Student：Melody Mohttp://s15/middle/4a2de73cg73a4d8770e1e&690Life" TITLE="Meaningful Life" />

Class： Philosophy 115

Professor： Long 

http://s13/middle/4a2de73cg84703f8c2c0c&690Life" TITLE="Meaningful Life" />

A Meaningful Life Is Having Good Family Relationships

What is a meaningful life? This question is so simple, but it is not easy to answer. Different people have different answers. In my eyes and mind, to have a meaningful life is to have good family relationships. There is much kind of relationships, but family relationships are the most complex relationship, which has great influence in pursuing a meaningful life.  I was born and grew up in a big happy family including my grandmother, father, mother, an older brother, and two younger sisters. It is not easy to have and to keep good family relationships in such a large family. However, I have learned that love is the main key keeping good family relationships in pursuing a meaningful good life.  In order to have a meaningful life, I am going to focus on love in four major elements: caring, responsibility, respect, and forgiveness.

To have a meaningful life, love is most important. Among the four elements of love, caring is very important to maintain good family relationships.  I had read a touching love story: a young wife Della only had one dollar and eighty-seven cents, but the next day would be Christmas. Having little money, she had no way to buy a gift for her husband, so she decided to cut off her hair and sold it even though she knew her husband Jim loved her hair very much.  She bought her husband a platinum fob chain.  Like Della, Jim had a headache for buying a present for his lover.  Except having one gold watch that had been his father's and grandfather's, he had nothing.  He finally sold his watch and bought a set of combs for Della.   Although the gifts were useless, it was the thought that counted. (Henry 51-56).

When people care about each other, they are willing to give up something they love.  My mother was one of two doctors who were selected to stay in the big city hospital of Jiangmen in Canton after she graduated from a medical school.  She married my father who lived and worked as a businessman in an island.  She gave up her job in the big hospital of Jiangmen and moved to the island because of love.  The island hospital did not have enough doctors; she had to work harder and stayed longer.  The living environment was worse than she thought, but she was happy with my father.  As Wallerstein and Blakeslee said, "A good marriage is a process of continual change as it reflects new issues, deals with problems that arise, and uses the resources available at each stage of life"  (Wallerstein and Blakeslee 200).  When people think it is meaningful for them, they are willing to do everything for their loved ones.

Time does fly.  My parents have been married for forty-one years. They get along very well.  From my parents' marriage, I have learned that having a happy family relationship means sharing all the good and bad times and bearing all the ups and downs together. What I want in a marriage is the sharing of two lives to complete each other. Wealth is not a requirement; appearance is not everything; beauty comes from within. Having a rich husband doesn't mean having a happy marriage.  I can live with poor, but I can't live without happiness.  Although to have a handsome husband is pleasant, inner beauty is the most important.  I prefer a man who is just the best: caring, mature, honest, well-educated, and intelligent rather than one who is only handsome and rich. A caring husband will give me consideration and warm feelings.  A mature and honest husband will give me a secure feeling, so our relationship will be more stable.  An well-educated and intelligent husband can teach me to improve and to teach our children in the future.  After all, having a good marriage is having a happy relationship between my husband and I.

Another aspect of having a meaningful life in good family relationships is responsibility.  People who live in a family have their responsibilities to take care and to strive to a comfortable home.  Fromm climes that responsibility, in its true sense, is an entirely voluntary act; it is my response to the needs, expressed or unexpressed, of another human being.  (Fromm 28).  In a family, everyone had his or her responsibilities and daily duties.  Parents divide up the chores of the household and raise children; the husband and the wife have equal rights and responsibilities within the family.  In the old days, my father always took care of heavy jobs such as carrying water and firewood and shopping for food.  My mother took care of four children besides her busy job.  Although my older brother is the only boy in my family, he had to do house work along with all girls.  My brother carried water, I cooked dinner, my younger sister washed dishes, and my youngest sister cleaned up the floor. We also had to wash our own clothes. I am the oldest daughter in my family.  I also had to take care of two little sisters when my father worked at another island, my mother worked whenever patients came, and my older brother went to school.  In fact, we all take and share responsibilities to build up a warm and comfortable home.

Furthermore, taking care of our elderly parents is children' responsibility.  I believe that children owe "the debts to one's parents are beyond number" (Lin 756).  The relationships between children and parents are blood relationships.  My parents gave life to me; they have been taking care of me since my childhood; they provide food for me; they support me and teach me.  These cannot be numbered nor a price put on.   I owe my parents too much, and the debt cannot be repaid.  Although I can repay money to them, I cannot repay their love.  What I can do is to treat them well in my life.  As a matter of fact, I have to contribute the social responsibilities to support my elderly parents.  To help them learn to drive, to take care them when they are sick, and to give them financial support are my duties and moral obligations.  My parents love me and hope to be loved by me as well.  Responsibility keeps a family relationship working well in my meaningful life.

