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[转载]简爱Jane Eyre part2

(2012-05-06 20:04:55)
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原文地址:简爱Jane Eyre part2作者:mkathlin

图 书:简爱 
作 者:夏洛特·勃朗蒂 

内容简介:
简·爱背负着自然与社会给她的一切不幸,开始了她的人生:她没有双亲,没有钱财,她是(男人世界中的)一个弱女子;雪上加霜的是,她不漂亮。她有着坚强的个性,这使她在世人眼里更加失去了魅力,因为她不会对别人逆来顺受。
她不像是世上伟大爱情故事中的女主角,然而她却有着相当于此的举动。世人看到的是她的种种劣势,告诉她对生活不要有太多奢望。然而简·爱不听这一套,她拒绝接受世人给予她的卑微地位。她要求世人接受她的本来面目:她可能微不足道,但却是自己命运的主宰;她也许不漂亮,却值得他人爱。
 

作者简介:
夏洛特·勃朗蒂(1816—1855)是英国最伟大的小说家之一。她在英格兰北部约克郡的生活本身狭窄有限,然而其小说充满激情与想像,享誉世界。 
 
English 中文
Part One A child at Gateshead 1 The red room    第一部盖茨赫德的孩子 1 红房子
 
2 Leaving Gateshead    2 离开盖茨赫德
 
Part Two A girl at Lowood 3 My first impressions of school    第二部洛伍德的女孩 3 我对学校的第一印象
 
4 Making a friend    4 交朋友
 
5 Mr Brocklehurst's visit and its results    5 布鲁克赫斯特先生的来访及其后果
 
6 Learning to like school    6 开始喜欢学校
 
Part Three A governess at Thomfield 7 Thornfield and Mr Rochester    第三部特恩费得的家庭教师 7 特恩费得和罗切斯特先生
 
8 Getting to know Mr Rochester    8 认识罗切斯特先生
 
9 Mr Rochester's past    9 罗切斯特的过去
 
10 The mystery of Grace Poole    10 格丽丝·普尔之谜
 
11 The Thornfield house-party    11 特恩费得家庭晚会
 
12 The gipsy woman    12 吉普赛女人
 
13 The stranger is attacked    13 陌生人遭袭击
 
14 Trouble at Gateshead    14 盖茨赫德出了麻烦
 
15 The future Mrs Rochester    15 未来的罗切斯特太太
 
16 Preparing for the wedding    16 准备婚礼
 
17 The wedding day    17 婚礼
 
18 Mr Rochester's explanation    18 罗切斯特先生的解释
 
Part Four A woman at Moor House 19 Finding shelter    第四部在摩尔屋 19 寻找栖身地
 
20 A new home    20 一个新家
 
21 Mr Rivers'sacrifice    21 李维斯先生的代价
 
22 Sudden wealth    22 财从天降
 
23 A voice from the past    23 往昔的呼唤
 
Part Five A wife at Ferndean Manor 24 Returning to Thornfield    第五部 枫丹庄园的女主人 24 回到特恩费得
 
25 Finding Mr Rochester again    25 重新找到罗切斯特先生

13 The stranger is attacked
     13 陌生人遭袭击
 
    
     
 
    I was woken by the full moon shining in on me,as I had forgotten to draw my curtains.Suddenly,a wild,terrible cry broke the silence,echoing throughout the house.My heart missed a beat.What could it mean?It came from the top floor.Then I heard the sounds of a desperate struggle,just above my room.
     由于我忘记拉好窗帘,一轮满月照在我身上,我被弄醒了。突然,一声可怕的狂叫打破了寂静,在整幢房子里回荡。我的心跳都停了。这是怎么回事?声音从顶层传来,接着我听到就在我楼上有死命挣扎的声音。
 
    'Help!Help! Help!wofl\aflyofl6 hdp ffi6?ROCh幻ef!Rochested ForC心d's sake, comJ shouted a voice from SPSt81fS· Bedroom缸rs were opened as the guests woke up.What's happening?''Fetch a candlJ'Is It a fire?''Are there burjars?''Where's Rochester? He isn't In hs room!' 'Herel am二' called the master of the house, descending with a candle from the top floor.'It's all right.仇n't be afrai人 ladles. Aservant's had a bad dream, that's all, and started screaming. Nothing to worry abut. Please go back to your rooms. You'11 catch cold otherwise.' And so he calmed his guests and persuaded them to return to their rooms.
     “救命!救命!救命!来人啊!救救我!罗切斯特!罗切斯特!看在上帝的份上,快来啊!”楼上有人喊着。许多卧室的门打开了,客人们都被吵醒了。“出什么事了?”“拿蜡烛来!”“着火了吗?”“有强盗?”“罗切斯特呢?他不在自己屋里!”“我在这儿!”房子的主人喊道,他拿着蜡烛从顶楼走了下来。“没事儿。女士们,别怕。一个仆人做了噩梦,然后开始喊叫,就这样。没什么好担心的。请回屋吧,不然会着凉的。”他安慰着客人们,把他们劝回屋里。
 
    Butl knewthat the soundsl had heard could have nothing to do with a servant's dream.h Idressed and walted In my roonyln easel was needed. After about an hour, when ThOTllfi6ldHall WSS COthpl6t6ly SllCllt sgslll, th6f6 WSS 8cautious knock on my door.
     但是我知道我听到的声音跟什么仆人的噩梦毫无关系。于是我穿好衣服,等在屋里,以防要我帮忙。大约一小时后,特恩费得已恢复了平静,有人小心地敲我的门。
 
    'Are you awake,Jane?'asked the voice I had been expecting.
     “简,你醒着吗?”我期待的声音问道。
 
    'Yes,sir,and dressed.'
     “先生,醒了,还穿好了衣服。”
 
    'Good,I need you.Come and help me.Bring a clean cloth with you.'We went quietly up to the top floor,where he unlocked one of the small black doors.
     “好,我需要你,来帮帮忙,带上一块干净的布。”我们悄悄走上顶层,他打开了其中的一扇小黑门。
 
    'Do you feel faint at the sight of blood?'he asked.
     “你见到血晕不晕?”他问。
 
    'I don't think so,'I replied.We entered a room with curtains hung on the walls.One of the curtains was tied back to reveal a secret door into another small room.From there came an angry growling sound,almost like a dog.
     “我想不会。”我答道。我们走进屋里,只见帘子挂在墙上,其中一个已卷好,露出一个暗门,通向另一间小屋子。从那儿传出了愤怒的嚎叫声,几乎像一只狗似的。
 
    'Wait here,'said Mr Rochester,and Went into the secret room where a shout of laughter greeted him.Ah,so Grace Poole was there!He came out quickly and closed the secret door.Then he showed me why he needed me.In an armchair lay Mr Mason,his clothes and his arm covered in blood。As we bent over him,he opened his eyes and groaned.
     “等在这儿。”罗切斯特说完走进密室,一阵狂笑迎接了他。啊,格丽丝·普尔在里面!他很快退身出来,关上了暗门。然后他指给我为什么他需要我。扶手椅上躺着梅森先生,他的衣服上和手臂上都有血。当我们俯身看他时,他睁开眼睛呻吟着。
 
    'Am I going to die?'he murmured weakly.
     “我会死吗?”他虚弱地轻声说。
 
    'No,man,don't be foolish.It's just a scratch,'answered Mr Rochester.'Now jane,'he said,turming to me,have to leave you in this room with Mason while I fetch the doctor.You must wipe away the blood with the damp cloth,like this,and help him to drink a little water.But on no account must you speak to him.Is that understood?'I nodded,and nervously watched him leave the room.I could hear him turning the key in the lock.
     “不会的,别傻了,不过划伤了一点儿。”罗切斯特说。他转过身来对我交待着:“简,我要你留在屋里陪梅森先生,我去请医生。你必须用湿布擦净血迹,像这样,然后给他喝点儿水。但切莫对他说话,明白吗?”我点点头,害怕地看着他离开了房间,听到他把门锁上了。
 
    So here I was,in the middle of the night,locked in with a bleeding,dying man,and a wild,murdering woman only on the other side of a door!It seemed a long night,interrupted only by Mason's groans,and by occasional animal-like noises from the secret room.I had plenty of time to wonder why these violent attacks happened,first the fire in Mr Rochester's room,and now a physical attack on a stranger.And how was Mr Mason involved?Why was he here on the top floor?I had heard his host showing him to a bedroom near mine,on the second floor.And why was Mr Rochester so frightened when Mr Mason came to Thornfield?
     于是我就这么半夜被锁起来陪伴一个流血不止、就要死去的人,而杀人的疯女人就在门那边!夜显得那么漫长,只有梅森的呻吟和不时从密室里传出的野兽般的声音不时打破长夜。我有许多时间猜测为什么会发生这些暴力事件,先是罗切斯特先生房间着火,现在又是陌生人遭到袭击。梅森先生是怎么卷进来的?他为什么会在顶层呢?我听到主人把他领进二楼我隔壁的卧室的。梅森先生来到特恩费得,为什么罗切斯特先生那么害怕?
 
    At last Mr Rochester arrived with the doctor,who cleaned and bandaged Mason's wounds.
     终于,罗切斯特先生带着医生来了,那医生为梅森清洗、包扎了伤口。
 
    'Strange!'remarked the doctor,'The skin on the shoulder has been torn by teeth,as well as a knife!'
     “真奇怪!”医生说,“肩上的伤既有牙咬的,也有刀扎的!”
 
    'She bit me,murmured Mason,when Rochester managed to get the knife from her.'
     梅森低声说;“罗切斯特夺她手里的刀时,她咬了我。”
 
    'Well,I warned you not to see her alone,'said Rochester.'You should have waited till the morning,then we could have seen her together.Den't worry,man,when you get back to the West Indies,you can forget her.Think of her as dead and buried.Now,doctor,is Mason ready to be moved?I have a carriage waiting outside You'll take him home with you to avoid gossip,and then in a few days he'll be fit enough to leave the country.
     罗切斯特说:“我警告过你不要单独见她。你应该等到早晨,然后我们一起去看她。别担心,伙计,你回到西印度群岛,就可以把她忘掉,就当她死了.被埋掉了。医生,梅森先生能动了吗?我有马车等在外面。你把他带去你家,免生议论,几天后他就可以休养得离开这个国家了。”
 
    Although it was now early morning,the house was still in total silence,and so there were no witnesses to see Mason being helped downstalrs and put in the carriage.
     尽管已是清晨,整幢房子仍是寂静一片,因此没人看到梅森被扶到楼下,坐进了马车。
 
    'Look after him,doctor.'said Rochester.'Goodbye,Dick.'
     “医生,好好照顾他。”罗切斯特说,“迪克,再见!”
 
    'Edward,make sure she's taken care of,make sure she's treated well… Mason could not continue,but burst into tears.
     “爱德华,保证照顾好她,保证好好待她……”梅森说不下去了,哭了起来。
 
    'I'll do my best,Dick,as I always have done,'replied Rochester,shutting the door of the carriage,which rolled away.'But I wish there was an end to it!'he murmured to himself.
     “狄克,我会像以前一样尽最大努力的。”罗切斯特回答说。他关上车门,车走了。“可我希望有结束的一天。”他自语道。
 
    As we were walking back through the garden to the house,he said to me,'Jane,you've had a strange night.You look pale.Were you afraid when I left you alone with Mason?'
     我们穿过花园回到屋里时,他对我说:“简,你过了奇怪的一夜。你看上去脸色苍白。我留下你陪梅森时你害怕吗?”
 
    'Not of Mason,sir,but of Grace Poole in the secret room.'
     “不是怕梅森,是怕暗室里的格丽丝·普尔。”
 
    'But I'd locked her door.I would never leave you in danger.'
     “可我已经锁了门,我不会让你处在危险中的。”
 
    'Will she go on living here,sir?'I asked.
     “她还会在这儿住下去吗?”我问。
 
    'Oh yes.Don't think about her.'
     “噢,是的。别想她了。”
 
    'But I'm sure your life is in danger while she's here.'
     “可我肯定她住在这儿你就会有生命危险。”
 
    'Den't worry,I can take care of myself.I'm in more danger while Mason's in England.I live in constant fear of a disaster.'
     “别担心,我会照顾好自己。梅森不离开英格兰,我会更有危险。我总是担心灾难会降临。”
 
    'But Mr Mason's weak!You have great influence with him!'
     “但是梅森先生很脆弱!你对他影响力很大!”
 
    'Yes.He wouldn't knowingly hurt me,but by one careless word he could destroy,if not my life,at least my chance of happiness.Sit down with me on this bench,Jane.I want to ask you something.
     “是的,他不会故意伤害我,但不小心说错一个字,他如果不是毁掉我的生活,也会夺走我寻求幸福的机会。简,和我一起坐在凳子上。我想问你点儿事。”
 
    The early sun warmed the bench and the birds were singing.Now,Jane,suppose a boy in a foreign country makes a mistake,not a crime, mind you.The results of this mistake have a terrible effect on his whole life.He comes home aftef years of suffering,and meets someone,who is fresh and good and pure.Now,can he ignore society,can he forget the past,and live the rest of his life with her in peace?'
     晨曦照暖了长凳,小鸟在唱歌。“简,如果一个男孩在国外犯了错误,我提醒你不是犯罪,错误的结果严重影响了他的整个生活。经过多年的痛苦之后,他重返故里,遇到一个人,清新、善良、纯洁。那么,他能否不顾社会,忘记过去,和她一起平静地度过余生?”
 
    It was a difficult question to answer.In the end I said,
     这个问题很难回答。最后我说:
 
    'You can't rely on a human being to cure you of evil and give you peace.You must ask for God's help.'
     “你不能依靠人来医治你的邪恶,给你安宁,你必须请求上帝的帮助。”
 
    'But I think I've found the cure!It's… He paused.I held my breath.I almost thought the birds would stop singing to hear the name he was going to say.
     “但是我觉得我已找到了出路,是……”他停住了。我屏住呼吸,我觉得连小鸟都会停止歌唱,听听他要讲出的名字。
 
    'Yes,'he said in quite a different,hard voice,you've noticed my love for Miss Ingram,haven't you?Don't you think she'll cure me of my wickedness,Jane?Oh,I can hear some of the guests in the garden.Go into the house by the back door.'As I went one way,and he another,I heard him say cheerfully to the gentlemen,'Mason's already left.I got up early to say goodbye to him.'
     “是的。”他换了完全不同的生硬语调,“你已经注意到我对英格姆小姐的爱慕,是不是?简,你不觉得她可以医治我的恶习吗?噢,我听到有客人来花园了。从后门进屋去。”我们分头走开时,我听到他高兴地对先生们说:“梅森已经走了,我一早起来和他道别。”
 
    
     
 


    14 Trouble at Gateshead
     14 盖茨赫德出了麻烦
 
    
     
 
    hen I was a child at Gateshead,Bessie the nursemaid used to say that to dream of children was a sure sign of trouble to come.For a whole week now I had dreamed of a small child every night,and perhaps Bessie was right,as a message came from Gateshead.
     小时候我还在盖茨赫德时,女仆贝茜就曾对我说梦到孩子一定是祸事的预兆。整整一个星期以来,我每晚都梦到一个小孩儿。也许贝茜是对的,盖茨赫德让人捎信来了。
 
    It appeared that my cousin John Reed,who had spent and wasted all his money and some of his mother's,and been in debt or in prison Most of his life,had killed himself a week before And then Mrs Reed,whose health had been badly affected by worrying about her son,had suddenly fallen ill when she heard of his death Although she could hardly speak,she had recently managed to express a wish to see me And so my cousins Eliza and Georgiana had sent their coachman,Robert,to bring me back to Gateshead
     似乎是我的表哥约翰·里德挥霍了他自己的全部钱财以及他母亲的一部分钱,大部分时间都是负债累累或蹲监狱。一星期前他自杀了。里德太太因为替儿子担心,身体受到严重影响,听到他的死讯,突然一病不起。尽管她几乎难以讲话,最近还是设法表示希望见见我。于是我的表姐妹伊丽莎和乔治娜派了车夫罗伯特接我回盖茨赫德。
 
    I felt I could not refuse to see my aunt,perhaps for the last time,So I went to ask Mr Rochester's permisson to leave Thornfield for a while I found him talking to Miss Ingram,who looked at me in disgust when I interrupted their conversation.
     我感到自己无法拒绝去看望舅妈,也许这是最后一面了。于是我到罗切斯特先生那儿,请他准许我离开特恩费得一段时间。我见到他正跟英格姆小姐讲话,我打断他们的谈话时,她正厌恶地看着我。
 
    'Well,Jane,what is it?'he asked,when we had left the room full of guests and gone into the library.
     “噢,简,什么事?”我们离开满是客人的房间而来到书房时,他问道。
 
    'Please,sir,I would like permission to visit my aunt,who is ill,for a week or two.
     “先生,请您允许我去看望我的舅妈,她已经病了一两个星期了。”
 
    'Your aunt!You told me you had no relations!'
     “你的舅妈!你告诉我你没有亲戚的!”
 
    'I have none who,love me,sir.She's Mrs Reed,my uncle's wife.Her son has died recently.I really can't neglect her now that she is dying.
     “先生,我没有喜欢我的亲戚。她是里德太太,我舅舅的妻子。她儿子最近死了。她快不行了,我真的不能不理她。”
 
    'What nonsense,Jane,rushing off to visit an old lady who has never loved you!But I see you've decided to go.Where does she live and how long will you stay?'
     “简,真是胡说,跑去看一个从未喜欢过你的老太太!不过我看你已决心要走了。她住在哪儿?你去多久?”
 
    'She lives at Gateshead,sir,a hundred miles away.I'll stay as short a time as can.
     “先生,她住在100英里以外的盖茨赫德。我尽量待的时间短些。”
 
    'Promise me only to stay a week.
     “答应我只待一星期。”
 
    I can't promise,sir,I might have to stay longer.
     “先生,我不能答应,可能必须逗留得长些。”
 
    'And you certainly can't travel a hundred miles alone!'
     “你不能只身旅行100英里啊!”
 
    'They've sent the coachman for me,sir.I'll leave tomorrow.'
     “先生.他们派来了车夫。我明天动身。”
 
    Mr Rochester thought for a while.
     罗切斯特先生想了想。
 
    'Well,you'll need some money.I haven't paid you any salary yet.How much have you in the world,Jane?' he asked,smiling.
     “好吧,你需要些钱,我还没有付给你工资。简,你全部家当有多少?”他笑着问。
 
    I showed him my tiny purse.He took it and laughed as he counted the few coins.Then he took out his wallet.
     我把小钱包拿给他看。他接过去,一边数里面的几个硬币一边笑,然后他掏出自己的钱夹。
 
    'Here is £50,'he said,offering me a note.
     “这是50英镑。”他说着递给我一张钞票。
 
    'But.you only owe me £15,sir!'I cried.
     “可你只欠我15英镑啊,先生!”我叫道。
 
    'On second thoughts,give me that back. If you had&50,perhaps you would stay away for three months.Here is £ 10.Is that enough?'
     “我再想想,把钱还给我吧。如果你有50镑,可能会在外面待上三个月。这是10镑,够吗?”
 
    'Now you owe me&5,sir,'I pointed out.
     “现在你欠我5镑,先生。”我指出。
 
    'You'll have to come back for it then,'he said,laughing.
     “那么你就得回来讨债了。”他笑着说。
 
    'There's something else,sir.You've told me you'rs going to marry soon. In that case,Adèle should go to boarding school.'
     “先生,还有别的事。你曾告诉我你快要结婚了。如果是这样,阿黛拉应该去上寄宿学校。”
 
    'To get her out of my lovely bride's way?A very sensible suggestion.But what about you?'
     “让她别在可爱的新娘面前碍手碍脚?很有道理。但是你呢?”
 
