汉译英原文(本博文的图片皆出自于CNKI)
http://s3/mw690/001gCqgKgy6JlBaUyB482&690
城市的迷失
【标题解读】
此篇短文出自一本杂志,原杂志上的文章配有插图。此篇短文须对照插图阅读才能真正明白文字的含义。从文章写作角度来看,似乎出是自文艺青年之手:笔锋虽略显稚嫩,但视角新颖,内容能发人深省。
标题“城市的迷失”,从修辞格角度看,是一种移就格(transferred
epithet),即把通常修饰甲类名词的形容词转用来修饰另一类名词。“迷失”本指用来修饰“人”,但此处用来修饰“城市”。
【英语标题】
The Puzzling City
【翻译津要】从意思上看,这个标题可以有几种翻译:a. “Lost in
the City”; b.“The Puzzling City”;c.“The Puzzlement of the City”,d.
City at a
Loss。四种译文都翻译出原文的意思,a.属于意译中的阐释性翻译;b.属于译意,易懂;c.属于直译,比较晦解;d.容易产生误解:城市在亏本或亏本的城市,因为at
a loss有两层含义:(形容物的)亏本;(形容人的)迷失/迷惘。本译文采取b种译文。
【汉语原文】
(1)(a)沿着瑗珲—腾冲线,(b)这条(c)1935年由胡焕庸先生发现并命名的(d)中国人口、自然和历史地理的分界线,(e)我们看到,(f)从远距离贸易发展开始的那天起,(g)利益和权力的渗透与分散,已经从根本结构上改变了城市的状态:(h)城市在膨胀,(i)人在疏离。(2)里尔的阿兰(Alain)的话到今天仍然振聋发聩:“金钱万能,不是凯撒万能。”
【原文解读】
从英语句法角度解读:(1)句法结构为:“(a)介词+宾语+(b(c+d))同位语(沿着…),+(e)主语+谓语(我们看到)+宾语从句(f,g,h,i)…”。其中,(b)为带有两个长定语的同位语;(h-i)为“状态”的同位语从句。(2)“里尔的阿兰(Alain)”属于专名,翻译时要加以知人论世,了解此人在历史上的概况,据查,此人法语名字为:Alain,法国经院哲学家,神学家,生于c.1128-c.1202
的Lille,故称:Alain de Lille,英语拼写为:Alan of Lille。
【英语译文】
The Aihui-Tengchong line, discovered and named by Mr. Hu
Huanyong in 1935, is the boundary of Chinese population, natural
and historical geography. Along this line, we find, since the
beginning of the long-distance trade the penetration and dispersion
of profit and power has radically and structurally changed the
status of the cities: the city in expansion and the people in
estrangement. What Alan of Lille said is still thought-provoking:
“Almighty is money but Ceasar.”
【翻译津要】
(1)主干结构可译为:Along …line, we
find…。但其中line带有两个较长定语的同位语,如果保持汉语句式,可能导致英语句子结构臃肿,故可以将(b)刈分为独立句来翻译。其中(c)为定语,译为分词定语。(a-d)依并为一句。字词翻译:“瑷珲—腾冲线”中的“线”,译为:line。此处“发现”要译为discover,不能译为find。“看到”要译为“find”,不能译为see,watch。(h-i)译为独立主格结构表同位。
(2) 中的“金钱万能,不是凯撒万能”既然是Alain of
Lille所说的,翻译时理当引用其原话,此处,按汉语意思英译。此句英译句式设置有多种,如:常句:“Money but not
Ceasar is almighty.”倒装句为:“Almighty is money but
Ceasar.”句式不同,语势不同。本译文采取倒装句。
【汉语原文】
(3)在古罗马,柱子是按照人的比例划分的;(4)到了文艺复兴时期,人就是世界上最美好的尺度。(5)(a)今天的中国城市里,(b)裁弯取直的河渠,(c)向四面八方扩张的交通,(d)膨胀硕大的以便于接纳更多商业行为的城市广场与建筑立面,(e)都在告诉人们(f)建设背后的权力与资本才是审美标准。(6)直到有一天,回过头来看到自己的孩子站在为车辆交通铺开的、满是尘土的路上,我们才发现,城市的大,却容不下一个让孩子们展开笑颜的机会。
【原文解读】
(3-4)属于并列句式。(5)是一个多重主语句,其中(a)处所句,(b-d)为多重主语,而且每个主语都带有定语。从语气上看,作者具有责怪之意。(6)责怪之意明显,句式“直到有一天,……我们才发现……”,从上下文看,意欲表达的语势是“只有到了某一天,……我们才会发现……”。
【英语译文】
In ancient Rome, columns were designed according to the
proportion of human’s figure. In the period of Renaissance, human
figure became the best measure in the world. But today, in the
cities of China, the winding rivers have been straightened, the
traffic roads have been extended in all directions, the city
squares and building surface have been built so largely for more
commercial activities. All these show that the power and capital
behind the construction are the aesthetic criteria. Only until some
day when we turn back and find our children standing on the
traffic-oriented dust roads, can we realize that so big a city
cannot give children a joyful chance.
