Are you kidding me? 你给我开玩笑呢

 

Will you give me a break one time? 什么时候你愿意让我喘口气

 

I’m sick of this. 我都要被它弄出病来了

 

Closed. 打烊了

 

Bee bath & beyond it is. 床，浴具，超值商店

 

You guys got any universal remote controls in there? 你这里有什么万能遥控器吗

 

For a shower curtain or a bathmat? 浴帘还是浴毯

 

You got a remote for a blanket/ 毯子还有遥控器？

 

I don’t work here. 我没在这干

 

So tired of my life. 生活怎么这么累啊

 

Beyond? 超值？

 

Sorry to sneak（鬼鬼祟祟做事）up on you. 抱歉偷偷跑进来了

 

Something stinks like stale(不新鲜的, 陈腐的, 疲倦的, 陈旧的) French fries.

什么东西臭臭的，像是过期的薯条

 

Fast food shortens your life. 速食会缩短寿命的

 

That’s what I heard. 别人也是这么告诉我的

 

Just one device to do it all for me… 就是什么都能搞定的那种

 

…make my life a little easier, quicker, not so damn complicated.

让我的生活简单点，效率高点，不要该死的这么复杂

 

I’m not supposed to do this, but you seem like a good guy.

我没打算这么做的，不过你看起来像个好人

 

I’m gonna show you a remote we just got in… 给你看个我们刚弄到的遥控器

 

…that’s probably the most advanced piece of technology… 它可能是目前最先进的一件产品

 

Sounds sweet. 听起来不错

 

The latest, greatest universal remote not even on the market yet.

这是目前最先进的万能遥控器，还没面世

 

I guess the O’Doyles’ remote can bite my advanced-technological ass then.

估计欧多尔的和我这个高科技玩意比是小巫见大巫了

 

Come in the back with me. 根我进来

 

I’m about to rock your world. 我马上要颠覆你原来的世界了

 

I gotta be honest with you. This place looks bigger from the outside.

我说句老实话，这地方从外面没这么大的

 

Just kidding. 开玩笑的吧

 

Sneaky(鬼鬼祟祟的; 卑怯的). 太诡异了

 

Does it come with directions? 没有说明书？

 

Just point, click. 只要点一下，点击就可以了

 

Eventually, it will program itself. 事实上，它是自动设置的

 

Lucky for you it’s not in the bar-code system yet. 算你运气好，还没打条码

 

So I’m gonna have to just give it to you. 我就给你好了

 

What’s the catch here, man? 是不是有什么花样啊

 

Want me to take my shirt off for you? Because I don’t play for that team.

你要我把外套留下？ 我可不吃你的把戏

 

Get out of here. 少来

 

Because good guys need a break every once in a while. 因为好男人总是需要休息的

 

Take it. Enjoy. 拿着，好好享用

 

This item is nonreturnable. 这个遥控器没得退的

 

Why would I wanna return something I got for free? 免费的东西我干嘛要退啊

 

I’m a freaking whiz kid. 我真是天才

 

They could have a sleepover instead. 他们可以搞个聚会来做补偿

 

Thanks for being so cool about this. 谢谢你的理解

 

Can I ask you something? 我可以问你点事吗

 

After you do all this work and become a big player at your company…

等你忙完这个，在公司混到个好差后

 

…do you think you’re gonna have more time for us… 你觉得你还有时间来陪我们吗

 

…or are things just gonna get even more out of control? 或者所有这些事只是会更糟

 

When I get to that place and become a boss… 当我成了老板

 

…a millionaire, a big shot, the first thing I’m gonna do…

一个百万富翁，一个大人物，我首先要做的就是

 

…is hire a bunch of idiots just like me to do all my work. 雇用一堆根我一样的傻瓜帮我做事

 

So then you, me and the kids can do whatever the hell we want.

然后你我跟孩子就可以做任何我们想做的事

 

You just gotta give me some time. 你只需要给我点时间

 

Don’t give me that look. 不要用那种眼神看我

 

I’m just saying, give me some support, all right? 我只是说，希望你支持我，好吗

 

Just think about it. Absolutely. 想想吧 – 一定

 

And stop with the Yodels. 还有别吃甜点了

 

You’re gonna wake up 400 pounds. 明天起来就400磅了

 

Keep it down. Dude. 小声点，伙计

 

You gotta poop again? 你又想拉屎了？

 

Why don’t you do the humpy-pumpy on the duck(急忙蹲下, 闪避), okay?

你就不能先蹲一会吗

 

Will you just hold it in for five minutes and keep the freaking volume down?

你可不可以就忍5分钟，让这讨厌的声音轻一点

 

I guess when you combine… 我猜你把

 

…mass quantities of cough syrup(糖浆) with Yodels.. 大量止咳糖浆和甜点混一点吃的时候

 

… you get acid([化]酸, <俚>迷幻药,adj.酸的, 讽刺的, 刻薄的). 会产生幻觉

 

Sniffy(sniff, 以鼻吸气; 嗅, 闻) longdroppings, today. 闻什么，拉啊

 

In the short run… 目前看来

 

Plastic surgery is a hassle(激战，争论). 整形手术还有点争议

 

I’m gonna have a face and a body that’s gonna get me to places where I wanna be.

我的脸和身体会让我想得到什么就有什么