    'I must find another job somewhere.I'll advertise.'
     “我必须在别处找事做,我会登广告。”
 
    'Don't you dare!'he growled.'Promise me,Jane,not to look for another job.I'll take care of that.'
     “你敢!”他吼道,“简,答应我,不要找别的工作,由我来处理。”
 
    'I'll promise,sir,if you promise that Adèle and I will be out of your house before your bride enters it.'
     “先生,我答应,条件是新娘进门前,阿黛拉和我必须离开你家。”
 
    'Very well!And now we must say goodbye.'
     “很好!那现在我们得说再见了。”
 
    'Goodbye,Mr Rochester.'
     “再见,罗切斯特先生。”
 
    I set out early the next morning and travelled all day.As I approached Gateshead Hall,I realized it was nine years since I had left it. In that time I had made some friends, gained much self-confidence,and finally lost my hatred of the Reeds.
     第二天我一早就出发了,奔波了一整天。盖茨赫德府渐渐近了,我意识到从我离开这里,九年已经过去了。这期间,我交了些朋友,增长了不少自信,最后也不再恨里德一家了。
 
    I was delighted to see my old friend Bessie again.She had married Robert the coachman,and was very busy with her three young children.The house itself had not changed at all,hut my cousins certainly had. Eliza was now very tall and thin, with a rather sour face,dressed in very plain clothes,and with a cross hanging round her neck Georgiana,on the other hand,was still pretty hut very fat,and wore extremely fashionable clothes.They did not seem pleased to see me,in fact they more or less ignored me,but I hardly noticed their rudeness.I told the housekeeper that I would be staying for several days,and then went straight to my aunt's room.
     我很高兴又见到老朋友贝茜。她嫁给了车夫罗伯特,要照顾她的三个小孩,所以很忙。房子本身一点儿没变,但我的表兄妹显然是变了。伊丽莎现在又高又瘦,面带苦相,穿着非常简朴,脖子上挂着个十字架。而乔治娜依然漂亮,但很胖,穿着非常时髦的衣服。她们见到我似乎并不高兴,实际上多少有点儿不理睬我,而我几乎没注意到她们的失礼。我告诉管家我只住几天,然后径直来到舅妈的屋里。
 
    I remembered it well from my childhood.I had often been called there to be punished.Bending over her bed I kissed her.
     儿时的生活让我清楚地记得这屋子。我常常被叫进来受罚。我俯下身去吻了她。
 
    'How are you,dear aunt?'I asked.I had sworn never to call her aunt again,but I did not regret breaking that promise to myself.I held her hand.
     “亲爱的舅妈,你好吗?”我问。我曾发誓不再叫她舅妈,但是打破了誓言我并不后悔。我拉住她的手。
 
    'Are you Jane Eyre?'she asked.Her face,although deathly pale,was as stern as ever,and she removed her hand from mine.'That child was more trouble to me than anyone would believe!I was glad to send her to Lowood.And John!Poor John!He needs so much money!Where can I get more money from?What will happen? She seemed very confused and excited,so I left her to sleep.
     “你是简·爱吗?”她问。她脸色尽管已是死灰色,却仍像过去一样严厉。她把手抽了回去。“那孩子给我带来的麻烦,比谁想的都要多!我很高兴把她送到洛伍德去了。约翰!可怜的约翰!他需要那么多钱!我到哪儿去多弄钱呢?会出什么事?”她好像又糊涂又激动,于是我起身让她睡了。
 
    Her illness got worse in the next few days.I spent some time every day looking after her,and the rest of the time with my cousins,listening to their plans for the future.Eliza was planning to joln a religious community after her mother's death,but Georgiana was hoping to stay in London with relations,to see the new fashions and go to all the parties.It was quite clear they had no real feeling for their mother,and were almost looking forward to her death.
     以后几天里,她病情恶化了。我每天都花些时间照顾她,剩下的时间就和表姐妹在一起,听她们讲述未来的计划。伊丽莎打算在母亲去世后参加一个宗教团体,而乔治娜则希望到伦敦和亲戚住在一起,去观赏时装,参加各种晚会。显然她们和母亲没有什么感情,几乎是在盼着她死。
 
    One dark,stormy night I visited the dying woman.She lay there asleep in her room,neglected by her daughters and servants.As I looked out of the window into the black emptiness,I wondered about the great mystery of death,and thought of Helen Burns,who was so sure her spirit would go to heaven.Would my aunt's spirit go there too?
     一个风雨交加的夜晚,我又去看望垂死的女人。她正睡在屋里,女儿和仆人们都不理会她。我望着窗外无尽的黑夜,思量着死亡的神秘。我想到了海伦·伯恩斯,她是那么肯定自己会进天堂。我舅妈的灵魂也会进天堂吗?
 
    'Who are you?'I heard the sick woman Murmuring.'I wanted to see Jane Eyre.I must tell her something.
     “你是谁?”我听到病人低语道,“我要见简·爱,我必须告诉她一件事。”
 
    'I am Jane Eyre,aunt,'I told her gently.
     “舅妈,我就是简·爱。”我轻柔地对她说。
 
    'I know I'm very ill,'she said weakly.'Before I die I must confess what I've done wrong.First,I broke my promise to my husband about you,and second She broke off.'After all,perhaps I don't need to tell her,'she said to herself and then,'No,it's no good,I know I'm dying.I must tell her,and quickly!Jane eyre,take the letter from the top drawer of my desk,and read it.'I did so.It said:
     “我知道我病得很重。”她虚弱地说。“我死前必须坦白我做的错事。第一,我违背了为你向我丈夫许下的诺言。第二……”她止住了。“也许我没有必要告诉她。”她自言自语道。然后她又说:“不,这不好,我知道我要死了。我必须告诉她,而且要快!简·爱,从我书桌最上面的抽屉里拿一封信,念念。”我照办了。信上说:
 
    'Why did I never hear of this'?I asked,amazed.
     “我怎么从来没听说过?”我吃惊地问。
 
    'I hated you so much that I wrote,back to Him,telling him you had died of typhus fever at Lowood That was my revenge on you,for causing me so much trouble!'she cried angrily.
     “我很恨你,就写信告诉他你在洛伍德得猩红热死了。这就是我对你给我惹这么多麻烦的报复!”她恨恨地说。
 
    'Dear aunt,'I said,'don't think about that any more I was omly a child,it's not surprising I was a nuisance.'
     “亲爱的舅妈,”我说,“别再想这些了。我那时还只是个孩子,难免让人烦。”
 
    'You were always so angry and violent,such a wicked child!'
     “你总是那么生气,那么凶,真是个坏孩子!”
 
    'Not as wicked as you think.I would have loved you if you'd let me.Forget it all and kiss me now,aunt.'But it was too late for her to break the habit of dislike,and she turned away from me. Poor woman!She died soon afterwards,keeping her hatred of me alive in her heart,and no one at Gateshead cried for her.
     “没有你想像的那么坏。如果你当时允许的话,我会爱你的。舅妈,忘了这一切吧,请吻我一下。”然而现在让她放弃厌恶的习惯已为时太晚,她扭过头去不理我。可怜的女人!她不久就死了,心中仍留着对我的仇恨。盖茨赫德没有一个人为她落泪。
 
    
     
 
 15 The future Mrs Rochester
     15 未来的罗切斯特太太
 
    
     
 
    And so I set out on the long journey back to Thornfield.Mrs Fairfax had written to me while I was at Gateshead,telling me that the guests had all gone,and Mr Rochester had gone to London to buy a carriage for his wedding.It was clear that he would be getting married very soon.
     于是我踏上了返回特恩费得的漫长旅途。我在盖茨赫德时,费尔法斯太太曾写信给我,告诉我客人们都走了,罗切斯特先生也去了伦敦,为他的婚礼购置马车。他显然是很快就要结婚了。
 
    After a long day sitting in the coach,I decided to get out at Millcote,leave my luggage at the hotel, and walk across the fields to Thornfield.It was a warm June evening,and I felt glad to be going home.I had to remind myself sternly that Thornfield was not my permanent home,and that the person I was so looking forward to seeing was perhaps not even thinking of me.
     我在马车里坐了整整一天,于是决定在米尔考特下车,将行李留在旅馆里,步行走过田野,回到特恩费得。6月的夜晚温暖宜人,想到要回家了,我感到非常高兴。我不得不时时严肃地警告自己特恩费得不是我永久的家,我热切希望见到的那个人可能根本想都不想我。
 
    And then I saw him!He was sitting on the gate ahead of me,writing in a notebook He noticed me at once. 'Hallo!'he cried.I was trembling at the unexpected sight of him,and could not control my voice,so I approached in silence.
     后来我看到了他!他就坐在我前头的大门口,正往笔记本里写着什么。他一下子就看见了我。“你好啊!”他喊道。意外地见到他让我浑身发抖,无法控制自己的声音,于是我静静地走了过去。
 
    'So it's Jane Eyre!'he continued.'Why didn't you send for a carriage?It's just like you to come on foot from Millcote Now,what have you been doing for a whole month?'
     “那么是简·爱了!”他接着说,“你为什么没叫马车去?走着从米尔考特回来,这正像你。好了,你整整一个月都干什么了?”
 
    'I've been looking after my aunt,sir,who's just died.'
     “先生,我一直照顾舅妈,她刚去世。”
 
    'You come from another world,Jane,from the world of the dead.I think you must be a spirit.And absent for a whole month!I'm sure you've quite forgotten me.'
     “简,你来自另一个世界,一个死人的世界,我想你肯定是个幽灵。离开整整一个月!我肯定你已经把我忘了。”
 
    Even though I knew I would soon lose him,he had such power to make me happy that I was in heaven listening to him.
     尽管我知道我很快就会失去他,但他使我感到幸福的力量是那么强大,听到他的声音我就像进了天堂。
 
    'Did Mrs Fairfax tell you I've been to London?'he asked.
     “费尔法斯太太告诉过你我去伦敦了吗?”他问。
 
    'Oh yes,sir,she did.'
     “噢,是的,先生,她告诉我了。”
 
    'And I expect she told you why I went there?Well,you must see the carriage I've bought,Jane.It will suit Mrs Rochester perfectly.I only wish I were more handsome, as she's so beautiful.Can't you put one of your spells on me,to make me more attractive for her?'
     “我想她也跟你说了我为什么去?好了,你必须看看我买的新马车,它完全配得上罗切斯特太太。我只希望自己长得好看些,因为她是那么美。你不能给我念个咒语,让我对她更有吸引力吗?”
 
    'That's beyond the power of magic,sir,'I replied,while thinking,'To someone who loves you,you are handsome enough.'
     “先生,这是魔力无能为力的。”我一边回答一边想:“对于爱你的人来说,你已经够英俊的了。”
 
    Mr Rochester was sometimes able to read my thoughts, but this time he just smiled warmly at me,and opened the gate.
     罗切斯特先生有时可以看透我的心思,但这次他只是对我热切地微笑,并打开了大门。
 
    'Pass,friend,'he said,'and welcome home!'
     “请进,朋友,”他说,“欢迎回家!”
 
    I could have just walked past him in silence,but something made me turn and say quickly,before I could stop myself,'Thank you,Mr Rochester,for your great kindness.'I'm glad to come back to you,and wherever you are is my home—my only home.'I ran across the field and into the house before he had time to answer.
     我本可以静静地从他面前走过,可不知什么让我转过身来,没等我止住自己,话已说出了口:“罗切斯特先生,谢谢你的盛情。我很高兴回到你这里,你在哪儿,哪儿就是我的家,我唯一的家。”我不等他答话就跑过院子进了房间。
 
    Two weeks passed after my return, with no news of the wedding.There were no preparations at Thornfield,and no visits to the Ingram family,who lived only a few miles away.I almost began to hope.
     我回来后已经两星期了,却没有婚礼的消息。特恩费得没做任何准备,没人去看望仅几英里之遥的英格姆一家。我几乎在盼着婚礼了。
 
    It was the middle of summer,and every day the sun shone on the green fields,the white,baked roads,and the cool,dark woods.One evening, after Adele had gone to sleep,I went into the garden.I discovered a quiet place where I thought nobody would find me,but then I noticed Mr Rochester had come into the garden too.Hoping to escape back to the house,I crept quietly behind him while he was bending over to admire an insect,but—
     时值仲夏,每天骄阳都照耀着绿色的田野,白的、烤硬的路面和凉爽的深绿色树林。一天晚上阿黛拉入睡后,我走进花园。我找了个自认为谁也找不到我的僻静处,可是这时我看到罗切斯特先生也来到花园。我希望能溜回屋去,于是从他背后蹑手蹑脚地走着。他正弯下身去观赏一只小虫子。可是——
 
    'Jane,'he said suddenly,'come and look at this beautiful insect.Oh,now he's flown away.No,don't go back to the house,Jane,on such a lovely night.Come and walk with me.'I could not find a reason for leaving him, so I accompanied him in silence.
     他突然说:“简,过来看看这只美丽的小虫子。噢,它现在飞了。别走,简,这么美好的夜晚,别回屋里去,过来跟我走走。”我找不到离开他的藉口,便默默地陪着他。
 
    'Jane,'he began,'you like Thornfield,don't you?And you even like little Adele,and old Mrs Fairfax,don't you?'
     “简,”他开始说道,“你喜欢特恩费得,是不是?你甚至喜欢小阿黛拉和费尔法斯老太太,对吗?”
 
    'I do,sir,I really don't want to leave them.'
     “是的,先生。我真不愿离开她们。”
 
    'What a pity!'he sighed.'That's what happens in life.No sooner have you got used to a place than you have to move on.'
     “真可惜!”他叹息道。“生活就是这样。你刚刚适应一个地方,就得搬走了。”
 
    'Do I have to move on,sir?Leave Thornfield?'
     “先生,我必须搬走吗?离开特恩费得吗?”
 
    'I'm afraid you must, Jane.'
     “简,恐怕你必须这样。”
 
    'Then you are going to be married,sir?'
     “那么你要结婚了,先生?”
 
    'Exactly,Jane.And as you have pointed out,when I take the lovely Miss Ingram as my bride,you and Adele must leave the house,so I'm looking for a new job for you.'
     “简,正是这样。正像你所说的,当我娶可爱的英格姆小姐为妻时,你和阿黛拉必须离开我家,所以我正在给你找新工作。”
 
    'I'm sorry to cause you trouble,'I said miserably.
     “对不起,麻烦你了。”我痛苦地说。
 
    'No trouble at all!In fact I've already heard of a very good job which would be just right for you,teaching the five daughters of an Irish family.You'll like Ireland,I think.They're such friendly people,'he said cheerfully.
     “一点儿不麻烦。实际上我已经听说有份很不错的工作,正适合你,到一户爱尔兰人家教五个女孩。我想你会喜欢爱尔兰的,那儿的人非常友好的。”他快活地说道。
 
    'It's such a long way away, sir!'I was fighting to keep my tears back.There was an icy coldness in my heart.
     “先生,这太远了!”我努力抑制住自己的泪水,心里感到冰一样冷。
 
    'Away from what,Jane?'
     “简,离什么太远了?”
 
    'From England and from Thornfield and—'
     “离英格兰,离特恩费得,还有离——”
 
    'Well?'
     “嗯?”
 
    'From you,sir!'I could not stop myself,and burst into tears immediately.
     “离你,先生。”我无法克制自己,眼泪一下子涌了出来。
 
    'It certainly is very far away,'he said calmly.'Let's sit on this bench,Jane,like old friends saying goodbye.You know,I sometimes feel as if you and I were connected by a string tying our two hearts together,and if you went to Ireland,I think that string might break and I might bleed to death.'
     “的确非常遥远。”他平静地说,“简,我们一块坐坐,就像老朋友道别一样。你知道,我有时感到我们两个是连在一起的,一根线系着我们的两颗心。如果你去爱尔兰,那根线可能会绷断,我会流血死去的。”
 
    'I wish…I wish I'd never been born!'I cried.'I wish I'd never come to Thornfield!'No longer able to control my feelings,I poured out what was in my heart.'I can't bear to leave!Because here I've been treated kindly.And because I've met you,Mr Rochester,and I can't bear never to see you again.Now I have to leave,I feel as if I'm dying!'
     “我希望……我希望我根本没来到人世!”我叫道,“我希望我永远没来过特恩费得!”我再也无法控制自己的感情,一下子倾诉出我的心声。“离开这里我无法忍受!因为在这里我得到善待,因为我遇到了你,罗切斯特先生,我不能忍受再也见不到你。现在我必须离开,我觉得我要死了!”
 
    'Why do you have to leave?'he asked innocently.
     “你为什么要走呢?”他茫然地问。
 
    'Why?'I repeated,amazed.'Because you're marrying Miss Ingram—she's your bride!'
     “为什么?”我吃惊地重复着。“因为你要娶英格姆小姐——她是你的新娘!”
 
    'My bride!I have no bride!'he answered.'But I will have one,and you must stay!'
     “我的新娘!我没有新娘!”他答道。“不过我会有的,而你必须留下!”
 
    'I can't stay!'I cried furiously.'Do you think I can watch another woman become your bride?Do you think I'm a machine,without feelings?Do you think,because I'm small and poor and plain,that I have no soul and no heart?Well,you're wrong!I have as much soul and heart as you.It is my spirit that speaks to your spirit!We are equal in the sight of God!'
     “我不能留下,”我恼怒地说,“你认为我能看着别的女人成为你的新娘吗?你认为我是机器没有感情吗?你以为我弱小、贫穷、平凡就没有灵魂、没有心吗?那么,你错了!我和你一样有血有肉。我的灵魂在对你的灵魂讲话!我们在上帝眼里是平等的!”
 
    'We are!'repeated Mr Rochester, taking me in his arms and kissing me.'Don't struggle,Jane,like a wild restless bird!'
     “我们是!”罗切斯特重复着,把我揽在怀里,吻着我。“简,别像只不安的小野鸟一样挣扎!”
 
    'Let me go,Mr Rochester.I am no bird,but a free human being.'And I managed to break away.
     “罗切斯特先生,让我走。我不是鸟,而是个自由人。”我努力挣脱了出来。
 
    'Yes,Jane,you are free to decide.I ask you to walk through life with me,to be my constant companion.'
     “是的,简,你可以自由决定。我请求你在生活中与我同行,做我永远的伴侣。”
 
    'You're laughing at me.You've already chosen your companion for life.'I was crying quietly,while Mr Rochester looked gently and seriously at me.
     “你在取笑我,你已经选择了自己的生命伴侣。”我无声地哭着,罗切斯特先生温柔而严肃地看着我。
 
    'Jane,'he said,'I ask you to be my wife.You are my equal,Jane.Will you marry me?Don't you believe me?'
     “简,”他说,“我请求你做我的妻子。简,我们是一样的。你嫁给我吗?你不相信我吗?”
 
    'Not at all,'I answered.
     “一点儿也不相信。”我回答。
 
    'I'll convince you!Listen,I don't love Miss Ingram and she doesn't love me.She only liked me for my wealth,and when I,disguised as the gipsy woman,told her that I had only a little money,she and her mother lost interest in me.You strange magical spirit,I love you!You,small and poor and plain,I ask you to marry me!'
     “我会说服你的。听着,我不爱英格姆小姐,她也不爱我。她为我的财才爱我,而当我装扮成吉普赛女人告诉她我只有一点钱时,她和她母亲都对我失去了兴趣。你这奇怪的带着魔力的小精灵,我爱你!你,弱小、贫穷、平凡,我请求你嫁给我!”
 
    'You want to marry me?'I cried,almost beginning to believe him.'But I have no friends,no money,no family!'
     “你想娶我?”我叫道,几乎有点儿相信他了。“可是我没有朋友,没有钱,没有亲人!”
 
    'I don't care,Jane!Say yes,quickly!It's cruel to make me suffer like this!Give me my name,say,“Edward,I'll marry you!”'he cried,his face very pale in the moonlight.
     “简,我不在乎。快答应!让我这么痛苦,真是太残酷了!讲我的名字,说:'爱德华,我嫁给你!'”他喊着,脸色在月光下那么苍白。
 
    'Are you serious?Do you really love me? Do you honestly want me to be your wife?'I asked.
     “你是认真的?你真的爱我?你真的希望我成为你的妻子?”我问。
 
    'I swear it.'
     “我发誓!”
 
