第九章 爱丽丝女王（续）

 

“我该怎么办呢？”爱丽丝大喊道，一边朝四面望望，茫然不知所措，因为先是这个圆脑袋，接着又是那个圆脑袋，象一个重块从她的肩头上滚下来，压在她的腿上。“我想，从来不会有过这种事，一个人要同时照护好两个王后睡觉！没有过，在英国整个历史上决不会有过的——不可能的，你知道，因为同一个时期从来不存在有两个王后的。醒醒啦，你们这两个笨重的家伙！”她又说道，显得很不耐烦的样子；但是除了轻轻的呼噜声外，没有一点儿反应。

那呼噜声越来越清晰了，而且越来越象一种小调：到后来她甚至能辨出词儿来了，她听得那么专注，以致她她腿上那两个大脑袋忽然不见了，她简直就觉察不到少了些什么。

她忽然发现自己站在一座拱形大门跟前，上面写着“爱丽丝女王”几个大字，那拱形大门的两边各有一个门铃把手：一个写着“客宾门铃”，另一个写着“僮仆门铃”。

“我得等这支歌儿唱完了，”爱丽丝想道，“我就去拉——拉——我该拉哪个门铃呢？”她接着说道，一边看着那两个门牌名，不知如何是好。“我不是宾客，又不是僮仆。应该有个门牌上面标明‘女王”的呀，你知道——”

正在这时，大门打开了一点儿，一个长扁嘴的鸟儿伸出头来，过了一会儿才说道：“不到下下个星期不准入内！”然后就砰的一声又把门关上了。

爱丽丝尽力敲门拉铃，好一阵子都没人来；可是到后来，一个刚才坐在树下的老青蛙站了起来，一瘸一拐地慢慢拐到她跟前：只见他身穿鲜亮的黄衣服，脚蹬一双极大的靴子。

“这是要干什么呀？”青蛙用又沉又粗的沙哑的嗓子低声问道。

爱丽丝转过身来说，随时都准备要找别人岔子似的。“那个答应大门的仆人去哪儿了？”她气呼呼地问道。

“哪个大门？”青蛙问道。

爱丽丝听他说话时那种懒洋洋的腔调，生气的差不多要跺脚了。“当然是这个大门啦！”

青蛙用他那双又大又呆的眼睛对着大门瞅了一阵子；又走近前去，用大拇指在门上擦了擦，好象要试试门上的油漆能不能擦掉；然后看着爱丽丝。

“去答应大门啦？”他说道。“那大门一直在问些什么？”他的嗓音沙哑极了，爱丽丝简直听不清他说了些什么。

“我不懂你是什么意思，”她说道。

“我谈英国话的，不谈的吗？”青蛙接着问道。“要么你是聋子？它问你什么啦？”

“什么也没问！”爱丽丝很不耐烦地说道。“我一直在敲门！”

“不该那样子的——不该那样子的呀——”青蛙叽咕道。“惹它生气了吧，你知道。”说着他走上前去，用他的一只大脚朝大门一踢。“你不去惹它，”他气喘嘘嘘地说道，一边又一瘸一拐地拐回到树跟前去了。“它也就不会来惹你的，你知道。”

这时候，那大门猛地闪开了，就听见一个尖嗓子在唱着：——

 

“面对镜中世界爱丽丝高喊：

‘我今日手执权杖，头戴王冠；

镜中众生啊，不论他们是谁，

同赴红后白后和我的宴会。’”

 

接着是好几百个声音的大合唱：——

 

“要尽快把酒杯子斟满举起，

桌子上撒些钮扣和麦麸皮，

让猫儿进咖啡，耗子进茶壶，

欢迎爱丽丝女王三十个三呼！”

 

接着就是一阵乱哄哄的喝彩声，于是爱丽丝暗自思忖道，三十个三等于九十。我不知道是否有人在数着？过了一会儿又静下来了，还是刚才那个尖嗓子又唱了一段：——

 

“‘镜中众生啊，快拢来！’爱丽丝道，

见到我听到我是何等荣耀：

跟红后白后和我同餐共饮，

这是最高级的特许恩准！’”

 

随后又是大合唱：——

 

