从2010年开始，我连续参加了四届“韩素音青年翻译竞赛”，并有幸获得了其中一届优秀奖。不可否认，这表明我还需要加强自己的实力，需要继续在实践中积累经验。但同时我也明白，凡是比赛，都离不开运气的成分，翻译比赛更是如此。翻译策略和手法林林总总，意译，直译，贴近读者，尊重作者，究竟该选择哪一项，在没有总体标准的情况下，只能仁者见仁，智者见智了。2013年，比赛规则发生了小小的变化，翻译协会的官网上贴出了一等奖译文。我相信，这一举措增加了比赛的透明度，应该深受参赛者欢迎。借此机会，我尝试用自己的译文进行对比分析，寻找问题所在。个人意见，欢迎各位同行和老师批评斧正。

传统百货会否成为“消失的行业”

一等奖译文：Traditional Department Stores: the “Disappearing Industry”?

我的译文：Will Traditional Department Stores Die?

分析：标题的翻译体现了两种截然不同的策略：直译vs意译。当时我考虑到原文题材偏向于商业评论，所以就做了简化处理，以适合西方阅读喜好及排版需要。

数据显示，2011年中国电子商务市场整体交易规模达到7万亿元，同比增长46.4％。电商营销取得的成绩，对传统百货行业的市场占有率是极大的挑战。越来越多的人去网购，在需求短期之内没有大幅变化的情况下也就意味着相应的百货商场客源流失。业内人士表示，近年来百货业销售下滑较大的品类也正是方便网络购买的品类，比如家电、IT产品和纺织品，甚至是奢侈品。

According to the statistics, the total transactions of China’s e-commerce market hit RMB 7 trillion in 2011, with an annual increase of 46.4% compared to the previous year. The achievements of the e-commerce have posed a great challenge to the market share of traditional department store industry. Given no substantial change in demand for the short term, the fact that a growing number of people go online shopping means the corresponding customer loss for the department stores. Insiders said that the categories in the department store industry with considerable sale decline in recent years were precisely those convenient to purchase online, such as household electrical appliances, IT products, textiles, and even luxury goods.

Statistics show that the size of China’s e-commerce market hit 7 trillion yuan in 2011, up 46.4% from the previous year.  This success reaped by online retailers, however, poses a great challenge to the market share of traditional department stores.  With demand being fairly constant in the short run, a growing number of online shoppers means that offline department stores keep losing customers.  According to insiders, the product categories that showed a substantial sales drop in recent years are the ones easily accessible for online purchases, such as home appliances, IT products, textiles, and even luxury goods, where the department store industry is concerned.

分析：这里的“电子商务市场整体交易规模”、“电商”、“传统百货行业”重点值得商榷。关于中国电商7万亿元的交易规模，我反查了英文的报道，其中就有“the size of…market”的说法。仔细想一想，衡量某个市场的size，除交易总额之外还有什么呢？逐字翻译过来会不会产生“冰很滑、糖很甜”的效果呢？其次是电商的翻译。一等奖译文中一律把“电商”翻译成了e-commerce。想必是为了追求统一。但读罢原文，我们不难发现，作者实际上在说零售业的状况。那么依据上下文，在合适的地方将“电商”的含义缩小，翻译成“online retailers”，似乎也就无可厚非了，同时还可增强译文的可读性和准确性。最后，一等奖的译者在industry上犯了个简单的语法错误。Industry用于表示某个具体的行业时是可数名词，前面要加冠词（见LDOCE）。

在字数方面，本段一等奖译文113字，我的译文104字。

同时，一些传统百货商场还面临沦为电商“试衣间”的尴尬。不少人去实体店确定了衣服等物品的款式、尺寸之后到网上支付购买，由此诞生了“抄号族”、“偷拍党”。随着网购市场的日益庞大，服装、化妆品和家居用品等都已经纳入涉猎范围，消费者线下选货线上购买。

At the same time, some traditional department stores also face the embarrassment of being reduced to the “fitting room” for e-commerce. Many people go to the stores to choose the style and size of clothes and other products, and then purchase them online, which gives birth to the so-called “number-copying clan” and “secret-photographing clan”. With the expansion of online market, clothes, cosmetics, household products and other items have all been embraced into online shopping, where the consumers select products at stores and buy online.

Meanwhile, some department stores have ironically given way to “showrooming” where many customers opt to examine the styles and sizes of desired garments or other products in physical stores and then buy them online – commonly called in China the “number-copying clan” and “candid camera gang”.  As the e-shopping market continues to expand, “showroomers” begin to hunt down items in more departments including clothing, cosmetics, and household articles.