    'Then,Edward,I will marry you.'
     “那么,爱德华,我嫁给你。”
 
    'My little wife!'He held me in his arms for a long time,kissing me gently.Once he murmured,'No family!That's good.No family to interfere!'and then,'I don't care what people think!'and again and again,'Are you happy,Jane?'I thought of nothing except the great happiness of being with him for ever.
     “我的小妻子!”他久久地搂着我,温柔地吻着我。他一时低语着:“没有亲人,这很好。没有家庭的干涉。”一时又说:“我才不管别人怎么想呢!”他重复了一遍又一遍:“简,你幸福吗?”我心里没有别的,只想着能和他永远在一起是多么幸福。
 
    But while we were talking the weather had changed.A strong wind was now blowing and there was a loud crack of thunder.Suddenly rain poured down,and although we hurried back to the house,we were quite wet when we arrived in the hall.We did not notice Mrs Fairfax standing in the shadows.
     我们说话时,天突然变了。大风骤起,并响了一声炸雷。忽然大雨倾盆而下,尽管我们赶紧跑进屋去,到大厅时还是湿透了。我们没注意到费尔法斯太太站在暗处。
 
    'Good night,my darling,'he said,kissing me repeatedly.As I ran upstairs,I caught sight of the old lady's shocked face.
     “亲爱的,晚安!”他说,不停地吻着我。我跑上楼时,看到了老太太脸上吃惊的表情。
 
    'Tomorrow I'll explain to her,'I thought.Just then I was too happy to think about anything except our bright future.
     “明天我再向她解释。”我心想。这时我大高兴了,除了我们的美好未来,再无暇顾及别的。
 
    Outside,the storm continued furiously all night,and in the morning we discovered that the great tree at the bottom of the garden,which had stood for hundreds of years,had been hit by lightning and torn in half.
     外面雷雨一夜未停。早晨,我们发现花园深处一棵已挺立几百年的大树被雷击中,劈成了两半。
 
    
     
 
 16 Preparing for the wedding
     16 准备婚礼
 
    
     
 
    I was a little nervous before seeing Mr Rochester next morning.Was I really going to marry him, or was it all a dream?But I soon felt calmer when he came to meet me and kissed me.
     第二天早上,我有些害怕见到罗切斯特先生。我是真的要和他结婚了,还是做了一场梦?但是,他来看我,吻了我,我很快平静下来。
 
    'Jane,you look well and smiling and pretty,'he said.'You will be Jane Rochester in four weeks' time,not a day more.I'll send for my family jewels,which are kept in a London bank.They are for my bride,whether she's a great lady or a governess.'
     “简,你气色不错,有了笑容,还那么漂亮。”他说。“四星期后你将成为简·罗切斯特,一天也不会多。我会派人取来存在伦敦银行里的祖传珠宝。它们是留给我的新娘的,不管她是位了不起的贵妇还是家庭教师。”
 
    'Oh no,sir!' I cried.'I'm too plain for jewels!I'm not used to wearing them.'
     “噢,不,先生。”我说,“我太平凡了,配不上珠宝,我也不习惯戴首饰。”
 
    'I insist,Jane.Today I'm taking you in the carriage to Millcote to buy you some elegant clothes.In a month's time we'll have a quiet wedding in the local church,and after a few days in London we'll travel through all the countries of Europe.'
     “简,我一定要你戴。今天我带你坐马车到米尔考特去买些漂亮衣服。一个月后,我们就在本地的教堂里举办安安静静的婚礼,在伦敦待几天后,我们要走遍欧洲所有的国家。”
 
    'Well,sir,you seem very eager to please me,but I wonder if you will agree to a request of mine.'
     “好了,先生,你好像急着要让我高兴,但不知你可否答应我一个小小的请求。”
 
    'Ask me anything,Jane,anything!'
     “说吧,简,要什么都行!”
 
    'Indeed I will.This is my request.I ask you not to give me jewels and fine clothes.'
     “我是要说。这就是我的要求:我请你不要给我珠宝和漂亮的衣服。”
 
    'If that's really your wish,I agree But can't you think of anything I can give you?'
     “如果你真这么想,我就答应你。但是你就不能想想我能送给你点儿什么?”
 
    'Well,I'd like you to give me the answer to a question.'
     “我希望你给我一个问题的答案。”
 
    He looked worried,and turned away from me.
     他看上去有些担心,转身背对着我。
 
    'Curiosity is dangerous,'he said.'I may not be able to agree to this particular request.Well,what is it?'
     “好奇是危险的。”他说,“我或许无法答应这个特别的请求。好吧,什么问题?”
 
    'How stern you look!I suppose that's how you will look when we are married!This is what I want to know.Why did you take such trouble to make me believe you wished to marry Miss Ingram?'
     “你怎么这么严厉!我想我们结婚后你就会是这个样子!这就是我想知道的:你为什么费那么大功夫让我相信你想娶英格姆小姐?”
 
    He stopped frowning at once and smiled down at me.
     他立即眉头舒展,微笑着俯视着我。
 
    'Is that all?What a relief!All right,I shall have to confess,although you may be angry with me,Jane—as angry as you were last night,when you told me we were equal.Well,I pretended to love Miss Ingram to make you madly jealous.I wanted you to be as much in love wlth me as I was with you.'
     “就这个?真让我松了口气。好吧,我必须坦白,不过也许会惹你生气,就像昨晚上你跟我说我们是平等的那时候一样生气。我假装爱英格姆小姐,是为了让你嫉妒得发狂。我希望你能像我爱你一样地爱我。”
 
    'And I suppose you didn't care at all about poor Miss Ingram's feelings?'
     “那么我想你一点儿也不顾及可怜的英格姆小姐的感情?”
 
    'She only has one feeling—pride.Were you jealous,Jane?'
     “她只有一种感情——傲慢。简,你嫉妒过吗?”
 
    'Never mind,Mr Rochester.One more request—please explain everything to Mrs Fairfax.She looked so shocked last night!'
     “没什么,罗切斯特先生。还有一个请求——请向费尔法斯太太解释这一切。昨天晚上她吃惊不小。”
 
    When I visited the old housekeeper later that day,I found she was amazed by the news that I was going to marry the master.
     那天我去看老管家时,发现她对我要与主人结婚的消息惊诧不已。
 
    'I would never have thought it!'she kept repeating.'Mr Rochester,so proud and such a gentleman!To marry his governess!'She examined me closely,as if to discover the reason for this strange event,and shook her head,still puzzled.'He's twenty years older than you!He could be your father!'
     “我永远想不到!”她一直反复说着,“罗切斯特先生,这么骄傲,这么一位绅士!要娶他的家庭教师!”她仔细打量着我,似乎想为这件怪事找出点儿什么缘由。她摇着头,还是搞不懂。“他比你年长二十岁,可以当你父亲了!”
 
    'No,indeed,Mrs Fairfax,'I replied crossly.'He looks much younger than that!'
     “不,费尔法斯太太。”我不悦地答道,“他看上去当然比这年轻。”
 
    'Is he really going to marry you for love?'she asked.
     “他真是因为爱你才跟你结婚吗?”她问。
 
    I was so hurt by her amazement that tears came to my eyes.
     我被她的大惊小怪刺痛了,眼泪不禁涌了上来。
 
    'Why?'I asked.'Do you think he couldn't possibly love me?'
     “怎么了?”我问。“你觉得他不可能爱上我?”
 
    'No,no,Miss Eyre,but you must realize that this is a very unusual situation.You must be careful of your reputation. I advise you to keep him at a distance until you are married.'
     “不,不,爱小姐,但你必须知道这种情况很不寻常,你得注意自己的名声。我建议你结婚之前和他保持距离。”
 
    Although I was upset by the old lady's words,I followed her advice,and in the weeks before the wedding I went on teaching Adele as usual.Only in the evenings did I spend some time with Mr Rochester,and I was careful not to allow him to hold me in his arms or kiss me.Sometimes he was angry with me and called me a'hard little thing'or'a cruel spirit',but I preferred that to being called 'my darling'.I saw that Mrs Fairfax approved of my correct behaviour,and I knew that he respected me for it.But it was not easy for me.I would rather have shown him my love.My future husband was becoming my whole world,and more than that,my hope of heaven.
     尽管老太太的话让我不高兴,我还是听从了劝告,在婚礼前的几星期里继续照常给阿黛拉上课。只有晚上我才和罗切斯特先生待上一会儿,并小心翼翼地不让他搂抱或亲吻我。有时他生我的气,叫我“顽固的小东西”或者“残酷的精灵”,但我更愿听这个,而不愿听他叫我“我亲爱的”。我看出费尔法斯太太赞许我的正确举动,也知道他也因此而尊重我。但是,这对于我并非易事,我宁愿向他表露我的爱。我未来的丈夫已成了我世界的全部,还不止于此,他是我希望的天堂。
 
    At last the night before the wedding arrived.My clothes were packed and I was ready.But I was anxious to see Mr Rochester,who had been away on business,so I ran out of the quiet house to meet him on the road. A wild,stormy wind was blowing,and in the garden I passed the wreck of the great tree Then suddenly I saw him riding towards me.
     婚礼的前夜终于来临,我的衣服都已收拾停当,我也做好了准备。但我很想见到罗切斯特先生,他因事外出了。于是我跑出静悄悄的屋子,到路上去迎候他。狂风呼啸着,我走过花园里倒地的大树,突然看到他策马向我奔来。
 
    'You see!'he shouted.'You can't do without me!Jump up onto my horse!'Together we rode back to Thornfield.While he ate dinner,I sat quietly beside him.He looked closely at me.
     “你瞧!”他喊道,“你不能没有我!快上马!”我们一起骑马回到特恩费得。他吃晚饭时,我就静静地坐在他身边。他端详着我。
 
    'You look sad,Jane,'he said.'Is anything wrong?Are you nervous about your new life?'
     “简,你好像有点悲伤。”他说,“有什么事吗?你对新生活担心吗?”
 
    'No,'I replied firmly.'I'm not worried about that,because I love you.But last night I had a strange dream,a terrible dream!It was dark and windy outside,and before I went to sleep I could hear a dog growling in the distance.In my dream I was carrying a small child in my arms down a long road.I was trying to catch up with you,but I couldn't. '
     “不。”我坚定地答道,“我不担心,因为我爱你。可是昨晚我做了一个奇怪的梦,一个可怕的梦!外面很黑,刮着风,临睡前我还听到远处的狗叫。梦中我抱着一个小孩走在一条漫漫长路上。我努力追赶着你,却追不上。”
 
    'And you still worry about a foolish dream,when I'm close to you?But say you love me again,Jane.'
     “我离你这么近,你还为这个愚蠢的梦担心吗?简,再说一遍你爱我。”
 
    'I do love you,Edward.But I haven't finished my story.'
     “爱德华,我真的爱你。不过,我的话还没说完。”
 
    'Is there more?Well,go on.'
     “还有吗?好吧,接着讲。”
 
    'I dreamed that Thornfield was totally destroyed,just a heap of stones.I was still carrying the child,but now I could see you riding away into the distance.I knew you would never come back!Then I woke up.'
     “我梦见特恩费得全被毁了,只剩下一堆石头。我仍抱着孩子,不过这时我见你骑马走向远方。我知道你永远不回来了!然后我就醒了。”
 
    'That's all then,Jane.Nothing to worry about.'
     “简,就这些吧!没什么好担心的。”
 
    'No,wait.There was candle-light in my room,and a strange shape examining the wedding dress hanging in my cupboard.My blood ran cold.It wasn't Mrs Fairfax or any of the servants,it wasnt't even Grace Poole.It was a horrible sight!'
     “不,等等。我的房间里有烛光,一个奇怪的人影仔细察看着我挂在衣柜里的婚纱。我的血都凝住了。那既不是费尔法斯太太,也不是哪个仆人,甚至连格丽丝·普尔都不是。那是一个可怕的景象!”
 
    'Describe the shape,Jane.'
     “简,形容一下那个样子。”
 
    'It looked like a tall woman,with long thick dark hair hanging down hhe took up the beautiful veil you bought me,put it on her own head,then turned to admire herself in the mirror.It was then that I saw her wild,inhuman face!She removed the veil,tore it in two and threw it on the floor.'
     “那看上去像个高个子女人,浓浓的长发披垂下来。她拿起你给我买的漂亮的面纱,盖在自己头上,然后转身照着镜子欣赏。正是这时我才看到她那张狂野的、不像人长的脸!她取下面纱,将它撕成两半,扔到了地上。”
 
    'And then?'Mr Rochester seemed almost nervous.
     “然后呢?”罗切斯特似乎有些紧张起来了。
 
    'She came to my bedside,put her candle close to my face and stared fiercely at me.I must have fainted,and I suppose she left.Now can you tell me who or what that woman was?'
     “她来到我床边,用蜡烛照着我的脸,凶狠地盯着我。我一定晕过去了,她大概也离开了。现在你能告诉我这女人是谁或者是什么吗?”
 
    'Jane,you are too sensitive.That was just a dream. Don't think about it any more!'he answered comfortingly.
     “简,你太敏感了。那只是个梦,别再想它了!”他安慰着。
 
    'That's just what I said to myself when I woke up this morning,but when I looked on the floor,there was me veil,torn in two halves!'I felt Mr Rochester suddenly tremble.
     “这也是早晨醒来时我对自己说的,可我看地上的时候,那儿真有面纱,而且撕成了两半!”我感到罗切斯特突然抖了一下。
 
    'To think what might have happened!'he cried,throwing his arms around me.'Thank God it was only the veil!'After a few moments he said calmly,'Now,Jane,be sensible.That woman must have been Grace Poole.There is no other explanation.'
     “想想可能出什么事吧!”他叫道,伸手抱住了我。“谢天谢地只是个面纱!”过了一会儿,他镇静地说:“好了,简,理智些。那女人一定是格丽丝·普尔。没有别的解释。”
 
    'Perhaps you're right,'I admitted slowly.
     “也许你是对的。”我迟疑地答应着。
 
    'One day I'll explain to you why I keep her in my house.But tonight,go and sleep in Adele's room You'll be quite safe there.Just dream about our future!'
     “总有一天我会向你解释为什么把她留在我家的。不过今晚你到阿黛拉的房间里睡,你会很安全的。做个好梦,想想我们的未来!”
 
    
     
 


    17 The wedding day
     17 婚礼
 
    
     
 
    We had no friends or family to accompany us to the church.I had not told my Reed cousins about our wedding,but I had written to my uncle,John Eyre,in Madeira.Mr Rochester was in such a hurry that he only allowed me a short time to put on my wedding dress and veil.
     我们没有朋友或家人陪伴去教堂。我没有把婚礼的事告诉里德家的表姊妹,但给马迪拉的约翰·爱舅舅写了信。罗切斯特先生那么心急,只给了我很短的时间让我穿上结婚礼服、戴好面纱。
 
    'Jane,you look lovely,'he said.'But you can only have ten minutes for breakfast!'We almost ran up the road to the church,his strong hand holding mine.His dark face looked stern,and he did not speak.I did not notice the weather or my surroundings at all,I only wanted to know why he looked so fierce.Suddenly he noticed how pale I was,and stopped for a moment to let me get my breath back .Then we walked more slowly into the church.
     “简,你可爱极了。”他说,“不过你只有十分钟吃早饭!”我们几乎是跑着来到教堂,他有力的臂膀搂着我,深色的脸膛表情严肃,一语不发。我根本没有注意到天气和周围的环境,只是纳闷他为什么看上去这么严厉。突然他注意到我脸色发白,赶紧停了一下让我喘口气。然后,我们放慢脚步,走进教堂。
 
    The priest and the clerk were waiting for us.There was nobody else except two strangers who were standing at the back of the church.The ceremony began,and soon I heard the priest come to the point in the wedding where he had to ask,'Is there any reason why these two people should not be married?'
     牧师和执事正等着我们。除了教堂后面站着的两个陌生人,再无他人。仪式开始了,很快牧师就进行到了婚礼中他必须问的一句:“有没有理由说明这俩人不应结婚?”
 
    The priest paused for a second,as was the custom,but before he could continue,a voice from the back of the church said clearly,
     牧师照例停顿了一会儿,然而在他继续之前,教堂后面传来一个清晰的声音:
 
    'There is a reason.'
     “是有一个理由。”
 
    The priest looked up from his book, and stood silent. Mr Rochester said in his deep voice,without turning his head,'Continue with the ceremony.'
     牧师从书本中抬起头来,静静地站着。罗切斯特先生没有回头,用他深沉的声音说:“仪式继续进行。”
 
    Silence fell again.Then the priest shook his head.'I must investigate this first,'he said.One of the strangers from the back of the church came forward and said,calmly and quietly,
     又是一阵沉默。然后,牧师摇着头说:“我必须先调查一下。”其中一个陌生人从教堂后面走上前来,镇静地轻声说:
 
    'This wedding cannot continue,because Mr Rochester is already married.'
     “婚礼不能继续,因为罗切斯特先生已经结婚了。”
 
    I felt as if I had been hit.Mr Rochester's whole face was like colourless marble.Without speaking or smiling,he was holding me tightly round the waist,as if he wodld never let go.
     我觉得自己像被猛击了一下。罗切斯特先生的脸整个变成了无色的大理石。他既没说话也没有笑,只是紧紧搂着我的腰,好像永远不想放手似的。
 
    'Who are you?'he growled at the stranger.'And tell me what you know of this supposed wife of mine.'
     “你是谁?”他冲陌生人吼道。“告诉我,关于我所谓的妻子你知道些什么!”
 
    'I'm a lawyer,sir.I have a certificate here proving that you married Bertha Mason in the West Indies fifteen years ago.'
     “先生,我是律师。我有文件在此证明十五年前你在西印度群岛和伯莎,梅森结了婚。”
 
    'That may prove I've been married,but it doesn't prove that she's still alive.'
     “这可能证明我结过婚,但不证明她还活着。”
 
    'I can produce a witness,'said the lawyer,'who has seen her alive recently.'
     “我有证人。”律师说,“他最近看到她还活着。”
 
    'Produce him—or go to hell!'said Mr Rochester.
     “让他出来,不然就下地狱去!”罗切斯特说。
 
    'Here he is.Mr Mason!'called the lawyer.And the second stranger slowly spproached from the shadows,his pale face looking frightened.Mr Rochester,staring furiously at him,raised his strong right arm to knock him down.
     “他在这儿。梅森先生!”律师叫道。另一个陌生人从暗处走近,他的脸吓得发白。罗切斯特先生愤怒地瞪着他,举起强壮的右臂,要把他打翻在地。
 
    'No!'cried Mason,trembling.Mr Rochester dropped his arm,and turned away in disgust.
     “不!”梅森发抖地叫着。罗切斯特放下手,厌恶地扭过头去。
 
    'Sir,'said the priest,frowning,'don't forget we are in the house of God.Mr Mason,please tell us if this gentleman's wife is still alive.'
     牧师皱着眉头说:“先生,不要忘记我们是在上帝的圣殿里。梅森先生,请告诉我们这位先生的妻子是不是还活着。”
 
    'She's at Thornfield Hall,'replied Mason in a weak voice.'I'm her brother and I've seen her there.'
     “她就在特恩费得。”梅森用虚弱的声音说。“我是她哥哥,曾在那儿见过她。”
 
    'Thornfield Hall!'crled the priest.'I've lived here for years,and I've never heard of a Mrs Rochester!'
     “特恩费得!”牧师大声说,“我在这里住了这么多年,从来没听说过什么罗切斯特太太!”
 
