要感谢的人太多。象我这种懒人，什么都懒得经营，还能拥有家人和朋友的关心照顾，心寸感激。最近莫名想起出师表，被人认可，信任，是种富裕。有些人，你忙了，不联系了，也就远了。有些人，一直都不变，如水淡醇。这两种人，都需感激。感谢那些匆匆而过的人，留下过笑容和快乐。感激那些一直都在的人，留下安心和信赖。

起床，上班。

中秋。每逢佳节倍思亲。想回家，吃糖。

说到大学开学。才忽然想起，已经七年了。光想到七年，竟然硬生生得发疼。有些人，已经不再思念，可有些事，却怎么也无法忘却。

 

从想到七年到现在。我呆呆的坐了一个小时。就由着它疼，不管，不哭，不哄，好像这颗心已经不属于我。我就那么看着，已没有悲伤。

 

这辈子，能有多少事，可以刻骨铭心。能有多少人，可以走得那么决绝。你把那些过往丢弃，埋葬。只有我，守在坟头，祭奠。

 

七年。是你改变了我。还是光阴。那个无忧无虑的少年，变得越来越沉默。习惯性的放空。冷漠。老态龙钟。

 

但已经不再喝酒，不再抽烟。决心很乖很乖。有人喜欢我乖。

 

不知道是债，还是宿命。我跟你说过。我梦见，眼看着你，被大火焚烧，却无能为力。我跟你说过。这是我们的前世。所以注定。我这辈子要偿还给你。可我还是给不了。因为我能给的幸福。不是你的幸福。

 

不要害怕。我已经放手。也不要寂寞，当我不再在你生日的时候给你电话。我修炼不够。但我会做个好人。继续积德。来世也好。来来世也好。总有一天。

 

分开以后。喝了好多酒。醉的时候，总想起你，生气，心疼的样子。冬天冷的时候，还是会嘴唇发紫。你看不到。更不会流泪。一感冒的时候，还是流鼻涕，你也看不到，更不会帮我擦。但这些。我都记得。一辈子都记得。不管以后。我和谁在一起。

 

七年前。我把我们的头发缠在一起。以为，结发，便能长久。如今，就当那是女人头上的一盘发髻，虽然美好，却总有散下来的一天。

 

结束。新生。

 

2009年9月3日

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

选择了芝加哥最好的天气去看看这个城市。整整四天。微风。阵雨。适合拍照及旅行。

万卷书，千里路。过了二十岁，似乎很少静下心来看和专业无关的书。以前总把孔子的教训放在床头，一日三省。来美国以后，把圣经放在床头。归根结底。都是一心向善。可真正的善，回头看来，大多还是经历的循循善诱。

儿时。对于外面世界的向往。大致因为三种：好吃的食物。好玩的游乐场。 舒服的住所。所以，在印象中和爸妈出去旅游的回忆，也仅仅模糊在，吃，玩，住旅店。

大学。 疯狂的出去旅游。做很长时间的火车。到一个地方，直奔景点。慌慌张张，急急忙忙。照片以人物为主。把青春尽情留恋。

如今。也不知道从何时开始。对于旅游。格外认真。去芝加哥之前，花了几乎两整天的时间，把芝加哥的历史，文化，细细看了一遍。从第一个法国人踏足这个城市， 根据印第安语的“水边”，命名为芝加哥，到1870年的大火，到接下来的1909芝加哥计划（by Daniel Burnham）又叫“Paris on the Prairie”，翻译为草原上的巴黎， 到哥伦比亚展览的举行，到用大火的灰烬填湖修建的公园－grant park（纪念越战的士兵而建，也是每年公牛队庆功所在地），到角落里遗留下来的老城，到第一座摩天大厦的建成 （Home insurance Building by William Le Baron Jenney），到当时最高建筑斯尔斯塔的落成，从古老的柏占庭，哥特，到现代建筑艺术，例如箭排口香糖总部的楼房，如世界上最大喷泉：Buckingham Memorial Fountain （By Edward H Bennett），如林肯公园那些优雅的住宅区。

芝加哥因为是新建的城市。所以整个城市的布局有条有理，沿密歇根湖延伸，以芝加哥河为中心，分为南北两区。一直以来，我都认为，一个城市，有了河或者湖，才不俗。才温柔。就象那天我站在芝加哥河畔，看着那些雄伟的建筑和委婉的芝加哥河，我仿佛听到了它们好比男女，窃窃私语，捍卫，依偎。

