《蝶恋花》英译点评

龙愉生

丁酉十一月十八日，晓月当楼，耿耿不寐，赋寄谢无量丈北京。一九五七年。

霜气盈簾寒转峭。

圆月当楼，已报江楼晓。

梦里江南原自好。

时光何事催人老！

憔悴十年情未了。

一夕相思，回首长安道。

熙我春阳无不到。

东风看绿池塘草。

Butterflies Lingering over Flowers

By LONG Yusheng

On the moonlit tower, the eighteenth day of the eleventh moon, I, sleepless, composed a poem for the poet XIE Wuliang away in Beijing.

The curtain frost turns chill to cold;

The full moon o’er the lakeside tower heralds the break of day.

The south land in dream is fine all the way;  

But time flies and I’ve already grown old!

Ten tiring years of love I still tight hold;

A lovesick night’s as long as Chang'an Road, I back behold.

The spring sun shines everywhere ’round me; 

The grass on the dike greens, spring breeze does see.

译文十分忠实于原文，语义要素皆有关照，十分难得。不足：

1）没有紧扣原文韵式，且不整齐，不符合读者心理预期。

2）比照原文，译文的诗意有所减弱，尤其是最后一行。

3）译文应尽量模仿原文语气，如疑问，感叹等。

4）音节的类比与叙述风格相关，如果简短则意味不足，如第一行。

参考译文：

A Butterfly’s Love for Flowers

On the tower the eighteenth day of the eleventh moon. Restless and sleepless, I composed a poem for the poet Xie Wuliang away in Beijing.

Curtain filled with frost, so chill and so cold;

The moon above my tower,

The dawn at River Tower is tolled.

In my dream thru good South Clime I have strolled.

Why on earth does Time press me to grow old?

Having pined for ten years, I pine as of old.

A night of passion deep,

Broad Way to Long Peace rolls, as rolled.

Everywhere I bask in spring sunlight gold.

The east wind greens grass in the pond, behold.

诗人简介

龙榆生（1902-1966），名沐勋，号忍寒，江西万载人。历任暨南在学、中山大学等校教授。曾主编《词学季刊》，有《风雨龙吟室词》，《龙榆生全集》九卷。

Biosketch of the Poet

LONG Yusheng (1902-1966), also known as Muxun and Cold Tolerance by literary name, a native of Wanzai, Jiangxi Province. He once served as professor at Jinan University and Sun Yat-sen University, and as the editor-in-chief of Poetry Quarterly. He wrote Poetry of Wind, Rain and Dragon and Long Yusheng Anthology of Poetry with nine volumes. （陈赛花 译）