    'I was careful to keep her a secret,'murmured Mr Rochester,frowning After a few minutes'thought,he announced,'I must reveal the truth,I suppose.There will be no wedding today.No doubt God will punish me for this.What this lawyer says is true.I've been married,and my wife still lives!I was tricked into marrying her when I was young,in the West Indies Madness runs in her family,but they didn't tell me that.Now she's more of an anlmal than a woman.I keep her locked away,guarded by my old servant Grace Poole.I invite you all to come to my house to see her,and to judge whether I had the right to ask this innocent young girl to marry me.Follow me!'
     “我小心翼翼地保守着这个秘密。”罗切斯特先生紧皱眉头嘟哝着。他沉思了几分钟,宣布说:“我想我必须以实相告了。今天没有婚礼了,无疑上帝会因此而惩罚我。律师说的是对的,我曾结过婚,我的妻子还活着。我年轻时在西印度群岛,被骗娶了她。她家族有癫狂病,但他们并没告诉我。现在她更像野兽,而不是女人。我把她锁起来了,让我的老仆格丽丝·普尔看守着。我请你们各位都到我家去看看她,去判断一下我是否有资格要求这个无辜的女孩嫁给我。跟我来!”
 
    Still holding me firmly,he left the church,followed by the others.At the door of Thornfield Hall,Mrs Faurfax,Adele and the servants rushed forward,smiling,to congratulate us.
     他仍然紧紧搂着我,离开了教堂,其他人跟在后面。到了特恩费得门口,费尔法斯太太、阿黛拉和仆人们都跑过来,笑着向我们道喜。
 
    'Too late!'cried the master,waving them away.'Your congratulations are fifteen years too late!'We all went up to the top floor,and entered the room where Mason had been attacked.Mr Rochester lifted the curtain,opened the secret door and showed us the little room.Grace Poole was making soup over a fire,and behind her a shape crawled on the floor.It was hard to say whether it was animal or human.It growled like a wild animal,but it wore clothes,and had long,thick,dark hair.
     “太晚了!”主人喊道,挥手让他们走开。“你们的祝贺迟到了十五年!”我们都走上顶层,来到梅森受袭击的那间屋子。罗切斯特先生掀起布帘,打开暗门,让我们看到了小房间。格丽丝·普尔正在炉子上烧汤,身后一个东西伏在地上,很难看出那究竟是人还是动物,像野生动物一样咆哮着,但穿着衣服,黑发又多又长。
 
    'How are you,Mrs Poole?'asked the master.'And how is your patient today?'
     “普尔太太,你好吗?”主人问。“今天你的病人怎么样?”
 
    'Not bad,sir,'answered Grace,'but be careful.She'll try and bite you if she sees you,sir.'Just then the shape turned and with a fierce cry attacked Mr Rochester violently.I recognized her dark,ugly face.They struggled for a moment,and then he held her down and,with Mrs Poole's help,tied her to a chair.He turned to the others with a bitter smile.
     “还不错,先生。”格丽丝说。“不过,要小心。她如果看到你会咬你的,先生。”正在这时那东西转过身来,尖叫着向罗切斯特先生扑来。我认出了她那张丑恶的黑脸。他们挣扎了一会儿,他在普尔太太的帮助下,把她按倒在椅子上,绑了起来。他苦笑着转向其余的人。
 
    'You see,gentlemen,this is my wife.This is the partner I have to live with for ever.And instead I wished to have this'(laying his hand on my shoulder)'…this young girl.Can you honestly blame me?Compare the two,and then judge me!'
     “先生们,你们看,这就是我妻子。这就是我不得不永远与之为伴的人。相反,我想要得到这位”(他把手放到我肩上)“……这位姑娘。你们能真心责怪我吗?比较一下,然后再对我裁决!”
 
    We all left the room silently.As we went downstairs the lawyer said to me,'I know you weren't aware of this,Miss Eyre.Nobody will blame you,and Mr Mason will tell your uncle so,when he goes back to Madeira.'
     我们都沉默着离开了小屋。下楼时律师对我说:“爱小姐,我知道你不了解这一切。谁也不会怪你,梅森先生回到马迪拉时也会这么对你舅舅说。”
 
    'My uncle!Do you know him?'I asked,surprised.
     “我舅舅!你认识他?”我惊奇地问。
 
    'I'm his lawyer.Mr Mason and he have often done business together.On his way back to the West Indies,Mr Mason stopped in Madeira and stayed with Mr Eyre,who mentioned that his niece was going to marry a Mr Rochester.'
     “我是他的律师。梅森先生和他常在一起做生意。在回西印度群岛的路上,梅森在马迪拉停留,住在爱先生那儿,并听他说他的外甥女要和一位罗切斯特先生结婚。”
 
    'Yes,I wrote to tell him I was getting married,'I said.
     “是的,我曾写信告诉他我要结婚了。”我说。
 
    'Well,when Mr Mason explained that Mr Rochester was already married,your uncle sent him straight back to England to prevent you from marrying and making a terrible mistake. I'm afraid your uncle is very ill and will probably die soon,so I think you had better stay in England, until you receive further news of him.'
     “那么,梅森先生向他解释说罗切斯特先生已经结婚了,你舅舅让他立刻回英格兰,阻止你结婚,以免铸成大错。我担心你舅舅病得很重,可能不久就会死去,所以我觉得你该留在英格兰,等待他的进一步消息。”
 
    After the gentlemen had left,I entered my room and locked the door.Slowly I took off my wedding dress and veil.I was weak and exhausted,and only just beginning to realize what had happened.Could I ever again trust the being I had turned into a sort of god?I would not think of him as evil,but he could not have felt real love for me.How foolish I had been to believe him,and love him so much!My hopes were all dead,and my future was empty.I lay on my bed,faint and wishing for death.while darkness swam around me.
     先生们走后,我回到自己的房间,锁上了门。我慢慢脱掉礼服,摘下面纱。我虚弱而疲劳,才刚刚开始意识到已经发生的一切。我还能再相信几乎被我当成了上帝的那个人吗?我不会认为他是邪恶的,但他不可能真正地爱过我。我相信他,那么爱他,是多么愚蠢啊!我的一切希望都破灭了,我的未来成了泡影。我躺在床上,昏沉沉的,只想死去。黑暗慢慢将我笼罩了起来。
 
    
     
 


  18 Mr Rochester's explanation
     18 罗切斯特先生的解释
 
    
     
 
    Sometime in the afternoon I recovered a little,but I felt faint as I stood up,and realized I had not eaten anything all day.So I opened my bedroom door and almost fell over Mr Rochester,who was sitting in a chair just outside.
     下午不知什么时候,我感觉好些了,但站起来时仍感到头晕,我这才意识到我已一整天没吃一点儿东西了。于是我打开卧室的房门,几乎扑倒在就坐在门外椅子上的罗切斯特先生身上。
 
    'I've been waiting for you all this time,Jane,'he said.'And I haven't heard you scream or shout or cry.Aren't you angry with me?I never meant to hurt you.Will you ever forgive me?'
     “简,我一直在等着你。”他说,“我没听到你叫喊或是哭泣。你不生我的气吗?我本无意伤害你。你能原谅我吗?”
 
    He sounded so sincere that I forgave him at once in my heart.
     他说得那么真诚,我立刻就在心里原谅了他。
 
    'Scold me,Jane!Tell me how wicked I am!'he said.
     “简,骂我吧!告诉我我有多么坏!”他说。
 
    'Sir,I can't.I feel tired and weak.I want some water.'
     “先生,我不能。我感到很累、很虚。我想喝点水。”
 
    He took me in his arms and carried me downstairs to the library,where he put me in front of the fire,and gave me a glass of wine.I began to feel better.He bent to kiss me,but I turned my face determinedly away.
     他双手将我抱起,将我抱到楼下的书房,把我放在炉火前,递上了一杯酒,我开始感到好些了。他俯身要吻我,但我断然把脸扭开了。
 
    'What!'he cried.'You refuse to kiss me!Because I'm Bertha Mason's husband?Is that it?'
     “怎么!”他喊道,“你拒绝吻我!因为我是伯莎·梅森的丈夫?是不是?”
 
    'Yes,sir.'
     “是的,先生。”
 
    'I know you very well,Jane.I know how firm you are when you've decided something.You're planning to destroy my hope of happiness.You intend to be a stranger to me from now on.And if I'm friendly towards you in future,you'll remind yourself,“That man nearly made me his mistress—I must be ice-cold to him,”and ice-cold is what you'll be.'
     “简,我非常了解你。我知道如果你决心已下,你是不会动摇的。你打算毁掉我幸福的希望,你想从今往后和我成为陌路人。如果今后我对你友好,你会提醒自己:'这个人差点儿让我成了他的情妇——我必须对他冷若冰霜。'你的确会变得冷若冰霜的。”
 
    'It's true,sir,'I said,trying to stop my voice from trembling,'that everything around me has changed,so I must change too.Adele must have a new governess.'
     “是这样,先生,”我说,努力控制住自己的声音不让它发抖。“我周围的一切的确都发生了变化,所以我也必须改变。阿黛拉必须有位新老师。”
 
    'Oh,Adele will go to boarding school.I've already decided that.And you and I will both leave this house,this narrow stone hell,this house of living death.We can never be happy here,under the same roof as that woman.Oh,I hate her!'
     “啊,阿黛拉去上寄宿学校,我已经决定了。你和我将离开这幢房子,这狭小的石头地狱,这活死人的宅邸。在这里和那个女人在同一屋檐下,我们永远不会幸福。噢,我恨她!”
 
    'You shouldn't hate her,sir,'I said.'It's not her fault she's mad,poor thing.'
     “先生,你不该恨她。”我说,“她疯了,可怜兮兮的,这并不是她的错。”
 
    'Jane,my darling,it's not because she's mad that I hate her.If you were mad,I wouldn't hate you.I'd look after you lovingly But why talk of madness?We are all ready to travel,everything is packed.Tomorrow we'll leave.I have a place to go to,where nobody will find us or talk about us—'
     “简,亲爱的,我不是因为她疯而恨她。如果你疯了,我不会恨你,我会满怀爱心地照顾你。可是,为什么要说什么疯不疯的?我们已做好出发的准备,所有行李都整理好了,我们明天离开。我有一个地方可去,那儿没人找得到我们,也没人议论我们……”
 
    'And take Adele with you,sir,she'll be a companion for you,'I interrupted.I knew I had to tell him soon.
     “先生,带上阿黛拉吧,她会陪伴你。”我打断他。我知道我必须马上告诉他了。
 
    'Adele?What do you mean,Jane?She's going to school.I don't want her,I want you with me.Do you understand?'
     “阿黛拉?简,你是什么意思?她要上学。我不需要她,我想和你在一起。你明白吗?”
 
    I did,but I slowly shook my head.He was becoming angry,and was staring fiercely at me.He looked as if he was about to lose control.I was not at all afraid,because I knew I still had the power to calm him.So I took his hand and stroked it,saying,
     我明白,但我慢慢摇了摇头。他变得生气了,两眼狠狠地盯着我,他看上去好像快控制不住自己了。我一点儿不害怕,因为我知道我还有力量让他平静下来。于是我握住他的手,轻轻抚摸着,说:
 
    'Sit down,sir,I'll talk or listen to you as long as you like.'I had been struggling with tears for some time and now I let them flow freely.It was a great relief.
     “先生,坐下,只要你愿意,我可以一直跟你说话,听你讲话。”我一直努力抑制着眼泪,现在我随它流淌,心里非常轻松了。
 
    'Don't cry,Jane,please be calm,'he begged.
     “简,别哭,请平静些。”他哀求着。
 
    'How can I be calm when you're so angry?'
     “你这么生气,我又如何能平静呢?”
 
    'I'm not angry,but I love you so much,and your pale little face looked so stern and decided.'He tried to put his arm round me,but I would not let him.
     “我没有生气,可是我太爱你了。你苍白的小脸看上去那么严肃,坚决。”他想搂着我,我却不允许。
 
    'Jane!'he said sadly,'you don't love me,then?'
     “简!”他伤心地说,“那么你不爱我吗?”
 
    'I do love you,'I answered,'more than ever, but this is the last time I can say it.There is only one thing for me to do,but you'll be furious if I mention it .'
     “我是爱你的。”我说,“比以往更爱你,不过这是我最后一次这样说了。我能做的只有一件事,但我说出来你会发怒的。”
 
    'Oh, mention it!If I'm angry, you can always burst into tears,'he said, with a half-smile.
     “好了,说吧!如果我生气,你就哭好了。”他带着点笑意说。
 
    'Mr Rochester,I must leave you.I must start a new life among strangers.'
     “罗切斯特先生,我必须离开你。我必须在陌生人中间开始新的生活。”
 
    'Of course.I told you we would leave.I'll ignore that nonsense about you leaving me.You'll be Mrs Rochester and I'll be your husband until I die.We'll live happily and innocently together in a little white house I have in the south of France.Jane,don't shake your head,or I'll get angry.'
     “当然,我跟你说过我们要离开的。我不理会什么你要离开我这类的胡说八道。你将是罗切斯特太太,我将是你的丈夫,直到死。我们将无忧无虑地、幸福地一起生活在我在法国南部购置的小白屋里。简,别摇头,否则我会生气的。”
 
    'Sir,your wife is alive,'I dared to say,although he was looking aggressively at me,'and if I lived with you like that,I'd be your mistress.'
     “先生,你的妻子还活着。”尽管他咄咄逼人地看着我,我还是壮着胆子说了出来。“如果我这样跟你生活在一起,我就是你的情妇。”
 
    'I'm a fool!'he said suddenly.'I haven't told you the whole story!Oh,I'm sure you'll agree when you know everything!Listen,Jane,you know that my father loved money very much?'
     “我是个傻瓜!”他突然说,“我还没把故事的全部告诉给你!噢,我敢肯定你了解一切后会同意的。简,听着。你知道我父亲非常爱财?”
 
    'I heard someone say that,yes,sir.'
     “是的,先生,我听别人说过。”
 
    'Well,he hated the idea of dividing the family property,so he left it all to my elder brother.But that meant I would be poor unless I married a rich wife,so he decided I should marry Bertna Mason,the daughter of his wealtny friend Jonas Mason.I was young and easily impressed,so when I saw her in the West Indies,beautiful and elegantly dressed,I thought I loved her.What a fool I was then!After the wedding I learned that my bride's mother and younger brother were both mad.Dick Mason will probably be in the same state one day.My father knew all this,but did not tell me.I soon found that Bertha and I had nothing in common.Not only was she coarse and stupid,her madness also made her violent.I lived with her for four years.By now my father and brother were dead,so I was rich,but I considered myself poor,because I was tied to a mad wife until death.'
     “好了,他很不愿意把家产分割开,于是就全部传给了我的哥哥。但这就意味着如果不娶个阔老婆,我就很穷,于是他决定我应该和伯莎·梅森结婚,她是他的富朋友乔那森·梅森的女儿。我当时年轻,很容易被迷住,所以当我在西印度群岛见到漂亮而又着装优雅的伯莎时,我以为我爱她。当时我真是个傻瓜!婚礼之后,我才得知新娘的妈妈和弟弟都疯了。迪克·梅森可能有一天也会这样。我父亲知道这一切,但没有告诉我。我很快就发现伯莎和我毫无共同之处。她不仅粗鲁、愚蠢,疯病还让她变得凶暴。我和她生活了四年。到那时我父亲和哥哥都去世了,所以我有钱了,但我仍认为自己是个穷汉,因为我至死都被拴在这个疯老婆身上了。”
 
    'I pity you,sir,I do pity you.'
     “我可怜你,先生。我真的可怜你。”
 
    'Pity,Jane,is an insult from some people,but from you I accept it as the mother of love.Well,I had moments of despair when I intended to shoot myself,but in the end I decided to bring the mad woman back to Thornfield Hall,where nobody knew that we were married. She has lived here ever since. Even Mrs Fairfax and the servants don't know the whole truth about her. But although I pay Grace Poole well,and trust her absolutely,she sometimes drinks too much and allows the creature to escape.Twice she has got out of her room at night,as you know.The first time she nearly burnt me in my bed,and the second time she visited you, and must have been reminded of her own wedding day by seeing your wedding dress.'
     “简,别人的可怜是一种侮辱,但你的可怜,我把它当做爱之源接受。我曾经绝望过,想开枪自杀,但最终还是决定把疯女人带回特恩费得,这儿谁也不知道我们结婚了。此后她一直住在这里,即使费尔法斯太太和仆人也不完全了解她的真相。但是尽管我给格丽丝·普尔的薪水丰厚,并绝对信任她,她有时喝得太多,让那东西跑了出来。她曾两次在夜间跑出她的房间,这你知道的。第一次她几乎把我烧死在床上,第二次她去找了你,看到你的婚纱她一定想起了自己的婚礼。”
 
    'And what did you do,sir,when you had brought her here?'
     “先生,你把她带到这儿来后又做了什么?”
 
    'I travelled all over Europe,Jane.I was looking for a good and intelligent woman to love—'
     “简,我游遍了欧洲。我在寻找一位善良、聪明的女人,去爱她——”
 
    'But you couldn't marry,sir,' I interrupted.
     “但你却不能结婚,先生。”我打断他。
 
    'I believed I could.I thought I might find some reasonable woman who would understand my case and accept me.'
     “我当时想我能。我以为我能找到一位理智的女人,理解我的处境,并接受我。”
 
    'Well, sir, did you?'
     “那么,先生,你找到了吗?”
 
    'Not in Europe,Jane,where I spent ten long years looking for an ideal.I tried taking mistresses,like Celine,the French dancer.But finally,bitter and disappointed with my wasted life,I returned to Thornfield on a frosty winter afternoon.And when my horse slipped and fell on the ice,a little figure appeared and insisted on helping me.In the weeks that followed,I began to depend on that bird-like little figure for my happiness and new interest in life.'
     “简,在欧洲没找到,我在那儿花了十年时间寻找一个偶像。我曾找过情妇,比如赛林娜,那个法国舞女。但是最终在我浪费了生命,感到痛苦而失望后,我在冬日一个雾蒙蒙的下午回到特恩费得。我的马滑倒在冰上时,一个小家伙出现了,还坚持要帮助我。以后的几个星期里,我开始依赖这个像鸟儿一样的小人来寻找我的幸福和对生活的新兴趣。”
 
    'Don't talk any more of the past,sir,' I said,wiping a secret tear from my eyes.
     “先生,别再说过去这些了。”我说,擦去了不知不觉流出的眼泪。
 
    'No,Jane,you're right,the future is much brighter.You understand now,don't you?I've wasted half my life in misery and loneliness,but now I've found you.You are at the centre of my heart.It was stupid of me to try to marry you like that without explaining.I should have confessed everything,as I do now,and appealed to your great generosity of spirit.I promise to love you and stay with you for ever.Jane,promise me the same.'
     “不,简,你是对的,未来会更加光明。现在你明白了,对不对?我在痛苦和孤独中虚度了前半生,但现在我找到了你,你在我心中。我不解释就要和你结婚,真是太傻了。我应该像现在这样坦白一切,然后请求你的宽容。我保证永远爱你,和你在一起。简,你也对我保证。”
 
    A pause.'Why are you silent,Jane?'
     一阵沉默。“简,你为什么不说话?”
 
    This was a terrible moment for me.In the struggle and confusion that was going on in my heart I knew that he loved me and I loved him,but I also knew that I must leave him!
     这对我是个可怕的时刻。我内心矛盾着,理不出头绪,我知道他爱我,我也爱他,但我也知道我必须离开他!
 
    'Jane,just promise me,“I will be yours.”'
     “简,就答应我,说:'我是你的。'”
 
    'Mr Rochester,I will not be yours.'Another pause.
     “罗切斯特先生,我不是你的。”又一阵沉默。
 
    'Jane,'he said,with a gentleness that cut into my soul,'Jane,do you intend us to live apart for ever?'
     “简,”他温柔的声音刺进我的心灵深处,“简,你想让我们俩永远分离吗?”
 
    'I do.' 'Jane,'(bending towards me and kissing me)'is that still your intention?'
     “是的。”“简,”(他弯下腰来吻着我)“你还这么想吗?”
 
