Education is not a race, with winners and losers.  It is not a commodity to be bought and sold.  School achievement is not education.  Obedience is not education.  Scoring high on a test is not education.  There's nothing wrong with school achievement, obedience, or high test scores, except when they get in the way of real learning.

True education occurs whenever a free human being responds to the magnificent world with wonder, with fascination, and with the full and mysterious power of the human heart and mind to understand.  This can happen in solitude or in company.  It can last for a minute or for a lifetime.  It can be spontaneous or inspired, but it can never be coerced. 

Real education prepares one to think critically and comprehensively, argue effectively, and find one's singular, irreplaceable calling in life and the skills to pursue it.  It prepares us for self-reliance, not for dependency on others' approval, on social institutions, or on ready-made ideologies.

The 5 keys to real learning for parents to consider:

Opportunity: Elite schools are not as fundamental as a person's attitude, sense of personal power and possibility, and comfortable familiarity with a wide range of subjects and activities.  At the heart of Opportunity is Engagement.  Stay passionate, involved and interested in life and learning.

Timing: At the heart of Timing is Sensitivity.  Be sensitive to your child's ongoing developmental needs and capabilities.  Work to create outer situations in harmony with her inner rhythms.

Interest: Differentiate true learning from "conditioning". Conditioning is a fear-based response grounded in the survival-oriented "reptilian" brain, while true learning takes place in the frontal lobes. Interests can be inspired but can't be forced.  At the heart of Interest is Individuality.  Help your child identify her unique talents, gifts and passions, and honor them. Commit yourself to the faith that your kids are here to grow into the best possible versions of themselves - not to become what you or anybody else thinks they should become.

Freedom: it means the freedom to choose and commit, and is not inconsistent with obligation and does not mean a lack of discipline or guidance. Discipline is not the same as control, manipulation, coercion, or punishment.  The purpose of giving our kids freedom is twofold: 1. it allows them to fully develop their particular interests and thus to enjoy their lives and minds. 2. As we grant them the freedom to make choices, they begin to discover and develop their inner guidance systems, which will serve and guide them for the rest of their lives. Giving freedom helps kids become more responsible, withholding it keeps them dependent and passive.

Part of a healthy human being's inner guidance system is a love of learning, a wish to accomplish and to contribute to one's community, and a desire to be like the role models one respects.  But these kinds of "goodness" can't be instilled by force. At the heart of Freedom is Choice.  Offer your child authentic choices in all possible areas.  Invite them to make commitments, take on projects, and solve problems.  At the same time, expect them to keep their promises, and make the consequences of broken promises clear in advance. When kids really understand that their academic learning is up to them, that their choices affect them more than they affect you, everything shifts.  When they stop feeling that you are pushing on them, they will gradually relax their rebellious energy, decide what they want, and reach for it.

Support: At the heart of Support is Resourcefulness. The 5 principles of support: 1. Take care of yourself. 2. Make sure the goals are theirs, not yours. 3. Be in tune with how much support children need and want. 4. Help them identify their strengths and weaknesses. 5. Well-being comes first.