兹拉坦-伊布拉希莫维奇是世界上最令人愉快的足球运动员之一，无论是在球场内外。从难以置信的进球到令人吃惊的言论，他总是能成为我们时刻关注的焦点。伊布没能和曼联续约，英超联赛一定会想念他的。所以我们整理出35条上帝语录，来给各位小伙伴们压压惊。

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1. I can't help but laugh at how perfect I am.

“当论及我的完美，我自己都会忍不住笑出声来。”

2. Swedish style? No. Yugoslavian style? Of course not. It has to be Zlatan-style.

“瑞典球风？不。南斯拉夫球风？当然更不是了。这必然是是萨尔坦-球风啊。”

3. Zlatan doesn't do auditions.

- When Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger offered the then-teenaged Ibrahimovic a trial.

“兹拉坦从不试镜。”

——阿森纳主教练温格一度向伊布伸出过橄榄枝。那时候后者还只是个十多岁的孩子，却回绝了试训的机会。

4. What [John] Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.

- In response to Carew's suggestions that Ibrahimovic's flicks and tricks were pointless.

“[约翰-]卡鲁能拿皮球做什么，我就能拿橙子做什么。”

——用以回绝被自己视为雕虫小技的，约翰-卡鲁的建议。[约翰-卡鲁，挪威国脚，伊布在斯堪的纳维亚地区的前辈]

5. First I went left; he did too. Then I went right and he did too. Then I went left again and he went to buy a hot dog.

- On how he twisted Liverpool defender Stephane Henchoz inside-out.

“我向左，他也向左。然后我向右，他也向右。然后我又向左，他去买了只热狗。”

——论如何摆脱利物浦后卫斯蒂芬-亨科兹的防守，彻彻底底地。

6. When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. [Pep] Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat.

- On his single season at Barcelona where he endured a tense relationship with then-coach Pep Guardiola.

“当你买我的时候，你买的是辆法拉利。如果你开着一辆法拉利，你就会把汽油加到油箱里，把车子开到高速上，然后，猛踩油门。[皮普-]瓜迪奥拉[给我]加满了柴油，在乡村里兜风。他就应该买辆菲亚特。”

——在巴塞罗那的一个赛季，他与当时的教练皮普-瓜迪奥拉始终保持着紧张的关系。

7. What do you mean, 'present?' She got Zlatan.

- On his ex-girlfriend's engagement gift.

“你说啥？‘礼物？’她得到了萨尔坦。”

——关于他的[前]女友的订婚礼物。

兹拉坦从不会拐弯抹角

8. We're looking for an apartment. If we don't find anything, then I'll probably just buy the hotel.

- At his unveiling as a Paris Saint-Germain player.

“我正在找一套公寓。如果找不合适的，我大概就会买下这家[目前下榻的]旅馆。”

——在他加盟巴黎圣日耳曼的见面会上。

9. It's true I don't know much about the players here, but they definitely know who I am.

- On his move to Ligue 1 in 2012.

“的确，我对这里的球员所知寥寥，但他们肯定知道我是谁。”

——关于初次涉足法甲，2012年。

10. We were looking through his playlist in the dressing room -- there was lots of Justin Bieber, Jonas Brothers and Selena Gomez. It is nice to know that even David Beckham doesn't have good taste in everything.

“我们在更衣室里看了他的播放列表——有很多贾斯汀比伯、乔纳斯兄弟和赛琳娜-戈梅兹[的曲子]。很高兴知道，即使是大卫贝克汉姆也没有什么好品味。”

11. There was the thought that this would send me into retirement. I sent their entire country into retirement.

- After scoring twice to qualify Sweden for Euro 2016 over Denmark.

“有人说我该退休了。[然而我又进了两个球，]我把他们的整个国家都给送去退休了。”

——在独中两元确保瑞典力压丹麦晋级欧洲杯决赛圈后，2016年。

12. I don't believe they can change the Eiffel Tower for my statue, even the people behind the club. But if they can, I will stay here -- I promise you.

- On his future with PSG.

“我不太相信他们会把埃菲尔铁塔换成我的雕像，即便是对于俱乐部的忠实拥趸来说。不过，要是他们真能做到的话，我会留下来——我保证。”

——关于其在巴黎的未来。

13. And there was this famous exchange with a reporter ahead of the2014 World Cup qualifying playoffs:

Zlatan: Only God knows who will go through.

Reporter: It's hard to ask him.

Zlatan: You're talking to him.

在2014年世界杯预选赛之前，与记者的一段著名对话：

伊布：“只有上帝知道谁会晋级。”

记着：“嗯，问他老人家的意见可不容易。”

伊布：“你正在和他老人家唠着呢。”

14.And when Sweden lost to Portugal and failed to qualify?

A World Cup without me is nothing to watch, so it is not worth waiting for the World Cup.

[终于，]瑞典输给了葡萄牙，没能晋级。

“没有我的世界杯是不值得观看的，所以[各位]实在是没什么好期待的了。”

15. Absolutely not. I have ordered a plane. It is much faster.

- On rumours that he bought a Porsche.

“别瞎逼逼。我订购了一架飞机。它要快得多。”

——传闻说他买了一辆保时捷。

16. It felt like I had 11 babies around me.

-On Chelsea players' response to his red card in the 2015 Champions League quarterfinals.

“就好像有十一个小北鼻在我身边。”

——伊布在2105年欧冠四分之一决赛上吃到红牌，关于切尔西球员的对此的回应。

17. I don't give a s--- who wins. I'm going on holiday.

- His response after Sweden were eliminated from Euro 2012.

