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(2011-10-13 21:44)
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杂谈

嗟夫!人生宇宙间,岂非一玄妙不可捉摸之悲剧乎?吾有家人相与终日饮食团聚,至乐也。然而今日饮食团聚,明日而仍饮食团聚否?未可卜也。吾有吾身,今日品茗吟诗,微醺登榻,至逸也。然则今日如此,明日仍如此否?又未可知也。最亲近者莫如家人,最能自主者莫如吾身,而吾家吾身,吾终莫能操其聚散生死之权。然而茫茫宇宙间,果何物尚能为吾有耶?吾自有知识以来,而读书,而就职业,而娶妻,而立家庭,劳矣!而劳之结果,仅仅能顾今日,且仅仅能顾今日之目前。可痛已!何以言之?请以事为证。吾闻某小说家,操笔为文,不及半页之纸,伏案而卒,其死已速矣。又闻某逸老夫人作雀牌之戏,将成巨和,喜色溢于面,同座一中风出,为上家拦而和之,某夫人一忿而绝,其死又更速也。某小说家于其所写最后一页稿之先,安知其不终篇耶?某夫人于中风刚出,上家尚未拦和之一刹那,又安知其生命即毕于是耶?嗟夫!人生如此,岂非玄妙不可捉摸之一悲剧乎?此事吾早知之,吾乃不敢少想,少想则吾将片刻不得宁息,唯惴惴然惧死神之傍吾左右而已。何以忘之?作庄子达观而已矣。此古人所谓不作无益之事,曷遣有涯之生者也。

  吾之作《金粉世家》也,初尝作此想,以为吾作小说,何如使人愿看吾书?继而更进一步思之,何如使人读吾之小说而有益?至今思之,此又何必?读者诸公,于其工作完毕,茶余酒后,或甚感无聊,或偶然兴至,略取一读,藉消磨其片刻之时光。而吾书所言,或又不至于陷读者于不义,是亦足矣。主义非吾所敢谈也,文章亦非吾所敢谈也,吾作小说,令人读之而不否认其为小说,便已毕其使命矣。今有人责吾浅陋,吾即乐认为浅陋,今有人责吾无聊,吾即乐认为无聊。盖小说为通俗文字,把笔为此,即不免浅陋与无聊;华国文章,深山名著,此别有人在,非吾所敢知也。明夫此,《金粉世家》之有无其事?《金粉世家》之是何命意?都可不问矣。有人曰:此颇似取径《红楼梦》,可曰新红楼梦。吾曰:唯唯。又有人曰:此颇似溶合近代无数朱门状况,而为之缩写一照。吾又曰:唯唯。仁者见仁,智者见智,孰能必其一律?听之而已,吾又何必辩哉?

  此书凡八十万言,吾每日书五六百言,起端以至于终篇,约可六年。吾初作是书时,大女慰儿,方牙牙学语,继而能行矣,能无不能语矣,能上学矣,上学且二年矣,而吾书乃毕。此不但书中人应有其悲欢离合,吾作书毕,且不禁喟然曰:树犹如此也。然而吾书作尾声之时,吾幼女康儿方夭亡,悲未能自已,不觉随笔插入文中,自以为足纪念吾儿也。乃不及二十日,而长女慰儿,亦随其妹于地下。吾作尾声之时,自觉悲痛,不料作序文之时,又更悲痛也。今慰儿亦夭亡十余日矣,料此书出版,儿墓草深当尺许也。当吾日日写《金粉世家》,慰儿至案前索果饵钱时,常窃视曰:“勿扰父,父方作《金粉世家》也。”今吾作序,同此明窗,同此书案,掉首而顾,吾儿何在?嗟夫!人生事之不可捉摸,大抵如是也。忆吾十六七岁时,读名人书,深慕徐霞客之为人,誓游名山大川。至二十五六岁时,酷好词章,便又欲读书种菜,但得富如袁枚之筑园小仓,或贫如陶潜之门种五柳。至三十岁以来,则饱受社会人士之教训,但愿一杖一盂,做一游方和尚而已。顾有时儿女情重,辄又忘之。今吾儿死,吾深感人生不过如是,富贵何为?名利何为?做和尚之念,又滋深也。此以吾思想而作小说,所以然,《金粉世家》之如此开篇,如此终场者矣。

  夫此书亦覆瓿之物而已,然若干年月,或尚有存者,于其时读者取而读之,索吾于深林古庙间乎?索吾于名山大川间乎?仍索吾于明窗净几间乎?甚至索吾于荒烟蔓草间乎?人生无常,吾何能知也?书犹如是,序文犹如是,人之将来,不可测矣。此一点感慨,扩而充之,《金粉世家》之起迄,易于下笔者也。语曰:“读者书,不知其人可乎?”小说虽小道,例不外此也。求读者知吾,即求读者之知《金粉世家》耳。此又吾为《金粉世家》序,只述吾之片段感想者矣。凡百君子,匡而进之,吾固乐于拜而受之。或言于小说以外,则不敢知也。书至此,烈日当空,槐荫满地,永巷中卖蒸糕者方吆唤而过,正吾儿昔日于书案前索果饵钱下学时也。同此午日,同此槐荫,同此书案,同此卖蒸糕者吆唤声,而为日无多,吾儿永不现其声音笑貌矣。嗟夫!人生宇宙间,岂非一玄妙不可捉摸之悲剧乎?

  
1932.6.18 张恨水序于北京

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标签:

杂谈

1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (written by kids)

- You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like
sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep
the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

- No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to
marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later
who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10


2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

- Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by
then. -- Camille, age 10


3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
- You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at
the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8


4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
- Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8


5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
- Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know
each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

- On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually
gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age
10


6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
- When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
- The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess
with that. -- Curt, age 7
- The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard,
age 8


7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
- It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)


8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
- There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --
Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
- Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump
truck. -- Ricky, age 10....
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(2011-05-31 20:51)
标签:

杂谈

作者: 不详

 

我心爱的女郎

为什么你的泪总在流淌?

难道欢娱的时光一旦过去,

你就迷失了生活的方向?

 

我心爱的女郎

是什么让你心伤?

你失去了青春还是爱情?

谁辜负了你的情意?

谁击碎了你的梦想?

 

我心爱的女郎

我深深地渴盼你的坚强。

我爱你眼角绽放的泪花,

更爱你心底不息的圣光。

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

我尊敬你为了爱飞蛾扑火的悲壮。

可我也怜悯你,

你失去爱时苦藤一样无助的凄凉。

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

男人没有可以永远依赖的臂膀。

他留不住岁月的脚步,

相聚只是生命的瞬间。

你最后要面对的,

终是灵魂的独舞和身体的消亡。

 

我心爱的女郎,

请你在闲暇时褪去浓妆。

用没有性别的心,

将人生的事细细思量。

你为谁而活?为谁奔忙?

为谁留起飘逸的长发?

为谁穿上七彩的衣裳?

又为谁,刺痛百转的柔肠?

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

你不应只是潺潺的小溪,

你也可以是宽广的海洋。

你不止是山上的小草,

一样可以站成巍巍的太行。

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

我愿你有大海一样独立而博大的思想。

让我迷恋你,

就如迷恋云里幽幽的月亮。

让我仰望你,

就象仰望天上熠熠的太阳。

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

我深爱的女郎!

