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New Company Policy
(2006-04-18 19:45:47)| 分类： 转载空间 |
Just got this
from sis. Very funny! 
Hopefully, that's not her
company's new policy...
NEW
COMPANY POLICY
EFFECTIVE
IMMEDIATELY
New Company Policy: Effective April 1,
2006
Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to
your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci
bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a
raise.
If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money
better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a
raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be
and
therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of
sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.
Personal Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They
are called
Saturday & Sunday.
Bereavement Leave
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can
do
for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
be made to have non-employees attend to the
arrangements.
In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary,
the
funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch
hour and
subsequently leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There
is now
a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will
open,
and a picture will be taken. After your second
offense,
your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under
the "Chronic Offenders category".
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned
under
the company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat
more,
so that they can look healthy.
Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced
meal to maintain their average figure.
Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all
the
time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our
company.
We are here to provide a positive employment
experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns,
complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and
input should be directed elsewhere.
Happy Belated April
Fool:)
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