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我想想，我们还能等什么。
什么都不属于你。
这辈子，你总要抓到些什么。
米兰昆德拉说，回忆也是遗忘的一种方式。
想想自己，已经开始拿回忆过活了，像我给谁说的那样，自己抓着生命最后的稻草不放，也真是可悲。
看了《戏梦巴黎》和《46亿年之恋》，两个电影在脑子里来回串场。那些老电影的片段，还有三池崇史的段落章节。就像《戏梦》里Matthew说的，电影像是犯罪，导演便是像罪犯。太现实和太不现实的东西散落在回忆的片段里，就是这么让人着迷。
我想用9分钟跑完卢浮宫，然后手拉手一起去游行，朝警察仍火瓶子。
我想问你，去宇宙还是天堂。
好多事情就这么发生了。
已经不止一次这么想要写些什么却又最终一字未发。只是反复斟酌那些不变的真理，可在脑子里一团浆糊，我说了，我缺少生活的智慧。
我安慰所有人说，没什么比开心更重要，可自己早已失去平衡，快乐对自己已经不是简单的勾当。
其实想想清楚，无非是一些反反复复发生的事情。周围有人走了，自己不在原来的地方了，于是就没了那曾经很管用的坚强，剩自己形只影单，有点落寞，还有多于落寞的空白。我始终不是一个善于与人交际的人，不像他者，有能力挽留什么。
太顺其自然其实不是开脱，那只是缺少力量的伪装。
很多年前，我似乎也说过这么些话，之后的日子觉得自己大了，便以为这些话痴傻，一切总会发生也总有结束，Time
destroys everything.可如今又是这些想法，是为了什么，我想自问，却不能自答。
在家时，状态并不好。每天安睡，做很多奇怪瑰丽的梦，醒了便是饮食，看电影看书，不常出门。把卧室的音响和几乎所有的打口带到了学校，于是少了音乐，自己在屋子的时间总觉得空闲，脑子的许多想法散乱着，少那么一张网去网罗它们，所有好的坏的，只在脑子里，都是那么脆弱，像我做的那些梦，只能存活一个上午，之后就一一是不了了之。
还好，看了许多好的电影，虽已无能力说什么，但只希望它们滋养我，法斯宾德说，电影解放心智，他其实就是想说，痛苦解放心智。
所有你热爱的，都应是痛苦的。
晚上和老妈出门，2个小时我一言不发，我发现我没我想象的那么善良，到最后，远离已经快成自己坚决的选择了，而不只是什么会顺其自然发生的事情。
这也是种力量。
只要人在走，就总有前进的方向和背离的方向。
我需要好好安慰自己，学着坚强。
时间尚早。
hey there
Delilah
Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me
Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good
Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.
从在SH最后几天日子到现在已经十多天。我开始失语。
直到现在我都不知道自己要说什么。我早丧失了想象，如今又要丧失能力了。
原来，
不止爱能废人。
可
我好快乐。