原谅我没有赞美你母性的伟大,

忽略了你花样的芬芳。

今天的我,

要为自由与光明泣血吟唱。

 

啊!我心爱的女郎,

我深深爱着的女郎!

请你忘记我的模样。

请你从容地读颂这冷酷无情的篇章!

 

你相信吗?

只在你找到永恒的幸福的时候,

我的心,

才会停止为你夜夜的忧惶。

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标签:

杂谈

作者:Susan Miller

太阳马上就要进入金牛宫,好运似乎唾手可即,但仍需耐心再等两个月。木星,礼物和幸运的给予者,自从2000年之后将第一次进入金牛宫,一旦六月份木星入牛,将留驻金牛宫一直到2012年6月。正因为如此,你必须利用四月处理枝节问题。旧篇章该结束就结束吧,感情上该断的断,过去的结合再也不管用了。你的目标应该是空出来时间,木星很快就会带给你很多值得选择的新事情,无论工作上还是个人生活中你需要无牵无挂。

 

本月火星、天王星、水星、太阳和新月一并进入白羊宫,对应于金牛的第十二宫,如果工作上单枪匹马,而不作为团队中的一员,甚至与人合作的话,你会处理的很好。你需要花时间思考,假如与人协同,你会发现他们会让你分神或造种种拖延。精明点,关上你的门自己工作。我们很多人都有助手,当然了,你想留住助手,但是四月份为了好好工作,你最好给助手列一个单子,这样他/她就不会总去问你下一步怎么做。你要提前把所有的计划都想好。本月也适合讨论而不是定下来新计划。至于做决定不妨等到月末,当然让我说,我建议再缓一段时间,五月初签合同、做决定。

 

四月伊始,华丽的群星进驻你的第十二宫私密宫。你可能在私底下谈论一件新产品或服务的投产,或者你有可能私底下见猎头、见代理商或者从其他方面得到新的工作机会。本月你可能去体检(很有可能,因为第十二宫代表着医院和其他流程),你也有可能碰见新人,初次相识就有浪漫的感觉。

 

不管私底下做什么都要保密。现在不适合谈论私事,即便是对你最好的朋友也不好吐露,因为你的秘密可能被泄露。等到下月5月3日金牛宫新月的时候再跟他们讲你在做什么。

 

下个月,即五月是一个极其华美的月份,甚至可以将其称为是本年度最好的月份,虽然木星还没到给你发糖的时候(六月及以后就到了),你依然会很爱五月的。因为只有一次,所有的行星都如同愿意协作的小不点在某个欢乐时光尽情开怀畅饮。他们友好、合作又可爱。五月份你简直是群星眼中的明珠,所以你要静待最美的时光。

水星将于3月30日起逆行,并将逆行至4月23日。此次逆行发生在白羊宫,与此同时本月众多行星过境此宫。所以说水逆绝非是唯一一个你不能做新计划的原因,无可否认你有千万种理由不要做决定。水星跟思考、认知、交流、推理、研究、协商以及其他脑力活动相关。当水星逆行时,诸如此类活动都将被削弱,我们有可能做出糟糕的决定,之后还得返工。水星同时主宰买卖行为,水逆不利于进行此类活动,所以买大件的话最好推迟。水逆期间是买电子产品的话无异于双倍灾难,因为水星同时主管机器。不妨等到4月23日水逆结束后再做大的举动。

 

现在对于你们来说,利用四月规划将来的行动。生活中要做取舍,现在是时候把没用的东西抛开了。这次水逆的时间在你的生日月份之前。假如你真的想从中受益,古人认为检验生活的最好方式莫过于负责任或者行动之前要动脑。或许当你在工作中最后一次接受这些责任的时候,你的目标已经开始发生改变。或许有新的高峰要去攀登。如想检验自己的生活,你可以从自己扮演的各种角色入手,但关键之处在于你应该全面思考。

 

当木星6月4日进入金牛宫后,你不应该左右权衡。因为木星会带来各种选择供你考虑。假如你过于固旧守成,将不可能接受更多新的东西。你需要灵活地接受新的提议,不仅仅在职业领域,也关系到生活的各个方面。

 

本月潜意识活动特别活跃和丰富,点子涌现之快如同瀑布纷飞,又如泛滥的河流。你可能想把所有的突如其来的想法用笔记下来,至少过后不要遗忘。同样也适用于你的梦境。梦是感觉的浮现,所以一定要把一连串梦境记录下来,因为它们是你真实情感的线索。

 

如果你的工作跟创意有关,你很幸运,现在可能你极富创意,因为双鱼一直对应于第十二宫,双鱼是黄道十二宫中最具有创造力的星座。第十二宫还跟感官有关,涉及右脑的思考,即通过图画、艺术、音乐、舞蹈等方面进行思考,包括一切非语言方式的表述和思考行为。所以不把这些潜能发挥极致简直是一种耻辱。即便你的工作不牵涉创意,你可能有能带来无限欢乐的爱好或消遣活动。如果是这样,这个月不妨在你的爱好上多花点时间,尤其是月初当你有足够可支配的时间时。

 

聚集第十二宫的群星有天王星、火星、水星、木星、太阳,还有4月3日的白羊新月,暗示着一定要注意自己的心理健康。这时候很适合去预约康复中心或者见心理医生以及教练,以便去除长久困扰自己的问题或习惯。我知道很多人总是敷衍了事,但是说真的,现在时间很合适。生活得更快乐更健康的机会来了,不要被这些毁灭你的习惯所压垮。这几乎包括任何习惯,甚至是吃得过多,你现在完全可以调节。你可以去找教练、互助小组和网站。你又不是一个人去克服。

 

4月17日满月时要重点关注自己的身体健康,前后四天都要注意。假如你工作过度,可能抵抗力过低而感染风寒。想必你也不想一天(满月是周日)都在家睡觉,所以越靠近满月的时候,越要吃得健康,保持充足睡眠。

工作上,你会特别忙碌,忙于4月17日之前的某个项目。因为4月17日是周日,所以4月15日很可能是最后期限,或者最晚到4月22日。假如你能赢得更多的时间,那是好事,因为水星之后4 月23日的周六即将顺行,瑕疵、错误、矛盾之类事情将不再困扰你。

 

假如水逆期间没有截止日期之类的烦扰,那你就尽可能放慢了脚步,让所有的事情合乎流程。否则,这个项目终将重新被扔回你的桌上进行处理。

 

土星目前位于你的第六宫,鉴于土星的存在,完成任务可能没有任何辅助之力。这意味着你需要做更多的工作,当然了,这种情形还将持续一段时间,一直到2012年10月为止。你只能选择让自己有条理、有计划,不要浪费精力,分心于其他东西上。你的星盘上表现出独立工作的迹象,这也是搞定一切的最好方式。同时要尽可能地利用技术手段节省时间、步骤和手指的活动(这一点对我个人很有必要)。

 