    'It is,'I replied,pulling away from him.
     “是的。”我回答说,并从他那儿挣脱出来。
 
    'Oh Jane,this is a bitter shock.It would not be wicked to love me.'
     “噢,简,这真是一个痛苦的打击。爱我不是罪过啊。”
 
    'It would be wicked to do what you want.'
     “做你想做的事就是罪过。”
 
    'Jane,just imagine my horrible life when you have gone.I shall be alone with that mad woman upstairs.Where shall I find friendship,and hope?'
     “简,想象一下你走后我的生活该多么可怕。我将独自伴着楼上的那个疯女人。我到哪里去寻找友谊、寻找希望?”
 
    'You can only trust in God and yourself.Live without doing wrong,and die hoping to go to heaven.'
     “你只能相信上帝和自己。活着时不要做错事,死去时希望进天堂。”
 
    'That's impossible without you!And…and you have no family to offend by living with me!'He was beginning to sound desperate.I knew that what he said was true.However,in my heart I also knew I was right to leave.
     “没有你这是不可能的!再说……你与我生活在一起也不会触怒什么家人。”他开始有些绝望。我知道他说的不错,但我内心也深知我离去是对的。
 
    He seemed to read my thoughts.Rushing furiously across the room,he seized me violently and stared fiercely into my eyes.He could have broken me in two with one hand,but he could not break my spirit.Small and weak as I was,I stared firmly back at him.
     他像看出了我的心思。他狂怒地冲过屋子,猛地抓住我,狠狠地盯着我的眼睛。他用一只手就能把我弄成两半,但他却无法动摇我的意志。尽管我又弱又小,我却坚定地和他对视着。
 
    'Your eyes,Jane,'he said,'are the eyes of a bird, a free,wild being:Even if I break your cage,I can't reach you,beautiful creature!You'll fly away from me.But you could choose to fly to me!Come,Jane,come!'He let me go,and only looked at me.How hard it was to resist that look!
     “简,你的眼睛,”他说,“是鸟的眼睛,一个自由的、野性的生命的眼睛。即使我打碎了你的笼子,我也够不到你这个美丽的生灵!你会飞走,离我而去。可你也可以选中向我飞来!来,简,来啊!”他放开我,只是看着我。要抵挡这目光是多么难啊!
 
    'I am going,'I said.
     “我走了。”我说。
 
    'Does my deep love mean nothing to you?Oh Jane,my hope…my love…my life!'And be threw himself despairingly on the sofa.I had reached the door,but I could not leave.I walked back,bent over him,and kissed his cheek.
     “难道我深深的爱对你毫无意义?噢,简,我的希望……我的爱人……我的生命!”他绝望地倒在沙发里。我已到了门口,却不能离开。我又走回来,俯下身去,亲吻了他的脸颊。
 
    'Goodbye,my dear master!'I said.'May God protect you!'
     “再见,我亲爱的主人!”我说,“愿上帝保护你!”
 
    'Without your love,Jane,my heart is broken,'he said.'But perhaps you will,so generously,give me your love after all—'He jumped up with hope in his eyes,holding out his arms to me.But I turned and ran out of the room.
     “简,没有你的爱,我的心都碎了。”他说,“可是毕竟你也许还是可以慷慨地把你的爱给我……”他眼中充满希望地跳起来,向我张开双臂。然而,我转身跑出了房间。
 
    That night I only slept a little, dreaming of the red room at Gateshead.The moonlight shone into my bedroom,as it did then,and I saw a vision on the ceiling,a white figure looking down on me.It seemed to whisper to my spirit,'Daughter,leave now before you are tempted to stay.'
     那一夜我睡得很少。我梦到了盖茨赫德的红房子。月光照进我的卧室——当时也确实有月光,我看到天花板上有一个白色影子正向下看着我。它好像对我的灵魂悄声说:“女儿,现在就离开,免得你又受诱惑留下来。”
 
    'Mother,I will,'I answered.And when I woke up,although it was still dark outside,I wrapped up some spare clothes in a parcel,and put a little money in a purse.As I crept downstairs,I could hear Mr Rochester in his room,walking up and down and sighing.I could find heaven in this room if I wanted.I just had to enter and say,'I will love you and live with you through life until death!'My hand moved towards the handle.But I stopped myself,and went miserably downstairs and out of the house.
     “妈妈,我会的。”我答道。我醒来时,虽然外面天还黑着,还是将几件换洗衣服放进包裹,然后在钱包里装了点儿钱。我蹑手蹑脚下楼时,听到罗切斯特先生在他房间里,一边来回踱步,一边叹息不已。如果我愿意,我就可以在那间屋里找到天堂。我只消进去说:“我将爱你,和你一起生活到生命的终结。”我的手向门把移去,但我阻止了自己,痛苦地走下楼梯,走出了房子。
 
    Setting out on the road,I could not help thinking of Mr Rochester's despair when he found himself abandoned.I hated myself for wounding him,and for perhaps driving him to a life of wickedness,or even death.I wanted desperately to be with him,to comfort him,but somehow I made myself keep walking,and when a coach passed,I arranged to travel on it as far as my money would pay for.Inside the coach I cried the bitterest tears of my life.
     上路后,我忍不住要想罗切斯特先生发现自己被抛弃后该是多么绝望。我恨自己伤害了他,或许又让他去过邪恶的生活甚至死去。我渴望和他在一起,安慰他,但不知怎么我还是逼着自己向前走。马车路过时,我打算让自己走到旅费所能负担的最远的地方。马车内,我流下了一生中最伤心的泪。
 
    
     
 


    Part Four A woman at Moor House 19 Finding shelter
     第四部 在摩尔屋 19 寻找栖身地
 
    
     
 
    I was put down at Whitcross,a crossroads on the moor,after travelling for two days in the coach.As it rolled away,I realized I had left my parcel inside,and given the coachman all the coins in my purse.I was alone on the open moor,with no money or possessions.Lonely white roads stretched across the great,wide moors as far as the hills.I was glad to see there were no towns here,because I did not want people to question me or pity me.So I walked across the moor,until I found a dry place to sleep,in the shelter of a small hill.Luckily it was a warm night,with no rain.The next day was hot and sunny,but I needed food and water,so I could not stay on the moor.
     乘马车行进了两天后,我在威特考斯下车,一个沼泽地上的十字路口。马车走后我才意识到自己把包裹忘在了车上,钱包里的所有硬币又都给了车夫。我孤零零地站在旷野上,身无分文,一无所有。白色的道路孤独地延伸在广阔的草地上,一直通到山脚下。我很高兴这里看不到乡镇,因为我不想让别人问我或是可怜我。于是我走过沼泽地,直到在小山脚下的避风处找到一块可以睡觉的干地方。所幸夜晚是温暖的,没有下雨。第二天,阳光灿烂,天气很热,但我需要食物和水,所以不能再在沼泽地上待下去。
 
    Taking one of the white roads,I eventually found a small village.I needed all my courage to knock on some of the doors,asking if there was any paid work I could do.None of the village people could help me,and I could not bring myself to beg for food,although by now I felt weak and faint.At the baker's I offered to exchange my leather gloves for a small cake,but the baker's wife looked at my dirty clothes and said,'I'm sorry,but how do I know you haven't stolen them?'All I ate that day was a piece of bread,which I begged from a farmer eating his supper.I spent another night on the moor,but this time the air was cold and the ground was damp.
     我沿着一条白茫茫的路走着,终于找到一个小村子。我鼓起自己所有的勇气,敲响了一些人家的门,打听是否有什么能挣钱的活可干。村里没人能帮助我;而且尽管我感到虚弱头晕,却不能让自己去乞讨。在面包店,我想用皮手套换一小块点心,但面包师的妻子却看着我的脏衣服说:“对不起,可我怎么知道这不是你偷的呢?”一整天我只吃了一片面包,是从一个正吃晚饭的农民那儿讨来的。我在沼泽地上又过了一夜,但这夜天凉了,地上湿乎乎的。
 
    Next day I walked from house to house again,looking in vain for work.I was now very weak from lack of food,and I began to wonder why I should struggle to stay alive,when I did not want to live.
     第二天,我又挨家挨户地去找工作,一无所获。现在我因为没有食物已变得非常虚弱,不想活了时开始纳闷自己为什么还拼命地要活着。
 
    It was getting dark again,and I was alone on the moor.In the distance I could see a faint light,and I decided to try to reach it.The wind and rain beat down on me,and I fell down several times,but finally I arrived at a long,low house,standing rather isolated in the middle of the moor.Hiding near the door,I could just see into the kitchen through a small uncurtained window.There was an elderly woman,who might be the housekeeper,mending clothes,and two young ladies,who seemed to be learning a language with dictionaries.The kitchen looked so clean and bright,and the ladies so kind and sensible,that I dared to knock at the door.The elderly woman opened it,but she must have thought I was a thief or a beggar,because she refused to let me speak to the young ladies.The door closed firmly,shutting me out from the warmth inside.
     天又黑了,我只身一人在沼泽地上。看到远处有微弱的灯光,便决定到那儿去。风裹着雨打在我的身上,我跌倒了好几次,但终于还是走到了一幢孤零零立在沼泽地中间的长长的矮房子前。我藏在门边,只能从一个没挂帘子的小窗看到厨房。一位上年纪的妇人,可能是管家,正在补衣服,还有两个年轻姑娘似乎正借助字典学外语。厨房看上去干净明亮,姑娘们显得那么善良知理,于是我壮着胆子敲了门。年长的妇人开了门,但她一定以为我是一个小偷或乞丐,因为她不让我和两位年轻姑娘讲话。门紧紧关上了,把我和屋里的温暖断然隔开。
 
    I dropped on to the wet doorstep,worn out and hopeless,prepared to die.There the young ladies'brother found me,when he returned home a few minutes later,and he insisted,much against the housekeeper's wishes,on bringing me into the house.They gave me bread and milk,and asked my
     我倒在潮湿的台阶上,精疲力竭,不抱任何希望,只等着死。几分钟后,年轻姑娘的哥哥从外面回来,在这儿发现了我。他不听管家的话,坚持要把我抬到屋里。他们给了我面包和牛奶,还问我叫什么名字。
 
    'Jane Elliott,'I replied.I did not want anybody to know where I had come from.To their further questions I answered that I was too tired to speak.Finally they helped me upstairs to a bedroom,and I sank gratefully into a warm,dry bed.
     “简·艾略特,”我回答说。我不愿让任何人知道我是从哪里来的。他们又问了其他问题,我只是说我太累了,不想说话。最后,她们扶我上楼到卧室休息,我感激地躺到了温暖的、干燥的床上。
 
    For three days and nights I lay in bed,exhausted by my experiences,and hardly conscious of my surroundings.As I was recovering,Hannah,the housekeeper,came to sit with me,and told me all about the family.She had known them since they were babies.Their mother had been dead for years,and their father had died only three weeks before.The girls,Diana and Mary Rivers,had to work as governesses,as their father had lost a lot of money in business.St John,their brother,was the vicar in the nearest village,Morton.They only used this house,called Moor House,in the holidays.
     三天三夜,我由于劳累过度一直躺在床上,几乎不知道我周围的一切。随着我渐渐好转,管家汉娜就来陪我坐坐,并跟我讲这家人的事情。他们还在儿时,汉娜就认识他们。他们的母亲已去世多年,而父亲在三个星期前刚刚死去。两个女孩戴安娜和玛丽·李维斯不得不做家庭教师,因为他们父亲的生意亏了大本,她们的哥哥圣约翰是最近的村子莫顿的牧师。她们只是在假期里才住在这幢叫摩尔屋的房子里。
 
    When I felt strong enough to get dressed and go downstairs,Diana and Mary looked after me very kindly,and made me feel welcome in their pleasant home.Their brother,however,seemed stern and cold.He was between twenty-eight and thirty,fair-haired and extremely handsome.Diana and Mary were curious about my past,but sensitive enough to avoid asking questions which would hurt me.St John,on the other hand,made determined efforts to discover who I was,but I,just as firmly,refused to explain more than necessary.I told them only that,after attending Lowood school,I became a governess in a wealthy family,where an unfortunate event,not in any way my fault,caused me to run away.That was all I was prepared to say.I offered to do any kind of work,teaching,sewing,cleaning,so that I could become independent again.St John approved of my keenness to work,and promised to find me some paid employment.
     我有力气穿好衣服下楼时,戴安娜和玛丽和善地照顾着我,让我觉得在这个和睦的家中是受欢迎的。但她们的哥哥却似乎严肃而冷漠。他约莫28到30岁,金发,非常英俊。戴安娜和玛丽对我的过去感到好奇,但却敏感地不提及可能伤害我的问题。另一方面,圣约翰却坚持不懈地想要搞清我究竟是谁,而我也坚决地拒绝做出没有必要的解释。我只告诉他们在洛伍德上学之后,我到一个富人家做家庭教师,一件不幸的事使我跑掉了,但那绝不是由于我的过错。我就准备说这些。我提出什么事我都愿做,教书、缝补、清洗,只要能再次独立。圣约翰赞同我对工作的迫切要求,答应帮我找份挣钱的工作。
 
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    20 A new home
     20 一个新家
 
    
     
 
    I spent a month at Moor House,in an atmosphere of warm friendship.I learned to love what Diana and Mary loved the little old grey house,the wild open moors around it,and the lonely hills and valleys where we walked for hours.I read the books they read,and we discussed them eagerly Diana started teaching me German,and I helped Mary to improve her drawing.We three shared the same interests and opinions,and spent the days and evenings very happily together.
     在摩尔屋,我在温暖的友情中度过了一个月。我开始喜欢戴安娜以及玛丽所喜欢的——这个小小的灰色老屋,周围的开阔草地,孤零零的山丘和河谷,我们常去那里散步,一去便是几个钟头。我读她们读的书,然后大家一起热烈地讨论。戴安娜开始教我德文,我则帮助玛丽提高她的素描。我们三人有共同的兴趣和一致的想法,白天晚上都高高兴兴地待在一起。
 
    However,St John hardly ever joined in our activities.He was often away from home,visiting the poor and the sick in Morton.His strong sense of duty made him insist on going,even if the weather was very bad.But despite his hard work I thought he lacked true happiness and peace of mind.He often stopped reading or writing to stare into the distance,dreaming perhaps of some ambitious plan.Once I heard him speak at a church service in Morton,and although he was an excellent speaker,there was a certain bitterness and disappointment in his words.He was clearly not satisfied with his present life.
     但是,圣约翰却很少参加我们的活动。他常常出门,去看望莫顿的穷人和病人。他强烈的责任心使他即使在天气恶劣的时候也一定要去。然而尽管他工作很努力,我仍觉得他缺少真正的幸福和安宁的心绪。他常常停止读书或写作,呆呆地盯着远处,可能梦想着什么宏伟的计划。一次我听到他在莫顿的教堂里布道,尽管他很有口才,我却听出他话语中的某种痛苦和失望。他显然不满足于现在的生活。
 
    The holiday was coming to an end.Soon Diana and Mary would leave Moor House to return to the wealthy families in the south,where they were both governesses,and St John would go back to the vicar's house in Morton,with Hannah,his housekeeper.Although,his cold manner made it difficult for me to talk to him,I had to ask him whether he had found any employment for me.
     假期要结束了。不久戴安娜和玛丽都要离开摩尔屋,回到南方的富人家,继续做家庭教师。圣约翰要带着管家汉娜回到以莫顿的牧师的身份住的屋里去。尽管他举止冷漠,让我很难与他搭话,我还是得问他是否为我找到了工作。
 
    'I have,'he answered slowly,'but remember I am only a poor country vicar,and can't offer you a job with a high salary,so you may not wish to accept it.There's already a school for boys in Morton,and now I want to open one for girls,so I've rented a building for it it,with a small small cottage for the schoolteacher.Miss Oliver,who lives in the area and is the only daughter of a rich factory-owner,has kindly paid for the furniture.Will you be the schoolteacher?You would live in the cottage rent-free,and receive thirty pounds a year,no more.
     “找到了。”他慢慢地说。“但不要忘了我只是个乡下的穷牧师,不可能给你一份薪水高的工作,所以你可能不愿接受。在莫顿已有一所男孩子上的学校,现在我想为女孩子办所学校。因此我已租好了校舍,其中有教师住的小房于。奥利弗小姐住在这一带,是一个富裕的工厂主的女儿,她好心买来了家具。你能做教师吗?你可以免费住在小房子里,每年可得30镑,不会更多。”
 
    I thought about it for a moment.It was not as good as being a governess in an important family,but at least I would have no master.I would be free and independent.
     我考虑了一会儿。和在大家庭中做家庭教师相比,这不算好,但至少我没有什么主人了,我是自由和自立的。
 
    'Thank you,Mr Rivers,I accept gladly,'I replied.
     “谢谢,李维斯先生,我很乐意接受。”我说。
 
    'But you do understand?'he asked,a little worried.'It will only be a village school.The girls will be poor and uneducated.You'll be teaching reading,writing,counting,sewing,that's all.There'll be no music or languages or painting.'
     “但是你明白吗?”他有些担心地问。“这只是一所乡村小学。女孩子们很穷,没有受过教育。你要同时教阅读、写作、算术和缝纫。没有音乐、语言或绘画课。”
 
    'I understand,and I'll be happy to do it,'I answered.
     “我明白,我乐意做。”我答道。
 
    He smiled,well satisfied with me.
     他微笑着,对我非常满意。
 
    'And I'll open the school tomorrow,if you like,'I added.
     “如果你愿意,我明天就开学。”我补充道。
 
    'Very good,'he agreed.Then looking at me,he said,'But I don't think you'll stay long in the village.'
     “很好。”他应和着,然后看着我说:“但我觉得你在村里不会久留的。”
 
    'Why not?I'm not ambitious,although I think you are.'
     “为什么呢?我没有什么雄心壮志,不过我觉得你有。”
 
    He looked surprised.'I know I am,but how did you discover that?No,I think you won't be satisfied by living alone.You need people to make you happy.'He said no more.
     他看上去很吃惊。“我知道我有,可你是怎么发现的?不,我觉得你不会满足于孤独的生活,你需要别人给你带来快乐。”他没再说什么。
 
    Diana and Mary lost their usual cheerfulness as the moment for leaving their home and their brother came closer.
     随着离家和离开哥哥的日子一天天临近,戴安娜和玛丽渐渐失去了平日的欢乐。
 
    'You see,Jane,'Diana explained,'St John is planning to become a missionary very soon.He feels his purpose in life is to spread the Christian religion in unexplored places where the people have never heard the word of God.So we won't see him for many years,perhaps never again!He looks quiet,Jane,but he's very determined.I know he's doing God's work,but it will break my heart to see him leave!'And she broke down in tears.
     “简,你知道,”戴安娜解释道。“圣约翰计划不久去做传教士。他认为自己生命的意义在于把基督教传播到人们从未听说过上帝之言的蛮荒之地去。所以我们好几年都将见不到他,甚至可能再也见不到了。简,他看上去文静,但却很坚定。我知道他为上帝工作,但看他离去让我心都碎了。”她哭了出来。
 
    Mary wiped her own tears away,as she said,'We've lost our father.Soon we'll lose our brother too!'
     玛丽擦着自己的眼泪,说:“我们失去了父亲,不久又要失去哥哥!”
 
