Many people want to have a successful career and a happy family life both. What problems are involved in combining and a family life? How to overcome these problems?

5分 (学生很多论述和题目无关, 虽然语言总体达到6分水平)

In today’s society, where people lead a busy lifestyle, it is difficult for them to balance their job commitment and family life. People want to be successful especially in their career and they also want to have a delighted family at the same time. In my point of view, it is hard to achieve both aspects (a successful career and a happy family life).  (this is a seamless introduction paragraph)

On the one hand, people have to work diligently to feed their family and attain personal objectives. However, the more time people spend on their career, the fewer chances people get to communicate with their families. For instance, it seems that parents prefer to employ babysitters take care their children rather than spend their time to look after their children mainly because they are too busy to take care of children. On the other hand, if they are always preoccupied with family, they cannot focus on their works well due to unsuccessful career by making mistakes. For example, once the mother has a baby, they prefer to stay at home and look after her baby rather than go to the work. (the student failed to organise her ideas and present them in a coherent fashion)

As for the solution of these problems, firstly, people need to have time management in order to balance their job and family. For example, people spend 10 hours just focusing on their works and be with their family in the remaining times(this example is not convincing). Subsequently, people need to range the work in order to have a flexible working hour. For example, they can do their works at home, so they can start their works anytime they want; the premise is that they need to finish their work on time. (the student failed to present a strong argument. There are indiscernible gaps in the line of reasoning)

In the conclusion, it seems that the great job commitment cannot on par with the happy family life. According to my view, I think it is hard to balance the economic cost and emotional cost. However, there are two overcomes: time management and arrangement of the work.  (the conclusion does not respond to the task.)

修改后的文章 (7分)

In today’s society, where people lead a busy lifestyle, it is difficult for them to balance their job commitment and family life. People want to be successful especially in their career and they also want to have a delighted family at the same time. In my point of view, it is hard to achieve both (a successful career and a happy family life).

The challenge for people who work diligently to feed their family is that material wealth alone does not guarantee family’s wellbeing. If people are preoccupied with family, they cannot focus on their work, which can affect their career development and their income. Commitment to work has been necessitated in a world where the cost of living has soared. Accompanied by this are problems that arise from a fragile family relationship. The more time people spend on their career, the fewer chances people get to communicate with their families. For instance, it seems that parents prefer to employ babysitters to take care of their children rather than fulfil this responsibility on their own. As the interaction between family members diminishes, their ties are flimsy.

There are some solutions to this problem. Firstly, people need to develop time management skills so as to allocate time efficiently to their job and family. People who are time-minded are capable of finishing jobs on schedule and therefore able to spend more time with family. Employers can implement various working schemes that allow for flexible working hours. For example, mothers can fulfil their childcare responsibilities by working from home. Last but not least, people should adjust their attitude toward the work-and-life balance, reassessing their ideas of what matters most in life, personal achievement or a happy family life. 

In conclusion, it seems that the ever-increasing cost of living and the heightened competitiveness account for people’s difficulty in balancing their work and family life. Time management, flexible working arrangements and the readjustment of work-related mindsets are among those methods that can redress the balance.