提到桃花,假如你单身,当太阳4月20日进入金牛宫,你很可能碰见新人。水星那时候还在逆行,所以一定要等到4月最后一周,我较看好4月27日。五月更好,因为金星于5月15日进入金牛宫,火星也会于5月11日至6月22日进驻金牛宫。那时候是你的最佳寻找爱情或者享受爱情的时间。

 

这个月也有一个很难熬的日子,4月3日压抑的怒火可能会爆发,有可能是你冲别人发火,也有可能是别人对你发火。因为这天火星与天王星相合,这两颗行星力量很强,有可能使事情变得分外热烈。假如某人激怒了你你可能需要数到十。

 

4月22日,相亲可能会很幸运,你会发现那种化学反应。那天你的守护星金星与天王星产生合相,使得这天尤其欢乐。水星虽然还在逆行,但是由于金星的迷幻性质,我觉得你会喜欢见面的那个人。

 

4月4日海王星进入双鱼宫,海王是双鱼的守护星。海王入鱼带来的新变化体现在你的社交生活开始有了一些活跃感。虽然海王星停驻双鱼宫的时间仅仅在8月4日之前,但是在2012年2月,海王将回归双鱼,并将停留至2026年1月。自从1847年至1862年之后,海王就再没有回到过双鱼宫。

 

如你所见,海王星进入双鱼代表一种大趋势,在海王星8月4日逆行到水瓶座之前你会尝到些许甜头。比如说,金星7月4日进入巨蟹,海王星7月4日还在双鱼宫,金星、海王星调和作用下,你的社交生活将格外浪漫,这种方式你从未体验过。金星是金牛的守护星,因此金星于金牛人的作用会更强。同样,金星主管爱情和娱乐,你会看见事情出现变化。数月后,我会解释海王换座的含义,但是现在亲爱的金牛人,不妨懒懒地依着椅背尽情享受。

 

这个月的浪漫夜:4月6日,9日、10日、11日、22日、23日和28日

 

总结★

本月你需要关起门来独自完成多如牛毛的工作。你要坚定不移地把浪费你时间的人逐出生活。假如你这么做了,你将需要独自消化一个庞大的项目,并需要格外地注意细节集中精力。不妨从4月3日白羊新月那天开始行动。

假如你有新的投机计划,不妨现在开始计划,但是不要告诉别人。5月3日金牛新月后再通知别人,或者再等一个月,等6月4日,代表礼物和好运的馈赠者木星进入金牛宫后再告诉别人。金星自从2000年之后首次进入金牛宫。从六月开始,你的高飞日即将到来,木星将驻守与金牛宫十二个月,一直待到2012年6月12日。

 

健康问题现在需要引起关注,假如你忽略了自己的身体,后果可能随即而来。众行星行运经过白羊宫,需要防范头痛、牙痛等问题。事实上补牙时不锉牙也会引起剧烈头痛。因为土星在天秤,抬重物的时候要格外注意腰部。第十二宫跟医院、康复中心有关,众行星经过此宫,这时候特别适合做计划治愈心灵和身体的创伤。

 

如果你需要寻求医疗或者牙科方面的帮助,因为木星在你的第十二宫,对应着这些领域,所有好的经验都能出现。假如你愿意就查阅参考书,4月23日水星结束逆行之后按照计划采取行动。

 

靠近满月的时候,工作上可能会较为费力,压力很大,尤其是你手头的事需要提交的时候。明白这一点,你就能提早行动,以免工作越到最后越堆积如山,完全将你吞没。几乎没有人能帮到你,很多工作都会落在你身上。不要让自己变得虚弱,因为你需要体力。

 

谈到桃花,金星4月20日在双鱼,朋友会成为很欢乐的簇拥者,邀你去很多有趣的场合。因为你会有很多工作要做,所以你可能会求他们原谅你不能参加。如果是这样的话,他们可能一群人把你拖出屋子。猜猜会发生什么,偶尔出去几个小时对你有益无害。

 

水星主宰着的宫位显示你会碰见新人,所以有心求桃花,4月11日不妨与一起排队遇到的人(比如在书店或咖啡店)约会,那天水星(现在在逆行,4月23日开始顺行)与木星相合。假如你希望与过去某个特别的人和解,四月前三周运气不错。假如你现在不想谈恋爱,没状态开始,下半年难以置信的好机会一路向你而来。你会等到的,你肯定会等到的。

 

海王星蜻蜓点水般进入双鱼宫并短暂停驻四个月,海王入鱼同样会给你的社交联系增光添彩。假如你觉得事情变得有点象数字一样,没感情不符合你的口味的话,海王星进入慈爱、深情的双鱼宫将缓解这一感觉。从2012年到2026年,海王将一直驻守与双鱼宫,对于金牛以及其他土相星座来说,这是一个巨大的改变,因为你们与水相星座比如说双鱼适配性很高,只是多么好的消息啊。

 

★重点日期★

 

4月20日金星进入双鱼宫,对你有利。

水星逆行将于4月23日结束。

六颗行星驻守与你的十二宫,私密宫,关起门来干活你的状态极好,操作时提防计划受约束。

6月4日之后再给别人讲你的伟大计划,那时候木星这个礼物和好运的馈赠者,自2000年之后首次进入金牛宫。

4月17日满月前后四天,有大项目要完成。处理起来会很棘手,没有人能帮到你,需要自己处理细节。

牢记本月需要注意健康问题。预防头痛、保护牙齿、骨骼和后背。

假如你需要一个疗程计划,找一个合格的医生或牙医帮你。除非有突发情况,需要立即采取行动,否则4月23日之后着手做实际工作。

4月3日与工作上的人可能会发生口舌,这个周末有点脾气。

最浪漫的约会夜晚:4月6日,9-10,11,22-23和28日。

 

Taurus (April 20- May 20)

Taurus Horoscope for April 2011 

By Susan Miller

 

Your time in the Sun is coming, dear Taurus. You are on the verge of so much goodness, but it's still two months away. Jupiter, the giver of gifts and luck, is about to enter Taurus for the first time since the year 2000, and once Jupiter arrives in early June, he will remain at your side until June 2012. For this reason, you must spend April finishing up loose ends. You need to finish up old chapters and close down relationships or alliances that simply are not working anymore. Your goal should be to free up time - soon Jupiter will offer you lots of new things to opt into, but you will need to be free and clear to be able to do so in your professional life and also your personal, private life.

 

With Mars, Uranus, Mercury, the Sun, and new moon in your twelfth house this month, you will work well alone, by yourself, not as part of a team and not with a collaborator. You will need time to think, and if you work with other people, it will seem as though they will only create a distraction or a series of delays. Be smart and close your door and work by yourself. Many of us have assistants, and of course, you will want to keep that person, but to work best in April, have a list of things your helper can do for you so that he or she doesn't have to keep asking you, "What's next to do?" You'll have that all planned in advanced. It's also a perfect month to talk about - but not finalize - new plans. For that, you need to wait until month's end, but I would suggest you wait even a little longer, until early May to set things in place and to sign papers.

 

As April opens, you will have an unusually large number of planets in your twelfth house of secrets. You may be having confidential talks about a new product or service launch, or you may be secretly meeting with headhunters, agents, or others about new job opportunities. You may be having health tests this month (very possible, for the twelfth house is associated with hospitals and procedures), or you may have met someone new who you are just getting to know in the romantic sense.

