Some Of My Thoughts

I love my past. I love my present. I’m not ashamed of what I’ve had, and I’m not sad because I’ll have it no longer.  

                                                                     -----Colette

        Some friends remind me that I need to refresh my blog. It’s a good advise but I replied that I need to deepen and widen my knowledge and emotion and thought. To ensure the quality of my essays is a reason for limiting the quantity of them. But, besides, I have another hidden one.

        For these days, I have had trouble with some people about something. I insist on my opinion and decision because I know what I mean and what I’m for. But chains still exist ----- the culture, the customs, the prejudices etc. I’m misunderstood by many people. That doesn’t really matter. But what makes me feel painful is the fact that the people who misunderstand me are really important for me. Maybe what one of my friends once said to me is true:“You don’t need to hope for their understanding because it’s impossible and unessential!”Facts have told me that it’ s true.

        Now maybe you have known why I haven’t refreshed my blog for so long a time. What I want to write on this little field may cause misunderstanding. But emotion is so strong that I can’t bare it without letting it out. So I choose English. That’s why. It hears like a joke that English can be better understood than Chinese when facing Chinese readers. I know it’s ridiculous for some of you. But you know, what I need is true and deep understanding not more understanding. Only understanding my words without understanding my emotion and spirit is far worse than even not understanding my words because the latter will not cause a worse thing ----- misunderstanding!

        The sentence I put on top of this essay is the core of my essay. For what I’ve experienced in my past, what I only want to say is: “I’ve gone and flied beyond that. I will thank my fate for teaching me to be strong in this special way. Surely I will not thank the ones who gave me miseries but meanwhile I believe they are not worth remembering. I’ve stood on a higher place and view them from a totally new angle. And in my eyes what I’ve experienced now are not what they used to be in the past. From my past I’ve got pain as well as great fortune which are of great value to my future study, future career and future life.”

        Reading here, you may have become more clear-minded or even more confused. That’s not important because I’ve got relaxation and relief with writing so much. I can imagine your understanding and are firmly sure that there won’t be any misunderstanding when I write what I really want to say in such way.

        Aha! What a wonderful day today in spring!

        But the next question is: when can my words soar beyond the earth’s chains? I mean in Chinese.

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