It has been a long time since my last blog entry. During this time, as far as I know, several of my friends visited my blog. I want to thank you for your interest and care.

I did something stupid tonight. I know it is stupid not because after having done it, a thought came to my head. I know it is stupid because I knew it, I felt it, even when I was doin it.(It is really hard for me to pay attention to grammar and spelling while orgnize my thoughts and choosing the appropriate words. So, I ask you, the reader, if there is any, to turn a blind eye to those mistakes. This blog entry does not represent my English writing skills and my command of words and grammar.)

So, now, get back to the stupid thing. I asked Zhulan to check out Crystish's blog for me and found the correspondence between her and another guy. Then, I talked to the guy and I checked with C. It is stupid not only because there is no point asking about it but also because it revealed my concern, or at least, interest in it.

The question is, where comes this concern and why there is a interest in it. I would like to say the key sentence in this entire entry now. Time treats, but time dosen's cure.

Ever since high school, I know the feeling, both the side offering happiness and the side inducing sorrow.

I just don't know how to put it. I just cannot find the proper word.

You know, it is hard to describe a feeling. I think it is partly why a feeling is called a feeling.

The first of the three, whom I met just a couple of days ago. It was arranged as a private meeting with only us, two. I was afraid, so I asked a third one to come. That third one loves and skilled in talking. The meeting went smoothly. Nobody got awkard. But what under the peaceful surface is my, if not also the first one's, emotion. I am no longer what I once was. Time treats. But it is exactly the recall of the memory which makes one feel again the sorrow, that demostrated the truth that time dose not cure. I still remember the sone I used to sing during the first few weeks, maybe months, in here. 'Is there any, any friends that can be trusted? Can we go back, when the love was based on honesty? Is there any, any warmth that can be felt? Kindness makes you believe that promises still exist. So, we remember. No complaint, no regret, love remains, honesty remains, even if the path ahead is blocked by thorn, covered by mist. Even with the hand of the future holding you, you still want to go. There is no finish in our path, so there nothing else I am seeking.'

The second, played a game with me. I don't know it is smart, tactics or hesitation. But I felt a game, a skill. And I don't want to be played. I do not play with others. I say aloud what I want and I clearly refuse what I do not want. Equity, is what I seek. So, I know it hurts, but I don't feel guilty. The second deserves it. This one should know that for me, tactics dosen't work and honesty is the true foundation. Yet, I have to admit that, even after the incident, I give my care to the one. It is true that time dose not cure. But I don't even need treatment for this one. There is still opportunity to futher the understanding. But it depends on the one, whether the first is took by the one. I strictly kept the stroy about the second. I even denied the existence of the second. As for today, no more denial. I am ready to recall this one. It does not hurt, not to me.

And the third, but, I believe, not the last. Tonight is about this one. Sorry I do not refer to these three, including the third as men/women. I have respect to them. I just don't want to make a big story. I know that not many people read through here. If you, dear reader, have reached so far. Congratulations, my friend, you have found what was once kept out of people's sight. It maybe means nothing to you, but it means a lot to me.

The third one. Well, to be frank, there is not a chance. There never has. And I know it perfectly well right since the first day in the Zhongguancun Square, when we sat on the stairs and talked about the sencond. Well, this is not the first day that you are in my life. The real first day of your existence is the day when we were walking around in Haidian Park. I still remember I explained the rocket that carries the Shenzhou Five to space. I still remember the dried field that supposed to be filled with water and planted with wheat. I still remember the tortoise, and the box, the sand in it, and the black plastic bag that was used to wrap the box. I remember everything. Everywhere I go I see you, I see me, I see us, together with happiness and sorrow.

I may be a person who does not know how to be a friend. I put all my heart to it or I ignore it, The allocation of care and attention maybe what I need.

Well, as mentioned before, I know perfectly well that ther is not a chance. And I DO seek no chance. Yet, as time goes by, the care I have given makes me hard to loose my hand. With these rich mix of happiness and sorrow experienced, it is really hard to wipe them to the trash can of memory. It is just not possible.

I know the day will eventually come that these all, will be lost. I know. But that does  not mean that I am ready. I am not ready.

When it is said that my looking at it is sensed by it, I don't know what dose that mean to it. But I think it did signal something. Although I am not sure about what this something is. How do you feel? It is something that is never told me.

Commencement is approaching. I remember it is once said that, after graduation, it can never be found. I don't know if this is true. But I do know from the experience of the first one that graduation is the day these all be lost. Am I ready?

Seldom is there a response to my message. I hated it, but have got used to it, while I am pretty sure that this is not the quality I can live with, if it is the quality of another person. But the fact that I lived with it in you proved the possibility of never finding you after graduation.

Well, my dear reader, if you already get confused and pissed by my writing, I am sorry, since I myself will not read this twice.

Thanks for your attention, interest and patience. I am going to stop torturing my readers.

I was about to say 'have a good night', but I changed my mind.

Have a good life.

Just as Zhulan said, see who am I i ten years.

(新浪博客有个特点，如果一篇文章全都是英文，编辑就会人工审查。可笑。如果我真的要用英文发表什么不好的言论或者传递什么保密的信息，我绝对不会傻到利用blog这个渠道，我会用secured satellite phone，实在没办法的时候也会把信息加密。何必给自己增加无谓的工作量呢。你要是真的怀疑，直接联系安全部门吧。不知道电话号码的话，请打114查询。)