分析：本段的一等奖译文有三个比较明显的问题。1. 经查，“试衣间”有固定的说法，即showrooming（见Wikipedia）。2. “偷拍党”，photograph一般用于比较正式的场合，明显不符合偷拍的标准，其实只要认真查找，就会发现candid camera这一正话反说的表达方式。3. 段末的主句已经提到online shopping，从句末尾又用到online，这是英文写作的大忌。除此之外，第三句的online market前落掉了定冠词，属低级的语法错误。

本段一等奖译文84字，我的译文67字。

电商侵占市场之外，行业之内的激烈竞争也不容小觑。传统百货商场之间同质化较严重，造成同业之间竞争激烈，近年来全国多个城市都在大力建设购物中心等大型商场，使本来就竞争激烈的百货商场经营更加困难。走在城市的商业街区，几乎所有的百货商场在销售内容、店面设计和产品布局等方面大同小异。一博士生说，从北京走到福州，看到各个城市的商场几乎是一样的。

E-commerce’s occupation of the market aside, intense competition within the industry, which has resulted from serious homogenization among traditional department stores, cannot be underestimated either. Besides, recent years have witnessed a surging wave of building shopping centers and malls by a large number of cities across the country, which adds to the difficulty in operating department stores given the already fierce competition. Almost all the department stores in the commercial blocks present quite similar sale contents, store design and product layout. According to a Ph.D. candidate, the shopping malls of different cities from Beijing to Fuzhou share much resemblance.

In addition to the market invasion by online retail, fierce competition within the industry is also phenomenal, triggered by a high degree of homogeneity among traditional department stores.  The intensive construction of shopping centers and other large-sized retail outlets all over China in recent years makes it even harder for them to keep operating in an already highly competitive environment.  A walk around an urban commercial block reveals that almost all department stores in the vicinity differ very little in what they sell and how they do in such aspects as store design and product placement.  Stores look pretty much the same everywhere from Beijing to Fuzhou, a doctoral student says.

分析：一等奖译文的主要问题体现在“购物中心等大型商场”中的“等”以及“销售内容”的翻译上。不要小看“等”这个字，它让无数的译者彻夜难眠，头疼不已。究竟是说完了，还是没说完？只有在上下文里寻找答案。我们知道，购物中心实际上和mall一样，是零售业的一种大型业态。作者在这里加“等”，就是要表明这层意思。但是一等奖译者却没有注意到这一点，只是列举了两种零售业的业态，违背了作者的真实意思。第二，这位参赛者把“销售内容”翻译成了“sale contents”，也值得商榷，因为外国人一般不会这样说，而且sale作为单数有减价促销的意思，可能会引起歧义。实际上，销售内容就是指店里卖的东西。另外，最后一句中的different在这里也显得多余。不过，译者将“不容小觑”翻译成“cannot be underestimated”，这是我非常欣赏的，无论从形和意上看，都比我的“phenomenal”更贴近原文。

本段一等奖译文99字，我的译文111字。

“内忧外患”之下，传统百货是否会成为下一个“消失的行业”？多位受访专家表示，传统百货行业面临较大的竞争压力，但并非没有机会。依靠线上线下一体，差异化竞争，商业模式创新等方式，百货行业或可成功“逆袭”。

Under both internal and external pressure, will the traditional department stores become the next “disappearing industry”? Several experts interviewed have said that although the traditional department store industry is facing huge pressure from competition, it does stand a chance. By virtue of the integration of online and offline sale, differentiation competition and business mode innovation, department store industry may successfully “counter-attack”.

Will traditional department stores end up as the next “dying industry” when being threatened both from within and without?  Many interviewed experts agree that the industry is still hopeful, albeit faced with tough competition.  It may make a successful comeback by such means as online-offline integration, competitive differentiation, and business model innovation.

分析：一等奖译文中，counter-attack和several用得好，但有几个问题值得注意：1. 第一句中traditional department stores前为何要加the？2. 一段中pressure出现两次，而原文只用了一次，不仅不忠于原文，也有悖西方读者的审美观。3. By virtue of的意思是because of，due to（见the Free Dictionary），用在这里似乎有些词不达意。4. 经查，差异化竞争对应的术语应为competitive differentiation。5. “等”未译出。

本段一等奖译文61，我的译文52字。

据了解，目前“触电”的百货商场并不在少数。2012年以来，北京的大型百货都相继上线了自己的电子商务平台。天津百货大楼的电子商务正在筹划实施中。

It is learnt that a considerable number of department stores have “gone online”. Since 2012, large department stores in Beijing have successively launched their online e-commerce platforms. The e-commerce of Tianjin Department Store is currently under implementation as well.

It is found that the number of Chinese department stores going “virtual” is by no means small.  Department store giants in Beijing, for example, have successively established their own e-business platforms since 2012.  The Tianjin Department Store is also getting ready to implement its e-commerce strategy.