“要在杯子里倒满墨水糖浆，

或是别的饮料要适合品尝！

把沙子和羊毛掺进果子酒，

欢迎爱丽丝女王九十个九叩首。”

 

“九十个九！”爱丽丝重复道，一点办法也没有了，“那是一辈子也算不完的了！我最好还是立即进去——”她说着就往里走，她一进门，大伙儿就都不吭声了。

爱丽丝一边紧张地顺着那桌子看过去，一边走上那个大厅，看到大约有五十个来宾，各色各样的：有些是走兽，有些是飞鸟，当中还有些花儿。“我很高兴他们都不请自来了，”她心中想道：“要不然，我还真不知道该请些谁才好哩！”

桌子的上首放着三把椅子：红后和白后已经坐了其中的两把，不过中间的一把还空着。爱丽丝就在那里坐了下来，看到大伙儿都不吭声反倒觉得不自在，心中巴望着有谁说话才好。

那红后终于开口说话了。“你已经错过了汤和鱼，”她说道。“把肉端上来！”于是，那些佣人就端来一只羊腿放在爱丽丝面前，她看了心中有点着急，因为她以前还没有做过主人要切肉分给客人吃呢。

“看来你有点儿不好意思；让我来介绍你见识一下那只羊腿吧，”红后说道。“爱丽丝——这是羊腿；羊腿——这是爱丽丝。”那只羊腿就从盘子里站了起来，向受丽丝微微鞠了一个躬；爱丽丝也还了一个礼，不知道这是受了惊骇还是觉得好玩。

“要不要我给你们切一片尝尝？”爱丽丝问道，一边拿起刀叉，看看这个王后，又看看那个王后。

“当然不行的，”红后斩钉截铁地说道：“这是不合规矩的，因为刚刚把你介绍给了人家，你就拿刀去刺人家。把肉端走！”于是那些佣人就把它端走，换了一大盘梅子布丁来。

“请不要把我介绍给布丁了，”爱丽丝急忙说道，“要不然我们就一点晚餐都吃不上了。要不要我给你一些？”

可是那红后显出很不愿意的样子，恶狠狠地说道，“布丁——这是爱丽丝；爱丽丝——这是布丁。把布丁端走！”那些佣人很快就把布丁端走了，爱丽丝甚至还来不及还个礼。

然而，她就不明白，为什么只有红后可以发号施令，所以她就试了试也喊了一声 “喂，把布丁端回来！”霎时间，那布丁果然又在桌子上了，真象变戏法似的。而且布丁那么大，她看见了不禁有点不好意思，就象刚才端上羊腿时的感觉一样；不过，她努力克制住了，壮着胆子切了一片递给了那红后。

“多么粗暴无礼！”布丁说道。“我很想知道，要是我从你身上割下一片，你会怎样感觉？你这家伙！”

它说话粗声大嗓油燎燎的，爱丽丝一句话也回答不出来：只好坐在那里张着大嘴看着它。

“说点什么吧，”那红后说道：“把所有的话都让那布丁说了，真是荒唐可笑！”

“你们知道吧，我今天听人家给我背了那么多诗歌，”爱丽丝开口道，并感到有些惊奇，因为她一开口，大伙儿就都不吭声了，所有的眼睛就都盯着她看；“而且有一件事很古怪，我觉得——每一首诗都谈到鱼的某个方面。在这些地方，他们为什么都这么喜欢鱼呀，你知道吗？”

她这话是对红后说的，可红后的回答却有点不着边际。“说到鱼嘛，”她把嘴凑到爱丽丝的耳边，慢条斯理一本正经地说道，“白后陛下她知道一个绝妙的谜——全是押韵的——全是讲鱼的。要不要她背来听听？”

“红后陛下她好心好意提起这事来，”白后说道，她把嘴凑到爱丽丝的另一只耳边边，声音象鸽子似的咕咕叫，“那肯定会好玩的！可以让我背吗？”

“那就请背吧！”爱丽丝很有礼貌地说道。

 

附录：原文

 

Chapter IX  Queen Alice（CONTINUED）

 

'What AM I to do?' exclaimed Alice, looking about in great perplexity, as first one round head, and then the other, rolled down from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy lump in her lap. 'I don't think it EVER happened before, that any one had to take care of two Queens asleep at once! No, not in all the History of England—it couldn't, you know, because there never was more than one Queen at a time. Do wake up, you heavy things!' she went on in an impatient tone; but there was no answer but a gentle snoring.

