这些天心情总是无意识地低落，从签iphone失败开始算起，我开始觉得自己心底的堤坝一天天地在开始崩溃，那个乖巧，善解人意的女孩突然像中了诅咒一般，变得刻薄、尖酸，我开始问自己，难道这才是自己的本来的面目吗，隐忍了这么多年终于爆发了？偶尔安静下来想一想，开始觉得一切都不是没有来由的，生活看起来简单而又顺利——车、电脑、手机，实际上，内里小小的虚荣心总是不停地在作怪。我是谁？我能干吗？留学的生活原本辛苦而又满足，可是当看到身边的人都是拿着奖学金读着PHD,手里那一笔笔父母的金钱花地自己惭愧而又自卑。小小的master能干得了什么，拿不了pr，找不到工作，成绩也不好，日子是借电脑消愁。安慰又有何用，原本的蓬勃向上一下子失去了目标和动力，浑浑噩噩的煎熬着岁月，觉得心都开始老去了。哀莫大于心死，凤凰该如何才能再次涅磐呢~~~我不知道，伤心，痛苦，谁能解开那把锁然后释放我呢？！留学错了吗？不！长大才错了！想起大学里的岁月，四个女生嘻嘻哈哈的度过的春夏秋冬，朝气蓬勃的。现在也都散了，覆水难收般的，各奔东西，何日再见。想起海滩边的散步，一望无际的蔚蓝和飞舞的白浪都冲刷不了心头的惆怅；想起疾驰的过山车上拂面而来的刀风，都切

我带着我的梦想来到了我的大洋彼岸，没有新鲜，没有期望，每天萦绕在心头的只是无尽的等待，等公交车，等火车，等待时钟无力的摆动，等待电脑前跳动的企鹅，等待日子一天天从指尖溜去却不知道还要等多久。梦想已经不再是梦想，统统都变成冗长的噩梦，在剪草机的聒噪中惊醒又在乌鸦的嘶哑中沉沉睡去。谁能告诉我我还要佯装我的笑容多久，脸都抽筋了我都还在苦苦得笑，嘴巴里讲着不属于我的语言，手指敲击着一个个跳动的字符，他们都仿佛在嘲笑我，嘲笑我怎么就如此期望着飞过蔚蓝的大海，飞过棉花糖的白云，飞过大片的农场，却不知道自己在干什么。有时候一个人端坐在窗前，看着屋外的花坛上的绿色和红色，幻想着一旦有他和我分享这一分娴静或许我会更加快乐，而不是每天半熟的牛排，生冷的寿司和充满酱油味道的绿绿的一盘盘，有他在我身边或许一切都会鲜活起来吧，而不用想着那条40分钟走程的小路，有他在一起我或许会大笑而不停歇，或许我也不用半夜醒来眼泪婆娑，或许渐冷的夜晚都慢慢温暖，或许会滔滔不绝八卦连篇。一起听歌，一起看电影，一起吃遍游遍这个美丽的国度。告诉他校园里那个小小的湖里有一群可爱的小生物还有一个冲力极强的喷泉，房屋里小小透明的壁虎又算得了

Honey,

It's been a year since we stopped writing the blog to show our feelings, everything likes just happened when last year you came to Chong Qing and see me. That easter day was really so happy, when compare this one, I was alone in Brisbane, far far away from you.

I know these days are really tough for you to get through, I feel very sad, too. You seems not willing to discuss with me about those emotions, and we seems rarely have anything to talk about. I talked about the assignment day after day to bother you, I can't see smile on your face for so long time.

dear Henry, you know in our life, there is always setbacks, I totally understand that you know that in your heart and that's why you always very happy. I am a very sensitive girl who like to think about in a very different way, I am trying to change myself to become closer and closer to you.

Remember those stealing shining hours when we are spending together~~

I

 

Honey, I will be leaving for two days, so, take care of yourself and having some healthier life style in stead of staring on the PC screen all