blog里换了新歌

mariah carey - bye bye

纳纳拿给我听的

我说天啊！

歌词讲的就是我啊！

这几天晚上睡不着

总是睡不着

小时候的记忆仿佛可乐.汽水...被使劲摇过后立刻打开。黏黏的带着气泡的液体扑了出来

... ...

小学的时候兴致勃勃去参加每周3放学后的音乐课

每次都要从学校和同学们走好远的路

路上总会买很多没用的东西，结果上课迟到...

3-5次后就不去上课啦，觉得路太远，没意思...懒惰

学费白交，家长批评... ...

小时候的我...真的很糟糕啊！

... ...

雨天

放学的大雨天

撑着伞来接我的，是带病的我最最爱的奶奶

那个刚还抱怨下雨的我抬头透过已经“出汗”的眼睛

看到穿着雨鞋的奶奶裤子还是被打湿提着我的小红伞

微笑的看着我，时不时还咳嗽几次

那一幕我永远都忘不了

... ...

I often shed tears for my deceased grandmother ...

... ...

体温

小时候

做恶梦哭醒，立刻紧紧抱住身边熟睡的，温暖的，充满安全感的奶奶...

只有奶奶具有这种能够安抚我的...体温

... ...

枕头

小时候必须要抱着奶奶才能睡着

那时奶奶常常问我：“要是奶奶不在你身边了，怎么入睡呢？”

讠讠：“那我会抱着枕头，假装抱着奶奶... ... ”

现在，我只能抱着枕头了

东奔西跑，没有奶奶的臂膀也要坚强的睡着

为什么醒来眼角总挂着泪痕呢？

做的什么梦,我已经不记得了，不记得了

... ...

离开

奶奶离开以后

天空开始出现灰色，空气中充满了眼泪的味道

而我，身体里的另一个自己，那个阴暗，害怕，孤独，紧张，不自信，爱哭，迷茫的那个原本在心底缺少安全感的自己一下子喷涌

像火山爆发...充满了阴暗面的自己

那时候常常一个人把头埋进枕头里，把电视开的很大声，开始放声大哭

让自己的声音淹没在枕头里和电视机的声音中

... ...

那时候我每天哭，除了哭我不知道怎么办好

甚至想奶奶把我带走吧

我哭，妈妈也哭

妈妈说再这样哭下去会疯的，妈妈说她刚失去了母亲不敢想象也失去女儿。

那时接近期末考，后来我就没去上课了，考试是几乎交了白卷的，那时什么都不在乎了啊...

考试也哭，每天眼睛肿的都睁不开

直到发现擦在纸巾上的泪水居然是橙色的，看东西有两层，我不哭了，我不想瞎

... ...

酗酒

我不酗酒，不酗烟，不酗茶，不酗咖啡，不酗...

我酗思念，无尽的思念

思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念思念

... ...

脑子里浮现出一片盐碱地，发现原来是心的一角很荒凉

我，开始不说话了

... ...

改变，从高中开始

一切都是新的，我决定扮演好自己

妈妈告诉我奶奶一直在看着我

... ..

力量是手镯给的

我知道有这样一群完全不认识的人默默的支持着自己

我告诉自己，现在背负的责任大了

告诉奶奶，看有那么多人在关心你的讠讠，奶奶你看

我有目标了。

... ...

今天我突然很害怕

害怕长大，害怕时间过去

因为害怕忘记

而记忆渐渐的一张张地框在那6寸大的相片上

无尽的思念只能倾泻在一页页干巴巴的日记本纸张上

怎么办... 那个体温，那种奶奶的气味，我快记不得了

...怎么办...怎么办...

怎么办...

 

快乐的我 害怕的我

健康的我 懂事的我

孤独的我                      迷茫的我

坚强的我                    努力的我

闪闪发光的我

... ... 的我

你，看得见吗？

我会微笑着努力的走下去，你会微笑的看着傻傻的成长中的我噢？

                                                

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

this is for my peoples
who just lost somebody
your best friend, your baby
your man or your lady
put your hand way up high
we will never say bye
no, no, no
mamas, daddys, sisters, brothers
friends and cousins
this is for my peoples
who lost their grandmothers
lift your head to the sky
cause we will never say bye
as a child there were them times
i didn't get it
but you kept me in line
i didn't know why
you didn't show up sometimes
on sunday mornings and i missed you
but i'm glad we talked through
all them grown folk things
separation brings
you never let me know it
you never let it show
because you loved me and obviously
there's so much more left to say
if you were with me today
face to face
i never knew i could hurt like this      （从这里开始是我的心声）
and everyday life goes on i wish               
i could talk to you for a while
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by

and it's true that you've
reached a better place
still i'd give the world to see your face
and be right here next to you
but it's like you're gone too soon
now the hardest thing to do is say
bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye
you never got a chance to see
how good i've done
and you never got to
see me back at number one
i wish that you were here
to celebrate together
i wish that we could
spend the holidays together
i remember when you used to
tuck me in at night
with the teddy bear you gave me
that i held so tight
i thought you were so strong
you'd make it through whatever
it's so hard to accept the fact
you're gone forever
i never knew i could hurt like this
and everyday life goes on i wish
i could talk to you for a while
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by
and it's true that you've
reached a better place
still i'd give the world to see your face
and be right here next to you
but it's like you're gone too soon
now the hardest thing to do is say
bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye, bye bye, bye bye
bye bye
this is for my peoples
who just lost somebody
your best friend, your baby
your man or your lady
put your hand way up high
we will never say bye
mamas, daddys, sisters, brothers
friends and cousins
this is for my peoples
who lost their grandmothers
lift your head to the sky
cause we will never say bye, bye.

i never knew i could hurt like this
and everyday life goes on i wish
i could talk to you for a while
miss you but i try not to cry
as time goes by
and it's true that you've
reached a better place
still i'd give the world to see your face
and be right here next to you
but it's like you're gone too soon
now
嗯，随着时间的推移...我会试着不哭