4月26日  孤独者

          ——摘自《音乐启蒙书：音乐中的希望和力量》            

            （中央编译出版社2007年4月版，李波译）

彼得·伊里奇·柴可夫斯基Pyotr II'yich Tchaikovsky（1840～1893）著名俄罗斯音乐家，主要作品：舞剧《天鹅湖》、《睡美人》、《胡桃夹子》，第四、五、六交响曲以及标题交响曲《奥涅金》、《黑桃皇后》以及《小提琴协奏曲》、《意大利随想曲》等。

    彼得·柴可夫斯基一些最优秀的作品都是在旅居意大利的漫长岁月里创作的，但即使在那儿，他仍然被音乐和朋友们搞得心情不佳。1890年4月，他在罗马给他的兄弟莫蒂斯特写信说道：

    连续两天，我一直心情郁闷，甚至陷入绝望。我不但失去了胃口，还不想工作。《巴伦斯报》把我在罗马的消息传了个遍。第一个拜访者是阿里克斯·葛里琴。尽管见生人第一眼让我有点茫然，我还是很喜欢他，很乐于见到他，但这对我于事无补。紧接着斯嘎巴蒂来了，我试图让他明白我不接待客人了，他也别进门了，但他还是留了一张条子和一张票。这是一张将于次日上午举行的四重奏演出票，我的第一部四重奏作品也会同时演出。这将我扔进绝望的深渊，看看我因此变得有多疯狂！

    我不得不去观看四重奏演出，去听了一场平庸(还不算太糟)的演出。随后，我和斯嘎巴蒂一起来到演员休息室，考虑到有那么多看着我们的目瞪口呆的观众，只好说些言不由衷的、琐碎的客套话。

    我还得说，斯嘎巴蒂——他知道我是个孤僻而刻苦的人，他说不会打扰我，也不会邀请我去他家，但第二个星期五他就哀求我去听他的四重奏。（李斯特见到我后，我也听他这样说。）我在罗马的兴致还是被破坏怠尽。

尽管我非常希望按原计划行动，但我不知道还能不能再忍受一个礼拜。

    四重奏很成功，报纸对它充满溢美之词。哈哈，这里的报纸对什么都大唱赞歌！哦！越早点回家越好。真怪啊！一想到要回家，我的胃就隐隐作痛。每个人都要走了，就快找不到座位啦！

【注释】 out of sorts  心情不佳 running 连续地 humor 心情 quartet四重奏，四重唱 recital 独奏，独唱  mediocre 平庸的 in view of 鉴于，考虑到 gaping目瞪口呆的solitary孤僻的  intrude 打扰 all the same 依然，还是  stand 忍受 terribly 很，非常

April 26th   The Loner  

    Peter Tchaikovsky wrote some of his best music during long trips to Italy.  But even there music and friends could put him out of sorts. To his brother Modeste he wrote from Rome in April 1890. 

    For two days running I have been in a bad humor, even in despair, and have lost both appetite and any desire to work, etc… The Palens have announced all over Rome that I am here and the first to arrive was Alexei Golitzin.  It cannot be helped, I like him very much and, even after the first moment of horror at seeing a new face, I was glad to see him. But immediately after him Sgambati appeared.  I managed to give the instruction that I was receiving no one and he was not allowed in, but he left a note and a ticket for a quartet recital, for the next morning at which my first quartet was to be played.  This has brought me to absolute despair, which proves how wild I have become.

    I had to go to the quartet recital and listen to a mediocre—not to say a bad—performance, go to the artists’ room with Sgambati in view of all the gaping audience and mutter polite trivialities, etc. 

    I must say, though, that Sgambati—knowing I am a solitary person and working hard—says he does not want to intrude and so will not invite me to his house.  But he begged me to come next Friday to hear his quartet.  (The same we heard when Liszt was present.)  All the same, the pleasure of my stay in Rome is quite poisoned…

    I do not know if I will be able to stand another week although I am terribly anxious to finish what I had planned.

    The quartet was a big success and the papers were full of praise for it.  Well! the papers here praise everything! Oh! The sooner home the better. Fancy! I have pains in my stomach at the mere thought of traveling home. Everybody is leaving and it will be difficult to get seats.