 

You are right to whatever you are doing hidden. Now is not the time to talk about private matters, even to your best friend, for your secrets will leak out if you do. Wait until next month, at the new moon in Taurus on May 3, to talk about what you've been doing.

 

Next month, May, will be a glorious month - it's one of the best months of the year - and although Jupiter won't be ready to give you his bag of goodies yet (for that, you need to wait until June and beyond), you will still love May. For once, all the planets will be cooperating with one another like a group of little people who had a little too much to drink at Happy Hour. They will be sweet, cooperative, and adorable. You will be the apple of these planets' eyes in May, so truly, you need to wait for the right time.

 

Mercury will be retrograde from March 30 to April 23, in Aries - the sign most of the planets will be traveling in this month. This is not the only reason you can't debut your plans, but it is, admittedly, a huge reason. Mercury is the planet of thinking, perception, communication, reasoning, research, negotiation, and other elements of the mental process. When Mercury retrogrades, all these functions are debilitated, so we tend to make bad decisions that need to be redone later. Mercury governs buying and selling, and neither of those activities is favored, so put off buying expensive things for now. It is a doubly bad time to buy electronics, for Mercury also rules moving parts. You will want to wait until after April 23 to make your big moves.

 

For now, spend April plotting and planning your future course of action. Decide about what should stay in your life, and what should go. It is time to toss off anything that is not useful in your life. This annual process takes place the month prior to your birthday. The ancients felt that the examined life was best, and that one should never mindlessly carry out responsibilities or actions without considering if you really were getting benefit from them. Perhaps your goals have changed since you last accepted those responsibilities at work, now that you know your job well. Perhaps it is time for a new mountain to climb. There are many ways you can examine your life in all the different roles you play, but the point is, you should be thinking about them all.

 

You won't want to be weighed down with things once Jupiter enters Taurus on June 4, for Jupiter will give you an array of options to consider. If you are overly committed, you won't have room to accept more. You will need flexibility to accept some of those new offers, not only in your career, but in all phases of life.

 

Your subconscious mind will be extremely active and rich this month, and ideas will flow as quickly as a waterfall in a swirling, swelling river. You will want to write down all the ideas that come to you, lest some are forgotten later. The same is true of your dreams, for you may notice you will have lots of them now. Those dreams will reflect what you feel, so be sure to write down those dream sequences, for they will be clues to your true feelings.

 

If you work in a creative field, you are fortunate, for you are likely to be highly imaginative now, as the twelfth house is naturally "owned" by Pisces, the most creative sign of the zodiac. This house is associated with sensual, right brain thinking - that is, thinking though pictures, art, music, dance - all nonverbal methods of expression_r and thinking. It would be a shame not to use these stunning aspects to their full potential. Even if you are not in a creative field, you might have a hobby or pastime that gives you enormous pleasure. This, then, is the month to devote time to it, especially early in the month when you will have the most time available.

 

The buildup of planets in your twelfth house, including Uranus, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, the Sun, and new moon on April 3, indicates a strong emphasis on mental health. This would be a perfect time to check into a rehab center or see a psychiatrist or coach to banish a problem or habit that has plagued you. I know this is something that many people put off for another day, but truly, starting now would be ideal. Here's your chance to live a healthier, happier life without being burdened with that habit that is probably tearing you down. It could be just about any habit - even eating too much - that you can regulate now. There are coaches, support groups, websites, and so much help out there. You do not have to do this alone.

 

Your physical body and health will also be accented at the full moon of April 17, plus or minus four days. If you have been overworked, you will feel as through you might be battling a cold at this time. Since you don't want to spend a day home sleeping, make sure you eat right and get enough sleep as you get closer to the full moon, April 17.

  

At work, you will be very busy with a project due on or within days of April 17. That's a Sunday, so it seems April 15 will more likely be the due date, or at the latest, April 22. If you can get the extra days, that would be great, for Mercury will go direct the following day, on Saturday, April 23, making flaws, typos, and inconsistencies less likely to plague you.

  

If you do have to meet a deadline during the retrograde period, you will need to go slowly and make sure you have everything in order. Otherwise, the project will bounce back to your desk for corrections.

 

Saturn is currently visiting your sixth house, and his presence shows that you probably don't have enough help to get your assignments done. This means more work for you, of course, and it's a situation that will continue for a while, until October 2012. Your only option is to be sure you are super-organized, stay on schedule, and eliminate any wasted effort or distractions from others. Working alone keeps showing up in your chart, and it is your best way to get a lot done. Also, find ways to use technology to save time, steps, and (always important to me) finger strokes.

  

Romantically, if you are single, you would do better meeting a new person once the Sun moves into Taurus, April 20. Mercury will still be retrograde at that time, so wait until the last week of April - I like April 27. May will be an even better month, for Venus will enter Taurus on May 15 for a month, and Mars will enter too, on May 11 until June 22. That will be your very best time to find love or enjoy the love you already have.

 

There is one very difficult day due. Watch April 3 for pent-up anger to explode - either from within you or from another person toward you. Mars will join Uranus, and because these two planets are so powerful and assertive, things could become quite heated. You might have to count to ten, but if someone provokes you, do!

 

On April 22, you might have luck with a blind date. You could find the chemistry quite good! On that day, your guardian planet, Venus, will conjoin Uranus, making this an effervescent, exciting day for a first meeting. Mercury will be retrograde, but even so, Venus will be so giddy that I feel you might like the person you meet.

 

On April 4, Neptune will enter Pisces, the place it rules. Indeed, Neptune is very comfortable in Pisces. This change to a new sign of such a major planet will boost your social life quite a bit. While Neptune will only remain in this house until August 4, Neptune will return to Pisces in February 2012, to stay until January 2026. Neptune's not been in Pisces since 1847 to 1862.

 

As you can see, Neptune's move into Pisces represents a big trend is on the way, but you'll get a welcome, sweet little taste of this now, before Neptune retrogrades back into Aquarius on August 4. For example, when Venus in Cancer sends a golden beam to Neptune in Pisces on July 4, three months from now, it will have a beautiful, highly romantic effect on your social life in a way you've never experienced. It will be enchanting. Venus is your ruler, therefore she has a stronger effect on you than on most others, the reason I used Venus as an example. Also, Venus rules love and fun, so it was an especially good planet to choose to show you how things will be changing. In months to come, I will tell you more about Neptune's major move into its new sign, but for now, just sit back and enjoy it, dear Taurus!

 

This month, your most romantic nights will be: April 6, 9-10, 11, 22-23, and 28.

 

Summary

 

This is a month where you'll get enormous amounts of work done when you are alone, behind closed doors. You'll need to be a bit firm about banishing time-burning people from your life to accomplish goals, but if you do, you'll be able to polish off a huge project that requires detail and concentration. Start at the new moon in Aries, April 3.

 

If you are planning a new venture, start working on plans now, but tell no one about them. Make announcements just after the new moon in Taurus on May 3, or in months to come, after Jupiter, giver of gifts and luck, enters Taurus (his first time back since 2000) on June 4. From June on, you'll be flying high, for Jupiter will be in Taurus for twelve months, until June 12, 2012.

