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i have a dream(2008-08-28 11:32)

i still remember that day my 25 years birthday.i wish i can do something on my next birthday.

i had to try to do it.i do not want to think about how many reson to make me give up.that's a present for myself.good luck emma.

coming back(2008-07-27 17:10)

 08.5.5

i left here a long time ago.

lost something and also got some.right now.i deside start writing again.

i was always try to find the way for myself.and made so many choices.

this half year i told myself have to make sure that what is really important to me.

it's really hard.sometimes i think i'm foolish.doing this just make the life been harder.

but the way to find yourself never easy.if it's easy why so many people get lost.

this week i got headache everday.so many things in my head.sometimes i think i need talk.but

everytime after talking.i didn't feel good.i feel nothing.maybe talk is not good for me.i'm

scared talk too much.'talk too much````touch too much```'haha~

just one thing make me feel good and happy right now.(except with my dogs and family.)

it's drawing.everytime i finished it i feel totally good.maybe i just draw the gray things out of my hea

everyrthing is gone(2007-10-06 19:25)
forgive
forgot
don't need any words
just live
hope(2007-09-30 20:25)
 
don't know how to say.she born on september 13th.3 brothers dead.just left her.so i give her a name---hope
my litlle hope is so pretty.my mum said she looks the same with her dad.
after she came to the world.every time i come back home the fist thing is see her.she grow up very fast.she is a little fat beauful QQ
every day i waiting for her open the little eyes.tow weeks later.she can climb outside her little house.everything is pink cute lovely.
 
oh!changed~(2007-08-28 17:01)
 1 my cat pregnant.
 2 new job
 3 i'll move to my new house on September 6th
 4 study more thing
 5 sleep in the meeting room
 6 eat soda crackers everyday
 
i need more time(2007-07-30 10:01)
 i need more time to fix myself.
i must be strong enough to face my life and my heart.
last night i talked to the moon.
'did i make a mistake?'
'yeh, must be.'
'but,that don't means everything bad ha? i think.'
'it's the life.'
'you look like a light in the dark.and i know you wouldn't changed until i die.even i can't see you sometimes.'
'you are so clean and beautiful.please stay there.never go to the earth.'
'everything changed too fast here.and you too slow.'
'goodnight.'
 
 
 
it's could(2007-07-09 13:24)
This year i try to change myself.I had a lot of happy and sad feeling.sometimes i want to cry until die.but sundenly,i can happy like a bird flying in the sky.
know that i try to control the feeling.but i don't want to close the bad feeling.i don't want to make a bomb to kill myself.
Just like a war.i always have two diffrent feeling.i think if i can control the feeling.i can win myself.so ,my life must be better and better.one thing is hard.which feeling is better?
1.happy everytime like a child.(my heart easy to be hurt)
2.softness sweat kind woman(sometimes i feel tire)
3.extremity (sometimes good for me)
My heart catch a could.control the feeling and more time is the best medecine.
tomorrow the cat will leave this place. she has 10 months now and she is so beautiful. i have to let her go because she likes to bite lines and cables. she already broke one line worth about 500RMB and i can't find a way to stop her. i fix the lines again and again. i know she is just an animal. i don't want to be angry with her even though i said some shit.
she will go to my mum's place. my mum likes her but mum has a big dog that doesn't like her. she was scared by that dog before. poor baby. she didn't leave my mum's bed except to eat and shit before. for one month she had a little voice and moved very low.
i 'm sad right now. what can i do?

i have some problems with my body. i need go to the hospital everyday. the medicine makes me feel dizzy and want to throw up. and next month i need to have an operation. i need half a year to fix my body.
i want to be brave to face the scary thing.

everything's gonna be ok. and it's
i finished this 10 days(2007-06-13 02:29)

i wanna kill myself.
i had a plan for 10 days. i wanted to do some good things. i put ten little round stickers on the wall that i could tick off according to what kind of day i had, whether i finished what i planned to do that day or not. but the days are gone and i just see 9 crosses!
suddenly i woke up. i'm wasting my life and i don't see it.
i need do things, but i still waste my life.

1.play gutar or gu zheng.
2.study english.
3.exercise.
4.learn something about software or photography.
5.draw something.
everyday i have 6 hours to sleep and 18 hours to do things. in the 18 hours there will be at least 2 hours where i do nothing, so i have 16 hours in one day to make my life better.
think about that, how can i waste my life and not know it?
i need to write something everyday to wake myself up~
over`

i don't like myself(2007-05-21 14:37)
 i found i have a lot of bad habit.i don't like myself.
in these weeks.i think lots of girls better than me.i lost
so much confidence from myself.and right now i just live in
the departed time.
i don't want change myself.just found something terrible made
me to do it.be myself?or change?i have to grow up.and i have to
keep my heart clean.
i gonna kill the bad habit.i remember i like to do it when i young.