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Thanks to: CRITICALj United Kingdom

The young priest was so afraid at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week at the pulpit, he asked the monsignor, "How can I relax?" The monsignor, a veteran of his work, said, "My son, this Sunday it might help if you put a martini in the water pitcher instead of water. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly." Sunday came and the young priest did as the monsignor suggested. He believed everything went very well. After the sermon, the young priest asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "Just fine, except you should remember the following before addressing the congregation again: Next time, sip the martini rather than gulping it down. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. We don't refer to the Cross as the 'Big T. We don't refer to our Savior Jesus Christ and his Disciples as 'J.C. and the boys. Finally, we don't refer to the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as the 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."

     一个年轻的神父对他第一次讲道非常害怕,怕得话也说不出来了. 在他第二个星期上讲台前,他请教蒙席(天主教高级神职教士),"我怎么才能放松下来?" 那位蒙席,是个讲道高手,说,"我的孩子,这个星期天你讲道的时候,把水壶里的水换成马天尼酒试试,也许对你会有帮助.稍稍喝一点,事情就顺利了." 星期天到了,年轻神父就照蒙席所建议的方法来做,他相信什么事情都会好的. 讲道结束,年轻神父就问蒙席他讲得如何,蒙席回答,"还好啦,除了你要在再次致辞以前记得下文.下一次,你就大口喝马天尼吧. 我们有十大戒律,不是12条,耶稣有12个门徒,不是10个,我们不说十字架是大写的T,我们也不说我们的拯救者耶稣基督和他的门徒为'J.C'和他的孩子们.最后,我们也不把圣父,圣子,圣灵称为'大爹,少年和幽灵."