爸爸忘记了----作者：利文斯顿-拉尼德

    儿子，听我说：在你睡着的时候，一只小手压在脸蛋儿下面，金黄色的卷发湿漉漉地粘着你的额头。我是一个人偷偷溜到你房间的。就在几分钟前，我在书房整理文件的时候，突然涌起一阵懊悔，几乎压得我喘不过气来。于是，我带着深深的自责，来到你的床前。

    儿子，我想起了许多事情：我对你发过脾气。当你正在换衣服去学校的时候，因为你的脸洗得不够认真，我责骂你。你没有把鞋子擦干净，我惩罚你。当你把东西丢在地板上的时候，我生气地对你大喊大叫。

    即使在饭桌上，我也能挑出错误:你打翻东西，吃饭的时候狼吞虎咽，胳膊肘放在桌子上。在你吃完饭要去玩的时候，我也在准备自己的事情。你转过身，向我挥着手说：“爸爸，再见！”我却皱着眉头回答说：“挺直你的肩膀！”

    这一切在傍晚又发生了一遍。回家的路上，我看见你的时候，你正跪在地上和小伙伴们玩弹珠游戏。你脚上的长袜子磨破了。我在你的朋友面前羞辱了你，让你马上回家。我对你吼道：“长袜子很贵，买这么好的东西给你穿，你怎么还不知道珍惜。”儿子，你能想象吗，这种话竟然出自你爸爸之口。

    你还记得吗？就是刚才的时候，我在书房看报纸，你害羞地走过来，犹豫的站在门口，眼睛里还带着一点害怕。我抬了一下头，对你的打扰很不耐烦，对你严厉的说道：“你到底要做什么？”

    你什么都没说，只是跌跌撞撞的跑过来。你钻进我的怀里，小手抱着我的脖子，亲吻了我一下。你的胳膊紧紧的搂着我，你的身上涌动着上帝种在你心里的爱意，这纯洁的爱让人无法忽视。然后，你就出去了，房间外传来你跑上楼的声音。

    儿子，这个时候，报纸从手里滑落，我的心里突然感到害怕。我做了什么？我总在挑毛病，总是在批评——这就是一直以来我对待你的方式。不是我不爱你，而是我对年幼的你有太多的期望。我在不知不觉之间，用我这个年龄的标准来要求你。

    你的天性中有这么多的真善美。你小小的心灵，就像山谷的黎明一样，无限明亮。这从你天真率直的举动就能看出来：你跑进来亲吻我，跟我道晚安。今天晚上不会再有更重要的事情了，在黑暗中，我来到你身边，儿子，我跪在床边，内心充满愧疚。

    这是一个无力的补偿。如果我在你醒着的时候对你说这些，我知道，你可能不会明白。但是，从明天开始，我将做一个真正称职的爸爸。我将和你做朋友，和你一起分担痛苦、一起分享快乐。如果我不小心说了什么不耐烦的话，我会咬破自己的舌头。我会每天不断的告诉自己：“他只是个孩子，很小的孩子。”

    我知道，我的脑子里原来一直把你当做大人。但是现在，你疲倦的蜷缩在儿童床上酣甜入睡，我看到了，你还是个小孩子。我记得昨天，你还躺在妈妈的怀里，脑袋偎依在她的肩膀上。过去，我对你的要求实在是太多了，太多了。

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listen,son:i am saying this as you lie asleep,one little paw crumple under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead.i have stolen into your room alone.just a few minutes ago,as i sat reading my paper in the library,a stifling wave of remorse swept over me.guiltily i came to your bedside.

there are the things i was thinking,son:i had been cross to you.i scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel.i took you to task for not cleaning your shoes.i called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

at breakfast i found fault,too.you spilled things.you gulped down your food.you put your elbows on the table.you spread butter too thick on your bread.andas you started off to play and i made for my train,you turned and waved a hand and called,"goodbye,daddy!"and i frowned,and said in reply,"hold your shoulders back!"

then it began all over again in the late afternoon.as i came up the road i spied you,down on your knees,playing marbles.there were holes in your stockings.i humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house.stockings were expensive and if you had to buy them you would be more careful!imagine that,son,from a father!

do you remember,later,when i was reading in the library,how you came in timidly,with a sort of hurt look in your eyes?when i glanced up over my paper,impatient at the interruption,you hesitated at the door."what is it you want?"i snapped.

you said nothing,but ran across in one tempestuous plunge,and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me,and your small arms tightened with an affection that god had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither.and then you were gone,pattering up the stairs.

well,son,it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me.what has habit been doing to me?the habit of finding fault,of reprimanding_this was my reward to you for being a boy.it was not that i did not love you;it was that i expected too much of youth.i was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years.

and there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character.this was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night.nothing else matters tonight,son.i have come to your bed-side in the darkness,and i have knelt there ,ashamed!

it is a feeble atonement;i know you would not understand these things if i tole them to you during your waking hours.but tomorrow i will be a real daddy!i will chum with you,and suffer when you suffer,and laugh when you langh.i will bite my tongue when impatient words come.i will keep saying as if it were a ritual:"he is nothing but a boy_a little boy!"

i am afraid i have visualized you as a man.yet sa i see you now,son,crumpled and weary in your cot,i see that you are still a baby.yesterday you were in your mother's arms,your head on her shoulder.i have asked too much,too much.