“谁赢下比赛关我鸟事[s-Word即shit]，我要去度假了。”

——在瑞典被从欧洲杯淘汰后，2012年。

18. An injured Zlatan is a serious thing for any team.

“受伤的兹拉坦对任何一支球队来说都是一件严肃的事情。”

19. I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or in kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.

- His response to Mario Balotelli's fireworks incident.

“我也喜欢放烟花，但我把它们放在花园里或烤肉架上。我从不放火烧毁自己的房子。”[中国人表示，放在花园里或是烤肉架上，那你也是很棒棒哦。]

——关于巴洛特利玩火烧了自家房子。

20. I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere.

“我可以踢11个位置，因为一个好的球员可以踢任何位置。”

21. I didn't injure you on purpose and you know that. If you accuse me again I'll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose.

- He didn't appreciate Rafael van der Vaart's accusation that purposely injured him.

“我并没有故意伤害你，你很清楚这一点。如果你非要喋喋不休下去的话，我就会把你的两条腿都折断，而且，这次我是故意的。”

——他并不认同拉斐尔-范-德-瓦特的指责，关于他故意伤害了后者。

22. [Oguchi]Onyewu resembled a heavyweight boxer. He was nearly6-foot-5and weighed over 15 stone, but he couldn't handle me.

- Ibrahimovic on a tussle with former teammate Onyewu, during which the Swede broke a rib.

“奥涅乌就像是一个重量级拳击手。他身高6英尺5英寸，体重超过15英石。然而，他却无法控制我。”

——伊布与前队友奥涅乌发生了一场争执，并为此断了一根肋骨。

23.If [Wayne Rooney] still wants to move next summer, or in January, I would urge him to come and play with me in Paris ... If he did join, he would have to get used to the fact that Zlatan scores even better goals than him.

“如果说［韦恩-鲁尼］在夏天执意要走的话，或是在一月份，我会建议他来巴黎圣日耳曼和我一起踢球的……如果他真来了，那他首先得习惯兹拉坦会比他进更多的球。”［嗯是的，然后你还是抢了小胖的饭碗，只不过是在曼彻斯特］

24.It was the fault of David Trezeguet, who made me do one drink of vodka after another. I slept in the bathtub. Now I hold my vodka much better.

- On having one too many after Juventus' 2005 title win.

“这是大卫-特雷泽盖的错，他让我喝了一杯又一杯的伏特加。后来我在浴缸里睡着了。现在我的酒量好多了。”

——在夺得意甲冠军后，他喝多了，2005年。

25. Then Guardiola started his philosopher thing. I was barely listening. Why would I? It was advanced bull**** about blood, sweat and tears, that kind of stuff.

“之后，瓜迪奥拉开始了他哲学家的高谈阔论。我几乎没听进去，为什么呢？净是些有关于血、汗、泪那些东西的瞎胡扯。”

26.[Jose] Mourinho is Guardiola's opposite. If Mourinho brightens up the room, Guardiola pulls down the curtains and I guessed that Guardiola now tried to measure himself with him.

“［何塞］-穆里尼奥和瓜迪奥拉截然不同。倘若穆里尼奥要打开天窗说亮话，那么瓜迪奥拉就会关灯锁门拉窗帘，我敢保证现在瓜迪奥拉正苦于确定自己在房间里。”

27. I don't think that you can score as spectacular a goal as those of Zlatan in a video game -- even though these games are very realistic these days.

“我敢保证，你绝对不可能在电子游戏里——哪怕这些年，这些游戏愈加逼真——完成萨尔坦的逆天进球。”

28. I haven't met her yet. But when I do, I'll date her.

- His response when asked to name the world's most beautiful woman.

“我还没有遇到她。不过一旦［有那么一天，］我碰见她了，我会［直接］和她约会的。”

——有关于世界上最美丽的女人的名字。

29. People trashtalk me. I've heard so much s--- over the years: 'F---ing gypsy', stuff about my mum -- all that stuff. I retaliate with my body, not with words.

“人们说我的闲话。这些年里，我听够了shit、狗日的吉普赛人、关于我妈妈的各种。我会用我的肢体去回敬这些，而不是用言语。”

30.I came like a king, left like a legend.

-Zlatan on his PSG departure.

“来的时候，我如新王驾到，走的时候，江湖留我传奇。”

——伊布在离开巴黎的时候如是说。

31. I won't be the King of Manchester, I will be the God of Manchester.

- His response to Eric Cantona's comments that he would be the prince of Manchester.

“我不会成为曼彻斯特的国王，我只会成为曼彻斯特的上帝。”

——埃里克-坎通纳认为伊布会成为曼联小王子，然后，伊布如是说。

32.You can't coach brilliance like that.

-On his goal vs. England in 2012.

“你可不能练就这样非凡的才华。”

——在面对英格兰的比赛中独中四元，并打入当年的普斯卡什奖进球，2012年。

33.I think I'm like wine. The older I get, the better I get.

“我想我就像是红酒。年份越长，越好。”

34.Who needs a nickname? To be afraid of me, just watch me play.

- His dig at Radamel Falcao, nicknamed The Tiger.

“谁需要起外号呀！看我踢球就足够威吓我的对手了”

——挖苦老虎法尔考。

35. If I had played in England I would have destroyed it, like I have everywhere else.

“如果我到英格兰去踢球，那我就会把那里踢爆，就像我之前的所到之处一样。”

Never change, Zlatan.

还是老样子啊，兹拉坦。