The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more like a tune: at last she could even make out the words, and she listened so eagerly that, when the two great heads vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them.

She was standing before an arched doorway over which were the words QUEEN ALICE in large letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell-handle; one was marked 'Visitors' Bell,' and the other 'Servants' Bell.'

'I'll wait till the song's over,' thought Alice, 'and then I'll ring—the—WHICH bell must I ring?' she went on, very much puzzled by the names. 'I'm not a visitor, and I'm not a servant. There OUGHT to be one marked "Queen," you know—'

Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature with a long beak put its head out for a moment and said 'No admittance till the week after next!' and shut the door again with a bang.

Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time, but at last, a very old Frog, who was sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly towards her: he was dressed in bright yellow, and had enormous boots on.

'What is it, now?' the Frog said in a deep hoarse whisper.

Alice turned round, ready to find fault with anybody. 'Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door?' she began angrily.

'Which door?' said the Frog.

Alice almost stamped with irritation at the slow drawl in which he spoke. 'THIS door, of course!'

The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes for a minute: then he went nearer and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were trying whether the paint would come off; then he looked at Alice.

'To answer the door?' he said. 'What's it been asking of?' He was so hoarse that Alice could scarcely hear him.

'I don't know what you mean,' she said.

'I talks English, doesn't I?' the Frog went on. 'Or are you deaf? What did it ask you?'

'Nothing!' Alice said impatiently. 'I've been knocking at it!'

'Shouldn't do that—shouldn't do that—' the Frog muttered. 'Vexes it, you know.'

Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet. 'You let IT alone,' he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, 'and it'll let YOU alone, you know.'

At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was heard singing:

 

To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said,

I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head;

Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be,

Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me."'

 

And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus:

 

Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,

And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran:

Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea—

And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times-three!'

 

Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself, 'Thirty times three makes ninety. I wonder if any one's counting?' In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse;

 

"O Looking-Glass creatures," quoth Alice, "draw near!

Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear:

Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea

Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!"'

 

Then came the chorus again:—

 

'Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,

Or anything else that is pleasant to drink:

Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine—

And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times-nine!'

 

'Ninety times nine!' Alice repeated in despair, 'Oh, that'll never be done! I'd better go in at once—' and there was a dead silence the moment she appeared.

Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she walked up the large hall, and noticed that there were about fifty guests, of all kinds: some were animals, some birds, and there were even a few flowers among them. 'I'm glad they've come without waiting to be asked,' she thought: 'I should never have known who were the right people to invite!'

There were three chairs at the head of the table; the Red and White Queens had already taken two of them, but the middle one was empty. Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable in the silence, and longing for some one to speak.

At last the Red Queen began. 'You've missed the soup and fish,' she said. 'Put on the joint!' And the waiters set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously, as she had never had to carve a joint before.

'You look a little shy; let me introduce you to that leg of mutton,' said the Red Queen. 'Alice—Mutton; Mutton—Alice.' The leg of mutton got up in the dish and made a little bow to Alice; and Alice returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused.

'May I give you a slice?' she said, taking up the knife and fork, and looking from one Queen to the other.

'Certainly not,' the Red Queen said, very decidedly: 'it isn't etiquette to cut any one you've been introduced to. Remove the joint!' And the waiters carried it off, and brought a large plum-pudding in its place.

'I won't be introduced to the pudding, please,' Alice said rather hastily, 'or we shall get no dinner at all. May I give you some?'

But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled 'Pudding—Alice; Alice—Pudding. Remove the pudding!' and the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice couldn't return its bow.

However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only one to give orders, so, as an experiment, she called out 'Waiter! Bring back the pudding!' and there it was again in a moment like a conjuring-trick. It was so large that she couldn't help feeling a LITTLE shy with it, as she had been with the mutton; however, she conquered her shyness by a great effort and cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen.

'What impertinence!' said the Pudding. 'I wonder how you'd like it, if I were to cut a slice out of YOU, you creature!'