  

Health matters appear to need attention now, and if you have neglected your body, you may see consequences. With planets in Aries, protect teeth and guard against headaches. (Actually, a filled tooth that was not filed down properly can cause severe headaches.) With Saturn in Libra, protect your lower back, too, by lifting packages properly. The twelfth house, where so many of the planets will be based, also rules hospitals and rehab centers, making this an excellent time to schedule procedures that help to heal your mind and body.

 

Should you need medical or dental help, with Jupiter in your twelfth house, the right distinguished professional, with all the right experience, should appear. Get references, and if those please you, schedule actions for anytime after April 23, the time Mercury will be done being retrograde.

 

Work may be a bit arduous and pressured near the full moon, April 17, when something you are working on will be due. Knowing this, pace yourself prior to this date so that too much work does not pile up near the end and overwhelm you. You will have too few people to help you, so a lot will fall on you to get done. Don't run yourself down, as you will need your strength.

 

Romantically, with Venus in Pisces until April 20, friends will be joyous supporters, inviting you to many fun events. You will have a lot of work to do, however, so you may try to beg off their invitations. If so, they'll organize a posse to drag you out of the house anyway, and guess what? Getting out a few hours occasionally will be good for you.

 

Mercury rules your house of new love, so if looking for romance, have a first date with someone you met waiting in line somewhere (like the book store or the coffee shop) on April 11, when Mercury (now in retrograde until April 23) will link to Jupiter. If you are hoping to reconcile with a special person from the past, do so during April's first three weeks for best luck. Incredible love is on the way to you in late 2011, so don't worry if you feel you've not been in the mood to flirt and lure love to you. You will, you will.

 

Neptune's move to Pisces for a four-month preview of what's to come in 2012 will also work to add beauty and grace to your social interactions. If you feel things have become a bit too "digital" and unemotional for your taste, Neptune in loving, affectionate Pisces should help all that. Neptune will stay in Pisces from 2012 to 2026, so this is a huge difference, and with you as an earth sign that gets along great with water signs like Pisces, this has to be very good news!

 

Dates to Note for Taurus

 

Venus in Pisces favors you until April 20.

Mercury will be retrograde until April 23.

With six planets in your twelfth house of secrets, you'd be super productive working behind closed doors, but as you do, be careful to keep all plans tightly under wraps. 

Plan to reveal and launch your grandest plans on or after June 4 when Jupiter, giver of gifts and luck, will enter Taurus for the first time since the year 2000. 

A big project is due at work at the full moon, April 17 plus or minus four days. It will be hard to finish, and there won't be enough people to help you, leaving you to handle details.

Health might be on your mind this month, too. Guard against headaches, and protect teeth, bones, and lower back.

  

If you need a procedure, you can find a qualified doctor or dentist to help you. Proceed after April 23 if you are doing elective work, but if an emergency, act immediately.

Some sort of altercation could blow up with someone you work with behind the scenes, April 3. It's a hot weekend, when tempers will flair.

Most romantic date nights: April 6, 9-10, 11, 22-23, and 28.

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杂谈

I like you and I know why. 
I like you because you are a good person to like. 
I like you because when I tell you something special, you know it's special 
And you remember it a long, long time. 
You say, "Remember when you told me something special?" 
And both of us remember 

When I think something is important 
you think it's important too 
We have good ideas 
When I say something funny, you laugh 
I think I'm funny and you think I'm funny too 
Hah-hah! 

I like you because you know where I'm ticklish 
And you don't tickle me there except just a little tiny bit sometimes 
But if you do, then I know where to tickle you too 

You know how to be silly 
That's why I like you 
Boy are you ever silly 
I never met anybody sillier than me till I met you 
I like you because you know when it's time to stop being silly 
Maybe day after tomorrow 
Maybe never 
Too late, it's a quarter past silly! 

Sometimes we don't say a word 
We snurkle under fences 
We spy secret places 
If I am a goofus on the roofus hollering my head off 
You are one too 
If I pretend I am drowning, you pretend you are saving me 
If I am getting ready to pop a paper bag, 
then you are getting ready to jump 
HOORAY! 

That's because you really like me 
You really like me, don't you? 
And I really like you back 
And you like me back and I like you back 
And that's the way we keep on going every day 

If you go away, then I go away too 
or if I stay home, you send me a postcard 
You don't just say "Well see you around sometime, bye" 
I like you a lot because of that 
If I go away, I send you a postcard too 
And I like you because if we go away together 
And if we are in Grand Central Station 
And if I get lost 
Then you are the one that is yelling for me 

And I like you because when I am feeling sad 
You don't always cheer me up right away 
Sometimes it is better to be sad 
You can't stand the others being so googly and gaggly every single minute 
You want to think about things 
It takes time 
I like you because if I am mad at you 
Then you are mad at me too 
It's awful when the other person isn't 
They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could just about punch them in the nose 

I like you because if I think I am going to throw up 
then you are really sorry 
You don't just pretend you are busy looking at the birdies and all that 
You say, maybe it was something you ate 
You say, the same thing happened to me one time 
And the same thing did 

If you find two four-leaf clovers, you give me one 
If I find four, I give you two 
If we only find three, we keep on looking 
Sometimes we have good luck, and sometimes we don't 
If I break my arm, and if you break your arm too 
Then it's fun to have a broken arm 
I tell you about mine, you tell me about yours 
We are both sorry 
We write our names and draw pictures 
We show everybody and they wish they had a broken arm too 

I like you because I don't know why but 
Everything that happens is nicer with you 
I can't remember when I didn't like you 
It must have been lonesome then 
I like you because because because 
I forget why I like you but I do 

So many reasons 
On the 4th of July I like you because it's the 4th of July 
On the fifth of July, I like you too 
If you and I had some drums and some horns and some horses 
If we had some hats and some flags and some fire engines 
We could be a HOLIDAY 
We could be a CELEBRATION 
We could be a WHOLE PARADE 

See what I mean? 
Even if it was the 999th of July 
Even if it was August 
Even if it was way down at the bottom of November 
Even if it was no place particular in January 
I would go on choosing you 
And you would go on choosing me 
Over and over again 

That's how it would happen every time 
I don't know why 
I guess I don't know why I really like you 
Why do I like you 
I guess I just like you 
I guess I just like you because I like you.