    Just then St John himself entered,reading a letter.'Our uncle John is dead,'he announced.The sisters did not look shocked or sad,but seemed to be waiting for more information.St John gave them the letter to read,and then they all looked at each other,smiling rather tiredly.
     正在这时圣约翰读着一封信走了进来,“咱们的舅舅约翰去世了。”他宣布说。两姊妹看上去既不吃惊也不悲伤,却似乎在等着什么下文。圣约翰把信递给她们看,然后她们相互对视一眼,疲倦地笑了。
 
    'Well,'said Diana,'at least we have enough money to live on.We don't really need any more.'
     “好了,”戴安娜说,“至少我们有足够的钱生活下去。我们真的不需要那么多。”
 
    'Yes,'said St John,'but unfortunately we can imagine how different our lives might have been.'He went out.There was a silence for a few minutes,then Diana turned to me,'Jane,you must be surprised that we don't show any sadness at our uncle's death.I must explain.We've never met him.He was my mother's brother,and he and my father quarrelled years ago about a business deal.That's when my father lost most of his money.My uncle,on the other hand,made a fortune of twenty thousand pounds,As he never married and had no relations apart from us and one other person,my father always hoped we would inherit uncle John's money.But it seems this other relation has inherited his whole fortune.Of course we shouldn't have expected anything,but Mary and I would have felt rich with only a thousand pounds each,and St John would have been able to help more poor people!'She said no more,and none of us referred to the subject again that evening.
     “是的。”圣约翰说。“但不幸的是我们能想像出我们的生活是多么不一样。”他出去了。沉默了几分钟后,戴安娜对我说:“简,我们对舅舅的死显不出一点儿悲哀,你不必惊讶。我必须解释一下。我们从未见过他。他是我母亲的一个兄弟,多年前他和我父亲因为生意上的事大吵了一场。那时我父亲亏了很多钱,而我舅舅却发了财,赚了20 000英镑。他从未结婚,除我们和另一个人之外也没有亲戚,我父亲一直希望我们能继承约翰舅舅的财产。但是似乎另一个人已继承了他的全部遗产。当然我们本不该指望什么,但如果每人有1 000英镑,玛丽和我就会觉得很富裕了,圣约翰也能帮助更多的穷人了。”她没有再说下去,那天晚上谁也没再提起此事。
 
    The next day the Rivers family returned to their separate places of work,and I moved to the cottage in Morton.
     第二天,李维斯一家各自回到不同的工作地点,而我则搬到莫顿的小屋子去了。
 
    
     
 
21 Mr Rivers'sacrifice
     21 李维斯先生的代价
 
    
     
 
    I had twenty village girls to teach,some of them with such a strong country accent that I could hardly communicate with them.Only three could read,and none could write,so at the end of my first day I felt quite depressed at the thought of the hard work ahead of me.But I reminded myself that I was fortunate to have any sort of job,and that I would certainly get used to teaching these girls,who,although they were very poor,might be as good and as intelligent as children from the greatest families in England.
     我给村里的二十个女孩儿上课,有些女孩儿乡下口音很重,我几乎无法和她们交流。只有三人会读书,没有人会写字。所以第一天下来,想到摆在我面前的艰苦工作,我感到非常沮丧。但是我提醒自己能找到任何一份工作对我来说都是幸运的,我一定能习惯教这些孩子,她们尽管很穷,但可能和来自英格兰大家族的孩子一样好,一样聪明。
 
    Ever since I ran away from Thornfield,Mr Rochester had remained in my thoughts,and now,as I stood at my cottage door that first evening,looking at the quiet fields,I allowed myself to imagine again the life I could have had with him in his little white house in the south of France.He would have loved me,oh yes,he would have loved me very much for a while.'He did love me,'I thought,'nobody will ever love me like that again.'But then I told myself that I would only have been his mistress,in a foreign country,and for a short time,until he grew tired of me.I should be much happier here as a schoolteacher,free and honest,in the healthy heart of England.But strangely enough,St John Rivers found me crying as he approached the cottage.Frowning at the sight of the tears on my cheeks,he asked me,
     自从离开特恩费得后,罗切斯特先生一直留在我的脑海里。现在,我在这第一个夜晚站在小屋门口,望着静静的田野,任由自己想象着在法国南部的小白屋里我们会过怎样一种生活。他会爱我。噢,是的,他会一时非常爱我。“他的确爱过我。”我想。“再不会有谁像他那样爱我。”但是我又告诫自己,我只能成为他在异国的情妇,时间不会长,直到他厌倦我了。在这里做教师,生活在英格兰健康的腹地,我会更快活、自由和实在。可奇怪的是当圣约翰来到小屋时,他却发现我在哭泣。他看着我脸颊上的泪痕,皱着眉头问:
 
    'Do you regret accepting this job,then?'
     “那么你后悔了?”
 
    'Oh no,'I replied quickly,'I'm sure I'll get used to it soon.And I'm really very grateful to have a home,and work to do.After all,I had nothing a few weeks ago.'
     “噢,不,”我赶紧说,“我相信我很快会适应的。而且有了家,有了工作,我真的非常感激。无论如何,几星期前我还是一无所有呢!”
 
    'But you feel lonely,perhaps?'he asked,still puzzled.
     “也许你感到孤独?”他仍然不解地问。
 
    'I haven't had time to feel lonely yet.'
     “我还没有时间去感受孤独。”
 
    'Well,I advise you to work hard,and hot to look back into your past.If something which we know is wrong tempts us,then we must make every effort to avoid it,by putting our energy to better use.A year ago I too was very miserable,because I was bored by the routine life of a country vicar,and I was tempted to change my profession.But suddenly there was light in my darkness,and God called me to be a missionary.No profession could be greater than that!Since that moment of truth,I have been perfectly happy,making my preparations for leaving England and going abroad in the service of God.Happy,that is,except for one little human weakness,which I have sworn to overcome.'
     “那么我建议你努力工作,不要去回首往事。如果我们明知是错误的东西在引诱我们,我们就必须尽一切努力避免它,把精力放在更有意义的方面。一年前我也非常痛苦,因为乡村牧师的单调生活让我感到厌倦,我起了换个工作的念头。然而黑暗中突然出现了光明,上帝召唤我去做一名传教士。没有什么职业比这更伟大了!从那个真理显现的时刻起,我就一直非常快乐,准备着离开英格兰,到国外去为上帝效力。这就是快乐,除此之外,我还有一个人性的小弱点需要克服。”
 
    His eyes shone as he spoke of his great purpose in life,and I was listening,fascinated,so neither of us heard the light footsteps approaching the cottage along the grassy path.
     他讲述自己的远大人生目标时,眼睛都亮了,我听着,非常激动,因此我们谁也没有听到沿着长满小草的路走向小屋的脚步声。
 
    'Good evening,Mr Rivers,'said a charming voice,as sweet as a bell.St John jumped as if hit between the shoulders,then turned slowly and stiffly to face the speaker.A vision in white,with a young,girlish figure,was standing beside him.When she threw back her veil,she revealed a face of perfect beauty.St John glanced quickly at her,but dared not look at her for long.He kept his eyes on the ground as he answered,'A lovely evening,but it's late for you to be out alone.'
     “晚上好,李维斯先生。”有人说道,声音优美动人,如银铃般甜美。圣约翰一抖,好像被人从背后打了一下,然后慢慢地、僵硬地转过身去对着来人。他身后站着一个身穿白衣、年轻、有着少女般体态的人。当她撩起面纱时,她现出了姣好完美的面容。圣约翰迅速瞥了她一眼,却不敢长时间看她。他一直盯着脚下回答道:“夜很美,但太晚了,你不该单独出来。”
 
    'Oh,Father told me you'd opened the new girls'school,so I simply had to come to meet the new schoolteacher.That must be you,'she said to me,smiling.'Do you like Morton?And your pupils?And your cottage?'I realized this must be the rich Miss Oliver who had generously furnished my cottage.
     “噢,父亲告诉我你已开办了新的女童学校,所以我必须来见见新老师。一定是你了。”她笑着对我说。“你喜欢莫顿吗?还有你的学生呢?你的小屋呢?”我意识到这一定是有钱的奥利弗小姐,她慷慨地为我的小屋提供了家具。
 
    'Yes,indeed Miss Oliver,''I'replied.'I'm sure 'I'll enjoy teaching here.And I like my cottage very much.'
     “的确喜欢,奥利弗小姐。”我答道。“我肯定会喜欢在这里教书,并且我非常喜欢我的小屋。”
 
    'I'll come and help you teach sometimes.I get so bored at home!Mr Rivers, I've been away visiting friends,you know.I've had such fun!I was dancing with the officers until two o'clock this morning!They're all so charming!'
     “我有时会来帮你教书的,我在家里待得无聊。李维斯先生,我出门看朋友去了,过得非常愉快!我一直和军官们跳舞到凌晨两点钟。他们都太迷人了!”
 
    St John's face looked sterner than usual and his lip curled in disapproval,as he lifted his handsome head and looked straight into Miss Oliver's laughing eyes.He breathed deeply and his chest rose,as if his heart wanted to fly out of its cage,but he said nothing,and after a pause Miss Oliver continued,'Do come and visit my father,Mr Rivers.Why don't you ever come?'
     当圣约翰抬起英俊的脸而直视奥利弗小姐一双满含笑意的脸时,他的脸比平时变得更加严肃,嘴角向下撇着表示不以为然。他深深地吸了一口气,胸膛鼓了起来,好像他的心要飞出牢笼一般,然而他什么也没说。沉默一阵后,奥利弗小姐继续说:“请一定来看望我父亲,李维斯先生。你为什么不来呢?”
 
    'I can't come,Miss Rosamund.'It seemed clear to me that St John had to struggle with himself to refuse this smiling invitation.
     “罗莎蒙特小姐,我不能去。”我明显看出圣约翰必须努力克制自己,不接受这带着微笑的邀请。
 
    'Well,if you don't want to,I must go home then.
     “好吧,如果你不想去,我就得回家了。
 
    Goodbye!'She held out her hand.He just touched it,his hand trembling.
     再见!”她伸出手去。他只是碰了碰,手直发抖。
 
    'Goodbye!'he said in a low,hollow voice,his face as white as a sheet.They walked away in different directions.She turned back twice to look at him,but he did not turn round at all.
     “再见!”他用空落落的声音低声说,脸也变得像纸一样苍白。他们朝不同的方向走去。她两次回过头来看着他,而他根本没有转过一次身。
 
    The sight of another person's suffering and sacrifice stopped me thinking so much about my own problems.I had plenty of opportunities to observe St John and Miss Oliver together.Every day St John taught one Bible lesson at the school,and Miss Oliver,who knew her power over him,always chose that particular moment to arrive at the school door,in her most attractive riding dress.She used to walk past the rows of admiring pupils towards the young vicar,smiling openly at him.He just stared at her,as if he wanted to say,' I love you,and I know you love me.If I offered you my heart,I think you'd accept.But my heart is already promised as a sacrifice to God.'But he never said anything,and she always turned sadly away like a disappointed child.No doubt he would have given the world to call her back,but he would not give his chance of heaven.
     看到别人的痛苦和牺牲,使我暂时不再去想自己的问题。我有很多机会观察圣约翰和奥利弗小姐。每天圣约翰在学校上一次圣经课,而奥利弗小姐明白自己对他的影响力,总是挑这个时候,穿着迷人的骑装,来到学校门口。她常常在孩子们钦慕的注视下走向年轻的牧师,毫不掩饰地向他微笑着。他只是注视着她,好像想说:“我爱你,我也知道你爱我。如果我把心交给你,我想你会接受的,但我的心已经答应奉献给上帝。”可他从来不说什么,而她也总是像个失望的孩子一样伤心地离去。毫无疑问他可以放弃世上的一切唤她回来,但却不能放弃他进入天堂的机会。
 
    When I discovered that Miss Oliver's father greatly admired the Rivers family,and would have no objection to her marrying a vicar,I decided to try to persuade St John to marry her.I thought he could do more good with Miss Oliver's money in England than as a missionary under the baking sun in the East.
     我发现奥利弗小姐的父亲非常尊重李维斯一家,决不会反对女儿嫁给一个牧师,便决定说服奥利弗和她结婚。我觉得,与在东方的骄阳下做什么传教士相比,他有了奥利弗小姐的财产,可以在英格兰做更多善事。
 
    My chance came some weeks later,when he visited me one November evening in my little cottage.He noticed a sketch I had been doing of Miss Oliver,and could not take his eyes off it.
     几个星期后,我找到了机会。11月的一个晚上,他到小屋来看我。他注意到我为奥利弗小姐画的一幅素描,无法把目光从上面移开。
 
    'I could paint you an exact copy,'I said gently,'if you admit that you would like it.'
     “如果你承认你喜欢,我可以为你画一幅更细的。”我轻声说。
 
    'She's so beautiful!'he murmured,still looking at it.'I would certainly like to have it.'
     “她太美了!”他喃喃地说,目光仍然盯着画。“我当然愿意要一张。”
 
    'She likes you,I'm sure,'I said,greatly daring,'and her father respects you.You ought to marry her.'
     “我敢肯定她喜欢你。”我大胆地说。“他父亲也尊重你,你应该娶她。”
 
    'It's very pleasant to hear this,'he said,not at all shocked by my honesty.'I shall allow myself fifteen minutes to think about her.'And he actually put his watch on the table,and sat back in his chair,closing his eyes.'Married to the lovely Rosamund Oliver!Let me just imagine it!My heart is full of delight!'And there was silence for a quarter of an hour until he picked up his watch,and put the sketch back on the table.
     “很高兴听你这么说。”他说,一点儿也不为我的坦率感到惊讶。“我给我自己十五分钟来想她。”他真的将表放在桌上,然后靠到椅子上,闭上了眼睛。“和可爱的罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐结婚!让我想像一下吧!我心中充满了快乐!”一刻钟里寂静无声,然后他拿起手表,把素描放回桌上。
 
    'Temptation has a bitter taste,'he said,shaking his head.'I can't marry her.You see,although I love her so deeply,I know that Rosamund would not make a good wife for a missionary.
     “诱惑是苦涩的。”他摇着头说。“我不能和她结婚。你知道,尽管我深深地爱着她,但我知道罗莎蒙特不会成为一个传教士的好妻子。”
 
    'But you needn't be a missionary!'I cried.
     “可你不一定非做传教士啊!”我叫道。
 
    'Indeed I must!It's the great work God has chosen me to do!I shall carry with me into the darkest corners of the world knowledge,peace,freedom,religion,the hope of heaven!That is what I live for,and what I shall die for!'
     “我当然必须做!这是上帝选择我去做的伟大工作!我要给世界上最黑暗的角落带去知识、和平、自由、宗教和天堂的希望。我为此而生,也将为此而死!”
 
    'What about Miss Oliver?'I asked after a moment.'She may be very disappointed if you don't marry her.'
     “那奥利弗小姐怎么办?”我过了一会儿问。“你不娶她,她可能会非常失望。”
 
    'Miss Oliver will forget me in a month,and will probably marry someone who'll make her far happier than I ever could!'
     “奥利弗小姐一个月后就会把我忘掉,可能会嫁给一个比我更能使她幸福的人!”
 
    'You speak calmly,but I know you're suffering.'
     “你说起来轻松,但我知道你很痛苦。”
 
    'You are original,'he said,looking surprised.He had clearly not imagined that men and women could discuss such deep feelings together.'But believe me,I have overcome this weakness of mine,and become as hard as a rock.My only ambition now is to serve God.'As he picked up his hat before leaving,something on a piece of paper on the table caught his eye.He glanced at me,then tore off a tiny piece very quickly,and with a rapid'Goodbye!'rushed out of the cottage.I could not imagine what he had found to interest him so much.
     “你真有创见!”他惊奇地说。显然他想像不出男女之间还可以一起讨论这样深层的情感问题。“不过,相信我,我已经克服了自己的这个弱点,变得如顽石般坚强。我现在唯一的志向就是为上帝服务。”他拿起帽子正要离去,桌上纸上的什么东西吸引了他的注意力。他看了我一眼,然后迅速撕下一个小角。他匆匆说声“再见!”便冲出了小屋。我搞不清他发现了什么让他这么感兴趣的东西。
 
    
     
 
   22 Sudden wealth
     22 财从天降
 
    
     
 
    When St John left,it was beginning to snow,and it continued snowing all night and all the next day.In the evening I sat by my fire,listening to the wind blowing outside,and had just started reading when I heard a noise.The wind,I thought,was shaking the door,but no,it was St John,who came in out of the frozen darkness,his coat covered in snow.
     圣约翰离开时,天下起雪来,持续了一晚上和第二天一天。晚上,我坐在炉边,听着屋外呼啸的风声。我正要开始看书,突然听到什么响动。我想是风吹动门的声音吧,但不是,是圣约翰。他从寒夜中走进来,身上披满雪花。
 
    'what's happened?'I cried,amazed.'I thought nobody would be out in weather like this!What's the matter?'
     “出了什么事?”我惊讶地问。“我以为没人会在这种鬼天气里外出。怎么啦?”
 
    'There's nothing wrong,'he answered calmly,hanging up his coat,and stamping the snow from his boots.'I just came to have a little talk to you.Besides,since yesterday I've been eager to hear the other half of your story.'He sat down.I had no idea what he was referring to,and remembering his strange behaviour with the piece of paper,I began to fear that he might be going mad.He looked quite normal,however,and we made conversation for a while,although he seemed to be thinking of something else.
     “没出什么事。”他平静地说,一边挂好帽子,并跺掉靴子上的积雪。“我只是要跟你谈谈。另外,从昨天开始,我很想听听你的另外一部分故事。”他坐了下来。我摸不清他指的是什么,想起他昨晚撕纸的奇怪举动,我开始担心他是不是要疯了。但是,他看上去一切正常,我们说了会儿话,不过他显然在想着别的事情。
 
    Suddenly he said,'When I arrived I said I wanted to hear the rest of your story.But perhaps it's better if I tell the story.I'm afraid you've heard it before,but listen anyway.Twenty years ago a poor vicar fell in love with a rich man's daughter.She also fell in love with him,and married him,against the advice of all her family.Sadly,less than two years later the couple were both dead.I've seen their grave.Their baby daughter was brought up by an aunt,a Mrs Reed of Gateshead.You jumped— did you hear a noise? I'll continue.I don't know whether the child was happy with Mrs Reed,but she stayed there ten years,until she went to Lowood school,where you were yourself.In fact,it seems her life was quite similar to yours.She became a teacher at Lowood,as you did,and then became a governess in the house of a certain Mr Rochester.'
     突然,他说:“我刚才到的时候,说我想听听你另一部分故事,不过也许由我来讲更好。也许你以前听过,但还是再听听吧!二十年前,一个穷牧师爱上了一个富家的女儿,女孩也爱上了他,和他结了婚,违背了家庭的意愿。不幸的是,不到两年,他们便双双去世。我曾见到他们的墓。他们的小女儿由舅妈——盖茨赫德的里德太太抚养长大。你抖了一下,是听到什么动静了吗?我接着说。我不知道孩子跟着里德太太生活得是否幸福,但她在那儿住了十年,直到去洛伍德上学。你也在那儿待过。实际上,她的生活经历似乎和你很像。然后,她成了一位罗切斯特先生家的家庭教师。”
 
    'Mr Rivers!'I interrupted,unable to keep silent.
     “李维斯先生!”我无法再保持沉默,打断了他。
 
    'I can imagine how you feel,'he replied,'but wait till I've finished.I don't know anything about Mr Rochester's character,but I do know that he offered to marry this young girl,who only discovered during the wedding ceremony that he was in fact already married,to a mad woman.The governess disappeared soon after this,and although investigations have been carried out,and advertisements placed in newspapers,and every effort made to find her,nobody knows where she's gone.But she must be found!Mr Briggs,a lawyer,has something very important to tell her.'
     “我能够想像你的感受,”他答道。“不过,还是先听我说完。我不了解罗切斯特先生的性格,但他提出要娶这位年轻姑娘。姑娘是在婚礼上才发现他已经结婚,妻子是个疯女人。此后不久家庭教师很快失踪了。尽管进行了调查,报上登了启事,用尽了一切办法寻找她,还是没人知道她的下落。但是,必须要找到她!律师布莱格斯先生有重要的事要跟她说。”
 
    'Just tell me one thing,'I said urgently.'What about Mr Rochester?How and where is he?What's he doing?Is he well?'
     “就告诉我一件事。”我急切地说。“罗切斯特先生怎么了?他现在怎么样?在哪儿?在做什么?他好吗?”
 
    'I know nothing about Mr Rochester.Why don't you ask the name of the governess,and why everybody is looking for her?'
     “我对罗切斯特先生一无所知。你为什么不问问家庭教师的名字,以及为什么大家都在找她?”
 
