*My wife dresses to kill ... She also cooks the same way.

*My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

*A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

*I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

*The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

*When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

*My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

*A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief

was spending much less than his wife did.

*Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want,

and then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

*A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

*Young Son: Is it true, Dad, which in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until

he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

*A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." The next day he received

a hundred letters. They all said the same: "You can have mine."

*A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman

just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want... Sympathy?"

*I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

*Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

*A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

*A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

*A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants,

but his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and

beat me till I'm half dead."

*How do most men define marriage?

An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

*The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

*Words to live by: "Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute."

*First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.