 

我喜欢你 
而且 知道为什么 
我喜欢你 因为 
你是个好人 
讨人喜欢 

我喜欢你 因为 
如果我告诉你一件特别的事 
你就知道它很特别 
而且 你会记住它 
很久 很久 
而你 
如果有特别的事情要告诉我 
也会叮嘱我记住它 
于是 我们两个都会记住这些事 

我认为重要的事情 
你也会觉得重要 
我们总是有好主意 
我说句有趣的话 
你就哈哈大笑 
这让我觉得自己很有趣 

我喜欢你 因为 
你知道我哪里最怕痒 
而且你很少去碰那些地方 
除了偶尔那么几次 
但是如果你来呵我的痒 
我也知道怎么反击 
救命 

你知道怎样犯傻 
这就是我喜欢你的地方 
伙计 你犯过傻吗 
我从没见过比自己更傻的傻瓜 
直到遇见你 

我喜欢你 因为 
你知道该在什么时候收起傻气 
或许就在后天 
或许永远没有那么一天 

哦 太晚了 
现在早过了犯傻的时候 
我们总是一起到处游荡 
有时我们安静的 
躲在篱笆后面 
窥探秘密地方 

如果我爬到屋顶上 
肆无忌惮地大声喊叫 
你也会跟我一起喊叫 
如果我假装溺水 
你就会假装来救我 
如果我作势要弄爆一个纸袋 
那么你就会准备随时被吓一跳 

那是因为 
你真的喜欢我 
你真的喜欢我 
对不对 
那我也真的喜欢你 
你把真心给我 
我也把真心给你 

每天 不停地 
我们就这样 喜欢来喜欢去 
如果你要离开 
那我也随你去 
或者 要是我留在家里 
你就会寄卡片给我 
你不会只说一声 
那么回头见 
就离开 
就因为这样 
我非常非常喜欢你 

如果我要离开 
同样也会寄卡片给你 
我喜欢你 还因为 
如果我们结伴旅行 
如果我们在中央车站 
如果我走失了 
那么那个大声喊我名字的人一定是你 
嘿 你在哪儿 
我在这儿 

我喜欢你 还因为 
在我难过的时候 
你不会总是立刻劝我开心起来 
有时候难过反倒更好些 
你受不了其他人一刻不停地 
上窜下跳 又吵又闹 
你想安静地思考 
这需要时间 

我喜欢你 因为 
如果我对你发脾气 
你也会对我发脾气 
最糟糕的就是对方从不对你说 呸 
那些人总是一副和蔼可亲的样子 哼 
简直让你想一拳打在他们的鼻子上 

我喜欢你 因为 
如果我觉得不舒服 
你会真的替我担心 
而不会假装自己正在忙着看小鸟什么的 
你说 可能是你吃坏了东西 
你说 我以前也有过一次同样的经历 
而且你确实有过同样的经历 

如果你找到了两棵幸运草 
就会送一棵给我 
如果我找到了四棵 
也会送两棵给你 
如果我们一共只找到了三棵 
那么我就会继续寻找下去 

有些时候我们很走运 
也有些时候我们不走运 
如果我折了胳膊 
而你也折了胳膊 
那么折了胳膊也成了件有趣的事 
我把自己的遭遇讲给你听 
你也把你的遭遇讲给我听 
我们一起为彼此难过 
我们在彼此的石膏上签名 画画 
我们把这些给其他人看 
让他们也恨不得折了胳膊 

我喜欢你 因为 
不知为什么 
和你在一起 
无论什么事都变得更有趣 
我都不记得什么时候不喜欢过你 
那时我肯定很孤单 
我喜欢你 因为 因为 
因为 
我忘了自己为什么喜欢你 
但 
我确实喜欢你 
原因太多了 

在7月4日 我喜欢你 
因为这天是7月4日 
到了7月5日 
我还是喜欢你 
如果我们有大鼓 
喇叭和高头大马 
如果我们有漂亮的帽子 
彩旗和消防车 
我们就可以过个有趣的节日 
也可以弄个热闹的庆典 
我们可以来个大旅行 

你明白我的意思吗 
就算到了 
7月的 
第999天 
就算到了8月 
就算一直到11月的尽头 
就算到了来年1月的某一天 
我也会一直选择你 
而你也会一直选择我 
一次又一次 
永不改变 

每一次都是这样 
我也不知道为什么 
我好像真的不知道自己为什么喜欢你 
为什么喜欢你呢 
我想 我只是喜欢你 
我想 我就是喜欢你 
因为我喜欢你 

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杂谈

    当进入2011年,牛牛们可能没有意识到,展开在你们面前的将是一段光辉灿烂的日子。木星将在6月4日进入金牛座,并辉煌的停留12个月。这颗慷慨和礼物之星自1999年底就没拜访和回归过金牛座,土星曾在金牛座,带来木星的些许雷鸣,此刻木星的拜访必将更加壮丽和甜蜜。一旦到了6月4日,牛牛们将开始看到所有你曾经对生活所做的努力将是值得的。你将要更频繁的旅行,将结识更多新朋友,其中一些人将很有影响力。你的健康将得到改善,你对生活的热爱将要显现。6月份,牛牛们将要进入属于你们的黄金时代。因此,在此之前,当你们进入上个运程的后期,你可能会看到之前生活中的很多方面在结束。一份沉闷的工作、磨损的关系或者过时的生活环境将从视线里退却。命运如此安排,因为宇宙迫使你们留出空间,为生活各方面新的事情做准备。

    今年,牛牛们将几乎必然地去国外旅行,因为木星引导你们打开思维,迎向新的文化和更大的冒险。冥王星将在2个阶段与木星呈良好相位,7月7日和10月28日。此外,在其他2个阶段的新月时刻,将带来远行的绝妙机会:8月30日和12月24日。旅游运在2011年显得格外走强。看起来,很多旅行将与你们的日常工作项目相关,土星与两次蚀相呈困难相位,暗示着你们必须为一些国外项目辛劳,这些项目格外需要关注细节,可能也需要你们在新领域摸索出窍门。不错!你将干得非常棒!

    出版、广播方面的经营项目同样归入第九宫,绝妙地向你暗示,你可能在媒体领域找到机会,无论是作为员工还是作为一个值得关注的对象。

    整年,朋友们都相当给力,1月4日,一位朋友将以一种意外的方式来帮助你。此人可能倾向于在职业方面让你受益,同一天,木天合相。天王星是掌管你高位事业宫的行星,因此,这一天是一个富有潜力的一天。这位朋友给你的信息或消息将来得像一道闪电,所以做好准备。同样在这天,你可能将长途旅行,或者准备马上远行。同样可能的是,一个外国公司或者离你很远的一个公司将联系你,为了一个大型、可能国际性的项目;可能是一个非常赚钱、潜在很有威信的项目。哇,真是绝妙的机会,牛牛们一定不想错过

    接下来,很重要的是,做好更大职业变动的准备,在年初的一个新月到来的时候,即2月3日。你可能遇到一个老同事或者支持者将提携你一个职位,这次提携将被证明相当有价值

    1月15日前,任何旅行都要记得回来,因为接下来几周内,职业上,牛牛们将会有很多令人激动的事情发生,小心错过!2月3日后接下来的几周内,任何你接受的新职位可能都将原地踏步很多年,稍后,在8月13日的满月,牛牛们的职业将迎来成功,那时,牛牛们似乎能得到很令人羡慕的出名机会。

    6月或7月,如果你们签署合同,需要注意其中难懂的条文。别急着签署,一个律师在这几个月的中旬将被证明是物有所值的,因为环境看起来似乎不太明朗。

    要牢记,土星会在代表牛牛们辛苦工作的区域内一直待到2012年10月份,因此,不管你靠什么工作谋生,都似乎暗示你将努力工作,不会有足够的援手来帮助你将项目完成。这可能归因于人员的削减或者归因于你提供的薪水无法找到足够有能力的职员。牛牛们别无选择,只能卷起袖子自己干,即使是那些你通常让别人做的事情。很可能,你需要额外的时间来应付所有的项目,要知道,今年你不会有很多的帮手。