    'Did Mr Briggs write to Mr Rochester?'I asked.
     “布莱格斯先生给罗切斯特先生写信了吗?”我问。
 
    'He did,but he received an answer not from him,but from the housekeeper,a Mrs Fairfax.'
     “他写过,但回信的不是他,而是管家,一位费尔法斯太太。”
 
    I felt cold and unhappy.No doubt Mr Rochester had left England for a life of wild pleasure in the cities of Europe.That was what I had been afraid of.Oh,my poor master—once almost my husband—who I had often called' my dear Edward'!
     我感到身上发冷,很不高兴。无疑罗切斯特先生又离开英格兰到欧洲的城市去寻欢作乐了,这正是我所担心的。噢,我可怜的主人,差点儿成了我的丈夫,我曾经常称做“我亲爱的爱德华”的人!
 
    'As you won't ask the governess's name,I'll tell you myself,'continued St John.'I've got it written down.It's always better to have facts in black and white.'And he took out of his wallet a tiny piece of paper,which I recognized as part of my sketch book,and showed it to me.On it I read,in my own writing,'JANE EYRE',which I must have written without thinking.
     “既然你不问家庭教师的名字,我来告诉你。”圣约翰接着说。“我有笔头证据,最好还是白纸黑字清楚些。”他拿出钱包,从里面抽出一张小纸片,拿给我看。我认出那是我速写本上的,上面是我自己的亲笔字“简·爱”,这一定是我无意之中写上去的。
 
    'The advertisements and Briggs spoke of a Jane Eyre,but I only knew a Jane Elliott,'said St John.'Are you Jane Eyre?'
     “布莱格斯先生及启事中提到一个简·爱,但我只认识一个简·艾略特。”圣约翰说。“你是简·爱吗?”
 
    'Yes—yes,but doesn't Mr Briggs know anything about Mr Rochester?'I asked desperately.
     “是的,是的,可布莱格斯先生就没有罗切斯特先生的消息吗?”我迫不急待地问。
 
    'I don't think Briggs is at all interested in Mr Rochester.You're forgetting the really important thing.Don't you want to know why he's been looking for you?'
     “我觉得布莱格斯先生对罗切斯特先生毫无兴趣,你忘了真正重要的事。你想知道他为什么在找你吗?”
 
    'Well,what did he want?'I asked,almost rudely.
     “好吧,他究竟想要什么?”我几乎无礼地问。
 
    'Only to tell you that your uncle,Mr Eyre of Madeira,is dead,that he has left you all his property,and that you're now rich—only that,nothing more.'
     “只是想告诉你,你舅舅,马迪拉的爱先生去世了,他把财产留给了你,你现在富有了。就这些,再没别的了。”
 
    Rich!One moment I was poor,the next moment I was wealthy.It was hard to realize my new situation.A fortune brings serious worries and responsibilities with it,which I could hardly imagine.I was sorry to hear that my uncle,my only surviving relation,was dead.However,the inheritance would give me independence for life,and I was glad of that.
     富有!一时我很穷,一时我又富了。我很难意识到自己的新境遇。一笔财富可以带来我根本无法想像的担忧和责任。听到我唯一活着的亲人我的舅舅去世了,我感到很难过。但是继承遗产可以让我独立生活,这点我很高兴。
 
    'Perhaps you would like to know how much you've inherited?'offered St John politely.'It's nothing much really,just twenty thousand pounds,I think.'
     “或许你想知道你继承了多少财产?”圣约翰客气地说。“其实并不很多,我想只有20 000英镑。”
 
    'Twenty thousand pounds?'The news took my breath away.St John,who I had never heard laugh before,actually laughed out loud at my shocked face.'Perhaps…perhaps you've made a mistake?'I asked him nervously.
     “20 000英镑?”这消息让我停止了呼吸。我从未听到过圣约翰的笑声,这时他看到我吃惊的样子,不禁大笑了起来。“也许……也许你搞错了。”我胆怯地问他。
 
    'No,there's no mistake.Now I must be leaving.Good night.'He was about to open the door,when suddenly I called,' Stop!Why did Mr Briggs write to you in order to find me?'
     “不,没有错。现在我得走了,晚安。”他正要开门,我突然喊道:“站住!为什么布莱格斯找我要写信给你?”
 
    'Oh,I'm a vicar.I have ways of discovering things.'
     “哦,我是牧师,有途径找到。”
 
    'No,that doesn't satisfy me.Tell me the truth,'I insisted,putting myself between him and the door.
     “不,我不满意你的话,告诉我实情。”我坚持道,站在门前挡住他。
 
    'Well,I'd rather not tell you just now,but I suppose you'll discover it sooner or later.Did you know that my full name is St John Eyre Rivers?'
     “我本不想现在告诉你,不过我想你早晚也会知道。你知道不知道我的全名叫圣约翰·爱·李维斯?”
 
    'No,I didn't!But then what—'And I stopped as light flooded my mind and I saw clearly the chain of circumstances which connected us.But St John continued his explanation.
     “不,不知道!不过,那么这就是说……”我停住了,脑子里念头一闪,开始明白联系我们之间的那一连串的事情。但圣约翰继续解释着。
 
    'My mother's name was Eyre,'he said.'She had two brothers,one,a vicar,who married Miss Jane Reed of Gateshead,and the other,John Eyre of Madeira.Mr Briggs,Mr Eyre's lawyer,wrote to us telling us that our uncle had died,and left all his property,not to us,because of his quarrel with our father,but to his brother's daughter.Then Mr Briggs wrote again later,saying this girl could not be found.Well,I've found her.'He moved towards the door,his hat in his hand.
     “我母亲姓爱。”他说。“她有两个哥哥,一个是牧师,娶了盖茨赫德的简·里德小姐,另一个就是马迪拉的约翰·爱。布莱格斯先生是爱先生的律师,他写信告诉我们舅舅死了。因为和我们的父亲吵架,他没有把财产留给我们,而是给了他弟弟的女儿。后来布莱格斯先生又写信来,说找不到那位姑娘。不过,我把你找到了。”他手里拿着帽子朝门口走去。
 
    'Wait a moment,just let me think,'I said.'So you,Diana and Mary are my cousins?'
     “等一等,让我想想。”我说。“那么戴安娜和玛丽是我的表姐妹了?”
 
    'We are your cousins,yes,'he said,waiting patiently.
     “是的,我们是你的表亲。”他耐心地等待着。
 
    As I looked at him,it seemed I had found a brother and sisters to love and be proud of for the rest of my life.The people who had saved my life were my close relations!This was wealth indeed to a lonely heart,brighter and more life-giving than the heavy responsibility of coins and gold.
     我看着他,好像自己找到了一个哥哥和两个姐姐,可以一辈子爱他们,并以他们为荣。原来救了我的命的人竟是我的近亲!对一颗孤独的心来说,这的确是一笔财富,比金钱带来的沉重负担更能照亮我的生命。
 
    'Oh,I'm glad—I'm so glad!'I cried,laughing.
     “啊,我真高兴——我真高兴!”我笑着,叫着。
 
    St John smiled.'You were serious when I told you you had inherited a fortune.Now you're excited about something very unimportant.'
     圣约翰笑了。“我跟你说你继承了财产时你很严肃,现在对这无关紧要的事你倒激动起来了。”
 
    'What can you mean?It may mean nothing to you.You already have sisters and don't need any more family.But I had nobody,and now I suddenly have three relations in my world,or two,if you don't want to be counted.'I walked rapidly round the room,my thoughts rising so fast I could hardly understand them.The family I now had, the people who had saved me from starvation,I could now help them!There were the four of us cousins.Twenty thousand pounds,shared equally,would be five thousand pounds each,more than enough for each one of us.It would be a fair and just arrangement,and we would all be happy.I would no longer have the worry of controlling a large amount of money,and they would never have to work again.We would all be able to spend more time together at Moor House.
     “你这是什么意思?这可能对你毫无意义。你已经有两个妹妹,不再需要什么亲人了。可是我没有一个亲人,而现在我的世界里却突然有了三个亲人,或许是两个,如果你不愿被称做一个的话。”我在屋里急步踱着,脑子里的念头一个接一个地闪现,我自己都搞不懂了。我现在的亲人,这些曾从饥饿中拯救过我的人,我如今可以帮助他们!我们表兄妹四个,均分 20 000英镑,每人可得5 000英镑,足够用的。这样安排公平合理,我们大家都会感到高兴,我也不必再为掌握着这么多钱而担心,她们也不必再工作了。我们可以有更多的时间一起生活在摩尔屋了。
 
    Naturally,when I made this suggestion to St John and his sisters,they protested strongly,and it was with great difficulty that I finally managed to convince them of my firm intention to carry out this plan.In the end they agreed that it was a fair way of sharing the inheritance,and so the legal steps were taken to transfer equal shares to all of us.
     我向圣约翰和他的妹妹们提出这个建议时,他们坚决反对。我费了很大力气才说服她们我一定要这样办。最后他们终于同意这样分配遗产是公平的,于是我们办理了必要的法律手续,把财产平均划到每个人名下。
 
    
     
 


  23 A voice from the past
     23 往昔的呼唤
 
    
     
 
    I promised to stay at Morton school until Christmas,when St John would be able to find another teacher.He was there when I closed the school for the Christmas holidays.I was quite sorry to have to say goodbye to some of my pupils.
     我答应在莫顿的那个学校住到圣诞节,那时圣约翰会找到另外一位教师。圣诞节放假时他在学校。要和我的一些学生道别,我感到很难过。
 
    'You see what progress they have made!And you've only worked here a few months!'he said.'Imagine how much more good you coul do if you gave your whole life to teaching!'
     “你瞧她们进步多大!而你才工作了不过几个月的时间!”他说。“想像一下,如果你一生从事教育会成就多大的善事啊!”
 
    'Yes,'I answered,'but I couldn't do it for ever.Don't mention school,I'm on holiday now!'
     “是的,”我答道,“但我不能一直教下去。别提学校了,我现在放假了!”
 
    He looked serious.'What are your plans?'
     他表情严肃起来:“你有什么打算?”
 
    'I want you to let me have Hannah for a few days.She and I are going to clean Moor House from top to bottom,and make all the Christmas preparations that you know nothing about,being only a man.Everything must be ready for Diana and Mary when they come home next week,for a really wonderful holiday.'
     “我想请你把汉娜借给我几天。我要和她从上到下彻底打扫摩尔屋,做好各种圣诞节的准备。你一个男人,对此一无所知。戴安娜和玛丽下星期回家时,应该一切就绪,我们要过一个真正精彩的节日。”
 
    St John smiled but he was still not satisfied with me.'That's all right for the moment,but I hope,Jane,that you'll look higher than domestic activity,and think abut a better way of using your energy and intelligence in the service of God.'
     圣约翰笑了,但他对我还不满足。“眼下这样很好。不过,简,我希望你能超越家居琐事,看得更高一点,思考一下用更好的办法以你的精力和智慧为上帝服务。”
 
    'St John,I have so many reasons for happiness.I am determined to be happy despite your scolding!'
     “圣约翰,我高兴的原因太多了。尽管你批评我,我还是下决心要快快乐乐的。”
 
    That week Hannah and I worked harder than we had ever worked in our lives before,but at last all was ready.It was a delight to see Diana's and Mary's faces when they arrived cold and stiff from their long journey,and saw the warm fires and polished furniture,and smelt the cakes and meat dishes cooking.
     那一星期里,我和汉娜干得比任何时候都卖力,不过一切终于就绪了。戴安娜和玛丽经过长途跋涉到家时都冻僵了。她们看到了温暖的炉火,锃亮的家具,还闻到了蛋糕和炉子上炖肉的香味。又见到她们的面真让人高兴。
 
    We three spent the whole of Christmas week in perfect happiness.The air of the moors,the freedom of home,and the beginning of independence made Diana and Mary happier than I had ever seen them.Only St John remained apart from our conversations and laughter.He continued his serious studies,and spent much time visiting the sick as usual.
     圣诞节的一星期里,我们三人过得兴高采烈。沼泽地上的空气、家中的自由自在以及独立生活的开始,使戴安娜和玛丽显得比我见过的任何时候都要高兴。只有圣约翰没有加入我们的谈话和欢笑。他继续他的学习,并像往常一样花许多时间看望病人。
 
    'Do you still intend to be a missionary?'Diana asked him once,a little sadly.
     “你还想做一个传教土吗?”戴安娜一次有点儿伤心地问他。
 
    'Nothing has changed or will change my plans,'he answered.'I shall leave England in a few months'time.'
     “什么也没有改变,什么也改变不了我的打算。”他回答说。“我几个月后就离开英格兰。”
 
    'And Rosamund Oliver?'asked Mary gently.
     “那罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐呢?”玛丽轻声问。
 
    'Rosamund Oliver is engaged to a Mr Granby,a very suitable young man,according to her father.'His face was calm.I realized he had managed to overcome what he called his weakness.
     “罗莎蒙特·奥利弗小姐已经和一位格兰比先生订婚,据她父亲说,是个很匹配的年轻人。”他表情很平静。我意识到他已克服了他所说的所谓的弱点。
 
    Gradually our life at Moor House lost its holiday feeling,and as we took up our usual habits and regular studies again,St John sat with us more often.Sometimes I had the impression he was observing us.One day,when Diana and Mary were out and I was learning German,he suddenly said to me,'I want you to learn Hindustani instead of German.I'll need it for my missionary work in India,and you could help me to learn it by studying with me.I've chosen you because I've noticed you have better powers of concentration than either of my sisters.'It seemed so important to him that I could not refuse,and when his sisters returned,they were surprised to find me learning Hindustani with St John.
     在摩尔屋的生活渐渐褪去了节日的气氛,我们又开始按老习惯生活,进行正常的学习,圣约翰和我们在一起的时间多起来。有时候我感到他在观察我们。一天,戴安娜和玛丽出门了,我正在学习德语,他突然对我说:“我想让你学印度斯坦语,而不是德语。我在印度做传教士的工作需要它,你和我一起学可以帮助我。我之所以选择你,是因为我觉得你比我的两个妹妹更能集中精力。”这对他似乎至关重要,使我难以拒绝。两姐妹回来时,看到我正和圣约翰学习印度斯坦语,感到非常惊讶。
 
    From now on we spent a lot of time together,studying.I had to work very hard to satisfy him.Under his influence,however,I felt I was losing my freedom to be myself.I could no longer talk or laugh freely,as I knew he only approved of serious moods and studies.I fell under his freezing spell,obeying all his commands without thinking.
     从此我们常在一起学习,我必须非常刻苦才能使他满意。但是,在他的影响下我感到我正在失去保持自我的自由。因为我知道他只赞赏严肃认真的态度和学习,我不能再自由地说笑。我好像被他施了定身术,不假思索地服从着他所有的命令。
 
    One evening,at bedtime,as he kissed his sisters good night,and was holding out his hand to shake mine,as usual,Diana said,laughing,'St John!You aren't treating Jane like one of the family!You should kiss her too.'I was rather embarrassed,but St John calmly kissed me,and did so every evening after that.
     一天晚上,就寝的时间到了,他吻了两个妹妹,并道晚安,又像往常那样伸出手来握我的手。戴安娜笑着说:“圣约翰,你没把简当做一家人来对待!你也应该吻她。”我很尴尬,但圣约翰平静地吻了我。此后每天晚上都这样。
 
    I had not forgotten Mr Rochester in all these changes of home and fortune.His name was written on my heart,and would stay there as long as I lived.Not only had I written to ask Mr Briggs more about him,I had also written twice to Mrs Fairfax.But after I had waited in vain for six months,I lost hope,and felt low indeed.Diana said I looked ill,and needed a holiday at the seaside,but St John thought I ought to concentrate on more serious work,and gave me even more Hindustani exercises to do.
     在所有这些关于家庭与财富的变迁发生的过程中,我始终不能忘记罗切斯特先生。他的名字已写在我心上,只要我活着,就永远不会消失。我不仅越来越多地给布莱格斯先生写信,打听他的消息,还给费尔法斯太太去过两封信。但是空等了半年,我不抱希望了,感到无比沮丧。戴安娜说我看上去不舒服,需要到海边去疗养,然而圣约翰却说我应该集中精力多做些正经的事,还给我更多的印度斯坦语练习来做。
 
    One day,while he and I were walking on the moors,he announced,'Jane,I'll be leaving in six weeks.'
     一天,当他和我在沼泽地上散步时,他宣布:“简,我六星期后离开。”
 
    'You're doing God's work.He'll protect you,'I replied.
     “你在为上帝工作。他会保护你。”我说。
 
    'Yes,it seems strange to me that all my friends don't want to join me.God offers a place in heaven to all who serve Him.What does your heart say to that,Jane?'
     “是的,奇怪的是我的朋友没有一个愿与我同行。上帝给所有为他服务的人在天堂都准备好了地方。简,你的心对此有什么回答?”
 
    'My heart is silent—my heart is silent,'I murmured.
     “我的心是沉默的——我的心是沉默的。”我喃喃道。
 
    'Then I must speak for it,'said the deep,stern voice.'Jane,come with me to India as a missionary!'
     “那么我就必须替它说话了。”他用严肃低沉的声音说。“简,跟我一起去印度做传教士吧!”
 
    Was it a call from God?I felt as if I was under a terrible spell,and I trembled,afraid that I might not be able to escape.
     这是上帝的召唤吗?我感到自己被附上了可怕的咒语,我颤抖着,害怕自己无法逃脱出来。
 
    'Oh St John,don't choose me!'I begged.But it was useless appealing to a man who always did what he believed to be his duty,however unpleasant it was.
     “噢,圣约翰,别选择我。”我乞求着。然而他一向认为自己在履行责任,无论那是多么不愉快;向这样的人乞求是徒劳的。
 
    'God intended you to be a missionary's wife,'he continued.'Trust in Him,Jane.Marry me,for the service of God.'
     “上帝要让你成为一个传教士的妻子。”他接着说。“简,相信我。嫁给我,为上帝服务。”
 
    'I can't do it,St John,I'm not strong enough!'I cried.The iron bars of a cage seemed to be closing in around me.
     “圣约翰,我不能,我不够坚强。”我大声说。牢笼的铁条似乎正从四面向我逼近。
 
    'I've seen how hard you can work,Jane.You will be a great help to me with Indian women,and in Indian schools.'
     “简,我看到了你工作起来有多么刻苦。你可以在印度妇女中、在印度学校里给我很大帮助。”
 
    I thought,' Yes,I could do that.But I know that he doesn't love me, and despite that, he asks me to marry him!'So I said,
     我心想:“是的,我能够做到,但我知道他不爱我。尽管这样,他还让我嫁给他!”于是我说:
 
    'I'm ready to go with you to India,but as a sister, not as a wife.'
     “我准备跟你去印度,但是做为妹妹,而不是妻子。”
 
    He shook his head.'You must see that's impossible. No, a sister could marry at any time, and leave me.I need a wife,who will obey me in life, and who will stay with me until death.'
     他摇摇头。“你要知道那是不可能的。不行,妹妹随时可以嫁人,离我而去。我需要一个妻子,在生活中听命于我,并伴我至死。”
 
    I trembled as I felt his power over me already.'I'll give my heart to Good,'I said.'You don't want it.'As I looked at his stern face, I knew I could go anywhere in the world with him as a colleague, but I could never lose my freedom by marrying him.
     我发起抖来,因为我已感受到他的力量在控制着我。“我会把心交给上帝。”我说。“你不需要的。”我望着他紧绷的脸,知道我可以做为同事伴他到天涯海角,但我永远不能为与他结婚而失去我的自由。
 
    'I'll ask you again in a few days'time, he said,'and remember, it isn't me you're refusing, but God!'
     “我几天以后再问你一次。”他说。“记住,你拒绝的不是我,而是上帝!”
 
