHN: What's Moriarty?

SHERLOCK: I've absolutely no idea.

 

ANTHEA: Sir, shall we go?

MYCROFT: Interesting, that soldier fellow. He could be the making of my brother...or

         make him worse than ever. Either way, we'd better upgrade their surveillance

         status.

         Grade three active.

ANTHEA: Sorry, Sir - whose status?

MYCROFT: Sherlock Holmes, and Dr. Watson.

 

( THE END )