我突然急切地想给我写信

姝然/图文

I went out for a long walk yesterday on my own without any map. I needed it: a bit space and solitude to look back to forget, and to clarify to look forwards. It hasn't been easy but I went through it while walking on the unfamiliar paths and not really knowing where I was going.I feel or rather I hope I am free again. Nothing is worse than a troubled mind.To forget and to let it go is to move forward and sometimes it's not an option. It's the only way. I guess in life we have to admit that we are naivety itself sometimes,and to admit that is the first step to grow up and to grow smart and supple.

With the spring beckoning on there are changes along the roads I walk on every day. More flowers buds turn into full blossom and more barren trees are embellished with green new sprouts. And because of them the same roads are different roads every day to me.I have to admit that I am not very interested in people at present. Company becomes something that I no longer proactively seek for; so does friendship. The life only becomes enjoyable when I am far away from the crowds, and when I can spend time with those I am fond of or curious about, be them friends, books or places. In a sense I willingly yield my happiness to them, and to my feelings.An intimate conversation that both parties are as honest and frank as each other could make my heart full; a piece of intriguing and profound writing could penetrate through the most obscure corner of my soul; and a canopy of blue sky or a corner of grass under the shade of green trees could delight me and make me full of gratitude towards the present hour and of cheerful expectation towards the prospect of the future.

Today at walked along the river which eventually flows into Thames River. The sky was so blue that it almost hurt my eyes. I stood there and watched the shadow of white clouds floating on the still surface. There was a thin trail of reeds growing at the shadow part of the river, swaying to and fro in the spring breeze.I know the scene is always there, but with my presence the place instantly became alive, real  and made an impact on my conscious mind. “When she was not there, the odor of dust, the half-light, the desolate solitude, all of them existed for no one. They didn’t exist at all. But now she was there…she had the power: she gave them their colors and odors” said a French writer.

But of course you don’t need to always go in the nature to feel the moment. Everyone has his own preference. The moment can be a moment spent with a friend, a book, a piece of music, or it can be a moment with you yourself. Like what David said, stop to look, to listen, and to feel; you will be able to find how slowly time goes by, and how much one can embrace in a short while…I think I was getting depressed under the England's damp climate. I seemed always full of bitterness and resentment and blind from all the cheerfulness and goodness.But let’s tuck away those memories for the moment. Time is ticking away, and there are so many things that I need to do to make the future easier and brighter than at present. Written here.