标签:
杂谈 |
分类: 写作指导 |
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a composition on the topic Positive and Negative Aspects of Sport. You should write no less than 150 words and you should base your composition on the outline (given in Chinese) below:
1.
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Positive and Negative Aspects of Sport
Almost everyone of the world today desires to be healthy. (Everyone wants to be healthy.[1]) As the effective way to get fitness, sport is more and more popular nowadays. (Working out to achieve fitness has become much more popular.[2]) There are countless positive aspects[3] of sports. (The benefits of participating in sports are numerous.) I think the main reasons are its beneficial affects on body and mental, especially for people living in big cities (It’s especially beneficial for body and mind to those living in urban areas.[4])
What’s more, sport is definitely good[14] for mental health[15]. (Sports are beneficial to one’s mental health.) Mental work is taking the place of physical work day and day. (Work is replacing exercise.) So people use brain to think quite much.[16] (As a result, people are using their brains more but physical exercise less.) Meanwhile, a lot of people feel lonely today because the lack of communication with others. (Because of the lack of communication, many people today feel lonely.) In that case, sport would be a proper way to relax and communicate if you take part in some kinds of teamwork[17]. (Sports are a way to relax and communicate with others in a team setting.) Doubtlessly, sport has its negative aspects. (However, sports do have a down side.) For example[18], if you don’t do it in a proper way, you may get hurt when you take sports, or it may take you too much time and energy so that you cannot concentrate on your job. (If not done properly, sports can result in[19] injury and if overdone, it can result in lack of concentration.)
To sum up[20], sport is necessary and beneficial if you take it in a proper way. (If done correctly, sports can result in numerous benefits.) It will be part and important part of your life. (It will become an important part of your life.)
[1]. 不够简洁是四、六级作文的通病。这句话本来就是废话。应该起到topic sentence 的作用。纵观全文,这句话应该是:We need to work out regularly to keep fit. Yet we also need to find proper ways to do it.我们既需要锻炼身体,又要注意用适当的方法。
[2]. 许多同学不知道“锻炼身体”就是 work out. “锻炼身体”要比“从事运动”(participate in a sport) 普通得多。
[3]. 中国同学特别喜欢用aspects这个词。虽然没有错,但这个较为抽象的词应该是在说不出具体的名词时采用,例如:The scholar made a speech on the biological aspects of listening. 此处“与听觉有关的生物现象”一下子难以概括,所以用aspects 来泛指。又如: After one month training, we have acquired the rudimentary aspects of basketball. “篮球的基本技术”包含很多方面,在这个句子里面不能详细列举。再如: A small package is easy for storage, but a lager package may suggest economy. A round bottle may look attractive, but a square one is easier to stack. These are some of the difficult aspects in packaging.(商品的)小包装有利于存放,但大包却实惠;圆瓶子漂亮,但方瓶子容易堆放。这些都是有关包装的困难的方方面面。在这个例子中,前句已力列举了“困难的方方面面”,最后一个句子进行总结时,可以用“aspects”。
[4]. effect 和 affect 的区别:We should have “exercise on commonly confused words.”
[5]. as people is getting 语法上不同。People 虽然没有用复数,但可想而知,people 在此指很多人。其实,语法还有一个司令, 那就是逻辑。
[6]. They rarely have chance 也不对。 中国学生总是忘掉定冠词。应为: They rarely have a chance…
[7]. 写作的一个原则就是越简单越好。
Too…to
[8]. 在电脑前,在电视机前,都要用 in front of.
“major time” 表达不正确。英语有 quality time 的说法,比如有的人认为工作再忙,也要与家人 spend quality time.
另外, 既然有了 day and night, 用了夸张手法,意思就是说极度辛勤地工作,后面就不能再说 “大多数时间”了。我们看这句中文:“他日夜辛劳,大部分时间都在工作。”明显可以看出来后半句是多余的。
[9]. 虽然没有大错,但使用terrible 显然不够准确。这是词汇储存量少的缘故。
[10]. 千万不要自创词组,健康就是 health, 没有什么 body health.
[11]. Suffer from 是个固定词组。另外,用于泛指时,最好不用有性别的词。
[12]. 要用复数, afflictions. Affliction and infliction
[13]. Cost 一词不准确,应该是
reduce.
[14]. 不要使用good, bad, terrible 这些空洞的词。这些词是有用的。但是在需要准确表达,并且字数有限的情况下,务必要使用更准确的词汇。
[15]. 要么用 sports, 要么用 a sport. 这个问题是最基本的语法问题,可是错得特别多。
[16]. People use their brains a lot. 就行了。To think a lot 完全是多余的,因为“使用大脑”与“思考”是同一个意思。
[17]. Teamwork 是工作,谈不上relax. 这里的问题是不了解这个简单词汇。另外, “some kinds of” 也不对, some kind:某种, a certain number of group activities 可能更接近作者愿意,即“参加某些集体活动”。
[18]. 作者在进行一般的论述,而不是举例,所以不能用 for example. 举例一定要有具体的例子。
[19]. result in 比 so that 句型简练得多。
[20]. to sum up, in conclusion 等表达是标准的英语用法,但是所有的人都用,显得千篇一律,而且这些用法也不是关键的表达,能不用就不用了。

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