【翻译津要】
(3-4)平行并列句,其中“尺度”可供选择的英语字词:scale, criterion, measure, dimension,
yardstick。本译文选择measure,因为在此句中“尺度”:a隐含有“测量、衡量”的动作概念;b英语中有这种用法,如培根
“It is a false assertion that the sense of man is the measure of
things.”(如果断言人的感官是衡量万物的量尺,那就错了)
。(5)句中(b-d)三个主语的结构都是“Vp+的+Np”,英译时如果仍然保持这种结构译为英语主语,必然导致英语句式头重脚轻,故将汉语“VP+的+Np”结构刈分为句子来翻译,而且采用被动语态句式,旨在说明是“人为的”。试比较另外一种译文:(b)the
winding rivers have become the straight one;(c) traffic roads have
extended in all directions, city squares and building surface are
so large for more commercial activities. (e)翻译时增益前指代词“all
these”,(f)句译为宾语从句。(6)译文采取only…can
we…的倒装句来翻译原语所隐含的责怪之意。其中“展开笑颜的机会”采取移就修辞格译为“a joyful chance”。
【汉语原文】
(7)规划和设计的弊病,不在于追求利益这件事情本身,而在于追求利益和权利时的鬼迷心窍,把人类其他的需要都忘记得一干二净。(8)(a)城市数量在变多、(b)规模在扩大、(c)城乡结构在解体,(d)但城市的性质和目的,却被忘却了:(e)最聪明的人不再懂得社会生活的形式,(f)而最无知的人却准备去建设社会生活的形式。
【原文解读】
(7)讲述现代城市建设弊病的根本原因“鬼迷心窍”般的追求利益和权力(注意:不是“权利”,作者写作时的错别字,这就是为什么我是此篇文章出自于文艺小清新之手。)。(8)具体解释弊病:设计者忘记了城市建设最根本的目的。
【英语译文】
(7)The malpractice of planning and designing does not come from
pursuing profit itself, but from being obsessed with it and
forgetting the human’s other needs. (8)The cities are being built
more and more (in number), bigger and bigger (in size), and the
urban and rural structure being disintegrated. But the nature and
purpose of building a city has been forgotten--- the wisest do not
know the form of social life any longer, while the most ignorant
get ready to build the form of social
life.