除了建筑，雕塑。很震撼的是Lily pool gardens，创作者叫：Caldwell，他的涵义是：A hidden garden for the people of Megolopolis。这是为城市人特意设计的休闲地，宗旨一方面是为了提倡自然美，二来也是为了繁忙的都市生活提供修身养性的方便。

想用一个词来概括芝加哥。玻璃之城？风城？现代之城？艺术之城？似乎没有一个词可以完美，可每个词却都是美的。

芝加哥的雕塑很有名，很多都是现代代表艺术家的作品，如1887年林肯雕塑，作者是Saint－Gaudens，据说这是最生动的林肯雕塑，以至英国政府在伦敦照葫芦画瓢弄了一个。 还有就是Cloud gate，2004年，作者是Anish Kan，它可以反射周围建筑，象征进入远古的门。是现代和历史的对话。

这趟芝加哥之行。让我深刻的感受到了历史的厚重感，以及时间的摧毁性。一个城市， 一场大火，浴火凤凰”。复兴的勇气，胆识，和努力，才有这个城市如今的风貌。这场大火也让我想起了“云中漫步”的那场大火，足以绝望的现实，在坚强的人面前，是制之死地而后生的奇迹。人也好，城市也好，国家也好。只要心存希望。便可以扭转乾坤。

在芝加哥旅游的时候，看到一个小孩。大概四五岁的样子。却没有了一只手臂。他没有自卑感，和其他孩子一起，在水里嬉戏，在爽朗的大笑。我看到这，匆匆逃离。因为在看到他的第一眼，我有了同情心，而这实际上是可耻的。我总是信奉人生来是平等的这一信念，可当我看到弱者，总还是会有怜悯之心。可那个孩子，其实需要的不是同情，而是尊重，把他当作正常人看待的尊重。这也是美国文化和中国文化的区别，或者说是教育。所以，中国孩子脆弱，碰到挫折，便妄自菲薄。以前。我总想，也许等我老了。会去当老师，把知识带给乡村的孩子。现在，我才明白，相比知识，外面的世界，外面乐观向上的理念，更为重要。知识可以改变命运，但良好健康的心态，却是快乐的保证。

很长时间，被感情的事情困扰。昨晚看刘小姐的blog，如醍醐灌顶。

“也许任何人的风流都从来不是风流，是恐惧。”

“我想之所以永远有这么多人在忙着得到爱失去爱抱怨爱唠叨爱，除了伟大的化学反应，还因为爱情是成本很小、“进入门槛”很低的戏剧。如果要以做成一个企业、创造一个艺术品、解决一个科学难题、拯救一个即将灭绝的物种……来证明自己，所需才华、意志、毅力、资源、运气太多，而要制造一场爱情或者说那种看上去像爱情的东西，只需两个人和一点荷尔蒙而已。 ”

“于是爱情成了庸人的避难所，于是爱情作为一种劳动密集型产品被大量地生产出来。说到底一个人要改变自己太难，改变别人更难，剩下的容易改变的只是自己和别人的关系。在一起，分手，和好，再分手，第三者，第四者……啊，枝繁叶茂的爱情，让一个可忽略可被替代可被抹去而不被察觉的存在，看上去几乎象是生活。”

美好的爱情固然诱人。可实际上， 美好的爱情不是忙碌，盲目追求来的。当一个人的中心放到感情上的时候，是没有自我，是可怕，是软弱的。虽然自己已经开始顺其自然，可偶尔的欲望，急切，还是把自己逼到了死胡同里面。忽然想起钢铁是怎么练成的：人的一生应当这样度过。。。。。每次出游一次，便对人生有了新的体会，及认知。井底之蛙的感觉是自欺欺人的。只有走出去，才能知道世界有多大，有意思，有意义的事情有多少。才能知道，真正的善，是大善。真正的爱，是大爱。

这趟之行非常感谢yongsheng师兄的款待，也感谢老陈的悉心照顾。今天花了14个小时整理处理照片。算是对你们的回赠：）。也希望师兄能真正的放开，Be Happy

师兄说我变了。没有大学时候那股子冲劲，在他眼里。那个时候的我，算是风云。我听了，点头。心里很欣慰。我是变了。年轻时候的浮躁，虚荣，已经慢慢淡去。那个时候，忙碌在学生会，记者团，其实都是虚的，充满了欲望，显摆。现在的我，已经不再喧闹。开始安静，开始欣赏和感动生活中小的细节，开始感激，开始进行真正的自我修养，开始把其他的门关上，专心专意的做学问，做科研。我喜欢这样的自己。喜欢自己在人群中不再刻意的找话题来让自己成为中心，我喜欢自己对于爱的人，充满温情，理解和相信，而不是一味的占有和胜利感。我喜欢自己可以花一天的时间静静的处理照片，喜欢自己不再争论，喜欢自己一直在学习，而不是一直在吹嘘。