It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice hadn't a word to say in reply: she could only sit and look at it and gasp.

'Make a remark,' said the Red Queen: 'it's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to the pudding!'

'Do you know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me to-day,' Alice began, a little frightened at finding that, the moment she opened her lips, there was dead silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her; 'and it's a very curious thing, I think—every poem was about fishes in some way. Do you know why they're so fond of fishes, all about here?'

She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a little wide of the mark. 'As to fishes,' she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her mouth close to Alice's ear, 'her White Majesty knows a lovely riddle—all in poetry—all about fishes. Shall she repeat it?'

'Her Red Majesty's very kind to mention it,' the White Queen murmured into Alice's other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a pigeon. 'It would be SUCH a treat! May I?'

'Please do,' Alice said very politely.

The White Queen laughed with delight, and stroked Alice's cheek. Then she began:

 

'"First, the fish must be caught."

That is easy: a baby, I think, could have caught it.

"Next, the fish must be bought."

That is easy: a penny, I think, would have bought it.

 

Now cook me the fish!"

That is easy, and will not take more than a minute.

"Let it lie in a dish!"

That is easy, because it already is in it.

 

Bring it here! Let me sup!"

It is easy to set such a dish on the table.

Take the dish-cover up!"

Ah, THAT is so hard that I fear I'm unable!

 

For it holds it like glue—

Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in the middle:

Which is easiest to do,

Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the riddle?'

 

'Take a minute to think about it, and then guess,' said the Red Queen.

'Meanwhile, we'll drink your health—Queen Alice's health!' she screamed at the top of her voice, and all the guests began drinking it directly, and very queerly they managed it: some of them put their glasses upon their heads like extinguishers, and drank all that trickled down their faces—others upset the decanters, and drank the wine as it ran off the edges of the table—and three of them (who looked like kangaroos) scrambled into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly lapping up the gravy, 'just like pigs in a trough!' thought Alice.

'You ought to return thanks in a neat speech,' the Red Queen said, frowning at Alice as she spoke.

'We must support you, you know,' the White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to do it, very obediently, but a little frightened.

'Thank you very much,' she whispered in reply, 'but I can do quite well without.'

'That wouldn't be at all the thing,' the Red Queen said very decidedly: so Alice tried to submit to it with a good grace.

('And they DID push so!' she said afterwards, when she was telling her sister the history of the feast. 'You would have thought they wanted to squeeze me flat!')

In fact it was rather difficult for her to keep in her place while she made her speech: the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side, that they nearly lifted her up into the air: 'I rise to return thanks—' Alice began: and she really DID rise as she spoke, several inches; but she got hold of the edge of the table, and managed to pull herself down again.

'Take care of yourself!' screamed the White Queen, seizing Alice's hair with both her hands. 'Something's going to happen!'

And then (as Alice afterwards described it) all sorts of things happened in a moment. The candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking something like a bed of rushes with fireworks at the top. As to the bottles, they each took a pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as wings, and so, with forks for legs, went fluttering about in all directions: 'and very like birds they look,' Alice thought to herself, as well as she could in the dreadful confusion that was beginning.

At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, and turned to see what was the matter with the White Queen; but, instead of the Queen, there was the leg of mutton sitting in the chair. 'Here I am!' cried a voice from the soup tureen, and Alice turned again, just in time to see the Queen's broad good-natured face grinning at her for a moment over the edge of the tureen, before she disappeared into the soup.

There was not a moment to be lost. Already several of the guests were lying down in the dishes, and the soup ladle was walking up the table towards Alice's chair, and beckoning to her impatiently to get out of its way.

'I can't stand this any longer!' she cried as she jumped up and seized the table-cloth with both hands: one good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and candles came crashing down together in a heap on the floor.

'And as for YOU,' she went on, turning fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she considered as the cause of all the mischief—but the Queen was no longer at her side—she had suddenly dwindled down to the size of a little doll, and was now on the table, merrily running round and round after her own shawl, which was trailing behind her.

At any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at this, but she was far too much excited to be surprised at anything NOW. 'As for YOU,' she repeated, catching hold of the little creature in the very act of jumping over a bottle which had just lighted upon the table, 'I'll shake you into a kitten, that I will!'