昨天到今天又只睡了一个多小时，自己也不知道哪里来的精神开了12小时的电话会议，跑了一次希思罗机场送行，还参加了领子的聚会和大家谈笑风生到半夜。然而，从今天凌晨直到半夜回来路过朱彼利桥，脑子里还是只有前几日晚上在寝室里打开MSN的音乐播放器随即响起的那首非常熟悉的一首英文老歌"Season's in the sun"，以前听旋律优美比较喜欢，也没有太多关注歌词和作曲的背景，昨晚突然兴致一起查了网页，才发现这首“优美的悲伤”的出处，知道了他还有一个中文译名叫《垂死者》，由著名诗人作曲家 Jacques Brel 写于1961年。1964年被填上英文歌词，定名为“Seasons In The Sun”，但直到1973年才被加拿大歌手 Terry Jacks 重新翻唱。歌词如下：
Goodbye to you my trusted friend
We've known each other since we were nine or ten
Together we've climbed hills and trees
Learned of love and ABC's
Skinned our hearts and skinned our knees

Goodbye my friend it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that spring is in the air
Pretty girls are everywhere
Think of me and I'll be there

We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time

Goodbye Papa please pray for me
I was the black sheep of the family
You tried to teach me right from wrong
Too much wine and too much song
Wonder how I got along

Goodbye papa it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
Little children everywhere
When you see them I'll be there

We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone

Goodbye Michelle my little one
You gave me love and helped me find the sun
And every time that I was down
You would always come around
And get my feet back on the ground

Goodbye Michelle it's hard to die
When all the birds are singing in the sky
Now that the spring is in the air
With the flowers everywhere
I wish that we could both be there

We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the hills that we climbed were just seasons out of time
We had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun
But the wine and the song like the seasons have all gone

       这其实是一首面临死亡的人的遗嘱诗，虽然那忧愁在回忆的阳光下是淡淡的，却实际是“临死前的一个美丽微笑”。用最后的坚强来面对自己的软弱，这似乎很符合我的心境，似乎我就是这么一个“垂死者”，恋恋不舍地唱着“Goodbye Michelle my little one,You gave me love and helped me find the sun..."。今天还和朋友说，现在才知道啥是“对别人的仁慈，就是对自己的残忍”，可是人的这种性格是注定的，我这个“每日忙”其实一直是“软弱”的人，宿命地把“把每一天当成生命的最后一天”，认为人从悲剧中走来，也很可能宿命的走向悲剧，总是学不会表达自己的渴望,觉得唯一能做的就是沉默地“怒放自己的生命”，让自己活得有价值，可以对得起自己对得起身边所有的人，没有遗憾和愧疚。然而，就如这歌曲中要表达的“坚强”一样，其实脆弱的不堪一击却仍然会每天对生活微笑，这种深刻的悲哀与宿命和每天从坟墓中走出来时的微笑是如此的矛盾。完美的人生只是因为它宿命的不完美。

       这一年来到英伦，知道了很多东西，知道了世界的大小，也知道了幸福的位置，如今却突然对绝对坚强和绝对软弱有了新的认识，其实越坚强的人越容易让步，越愿意割舍自己保全别人的美好，信奉沉默是金，最后却是不断被伤害又不断更加坚强,只是为了可以更软弱的让步,于是人生变成了奇特的自恋和自残。坚强和软弱其实是一对孪生兄妹，宿命的看守着幸福的大门，让你也许永远离幸福只差一步。

       好想回家，让家给我一个拥抱和安慰，让家来抚慰我漂泊的心，让家包容我一切的坚强和软弱...好想让"家"把我这个流浪的小孩领回去,天天关在家里疼爱，不再需要面对红尘俗事里的所有坚强与软弱，做只任性的傻傻的懒懒的波斯猫！