我会去很多很多地方，碰到很多很多人，听很多很多故事。Enjoy the life to fullest。并，与尔同销。

 

得知国内上不了facebook。故改为网易。

从hancock上俯瞰芝加哥：

今天很早就起床。穿着旗袍，拖着高根拖鞋。Stephanie准时接我， Brian带着我们开了两个多小时车，总算到了church。一路上。我这个电灯泡睡了一路，估计还打呼了，这段时间累得老娘我啊！

Be used to watching a movie with somebody together, either at night here or there,though with long distance,and with different scenes surrounding, still, the soul communication goes well regardless of silence. Somehow, things become contradictory in a way that you can not explain. But deep in the heart, you can always find the sweet reasons and powerful strength to get into all those crazy conducts and feel no regrets.



Surely, Hitchcock was outstandingly good at directing such kind of movie. But after a lot of similar movies afterward, you will find the truth behind at the very beginning of this movie, at least for me. It is just like, we of course should appreciate the first people declaiming woman independence, but it is hard to pretend feeling surprised when we already get used to such kind of notion.

Simply, it is all about two-sites characters, which, more or less, no matter people admit or not, is embedded into every soul.By struggling between these two characters,sometimes, you get comfort, that is what most normal people experience, but sometime, you become crazy if one character is beyond what you can afford. And in my thought, it is also a reflection of the process searching for a balance between reality and dream, trying to keep what reality rejected but you longed in your heart, which is called 'beautiful bitter'. In other cases, just like in this movie, what you tried to keep is the soul fading away in the person beloved, because you feel upset to lose him/her, or watching he/her giving up what they was.



How brave you are to watch the person you deeply loved leaves, and how brave you are to let yourself face the truth, that there is no road in the future leading you to the happiness. Everybody talks about hope, but what is the essential difference between hope and dream. Everybody says, there is only a thin line between love and hate, but is that true you will hate somebody betrayed or hurt you hard, or you just can not afford the desperation, so, the only way you can live is to change love into hate. Everybody knows this is a huge lie, but everybody just be blind and silent.

Life is tricky, always going with love and hurt. You are hurt, hurt, and hurt, endlessly. But at the same time, you are hurting, hurting, and hurting. Once selfish, could be unconditional at the other time, of course, to somebody else.

During this movie, I cried once, when I heard about those lines: I will see you in another life, when we are both cats. I always think about that, the God is so fair to everybody: no matter rich or poor, high class or low level, you can always pursue the happiness if you want, and if you are trying hard. Of course, sometime, you are meant to fail, but it is not related with what you own, or how smart you are, it is only matters, if you are sincere, and if you are perfect match.

But the sad thing is: 'every pass minutes will turn all things around'.If you miss the chance when God open the door for you, then that door will be shut forever. Maybe you still can find another door leading to another world, still happy world, but it will be totally different anyway.

I love this movie, and I love the saying about 'moth girl'. Yes, every girl is a moth expecting to become a butterfly by the kiss of the Mr. Right.  Also, the saying' pleasure delayer'.



I can not say anything about this movie. If you choose to die to keep some dirty secret from the people you love, you must care her more than yourself,then, your soul already died a long time ago, and what left in your heart is just fungus. It is terrible to lose independent soul.


I hate Julia here. I hate the war between two people. I hate all those shit about who wins whom in a love war. I hate the ownership. I hate people always try to keep him/her even thought they do not really care about him/her.
We can not ask more. In the life, if you love somebody sincerely once, and if somebody loves you sincerely once, even they are different persons, you should feel content enough. Do not always look into the future. Sometimes, you gotta turn around, and you may find that the smile you ignored before is so charming and beat your heart.
I love the song in this movie: someday, when I awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you, and the way you look tonight.





'you are a part time lover and full time friend'. This is the first American movie that I can see a naive love. Juno is the coolest teenager I have ever seen. Seems like, she is so 'Rock', acting cold about everything. But she is pure angle, who will cry for seeing the apparently perfect love fading away.
'to find the person who will love you for what exactly you are. Good mood, bad mood. Ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person will still think the sun shines out your ass.'



Please forgive me. I tried, really hard to write something about this movie. But there is no single word coming out of my mind. Sometimes, the beautiful thing is really indescribable.I love the eye of the actor, so firmly, giving people hope. Sometimes, I still believe, love is waiting, a really long time waiting.

垂钓的黄昏。



那水，那桥，那云，一起跑向哪？



周末，闲情逸致，做的菜。