一首不起眼的诗《坍塌》及英译
(2009-03-28 00:09:47)
标签:
音乐译本and坍塌of文化 |
分类: 偏执·诗歌 |
在一个英语翻译论坛看到对此诗的翻译讨论,最终有两个版本,差别比较大,最先的版本是Brewster译的,Chalne的版本Brewster认为更好一些,特别是结尾一句。大约是几个月前的事了,Brewster在帖子后面说要告诉我新的译本,可后面却没联系了,因为我们仅是在新浪博客留过言,可他的博客关闭了。
坍塌
越来越多的尘埃压向地面
越来越多的
路基
陷进骨缝
身体坑坑洼洼
有人向施工队点头
几座土坟便
沿路肿起
将它们连在一起
竣工成伟大的地铁干线
译者:Chalne
Fall
- Xiaocha Wu
The increasing cloud of dust
fell down
More and more of the roadbed
were engulfed into the seam
Seen the bumpy pitted bodies
Someone nodded at the construction team
A number of earth graves fluctuated along the road
A great underground lines will be completed
Connecting and combining the all
译者:Brewster
Collapse
More and more dust
Fell heavily to the ground
And more and more
Road bases sank
Into cracks in the bones
Across the body uneven dents
When somebody nodded
To the construction team
Several tombs were then formed
Bulging along the route
Connecting those should complete
A great subway trunk line
Brewster:Google 了一下"constructional force", 很多都是中国人用的. 也许应该归功于科技英语词汇? 我觉得现在用得多的是"construction company", "construciton force", 或"construction team". "constructional force" 和"constuction force"的区别我不清楚. 但"construciton force" 的规模好象比"construction team"大一些. 比如一个"construciton force"下面可以有许多"construction team".
在这个翻译里,用"construciton force"在韵律上好一些.但考虑到原文的背景,我更倾向于用"constructon team". 不久以前,我读到一篇关于杭州地铁塌方的报道.有人质疑在工程承包和线路选择上有很大的问题.内幕我们不得而知.随后我读到这首诗,觉得写得很好.其中"有人向施工队点头"显然有言外之意,所以我倾向于把"施工队"的级别翻得低一些.

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