Thanks to: Mark O.
 An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says,
"No way, buddy, you're too drunk."
A few minutes later, the drunk comes in though the bathroom. Again he slurs, "Give me a drink," and the bartender says, "No, man, I told you last time -- you're too drunk"
Five minutes later the guy comes in though the back door and orders a drink, again the bartender says, "You're too drunk"
The drunk scratches his head and says "Dang, I must be. The last two places said the same thing."

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有个酒鬼跌跌撞撞走过镇上的大街,艰难地爬上大教堂的台阶,进入教堂,他跌跌碰碰经过教堂里一排排的座凳,终于在走廊的尽头进入到一个忏悔室里. 神父注意到这个人的冒失行为,估计这人需要一些帮助,于是走近他这边的忏悔室准备听他的忏悔.他的好心只换来长久的沉默. 最后他问,"我的孩子,需要我帮你什么吗?" "不要,"从隔壁传来他的声音,"你那边有卫生纸吗?"

Thanks to: Peter Prestipino USA.

 A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

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Thanks to: Jodi USA

A drunken man walked up to a parking meter and puts in some change. The meter goes up to sixty and he says, "Hey, I lost 100 pounds!"