    在理财方面,在接下来的两年你将看到你收入来源的转折。双子和射手座掌管你的财务领域,九年一次的巨蟹和摩羯座的蚀相表明,改变正在发生。作为牛牛,你喜欢事情保持原样,喜欢看到财务上的稳定,但是,在2011年和2012年,这些特质将让你陷于麻烦。你将不得不变得灵活应变、随遇而安,因为不由你掌控的事情将在接下来的两年不时出现,你将最好不得不随着外部条件而改变。当一种收入来源枯竭时,如果你保持开放的思维,你可能很意外地看到一个更好的来源替换了它。当然,你必须勤劳,才会发现新来源。如果你足够勤劳,你将为你的努力而有所收获。

    在健康方面,随着土星进入代表你健康的第六宫,你将有机会设定你的新路线,你很享受它,并且会在接下来的几年遵循它。

    爱情方面,2011年是在接下来的10年里最闪亮的一年。你有太多理由去乐观了。3月伊始,好运降临,带来太多社交方面的邀请,在3月4日新月后。朋友们似乎都自愿成为红娘,随他们忙活吧!当木星和你的金星相遇,它总是成为牛牛们的快乐时光,因为你的利益将置于所有人之前,这将发生在5月11日。[爱情方面还是最为期待的,对认识新的人没有太大兴趣,旧人却渐去渐远.看看这个好运以何种方式来临]

    8月28日随后的两周,将是爱情的可爱时光。当你读到这些时,你可能会有怀疑。多年来,爱情似乎都在逃避你,因为土星可能设置了很多障碍,让你难以找到你的MR RIGHT。这些都结束了,当然,要土星离开双子座。这颗监工一样的行星通过多次的恋爱关系给牛牛们留下了很多教训,现在,你准备好了。土星将在30年里的大部分时间里远离。你已为爱准备就绪了,宇宙将在不久的将来见证这些。

    多年来,当其他人都拥有了他们的机会时,你一直等待多年去飞翔,但是6月初到来时,轮到你们去享受爱情了,木星已经为你准备好了。从2011年6月到2022年6月,你将进入你最好的十年,各种特别的宠爱必将到来,从寻觅、拥有、真爱,到来自于权威者的特别的宠爱。你的整个人将是真正的开心,其他人会说连你的脚步都特别舒展有力。

   2月份,你的职业生涯将处于激动和不安的时期,一定要密切注意到来的所有offers。你必须努力工作,在你的领域内极少帮手和支援,这是事实,在任何你所去的公司都是如此,因此,为此跳槽是不值得的[明白]

    在有关谋生方式上,你可以期待改变,随着双子座和射手座蚀相的到来,你的收入方式将发生改变,同时带来与其他人钱财有关的宫位的转变。如果你丢掉了一个收入来源,你会马上获得一个,所以,跳上马背,果断地去寻找新收入来源吧。

    最好的时期是,下半年,从6月份开始,你将最终有绝妙的机会找到你的真爱。[多谢了]

    一整年,你似乎到处旅行,包括以国外为目的地的旅行,只要你喜欢、你期待旅行。

    在如此多的方面,亲爱的牛牛们,这是属于你们的年份,2011年将是你的旗帜年,你已等待多年。现在你激动吗?你应该如此!

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By TARA PARKER-POPE
Published: December 31, 2010

A lasting marriage does not always signal a happy marriage. Plenty of miserable couples have stayed together for children, religion or other practical reasons.

But for many couples, it’s just not enough to stay together. They want a relationship that is meaningful and satisfying. In short, they want a sustainable marriage.
 

“The things that make a marriage last have more to do with communication skills, mental health, social support, stress — those are the things that allow it to last or not,” says Arthur Aron, a psychology professor who directs the Interpersonal Relationships Laboratory at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. “But those things don’t necessarily make it meaningful or enjoyable or sustaining to the individual.”

 

The notion that the best marriages are those that bring satisfaction to the individual may seem counterintuitive. After all, isn’t marriage supposed to be about putting the relationship first?

Not anymore. For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.

 

Caryl Rusbult, a researcher at Vrije University in Amsterdam who died last January, called it the “Michelangelo effect,” referring to the manner in which close partners “sculpt” each other in ways that help each of them attain valued goals.

 

Dr. Aron and Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., a professor at Monmouth University in New Jersey, have studied how individuals use a relationship to accumulate knowledge and experiences, a process called “self-expansion.” Research shows that the more self-expansion people experience from their partner, the more committed and satisfied they are in the relationship.

 

To measure this, Dr. Lewandowski developed a series of questions for couples: How much has being with your partner resulted in your learning new things? How much has knowing your partner made you a better person?

 

While the notion of self-expansion may sound inherently self-serving, it can lead to stronger, more sustainable relationships, Dr. Lewandowski says.

 

“If you’re seeking self-growth and obtain it from your partner, then that puts your partner in a pretty important position,” he explains. “And being able to help your partner’s self-expansion would be pretty pleasing to yourself.”

 

The concept explains why people are delighted when dates treat them to new experiences, like a weekend away. But self-expansion isn’t just about exotic experiences. Individuals experience personal growth through their partners in big and small ways. It happens when they introduce new friends, or casually talk about a new restaurant or a fascinating story in the news.

 

The effect of self-expansion is particularly pronounced when people first fall in love. In research at the University of California at Santa Cruz, 325 undergraduate students were given questionnaires five times over 10 weeks. They were asked, “Who are you today?” and given three minutes to describe themselves. They were also asked about recent experiences, including whether they had fallen in love.

 

After students reported falling in love, they used more varied words in their self-descriptions. The new relationships had literally broadened the way they looked at themselves.

 

“You go from being a stranger to including this person in the self, so you suddenly have all of these social roles and identities you didn’t have before,” explains Dr. Aron, who co-authored the research. “When people fall in love that happens rapidly, and it’s very exhilarating.”

Over time, the personal gains from lasting relationships are often subtle. Having a partner who is funny or creative adds something new to someone who isn’t. A partner who is an active community volunteer creates new social opportunities for a spouse who spends long hours at work.

Additional research suggests that spouses eventually adopt the traits of the other — and become slower to distinguish differences between them, or slower to remember which skills belong to which spouse.

 

In experiments by Dr. Aron, participants rated themselves and their partners on a variety of traits, like “ambitious” or “artistic.” A week later, the subjects returned to the lab and were shown the list of traits and asked to indicate which ones described them.

 

People responded the quickest to traits that were true of both them and their partner. When the trait described only one person, the answer came more slowly. The delay was measured in milliseconds, but nonetheless suggested that when individuals were particularly close to someone, their brains were slower to distinguish between their traits and those of their spouses.

“It’s easy to answer those questions if you’re both the same,” Dr. Lewandowski explains. “But if it’s just true of you and not of me, then I have to sort it out. It happens very quickly, but I have to ask myself, ‘Is that me or is that you?’ ”

 

It’s not that these couples lost themselves in the marriage; instead, they grew in it. Activities, traits and behaviors that had not been part of their identity before the relationship were now an essential part of how they experienced life.