【翻译津要】
(7)中“弊病”英语有:malady, evil, malpractice, drawback,
disadvantage。这些词各有区别:malady主要指有“疾病”这种弊病,故此句不恰当;evil指道德上的“邪恶”这种弊病,malpractice指不良行为(尤指improper
or unethical conduct by the holder of a professional or official
position);drawback指不方便,disadvantage指lack of
advantage。如果从此句后的“追求利益”和“鬼迷心窍”的情感色彩来看,malpractice
更为恰当。(8)刈分两个句子,(a-b-c)为并列结构,依并为一句,其中三句都译为被动句,表示这种行为是有意而为之,其中(a-b)共享一个动词,(c)采取省略结构;试比较主动句:The
cities are getting more and more (in number), bigger and bigger (in
size)… (d-e-f)为一句,其中(d)译为主句,(e-f)译为并列句,起同位语从句作用。
【汉语原文】
(9)(a)城市大了,(b)人小了。(10)(a)人们和他们的城市息息相关而(b)又格格不入。(11)(a)人们不能获得(b)有悖于商业世界、(c)内容更充实更满意的生活手段,(d)成为了旁观者、读者、听众和消极的观察者。(12)(a)于是,我们年复一年不是真正地生活着,(b)而是间接地生活着,(c)远离内在的本性。(13)这些本性,掠过照片沉默和迷茫的脸孔,偶然从天空飘过的风筝看到,偶然从孩子们看到鸽子时脸上的笑靥看到。
【原文解读】
(9)作者在客观陈述事实,同时也是上一段中提及的“弊病”所致的结果。句式上是由两个并列结构小句构成。(10)具体说明“人小了”的状态:相关而不相融;(11)描写人们的无奈。(12)作者将主语变换成“我们”,指包括说话者自己在内的任何人,仍然是泛指。(13)句为无标记被动句,主语为“这些本姓”,谓语为“…看到…看到”这种句式省略了动作实施者――读者“你”;其中此句“掠过”意为“略过”,即略而不看。
【英语译文】
The city is getting bigger and bigger, but people feel
smaller and smaller. They are closely related to their city, but
feel deeply incompatible with it. They cannot find other more
meaningful and satisfactory means of livelihood which go against
the commercial world. They have just become the bystanders,
readers, audience and negative watchers of their city. Thus, year
by year, we do not live a real life, but just make a living-an
indirect life which is far-away from our inner nature. In these
photos, if you ignore those faces full of silence and puzzlement,
you can find their inner nature from the kites occasionally flying
in the sky, or from the smiling faces of children when they see
pigeons.
【翻译津要】
此段讨论“大城市”里的人们越来越迷失了,故此段英语句式中的主语都以“人们”为主语。(9)中(a)译为独立主格结构,其中,城市泛指任何一个特定的城市,故译为单数the
city;(b)句谈论“人们”的迷失感,英译时增益转折连接词but,和动词feel。(10)增益转折连接词;(11)刈分两个独立句,其中(a-b-c)为一句,以they为主语前指people,(c)译为前置定语,(b)译为后置定语从句;(d)独立成句,
以they为主语前指people。(12)(a)和(b)译为并列句,(c)译为定语从句,其中“真正地生活着”译为“live a
real life”, “间接地生活着”是指谋生之意,故译为“make a living—an indirect life”。
(13)句增益动作施事者主语“you”和逻辑连接词if。
【汉语原文】
(14)(a)人与城市的分离,(b)让人无所适从;(c)让人欣慰的是,(d)大家都没有忘记要生活这件事。(15)城市(a)最早作为神祗的家园,(b)代表了永恒的价值、安慰和神的力量。(16)过去(a)人与人的隔离与区别,(b)将不能维持下去;(c)城市最终体现的不再是一个神化了的统治者的意志,(d)而是城市每一个个体和全体的意志;(e)它不再是冲突本身,(f)而成为了为日常生活的矛盾与冲突、挑战与拥抱提供生动舞台的容器;(g)艺术与思想有一天也能闪现在城市的角落,(h)与人们的生活相交织。(17)也许到了这一天,我们才能真正说,城市让生活更美好。
【原文解读】
此段是收尾段,是作者对现代城市建设的反思:(14)现代城市虽让人不适,但也有令人欣慰之处,(15)对城市建设的本质追根溯源;(16)做出的反思和(17)无奈般的期望,作者仅用两个字“也许”就表达出一种淡淡的,无奈的期望。
【英语译文】
(14)The dissociation of human from the city make people
feel at a loss to what to do. Agreeably, they have not forgotten
one thing: to live a life. (15)The city, as beginning with a place
for deities, represented the eternal values,
comforts and strength of gods. (16)(a)The separation and
discrimination between people in the past (b)cannot last any longer
now. (c)The city does not represent the will of a deified governor
any longer, (d)but the will of every individual or the whole. (e)It
is not the conflict itself, (f)but a vivid stage, a container for
the daily contradictions and conflicts, challenges and embraces.
(g)Some day, art and thoughts might radiate their aroma into the
corners of the city and (h)into our daily life. (17)Only on that
day might we proudly say: “the city makes our life more happy and
fine.”
【翻译津要】
(14)(a-b)不难翻译;(c)副词化为“agreeably”。(15)中(a)译为介词短语,(b)译为主句。(16)(a)名物化为主语,(b)译为谓语;(c-d)译为一句;(e-f)为一句;(g-h)为一句,其中(g)为主句,(h)译为介词短语句;(17)采取半倒装句式,为了加强原文无奈的期盼的语气,增益only同时采取虚拟语气格式,即might
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