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什么先来的?What comes first?

(2013-04-30 19:34:50)
标签:

恋爱

外国生活

外国男士

english

分类: 恋爱

最近,我在国外生活的中国朋友打电话给我。她很享受在海外的生活,但她为了她的爱情始终奋斗着。她是一个80后的女士,来自一个中国的中等城市。她的成长历史和她的爱情态度应该有关系,然而我觉得她对爱情很开明的。


莎莉,好像男士在这里先想性爱后要恋爱。可能因为我是中国女孩,我不接受这个想法。我爱上的快,很容易受伤。” 我的朋友告诉我之后,她想知道我是怎么想的。


我回答是这并不是外国男士的问题,就是一个男人的问题!我觉得男人都是这样,中国男士也不例外。关于这个主题外国男人和中国男人没有区别,但我认为中国的约会场景和国外的约会场景肯定有差异。


对爱情态度逐渐改变,尤其在中国的大城市,我的印象是很大部分的中国人的约会目标是结婚。我觉得我们西方人对约会的态度更随便。大多数西方人初中时候开始“玩儿”约会,进入大学之前已经谈恋爱好几次。结婚并不是人的主要目标,尤其人们刚开始约会。有人就想玩儿,有人约会为了结交人,甚至有人为了了解自己。如果你想约会外国人,你应该考虑这些爱情态度的差异。不同的文化,不同的国家,人们也许有不同的约会期望。


所以我告诉我的朋友,慢一点爱上。不害怕说不想上床,无论男朋友是什么国家的。慢慢决定这男孩合不合适爱上或结婚。慢慢发现你们是否兼容。我知道关于爱情的事情说起来很容易,做起来很难。这就是为什么我们总是伤心的原因。


什么先来的?What <wbr>comes <wbr>first?德国博茨担 Potsdam, Germany



A Chinese friend called me the other day. She's living overseas and loving it, but I think she sometimes struggles to understand the dating scene. She's a post-80s generation woman from a medium-sized Chinese city. I think her upbringing is perhaps reflected in her feelings about relationships, although she is quite open-minded when it comes to love.


“Rosie, it seems that with men here, sex comes first and love comes second. Maybe it's because I'm Chinese, but this is so hard for me. I fall in love fast and it's easy to get hurt,” my friend confessed. She wanted to know what I thought.


My response was that this is not an issue with foreign men alone but with all men! I think it's normal for most men, Chinese men being no exception. While there may not be a difference between foreign men and Chinese men on this topic, I know there are some differences in dating in China compared to in the west.


Though attitudes seem to be changing, especially in large Chinese cities, it's my impression that many Chinese people date with the primary goal being marriage. I think westerners generally approach dating more casually. For most westerners, it's acceptable to start dating “for fun” in middle school and to have dated several people before even entering college. Marrying often isn't at the front of people's minds, especially at the beginning of the relationship. We date to have a good time, to get to know others, and even to understand ourselves better. It's important to keep such differences in mind if we decide to date cross-culturally. The person we are dating might have very different expectations about the relationship.


So I told my friend to try and take things slower. Don't be afraid to say no to a man who wants to jump into bed, whether he be Chinese, Portuguese, or Kenyan. Try to give the relationship some time before thinking too seriously about love or marriage. Try to see if you are really compatible and want the same things. But I realize this is all much easier said than done; that's why we so often end up with a broken heart.



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