    From then on his manner towards me was as cold as ice,which caused me great pain.I began to understand how,if I were his wife, this good, religious man could soon kill me,without feeling any guilt at all.
     此后他对我的态度便冷若冰霜,使我非常痛苦。我开始明白,如果我是他的妻子,这个善良、虔诚的男人会很快要了我的命,而自己却不感到丝毫的愧疚。
 
    When he asked me again, we were alone in the sitting-room. He put his hand on my head and spoke quietly in his deep, sincere voice.'Remember, Jane, God calls us to work for Him,and will reward us for it.Say you will marry me,and earn your place in heaven!'I admired and respected him,and under his touch my mind was changing. I was tempted to stop struggling against him, as I had been tempted before,in a different way, by Mr Rochester.The missionary gently held my hand.I could resist his anger, but not his gentleness.I desperately wanted to do what was right.
     他第二次问我时,我们正单独坐在客厅里。他将手放在我的头上,用深沉而真诚的声音轻声地说:“简,记住,上帝呼唤我们为他工作,并将为此奖赏我们。说,你会嫁给我,去争取你在天堂的位置。”我仰慕他、尊重他,在他的触摸下我的想法开始变化。我有些想停止对他的反抗,就像过去在另一种情形下受到罗切斯特先生的诱惑一样。传教士温柔地握着我的手。我可以抵抗他的气愤,却无法抗拒他的温柔。我竭力想把事情做对。
 
    'If I felt certain,'I answered finally,'that God really wanted me to marry you, I would agree!'
     我最后说:“如果我的确感到上帝真的想让我和你结婚,我会同意的。”
 
    'My prayers are heard!'cried St John. Close together we stood, waiting for a sign from heaven. I was more excited than I had ever been before. There was a total silence in the house,and the room was full of moonlight.Suddenly my heart stopped beating, and I heard a distant voice cry,'Jane! Jane!Jane!'—nothing more.Where did it come from?It was the voice of Edward Rochester, and it spoke in sadness and in pain.
     “我的祈祷显灵了!”圣约翰叫道。我们紧紧站在一起,等待来自天堂的信号。我从未像现在这样激动。屋里一片寂静,月光洒了一地。突然,我的心好像停止了跳动。我听到一个遥远的声音呼唤着:“简!简!简!”再没有别的了。这是从哪儿传来的?这是罗切斯特先生的声音,悲伤而痛苦。
 
    'I'm coming!'I cried.'Wait for me!'I ran into the garden calling,'Where are you?'Only the hills sent a faint echo back.
     “我来了!”我喊着。“等等我!”我跑进花园喊着:“你在哪儿?”只有山丘隐约的回声。
 
    I broke away from St John, who had followed, asking me questions.It was my time to give orders now. I told him to leave me, and he obeyed.In my room I fell to my knees to thank God for the sign He had sent me, and waited eagerly for daylight.
     我从圣约翰身边挣脱着跑出来,他跟在我后面追问着。现在该轮到我下命令了。我让他离开我,他遵从了。回到自己的房间后,我跪到地上。感谢上帝给我带来的讯息。我急切地盼着天亮。
 
    
     
 


Part Five A wife at Ferndean Manor 24 Returning to Thornfield
     第五部 枫丹庄园的女主人 24 回到特恩费得
 
    
     
 
    In the morning I explained to Diana and Mary that I had to go on a journey, and would be away for several days. Although they did not know the reason for my journey,they were far too sensitive to my feelings to bother me with questions.
     早晨,我跟戴安娜和玛丽解释说我必须出门,离开几天。尽管她们不知道我出门的原因,但她们都小心地顾及着我的感觉,没有多问什么。
 
    And so I walked to Whitcross,the lonely crossroads on the moor,where I had arrived a year ago with no money or luggage.I took the coach, and after thirty-six hours of travelling I got down at Thornfield village, and almost ran across the fields in my hurry to see the well-known house again,and its owner.I decided to approach from the front, to get the best view of the house. From there I would be able to see my master's window.'He might even be walking in the gardens,'I thought,'and I could run to him,touch him!Surely that wouldn't hurt anybody?'
     于是我走到威特考斯。一年前,我曾身无分文来到这块沼泽地上的十字路口。我乘上马车,经过36个小时的旅程,在特恩费得村下了车。我几乎是跑着走过田野,急切地想再次看到那熟悉的老屋和它的主人。我决定从前面过去,以便看得更清楚些。从这个角度我能见到主人房间的窗户。“他或许就在花园散步呢!”我想。“我可以向他跑过去,抚摸他!这肯定不会伤了谁吧?”
 
    But when I reached the great stone columns of the main gate,I stood still in horror. There, where I had hoped to see a fine, impressive house, was nothing but a blackened heap of stones,with the silence of death about it.No wonder that letters addressed to people here had never received an answer.There must have been a great fire.How had it started?Had any lives been lost? I ran back to the village to find answers to my questions.
     但是,当我来到大门的巨大石柱下时,我呆站着,心中充满恐惧。我原本希望看到一座府第巍然矗立的地方,此时却只剩下几堆焦黑的石头,周围是死一般的寂静。难怪写给这里的人的信,没有一点儿回音呢。一定是发生了大火灾,怎么引起的呢?有人死去吗?我跑回村子去寻找答案。
 
    'Well,ma'am,'the hotel-owner told me,'I was one of Mr Rochester's servants at the time, and I can tell you it was his mad wife who started the fire in the governess's room. The master had been wildly in love with the governess, you see,ma'am, although she was just a plain little thing, and when she disappeared, he almost went mad. His wife must have understood enough to be jealous of the girl.Anyway,in the fire the master risked his life helping all the servants out of the house, then bravely went back to save the mad woman. We saw her jump from the roof and fall to her death. But because he went back to help her,he was badly injured in the fire,losing a hand and the sight of both eyes.Very sad, ma'am.'
     “是这样,女士。”旅馆的店主对我说。“我曾是罗切斯特先生的一个仆人,我可以告诉你,一定是他的疯老婆在家庭教师的房间里放了火。女士,你知道,尽管她只是个不起眼的小东西,可是主人却疯狂地爱上了她。她失踪后,他几乎要疯了。他的老婆一定还知道嫉妒那个姑娘。不管怎样,大火中主人冒着生命危险帮助所有的仆人们逃出了屋子,然后又勇敢地冲回去救那疯女人。我们看到她从屋顶跳下来,摔死了。可是他因为回去救她却被大火严重烧伤,失去了一只手,一双眼睛也瞎了。真让人伤心啊,女士。”
 
    'Where is he now?'I asked urgently.
     “他现在在哪儿?”我急切地问。
 
    'At another house of his, Ferndean Manor, thirty miles away.
     “在他的另一所房子枫丹庄园那儿,离这儿30英里。”
 
    I hired a carriage to drive there at once.
     我立即租了辆马车,向那里驶去。
 
    
     
 
25 Finding Mr Rochester again
     25 重新找到罗切斯特先生
 
    
     
 
    Ferndean Manor was a large old house in the middle of a wood. It looked dark and lonely, surrounded by trees.As I approached,the narrow front door opened,and out came a figure I could not fail to recognize, Edward Rochester. I held my breath as I watched,feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness. He looked as strong as before and his hair was still black, but in his face I saw a bitter, desperate look,that I had never seen there before.He walked slowly and hesitatingly along the path.Although he kept looking up eagerly at the sky,it was obvious that he could see nothing.After a while he stopped, and stood quietly there, the rain falling fast on his bent, uncovered head.Finally he found his way painfully back to the house, and closed the door.
     枫丹庄园是一幢建在树林中间的高大的旧房子,看上去灰暗、孤单,周围绿树环绕。当我走近时,狭窄的前门打开了,里面走出的正是我永远都能认出的爱德华·罗切斯特。我屏住呼吸注视着,心中悲喜交加。他看上去还和过去一样强壮,头发依然乌黑,但在他的脸上,我看到的是从未见过的痛苦、绝望的表情。他慢慢地、踌躇地在路上走着。尽管他抬起头来热切地望着天空,但显然他什么也看不见。过了一会儿,他停住脚步,静静地站着,雨水打在他低着的、光光的头上。最后他艰难地找到了回家的路,关上了门。
 
    When I knocked at the door, Mr Rochester's old servant,John,opened it and recognized me. He and his wife Mary were the only servants their master had wanted to keep when he moved from Thornfield. Although they were surprised to see me,I had no difficulty in arranging to stay at Ferndean that night.
     当我敲门时,罗切斯特先生的老仆人约翰打开门,并认出了我。主人从特恩费得搬来时,他和妻子玛丽是主人唯一想留下的仆人。尽管他们见到我很吃惊,我还是没费什么事就做好了当晚住在枫丹的安排。
 
    'But he may not want to see you,'warned Mary, as we sat together in the kitchen.'He refuses to see anybody except us.'She was lighting some candles.'He always wants candles in the sitting-room when it's dark, even though he's blind.'
     我们一起坐在厨房里,玛丽警告说:“他也许不愿见到你。除了我们以外,他拒绝见任何人。”她点上几根蜡烛。“尽管他瞎了,却总希望天黑时在客厅里点上蜡烛。”
 
    'Give them to me,Mary,'I said.'I'll take them to him.'
     “把蜡烛给我,玛丽。”我说。“我给他拿去。”
 
    The blind man was sitting near the neglected fire in the dark room.'Put down the candles, Mary,'he sighed.
     这个双目失明的人坐在黑屋子里无人照管的炉火边。“把蜡烛放下,玛丽。”他叹了口气。
 
    'Here they are, sir,'I said.
     “先生,它们在这里。”我说。
 
    'That is Mary, isn't it?'he asked, listening carefully.
     “你是玛丽,对吗?”他说,并仔细听着。
 
    'Mary's in the kitchen,'I answered.
     “玛丽在厨房里。”我答道。
 
    'What sweet madness has seized me?'he cried suddenly.
     “是什么甜蜜的疯狂攫住了我?”他突然喊道。
 
    'Where is the speaker?I can't see, but I must feel,or my heart will stop, and my brain will burst!Let me touch you,or I can't live!I held his wandering band with both of mine.'Is it Jane?This is her shape…' He released his hand and seized my arm,shouldter,neck, waist and held me close to him.
     “说话的人在哪儿?我看不到,但我必须感觉到,否则我的心就会停止跳动,我的脑子就会迸裂!让我摸摸你,否则我会活不下去!”我双手握住他摸索着的手。“是简吗?这是她的样子……”他腾出手来,抓住我的胳膊、肩膀、脖子、腰肢,把我紧紧抱住。
 
    'She is here,'I said,'and her heart too.I am Jane Eyre.I've found you and come back to you.'
     “她在这里。”我说。“她的心也在这里,我是简·爱。我找到你了,回到你身边来了。”
 
    'My living darling!So you aren't lying dead in a ditch somewhere!Is it a dream?I've dreamed so often of you,only to wake in the morning, abandoned, my life dark,my soul thirsty.'
     “我的宝贝还活着!那么你没有死在某处的阴沟里!这是不是梦?我常常梦见你,早上醒来却已被抛弃,只剩下黑暗的生活和饥渴的灵魂。”
 
    'I'm alive, and I'm not a dream,In fact,I'm an independent woman now I've inherited five thousand pounds from my uncle.'
     “我活着,我不是梦。实际上我现在是个独立的女人了,我从舅舅那儿继承了5 000英镑。”
 
    'Ah, that sounds real!I couldn't dream that.But perhaps you have friends now, and don't want to spend much time in a lonely house with a blind man like me.'
     “啊,这听起来倒是真的!我不会梦到这个。但是也许你现在有了朋友,不再想到这幢孤零零的房子里,花许多时间陪伴一个像我这样的瞎子了。”
 
    'I can do what I like,and I intend to stay with you,unless you object.I'll be your neighbour, your nurse, your housekeeper, your companion. You will never be sad or lonely as long as I live.'
     “我想做什么,就能做什么。我想和你一起住,除非你反对。我要成为你的邻居,你的护士,你的管家,你的伴侣。只要我活着,你就永远不会悲伤或孤独。”
 
    He did not reply immediately, and I was a little embarrassed by his silence.I had assumed he would still want me to be his wife, and wondered why he did not ask me.
     他没有立刻回答,他的沉默使我感到有些尴尬。我本以为他仍然希望我成为他的妻子,却纳闷他为什么不向我提出来。
 
    'Jane, he said sadly,'you cannot always be my nurse.It's kind and generous of you, but you're young, and one day you will want to marry.If I could only see,I'd try to make you love me again, but…'And he sighed deeply.
     “简,”他悲哀地说。“你不能永远做我的护士。你很慷慨善良,但你还年轻,总有一天你会想结婚。如果我能够看得见,我会努力让你再爱上我,但是……”他深深地叹了口气。
 
    I was very relieved to discover that was all he was worrying about,because I knew that his blindness made no difference at all to my love for him. However, I thought too much excitement was not good for him, so I talked of other things,and made him laugh a little.As we separated at bedtime,he asked me,'Just one thing, Jane. Were there only ladies in the house where you've been?'I laughed, and escaped upstairs,still laughing.'A good idea!'I thought.'A little jealousy will stop him feeling so sorry for himself!'
     原来他担心的就是这些,我感到轻松了许多,因为他失明丝毫没有影响到我对他的爱。但是,我觉得过于激动对他没好处,于是就开始扯些别的话题,逗他笑一点儿。我们分手去就寝时,他问我:“简,就一件事。你住的家里只有女士吗?”我笑了,逃上楼去,仍止不住笑。“好主意。”我想。“小小的嫉妒会让他减少对自己的伤心。”
 
    Next day I took him outside for a long walk in the fresh air.I described the beauty of the fields and sky to him, as we sat close together in the shade of a tree.
     第二天,我带他到户外散步,呼吸些新鲜空气。当我们紧挨着坐在树阴下时,我向他描述着田野和天空的美丽。
 
    'Tell me, Jane, what happened to you when you so cruelly abandoned me?'he asked, holding me tightly in his arms.
     “简,告诉我。你狠心抛下我后,又发生了什么事?”他紧紧搂着我问。
 
    And so I told him my story. Naturally he was interested in St John Rivers,my cousin.
     于是我向他讲述了我的经历。他自然对我的表兄圣约翰很感兴趣。
 
    'This St John,do you like him?'
     “这个圣约翰,你喜欢他吗?”
 
    'He's a very good man.I couldn't help liking him.'
     “他是个很好的人,我不能不喜欢他。”
 
    'He's perhaps a man of fifty or so?'
     “他也许五十多岁?”
 
    'St John is only twenty-nine,sir.'
     “不,先生,圣约翰只有29岁。”
 
    'Rather stupid,I think you said?Not at all intelligent?'
     “我想你说过他很傻?一点儿也不聪明?”
 
    'He has an excellent brain,sir.'
     “先生,他有着出色的头脑。”
 
    'Did you say he was rather plain, ugly,in fact?'
     “你是不是说过他实际上很平凡、很丑?”
 
    'St John is a handsome man,tall and fair, with blue eyes.'
     “圣约翰是个美男子,个子高高的,金发碧眼。”
 
    Mr Rochester frowned, and swore loudly.
     罗切斯特先生皱起眉头,大声诅咒着。
 
    'In fact, sir,'I continued,'he asked me to marry him.'
     “先生,”我接着说,“实际上他要我嫁给他。”
 
    'Well,Jane, leave me and go.Oh,until now I with thought you would never love another man! But go and marry Rivers!'
     “好了,简,离开我走吧!啊,直到此刻我一直以为你不会再爱上别人!但是走吧,去和李维斯结婚!”
 
    'I can never marry him,sir He doesn't love me, and I don't love him. He's good and great, but as cold as ice. You needn't be jealous, sir All my heart is yours.'
     “先生,我永远不能和他结婚。他不爱我,我也不爱他。他很好、很伟大,但却冷若冰霜。你不必嫉妒,我整个的心都是你的。”
 
    He kisseed me.'I'm no better than the great tree hit by lightning at Thornfierld,'he said.'I can't expect to have a fresh young plant like you by my side,all my life.'
     他吻吻我。“我跟特恩费得被雷击倒的大树没什么两样。”他说,“我不能指望像你这样一棵稚嫩的小树一辈子陪伴在我身边。”
 
    'You are still strong, sir, and young plants need the strength and safety of a tree to support them.' 'Jane, will you marry me, a poor blind man with one hand,twenty years older than you?'
     “先生,你仍然强壮。小树需要大树的力量和庇护来支撑自己。”“简,你愿嫁给我,一个比你年长20岁、只有一只手的、可怜的盲人吗?”
 
    'Yes, sir.'
     “是的,先生。”
 
    'My darling!We'll be married in three days'time,Jane.Thank God!You know I never thought much of religion?Well,lately I've begun to understand that God has been punishing me for my pride and my past wickedness.Last Monday night,in a mood of deep depression,I was sitting by an open window, praying for a little peace and happiness in my dark life.In my heart and soul I wanted you.I cried out “Jane!”three times.'
     “我亲爱的!简,我们三天内就结婚。感谢上帝!你知道我从来不那么看重宗教吧?不过最近我认为上帝在为我的傲慢和邪恶的过去惩罚我。上星期一晚上,我情绪很坏,坐在敞开的窗边,祈求我黑暗的生活中出现一点儿安宁和幸福。在我的内心和灵魂深处,我想得到你。我喊了三声'简!'”
 
    'Last Monday night,about midnight?'I asked,wondering.
     “上星期一晚上,大约午夜时?”我奇怪地问。
 
    'Yes, but that doesn't matter.This is what's really strange.I heard a voice calling “I'm coming,wait for me!”and“Where are you?”And then I heard an echo sent back by hills, but there's no echo here,in the middle of the wood.Jane, you must have been asleep. Your spirit and mine must have met to comfort each other! It was your voice I heard!'
     “是的,不过这还无关紧要。真正奇怪的是这个:我听到一个声音回答着:'我来了,等等我!'还说:'你在哪儿?'然后我听到山丘传来的回声,可我们这里没有山丘,是在树林当中。简,你当时一定睡了。你我的魂灵一定见了面,互相安慰!我听到的正是你的声音。”
 
    I did not tell him I had actually spoken those words many miles away,at that exact moment on that night, because I could hardly understand how it happened myself.
     我自己也搞不清这一切是如何发生的,便没有告诉他就在那天夜里的那个时刻,我在很远的地方说出的正是他听到的话。
 
    'I thank God!'said Edward Rochester,'and ask Him to help me live a better life in future!'Together we returned slowly to Ferndean Manor, Edward leaning on my shoulder.
     “我感谢上帝!”爱德华·罗切斯特说,“我请求他帮助我在未来过上更好的生活。”爱德华扶着我的肩膀,我们一起慢慢回到枫丹庄园。
 
    We had a quiet wedding.I wrote to tell the Rivers the news.Diana and Mary wrote back with delighted congratulations,but St John did not reply.
     我们举行了简单的婚礼。我写信告诉了李维斯一家,戴安娜和玛丽回信热情祝贺我们,但圣约翰没有回复。
 
    Now I have been married for ten years.I know what it is like to love and be loved, No woman has ever been closer to her husband than I am to Edward.I am my husband's life,and he is mine. We are always together,and have never had enough of each other's company. After two years his sight began to return in one eye.Now he can see a little, and when our first child was born and put into his arms, he was able to see that the boy had inherited his fine large black eyes.
     现在我已结婚十年。我懂得什么是爱和被爱。没有任何女人与丈夫,能像我和爱德华那样亲密。我是我丈夫的生命,而他也是我的。我们总是在一起,享受不够彼此的陪伴。两年后,他的一只眼睛开始恢复视力。现在他已经能看到一点儿。我们的第一个孩子出世、放到他怀里时,他可以看出孩子继承了他那双又大又黑的漂亮眼睛。
 
    Mrs Fairfax is retired,and Adele has grown into a charming young woman.Diana and Mary are both married,and we visit them once, a year.St John achieved his ambition by going to India as planned,and is still there.He writes to me regularly.He is unmarried and will never marry now.He knows that the end of his life is near, but he has no fear of death,and looks forward to gaining his place in heaven.
     费尔法斯太太退休了,阿黛拉已出落成一个迷人的姑娘。戴安娜和玛丽都结了婚,我们每年都去看她们一次。圣约翰实现了他的远大志向,如期去了印度,至今还在那里。他经常给我写信,没有结婚,也不打算结婚了。他知道自己的生命就要完结,但是他对死亡毫不惧怕,盼着在天堂中获得他的一席之地。
 

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