 

All of this can be highly predictive for a couple’s long-term happiness. One scale designed by Dr. Aron and colleagues depicts seven pairs of circles. The first set is side by side. With each new set, the circles begin to overlap until they are nearly on top of one another. Couples choose the set of circles that best represents their relationship. In a 2009 report in the journal Psychological Science, people bored in their marriages were more likely to choose the more separate circles. Partners involved in novel and interesting experiences together were more likely to pick one of the overlapping circles and less likely to report boredom. “People have a fundamental motivation to improve the self and add to who they are as a person,” Dr. Lewandowski says. “If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more satisfied in the relationship.”

A version of this article appeared in print on January 2, 2011, on page WK4 of the New York edition.

Source:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/02/weekinreview/02parkerpope.html?no_interstitial

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(2010-12-30 12:07)
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杂谈

A number of years ago, on a side street in Hong Kong, I came across a t-shirt that stood out from those covered in Cantonese slogans. Imprinted on the front was “it is not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean”. I did not buy it, but I have often remembered its message. The notion that resources’ potential is almost completely dependent on their management fascinates me. In fact, it is a notion that seems to me to be so relevant to today, so intrinsic in the operation of societies: any governing body’s understanding of the concept is essential to the economic success of its’ charge, and in turn relates to the welfare of every person and their environment. The truth of this surrounds me in Hong Kong, where the intelligent management of our economy is causing daily improvements that everyone wants to be a part of.

 

I used to work as a legal consultant at a Chinese software company, where I was confronted by the notion every day. In that environment, I was responsible for determining which courses of action were legally feasible, whilst others concerned themselves with maximizing welfare in terms of profit, exploiting the concept as far as possible. As I became more familiar with the industry, I started to ask my colleagues questions about their work, which became increasingly technical. The way in which outcomes could be accurately predicted and altered according to a carefully considered set of rules appealed to my mathematical mind. If we can consider individuals and welfare as colour, the world operates like a machine, as black and white: input x and y, with situational factors a and b, lead to output z. in my opinion, economics is the study of the influence of those situational factors, allowing the inputs to be manipulated to produce the desired outputs. Because of the relevance of those outputs, I believe that everybody is, or should be interested by it; however, I realized that I was developing an interest that goes beyond that of the norm.

 

Recognizing this, I began to study the subject more formally, through attendance of a program by the Society of Actuaries, USA, and have completed 8 ACCA papers. In addition, I have completed an internship at an international trading company, where I worked as a business analyst. Predictably, this served to allow me to develop my interest into a desire to study it at an even more rigorous, challenging level, something which I believe I can be achieved by returning to university. I have always been interested by the cultural differences between my country’s and those of Britain and reputation for academic excellence of the top British universities. Therefore, it seems like the obvious course of action for me to apply to read Economics at an English university, with a view to pursuing a slightly different career in a field such as trade.

 

I believe that the subjects that I have studied at high school as well as university level are very relevant to a degree in Economics. Mathematics has developed my logic, and I have a sound understanding of the function of mathematical laws and the application of equations. Studying history, politics, and laws provided some contrast, in that they are more subjective, just as I believe perceiving the situational factors in Economics to be. Through them I have evolved my analytical skills. The laws courses taught me to notice linguistic in detail, a skill which I think is similar to being able to determine factors’ relevance. Due to history, politics, and indeed my law degrees, I am familiar with the necessity of considering all sides of an argument, and the importance of considering the costs and benefits that can arise from different choices. Also, I understand quite how significant an effect more personal and political factors can have: in a sense, the “colour” dictates the “black and white” often unwisely.

 

I believe that my professional experience will prove especially useful. I have already leant how to learn during the course of my degrees in law, and have since gained more maturity and focus. The professional environment that I am familiar with is particularly demanding in terms of concentration, responsibility and time, and I wish to apply the same keen attitude that I developed in response to those features to the demands of academic study. I am always keen to expand my knowledge and learn new skills, a trait that I hope I have demonstrated to you.

 

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(2010-11-15 03:28)
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杂谈

分类: MSN搬家
    01年,王可说她那个时候在看三重门,我笑话她。她用很少有的态度批评了我,不能自以为是,不了解没有资格评价。我同意,不过也没有兴趣和机会去看韩寒的作品,直到1988。我很怀疑多少人会真的喜欢这部作品,有多少人会对社会中"另一些人"的生活去关注,甚至是了解的想法。

    过去的一些年里,有时候半夜醒了,会心情很平静地看床帘,确定自己在哪里,然后接着睡觉。子野和我有很多共同的地方。
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分类: MSN搬家
Huge Swathe of Nanluogu Xiang to be Demolished
Submitted on Nov 7, 2010 11:40am by
 

Dominic Johnson-Hill of Plastered T-shirts, one of the first stores on Nanluogu Xiang, informed the Beijinger yesterday [Saturday, November 6] that authorities are knocking down most, if not all, of the shops from Qianyuan Ensi Hutong off Nanluogu Xiang to the alley just south of that, Qinlao Hutong, to make room for a car park. This is a strip near the middle of Nanluogu Xiang, off the east side, that includes the long-term business Guitar Bar.

Johnson-Hill is part of a "chamber of commerce" comprising 10 longtime business owners on Nanluogu Xiang, and at a meeting on Friday the owner of Guitar Bar said he was recently notified that his bar was going to be demolished. "Everyone on the chamber of commerce was like, 'What the f---?'" Johnson-Hill says. "I was surprised I didn't know about this because I know most of the time what's going on in the area."

Johnson-Hill says they weren't given an exact timeframe, but speculates that construction will happen "quite soon, in the next month or two."

This news might come as a shock to most readers, but apparently the people who control Nanluogu Xiang have been trying to find a suitable spot to build a car park for a long time, as part of efforts to “improve” the area's infrastructure. And longtime Beijing residents who have seen how quickly powers-that-be sink their commercial-driven talons into creative hubs know that this latest development is just part of an inevitable trend. Rents have been escalating for two years now on Nanluogu Xiang, driving out many first-generation shopkeepers. The question is: how else can they phlebotomize this hutong?

"Traditionally, as the rents go up and the business types come in, you lose the creative feel, right?" Johnson-Hill said to us in a separate interview last Wednesday. "At the end of the day you’ve got art vs. numbers, and the numbers always win."

About the potential parking lot, Johnson-Hill says, "For me it's a bit disappointing because I just don't think it's necessary to build a car park right there next to Nanluogu Xiang, but it doesn't make me think it's going to turn into Qianmen.

"I'm just in awe of the changes that have happened in the last year or so. I just think the change is quite oustanding, and Nanluogu Xiang will lose some of the appeal it’s had. With the car park right there, it's going to feel a little more commercial and less residential."

Stay tuned for more details as they come to hand.

Source:

http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2010/11/07/Huge-Swathe-of-Nanluogu-Xiang-to-be-Demolished

P.S: Thanks, Ollie,  for sending me the above link.

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