Besides caring and responsibility, respect is also very important in having good family relationships in a meaningful life.  So what is respect? Mr. Fromm has a very good answer: "Respect means the concern that the other person should grow and unfold as he is. Respect, thus, implies the absence of exploitation" (Fromm 28).  Family relationships are indeed complicated.  I am not saying that it is wrong for the family member giving others opinions and suggestions.  In fact, it is not. No matter how smart a person is, he or she needs others to point out his or her blind spots.  However, one is his or her own master.  Each family member has the right to give others opinions and suggestions but not the right to terminate others friendship or to interfere in other’s decisions.  But the better way to show respect to each family member is to analyze what is good or bad for him or her. When my old brother wanted to marry with his girl friend, who is my sister-in-law now, he first asked my parents' opinions.  My parents said, "You were happy; we were happy.  We had no opinions at all."  My brother and my parents showed their great respect for each other.  My parents never told us what to do, but they just told us what are the positives and negatives of our decisions or choices. We always made decisions by ourselves. Growing up in this rationale and background, my parents and us keep up good relationships. 

Things happen all the time. Due to the event in June 4th, 1989, my parents wanted me to come to America.  But at that time, I had a very good job in a government department office, and I got along well with all department employees.  I had a tough time making my decision, and I had to think about whether I should have come or not for a few months.  My mother did not force me to come, but she analyzed the good and bad sides for me.  I finally chose the United States to pursue my new life in March 23, 1991.  It was the most important decision that I made.  After I came here, I have chances to go to college and university to learn what I like to learn.  I am so happy that I had made the right decision. As a matter of fact, respect is very helpful to have good family relationships.

In a meaningful life, forgiveness helps a lot to build up good family relationships as well as caring, responsibility, and respect. To forgive, one should learn to let go. Oh yes, saying is always easier than doing. I am going to share a great story of forgiving in my family. My mother had an unhappy relationship with her father.  Among all her family members, she was one who hated my grandfather most.  She always said that having a father was like having no father.  She only saw her father twice, but she was too little and could not remember the last time she saw him.  My mother could not attend a better medical college that she wanted to. She had to support my grandmother and her sisters after she had her first job in a hospital.  Even though I never have a chance to see my grandfather, I hated him very much when I was a little girl.  I hated him because he had two wives and didn't take care of my grandmother and her three daughters. Unlike my mother and I, my grandmother always forgives my grandfather, an uncaring husband, a dishonest man, and an irresponsible father.  I didn't understand why my grandmother went to Hong Kong at age sixty-two, worked as a house helper to gain and save little money, and then went to Philippines visiting her husband whom she had not seen for over forty years.  After working eleven years as a house helper, she moved back to my grandfather's hometown, built a big nice house, and waited for him coming back someday. Unfortunately, he never came back; he passed away many years ago in Philippines. My grandmother still holds a memorial ceremony for him every year. 

I didn’t understand why my grandmother could forgive my grandfather, and I could not forgive my grandfather until I read Joan Gattuso’s book, A Lesson of Love.  By reading this book, I have learned that forgiveness is very important in having good family relationships. It seems nearly impossible to realize that we must forgive not for the other person's sake, but for our own. Our inability to forgive pollutes our life. Therefore, we should not judge, criticize, or ignore someone; however, we should forgive him or her. In fact, when we learn to forgive within our hearts, we can have a holy relationship in our life. Meanwhile, I recalled what, how, and why my grandmother could treat him like that even after he treated her so badly.  I finally realized that to love is to forgive.  In addition, I have learned that the best way I can live with happiness is not to hate but to forgive.  Instead of hate, love becomes my way to treat others. No matter how others treat me, even hurt me; I forgive them as I forgive myself as well.  Having a healthy, happy, easy, and lasting relationship with my family, I have to learn to forgive.

In conclusion, my family always shows caring, responsibility, respect, and forgiveness for each other.  This kind of love affects me greatly in having good relationship with my family. I love my family. I love and enjoy my life, my meaningful life.

Works Cited

Erich Fromm. "The Theory of Love"

Joan Gattuso. A Lesson of Love

O. Henry. "The Gift of the Magi"

Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. "The Good Marriage"

Lin Yutang. "On Growing Old Gracefully"