Russell On Affection

The best type of affection is reciprocally  life－giving；each receives affection with joy and gives it without effort，and each finds the whole world more interesting in consequence of the existence of this reciprocal happiness．There is，however，another kind，by no mean s uncommon，in which one person sucks the vitality of the other，one receives what the other gives，but give s almost nothing in return．Some very vital people belong to this bloodsucking type．They extract the vitality from one victim after another，but while they prosper and grow interesting，those upon whom they live grow pale and dim and dull．Such people use others as means to their own ends，and never consider them as ends in themselves．Fundamentally they are not interested in those whom for the moment they think they love；they are interested only in the stimulus to their own activities，perhaps of a quite impersonal sort．

Evidently this springs from some defect in their nature，but it is one not altogether easy either to diagnose or to cure．It is a characteristic frequently associated with great ambition，and is rooted，I should say，in an unduly one－sided view of what makes human happiness．Affection in the sense of a genuine reciprocal interest of two persons in each other，not solely as means to each other' s good，but rather as a combination having a common good，is one of the most important elements of real happiness，and the man w hose ego is so enclosed within steel walls that this enlargement of it is impossible misses the best that life has to offer，however successful he may be in his career．A too powerful ego is a prison from which a man must escape if he is to enjoy the world to the full．A capacity for genuine affection is one of the marks of the man who has escaped from this prison of self．To receive affection is by no means enough；affection which is received should liberate the affection which is to be given，and only where both exist in equal measure does affection achieve its best possibilities．

（From Russell' s Views On Life）

罗素论爱

最好的那种爱是彼此愉悦的爱；彼此很愉快地接受，很自然地给出，并且由于有了这种互惠的快乐，彼此都觉得整个世界更有趣味。然而，还有一种决非少见的爱，那就是一方吸收着另一方的活力，接受着另一方的给出，但他这一方几乎毫无回报。某些生命力极旺的人便属于这吸血的一类。他们把一个又一个牺牲者的活力吸净，但是当他们越发生机勃勃，兴致盎然之时，那些被榨取的人却变得越来越苍白、黯淡和迟钝。这种人总是把他人当作工具来实现自己的目标，却从不考虑他人也有他自己的目标。他们一时以为他们爱着那些人，其实那些人根本引不起他们的兴趣；他们感兴趣的不过是为自己的活动添些刺激，而他们的活动也许当属全无人格的那种。

这种情形显然源于他们本性上的某种缺陷，但是这种缺陷既不容易诊断也不容易治疗。它往往与极大的野心有关，同时也是由于他们总是不恰当地从单方面去看待人生幸福的缘故。两人真正相互关心意义上的爱，不仅是促进彼此幸福的手段，而且是促进共同幸福的手段，是真正快乐的最重要因素之一。凡是把自我禁锢起来不能扩展的人，必然错失人生所能提供的最好的东西，不管他在事业上如何成功。太强的自我是一座监狱，你若想充分地享受人生，就得从这座监狱中逃脱。能有真正的爱，这是一个人已逃出自我监狱的标志之一。光接受爱是绝对不够的；接受的爱应当能激发你奉献出自己的爱，惟有当接受的爱和奉献出的爱等量存在时，爱才能达到它的最佳状态。

（选自《罗素论人生》）