分析：这一段有个双关语——“触电”。这个词我想了很久，最终敲定virtual这个单词，力图再现原文的双关效果。而一等奖译文在这方面就逊色很多，gone online不仅没有双关，而且还莫名其妙地把引号照搬了过去。另外，最后一句中的e-commerce和implementation搭配不当，中式英语的味道很浓。第二句话中，我省略了online，很难想象offline的e-business会是什么样子。

本段一等奖译文39字，我的译文46字。

同时，百货商场应该针对目标客户群体走错位经营、差异化营销的路子。一博士生导师强调，尽管最近几年百货商场面临的商业环境更加严峻，来自电商和大型商业综合体的竞争更加激烈，但对百货商场的客户群体只是分流了一部分。百货商场应该深耕目前所占有的客户群体，完善售后服务，探索针对客户的个性化服务。

Meanwhile, department stores should follow the strategy of differentiated management and marketing in line with target customers. As a Ph.D. supervisor emphasized, although in recent years the department stores faced increasingly severe business environment and intense competition from e-commerce and large commercial complexes, they lost only a portion of their customers. Department stores should further cultivate their current customer group, improve after-sale services and explore personalized service for customers.

Further, it would be wise to embrace differential positioning and marketing approaches based on target consumer groups.  A Ph.D. supervisor emphasizes that although their business climate has become tougher over the past few years, traditional department stores in fact have only lost a portion of their customer base to the increasing competition from online retailers and large commercial complexes.  As such, department stores should dig deeper into their current customer base, optimize after-sales service, and explore ways to personalize customer-oriented services.

分析：本段有两个术语：错位经营和差异化营销。前者难点在于“经营”上，在网上查不到对应的英文。一等奖译者翻译成了management，而我个人认为“经营”的范围比“管理”大。经细心考虑和查证，最终确定译为differential positioning and marketing，因为这两种说法在英语国家已经被认可，意思也最靠近原文。其次，一等奖译文的第二句话出现两个较明显的问题。第一，environment是可数名词，前面缺少冠词。第二，from指向不明，既可以修饰face动词，也可以修饰competition，而原文则非常清楚。另外，from后的e-commerce和large commercial complexes在数的方面不协调，cultivate和group也不搭配。

本段一等奖译文69字，我的译文81字。

另外，传统百货应该借助购物中心的发展势头趁机转型。据了解，零售业的业态构成与人均GDP水平存在一定的对应规律。人均GDP处于3000美元至5000美元，以大型综合超市为主，在5000美元至1万美元则以购物中心、专卖店、专业店、便利店为主。而2011年我国人均GDP已经超过5000美元，传统百货业可以趁机向购物中心等方向转变。

In addition, traditional department stores should take advantage of the momentum of shopping center for transition. It is learnt that there is a correspondence law between the structure of retail industry and per capita GDP. The per capita GDP of $3,000-5,000 corresponds to large-scale comprehensive supermarkets mainly, while per capita GDP of $5,000-10,000 corresponds to shopping centers, franchised stores, specialty stores, and convenience stores. As China’s per capita GDP has surpassed $5,000 in 2011, traditional department stores should seize the opportunity to transform themselves into shopping centers or other forms.

Traditional department stores also need to catch the tide of shopping center development and seize this opportunity for transition to a different model.  The composition of retail formats is known to be correlative with GDP per capita to some extent.  The retail world is dominated by hypermarkets when GDP per capita reaches 3000 to 5000 USD, and by shopping centers, boutiques, specialty shops, and convenience stores when the number climbs to somewhere between 5000 and 10,000 USD.  China’s GDP per capita has already gone over 5000 USD in 2011, indicating an opportune time for this transition to happen.

分析：在本段，一等奖译文最大的问题是漏译了“业态”二字，这就造成了第二句话意义不完整。此外，shopping center漏掉了s，“发展”也不见踪影，momentum of shopping center让读者不知所云。Correspond及其名词形式反复出现了三次，大大削弱了译文的可读性。我的译文再次选择了意译的路线，尝试调整原文的结构，省去重复的概念，同时注意在第三句运用英语省略句式，模仿了原文的形式。不过，我把专卖店翻译成boutiques有待商榷。

本段一等奖译文90字，我的译文98字。

结论：其实，不论采取哪种策略，运用哪类句式，选择哪些词语，译者的目的只有一个，那就是尽可能地用另一种语言再现原文，让译文读者具有相同于或类似于原文读者的感受。这应该是一名合格译者永恒的追求。被誉为中国翻译界奥斯卡之称的韩素音青年翻译竞赛，其创立的目的是为了鼓励年轻的翻译爱好者和翻译从业人员在翻译这条清苦的道路上不断奋斗，架起中外沟通的桥梁。也许，我的译文不符合这届比赛的标准；也许，我的水平还不足以让我意识到自己的重大失误。但，我仍然觉得参赛是值得的，因为我在学习，在进步，在探索。我明白，这一切，远比获奖重要。